Your Orgasmic Pregnancy (6 page)

1. Stay Flexible
   

   Flexibility is key to maintaininganactivesexlife throughoutyour pregnancy—and we’re not talking about Cirque du Soleil–style contortionism. Stayingopen-mindedaboutdifferenttypesofsex play is essential to remaining connected with your partner and havingabrillianttimeofit. Asyounavigate youroptions, beaware that there is no one “right way” to have sex during pregnancy. Ev- erything depends solely on your and your partner’s preferences andcomfortlevels. Manycouplesfindthat theirpreferencesdon’t change much during pregnancy, but others find that they expe- rience all things sexual in a completely altered way. You may find yourself needing less foreplay, for example, given the enhanced blood flow to your genitals.
   

   The important thing is that the two of you do not limit your imaginations. As your body changes, so will your range of op- tions, causing you to exclude some activities and add others. Keeping things fresh, revisiting forgotten sensual pleasures, and havinganadventurousmindsetwillmakeyourquestwildly, eroti- cally successful. The most important thing—and we cannot em- phasize this enough—is to surrender yourself every step of the way. Submerge yourself in the most incredible experience of your life. You never know what it may hold for you and your lover.
   

2. Spoil Yourself
   

   Even if you’ve never truly pampered yourself, start now. Danielle will attest that regularly napping, going for bikini waxes, and get- ting facials made a huge difference in her mood and stress level,
   

   especially when coupled with staying in shape and focusing on good nutrition. If you’veneverbeencrazyaboutthesesortsofself- indulgences, youwillbeshockedbytheirfeel-good effects. Treat- ing yourself like a goddess translates into feeling like a queen (which may inspire your partner to spoil you accordingly). Felic- ity feels that maintaining a pampering routine was good for her relationship and her sense of self-worth and confidence, both of which are vital to sexual desire. “I still got waxed and pedicures,” she says, “plus went for maternal massages and fitness classes. I tried to stay in shape and definitely ate well. I got my hair cut and did things like that to makemefeelgroomed andput together. It’s important to use tools that helpyoufeelpolished.” (See Chapter 5 for an inspiring list of ways to pamper yourself over the next nine months.)
   

3. Know That Your Experience Is Unique
   

Never compare yourself to other preggies! This no-win game will onlyleaveyoufeelinginsecure. Rather, focusontheloveyouhave, your wonderfully fertile body, the heightened sensations you’re capable of experiencing now, and the pleasure of discovering un- explored territory with your partner and yourself.

For Hot Mama Felicity, mother of two boys, sex during her first pregnancy was much more powerful during the first trimes- ter: “Lovemaking was special and more intense at the beginning, knowing that I was sustaining a life. This translated into our inti- macy.” Her second pregnancy, however, was beset by endless nau- sea. “I gained only fifteen pounds total, having lost weight during

my first trimester because I was so nauseous. While I’d felt attrac- tive and sexy during my first pregnancy, with my second, I was more concerned about the baby growing enough. My attention was on nourishing myself properly more than anything.”

Bottom line: Don’tsizeupyourlicentioussexdriveandstrong need for loving—or your lack thereof—as “normal” or “abnor- mal” based on what your mom, sister, best friend, research, or even this book tells you. A wide variety of experiences relating to yoursexlifethroughoutpregnancyandpostbirthcanberegarded as perfectly normal.

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Watching the Delivery:

How It May Impact Your Sex Life

Here’s something to begin thinking about early in your preg- nancy. Havingyourpartnerinthedeliveryroom couldhaveasig- nificant andpositiveimpactonyourrelationship as youshareone of life’s priceless moments. Yet viewing things from the “tail end” of the action, so to speak, may alter a man’s perception of sex as he watches his play zone getting ripped and stretched. A hand- ful of studies on a partner’s presence at the birth yield mixed re- sults concerning its effect on coital activity or sexual enjoyment for either partner after the fact. The large majority of the part- ners at Dr. Meulenberg’s hospital do not watch. “I personally do not recommend it,” she says. “Birth is beautiful, but can be pretty shocking the first time you see it. Lots of partners will get very lightheaded and even pass out when they see the large amount of blood involved. If the partner faints, the moment can be ruined.

Ihave thepartners go to theheadofthebedandholdthemother’s hand during the final stages of pushing. I feel that it is more im- portant for them to provide emotional support and encourage- ment.”

