Your Orgasmic Pregnancy (14 page)

Pregnancy can alter some of the body’s chemistry, which is good to be aware of if you’re going to indulge in cunnilingus. Norton, a thirty-three-year-old papa of two, explains, “With our pregnancies, there has been no decrease in behaviors like oral or manual stimulation. There has been a difference, though, in se- cretions, like taste and smell. It’s not bad necessarily. It’s interest- ing, and I may have avoided oral sex at first because of it. But if I feel like it, I don’t have a problem doing it.”

We commend Norton for his willingness to oblige. Keeping your Hot Mama happy down below is an absolute must for reduc- ing stress, staying connected, and taking advantage of the thrill- ing array of sensations this special time has to offer. No excuses, partners! Take after Norton, despite any change in taste. Have funaddingedibles, like flavoredlube, if youmust. Themakeupof a pregnant woman’s emissions may be altered dramatically in re-

What’s Going on with Your Partner

Although thrilled with the pregnancy, your lover may also feel a bit jealous or displaced, especially if the two of you aren’t doing enough bonding. Be sure to include your partner in your OB- GYN appointments. Give your lover copies of your ultrasound to carry around so that he or she feels more connected to both you and the baby.

for hot mamas

sponse to dietaryandhormonalchanges, oftenresultinginasalty or metallic flavor. Still, the overall benefits of oral sex for Hot Mamasandtheirpartnersfaroutweighanydownsidesinvolvedin adjusting your palate.

In the latter portion of pregnancy, oral sex can offer a wel- come change for any couple stressing about the constant focus on the enlarging belly. For partners having trouble overcoming the sight of the distended belly, Hot Mama’s top half can be draped or covered. While your size still permits it, prop yourself up to get a full view of the action below, which will spike your thrill factor even more.

Warning!
It is vital that partnersofpreggos
never
blowair into the vagina at any point during sex play. Blowing air into the va- gina could result in an embolism (obstruction of a blood vessel), whichcanhaveharmful, evenfatal, consequencesformotherand

baby. Embolisms can occur in nonpregnant women as well, so a “no-blow” policy must apply at all times during cunnilingus.

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Out-of-the-Ordinary Anal Pleasures

Oh, the pleasures of analingus! For those who indulge in the

slightly naughty, oh-so-rewarding practice of oral-anal pleasur- ing, the unparalleled intensity of stimulation it provides often leads to ecstatic heights. Always practice care when you play in the highly delicate backdoor area, due to the risk of infection. Our recommendation: Use a latex dental dam or a barrier fashioned from nonmicrowaveable Saran Wrap. In addition, wash the area thoroughly with antibacterial soap prior to tonguing it down.

The anal sphincter and perineum are two of the body’s most sensitive areas. If you’ve never engaged in any action involving these parts, now may be the time since it’s one other way in which couples canbesexually intimate withoutnecessarily “goingall the way.” You may get all the satisfaction you need from such delights, as the lovely Julienne, a twenty-nine-year-old mother of a tod- dler, discovered during her pregnancy. “The first time my hus- band put his mouth back there, I went wild,” she says. “It was like a whole new bodily experience. My orgasm was so intense. I felt like a dirty girl doing something very taboo. Who knew that your rear was such a hot zone? It was thrilling and orgasmic. I cannot de- scribe the difference in my orgasm, only that it was very intense and very delicious.”

Research has found that most sexual experimentation takes place between the twelfth and thirty-second week of pregnancy,

when more couples take advantage of the woman’s heightened li- bido to expand their sexual repertoire. A 2000 study reported that many expectant couples change up sexual positions and try new caresses, fantasies, sexual games, and different forms of mu- tual pleasuring. We share this info because in spite of your grow- ing belly it’s important to stay open-minded and experimental during this precious time—especially as you head into T3.

• Pregnancy Monsters, or Other Factors That Can Affect Your Game
  

  It’s important to know about other issues that can impact inti- macy—things that aren’t often mentioned in traditional preg- nancy literature but that were brought up during our discussions with parents-to-be. Finding the time for sex, for example, was an issue highlighted by Chris, a thirty-something father who is launching his own company. “Sex is complicated because I’m do- ing a lot of traveling,” he says. “So I just find that I’ve been tak- ing care of my own pleasures. Sometimes it’s easier to do that. If Pamela brings up sex, then I’ll be totally into it. But timing has become more of an issue, especially since we’re less likely to have a late night since she can be so tired. I feel like I’m in a holding pattern.”
  

  Chris’s comments bring up the topic of pregnancy’s love clock. A study of six hundred pregnant women revealed that most
  

  of themlongedfortheirloversbetween 10:00 and 11:00 a.m. and between 4:00 and 6:00 p.m. This contrasts with their nonpreg- nant counterparts, who typically preferred lovemaking in the
  

  evening and late-night hours. Ganem speculated that fluctua- tions in desire may correspond with a preggie’s increased poten- tial for hypoglycemia during certain times of day. Whatever the cause, meetingeachother’s needscanbecomemoreofachallenge with the change in a preggie’s body clock.
  

  Norton, whom we heard from earlier in the chapter, and his wife have had additional issues to deal with: “My wife is bipolar, so the only difference with our sex life during this pregnancy has beenaboutmedicalchangeswiththeprescriptionsshe’s on, which canimpacthermood. Thehardestthingwe’vehad to dealwithhas been safety for the developing child while she’s pregnant and on medicine. We’ve been able to obtain absolutely no informational support on this issue, which is shocking. And that has had an ef- fect on our relationship—the underlying level of fear and tension about the baby’s health in general.”
  

  Lacking support during a pregnancy complicated by other medical conditions is a delicate and important issue, especially when there is no literature or media coverage available on the topic, and no support system in place. Couples may feel alone in their struggles, which can either bring them together or pull them apart. Many partners either turn to each other for support or withdraw from each other, with major consequences. If this is your story, make sure that you’re not only leaning on each other, but also that you utilize your network, including any available support groups. If no support or advocacy group exists that deals with your issue, consider starting one yourself as a way to raise awareness, get and give information, and educate others about
  

  how to cope. Your little one isn’t the only person growing leaps and bounds right now—you are, too! And you may be surprised at how much positive change you can bring about at this time in your life.
  

  A preggie’s bodily changes may leave some partners feeling less thanenthusiastic. Allison says, “Mybreastshavemademefeel strange and freakish. I don’t think that my husband finds me sex- ier—he’s more afraid. His view of me turns maternal, especially after our first baby was born, when being hooked up to a breast pump in front of the TV became my bosom’s number-one pur- pose. The one thing that freaks him out during my pregnancies are my breasts—they’re huge. My breasts are no longer a hot spot for him. He actually said to me the other day, ‘They were perfect. What happened to them?’ I was a D-cup before my first preg- nancy, and funny enough, he prefers petite.” Although some may question the sanity of Allison’s husbandforfailing to love her lus- cious bosom, his feelings and opinions are totally valid and must be respected and dealt with. Discourse and disclosure can actu- ally forgeastrongerrelationship if you’re braveenough to godeep and deal.
  

  Experimenting with new sex acts and new positions may make for some earth-shaking moments, but never discount the positive effect of small things, like changes in the frequency of your love- making and in how you define sexual intimacy. Many couples ad- mitthat theypreferabstainingfromcertainsexualactivitieswhile they’re expecting. Every couple must find its own balance to meet each partner’s emotional and physical needs. Simple acts of love,
  

  like cuddling and making eye contact, can keep you connected. So can communicating deeply, even when there are no major is- sues at hand.
  

  Talk about your dreams, concerns, worries, and thoughts; share your joys, fears, sorrows, and excitement. And, Hot Mama, for heaven’s sake—initiate! As Chris says, “It’s important for ev- eryone to bewilling to put themselves out there, andit’s moreim- portant for the woman to do so, especially if she’s with a man who is considerate ofhispartner. Pamelahasallofthesechangesgoing on and doesn’t always put it out there that she wants to make love, andthat makesmelesslikelytoask. Pushingsexisadouble-edged sword. When we do it, it’s great—it’s very pleasurable and loving. If my partner is into it, then I am.”
  

  Here’s a bit of advice that bears repeating: Don’t forget to touch each other as often as you can throughout the day. Simple, affectionate, nonverbal gestures like kissing, caressing, and hug- ging can do much more to forge a tender, trusting intimacy than any romp session.
  

  

  4
  

  Third Trimester Sex: Improvisation
  

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  “Enjoy this opportunity
  

  to lay the foundation for an unbridled sex life after your pregnancy is over.”
  

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  ou are likely to be a preggie-sex pro by the third trimester, particularly if you’ve been keeping things hot by follow- ingourrecommendations. Still, looking down at a fetus in
  

  utero doing somersaults and making your belly dance can deter the staunchest Hot Mama from her sexy routine. Handling this third-party presence may define sex during your third trimes- ter (T3). Fetal movements may diminish as the baby grows and takes up more room, but at the same time any movement is more noticeable from the outside. Activity cycles increase in length as D-day nears, but so do your babe’s rest phases. Julienne, a film producer, says:
  

  I can recall that once, during a female-dominant sex ses- sion, the baby started doing what felt like flips. My belly was bouncing to and fro with increasing vigor as we tried to fin- ish before our laughter took over. Thankfully, we were able to quell the giggles long enough to switch to a spoon rear- entry position, which allowed for climax. However, in later instances, webecametoogigglyandabit unnervedbyhaving the little one in such close proximity to our lovemaking. We resigned ourselves to spoon position only until the big day, when Papa happily hopped on top in an effort to induce la- bor. Thattime, however, it was Mamawhocouldn’tperform.
  

  The massaging action provided by sex-induced uterine con- tractions is actually good for thebaby, as is theoxytocin doseyou’ll both receive during sex play, so cast all worries aside and get down to business.
  

• T3 and Your Sex Life