Here are Danielle’s thoughts on the matter:

In my case, my partner saw plenty of vaginal-expulsion ac- tion during childbirth class, which I consider vital for
any
partner to watch. Then he opted out of seeing me from that angle on our big day. I am completely grateful for that, be- cause I know him intimately enough to realize that the im- age would be tough for him to banish from his mind. Had he been a different sort—for example, a doctor—things might have been different. This is a very intimate, delicate, and personal decision, and it should be approached with- out judgment. You should not insist that your partner view the birth from a position between your legs when he can be every bit as valuable and supportive standing next to your head. Furthermore, his standing at the head of the bed al- lows both of you to see things from the same angle and to have the same introduction to your new baby. He doesn’t get first dibs! Given all of the hard effort I’d put into getting my babe there, I was happy for that, as well.

A sex-positive pregnancy should not be something that only a few lucky women happen upon by chance. Rather, every pregnant woman should feel empowered to enjoy satisfying and fulfilling

How You Can Help Her

There will be times when your preggie truly has no conscious awareness of what she does. You may have to swallow your pride and humor her in some extremely bizarre ways. Consider it in your best interest to keep the peace if you wish to have any hope of intimacy once her hormones get back under control. Here’s Ra- leigh: “During the first trimester, there was a time when Pirro Cy’s breath smelled like urine to me. But everything else did, too. So I was always giving him breath mints.”

for partners

sex. Provided that you’re willing to embrace the vast pleasure po- tential your body will offer for the next nine months, you may never experience more or better sex. So buckle up, Hot Mama- in-the-making. We’re about to explore how you can reach the most thrillingly orgasmic, full-body sexual peaks of your life!

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First Trimester Sex:

Can’t Get Enough

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r Can’t Get Any?

“

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One of the greatest sexual benefits of pregnancy is the increased intensity and pleasure of orgasm

at usually accompanies sex during pregnancy.”

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P

regnancy may have a significant, life-changing impact on your sexuality, or virtually none at all. Mostwomenexperi- ence changes in desire for, satisfaction with, and frequency

of sexual activity as pregnancy progresses. Some experience this transformation almost immediately after becoming pregnant; others go months with little or no effect.

If you’re not on doctor’s orders to abstain but are considering sexual activity, take note that many women express regret at hav- ing not been sexually active during pregnancy, especially given the time it takes postbirth to get back on track in the sack. Re- search has found that relationship satisfaction tends to increase slightly during pregnancy, when many couples become emotion- ally closer as they eagerly anticipate their new arrival. Mutual happiness, however, tends to decrease greatly
after
the birth of a couple’s first child, with sexual intimacy being the most vulnera- ble area, according to a 1998 meta-analysis of fifty-nine studies.

Research has also found that 58 percent of the pregnant womenstudiedexperienceddecreasedsexualdesireduringpreg- nancy, while 42 percent reported that theirs stayed the same or increased. By contrast, it has been reported that 82 percent of women think that pregnant women who are able to should engage inintercoursethroughouttheirentirepregnanciesinaneffort to stay connected to themselves and their partners.

What about same-sex couples? A 1999 study of expectant les- bian couples found that over 85 percent reported greater close- nessduringpregnancy. Over 53 percentreportedimprovedcom- munication. Almost 83 percent reported less frequent sex, but

since more than 87 percent claimed greater relationship satisfac- tion overall, who are we to say that’s necessarily a bad thing?

So if you need greater incentive to keep the home fires burn- ing during pregnancy, find it in the fact that maintaining inti- macy during those nine months will help you and your partner make the transition more easily into the all-important period immediately following the birth. Once the new baby arrives, en- gaging in intimate, caring, and—yes—sexual touch will enhance your connection until you’re able to reintroduce your full range of sexual activities.

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Sexual Desire During Your First Trimester
You mayfindyourselfalloverthemapwhenitcomes to sexualap- petite during your first trimester (T1), some days feeling raven- ous and others disinterested. Or you may sail through this stage as your same ol’ sexual self. Most women report that their sex- ual interest and activity during T1, defined as the time from your last menstrual period to the twelfth week of gestation, either re- mains unchanged or decreases slightly. Among the culprits that can dampen desire are physical and emotional changes, morn- ing sickness, and fatigue. Extra blood to the genitals may result in discomfort, irritation, and abrasion, depending on your toler- anceandsensitivitylevel. Add to these side effects the initial shock and awe of pregnancy, which can leave some women feeling out of sorts, and you may find your sex life nonexistent.

The good news for women whose sex drives plummet in the beginning of pregnancy is that libido usually rebounds very early

inthesecondtrimester(T2). Manywomenenjoythefirstorgasms of their lives or their first multiple orgasms during T2.