A Hopeful Heart (12 page)

“That’s wonderful, Trey. I’m so happy for you.” Holding his hand felt natural, as
if she’d known him for years. Why was being with him so easy?

“I better go.” Trey squeezed her hand. “Hopefully, I’ll see you soon. Hannah, you
mean so much to me.”

He leaned down and hugged her again, and Hannah didn’t want to let go. He was like
a magnet, pulling her toward him despite her best intentions of steering clear of
him.

Trey opened the car door and climbed in. “Let me know how Andrew is.”

“I will. Thank you again.”

“And by the way,” Trey began, “I’m glad you finally stopped calling me Mr. Peterson
and started calling me Trey. I’d like you to think of me as more than an acquaintance.”

“You’re more than an acquaintance to me. You mean a lot to me too, Trey.”

“Good.” He smiled before climbing into his car.

Hannah waved as Trey drove out of the driveway.

“Hannah!” a loud voice bellowed from the porch.

Hannah looked back to where Barbie and Lillian stood watching her, and her smile faded.
Lillian’s mouth gaped while Barbie shook her head and glowered.

Lillian rushed down the porch steps and moved past Hannah.

“Lillian!” Hannah called after her. “Where are you going?”

“I’ll call Phyllis for you. I’ll tell her you don’t need a ride home.” Lillian hurried
toward the barn.

“
Danki.
” Hannah climbed the porch steps.

“I don’t understand you.” Barbie glared at Hannah. “How could you let that man touch
you?”

“I was upset about Andrew, and he consoled me.” Hannah shook her head. “I’ve told
you more than once that he’s
mei freind.
”

“You’re headed for trouble.” Barbie wagged a pudgy finger at her. “You never should’ve
taken that job at the hotel. I knew this would happen.”

Hannah folded her arms over her apron as the frustration Barbie had caused earlier
seeped through her. “My working at the hotel has nothing to do with this.”

Barbie started down the stairs. “I’m leaving. I can’t stand here and pretend I agree
with your behavior. You’re going to cause problems for your
kinner
by behaving like this. I can’t watch you ruin their lives.”

“I’m not ruining their lives.” Hannah rubbed the back of her neck in an attempt to
relieve the tension building there. Would this woman ever stop criticizing her?

“Yes, you are.” Barbie faced her. “I’ve told you that you’re going to ruin our family’s
reputation. You’re just like the rest of your family. I didn’t want to see this happen
again.”

“What?” Anger boiled up inside Hannah. “What are you saying?”

“I know about your
onkel
Elam.” Barbie jammed her hands on her wide hips. “He divorced his wife and left the
community. It took years for your family to get over the pain, and there was quite
a ripple of concern that moved through the community back then.”

Hannah regarded Barbie with confusion. “What are you talking about?
Mei onkel
Elam died when I was a
boppli.
”

“No, he didn’t.” Barbie shook her head with emphasis. “He left the community and ran
off with an
Englisher.
Your
aenti
told everyone he died, but I found out the truth from your
mammi.
”

Hannah blanched. Was Barbie telling the truth? If so, why hadn’t any of her family
members ever told her what had really happened to her
onkel
Elam? She’d heard all her life that he had died.

Confusion mixed with frustration surged through Hannah as she worked to regain composure.
“Even if that’s true, it has nothing to do with me. I’m not planning on leaving the
community.”

“I’m going home.” Barbie turned toward the pasture where Joshua and Daniel were training
a horse. “Joshua! Take me home.”

Hannah spotted Lillian scowling while she stood by the barn. She raised her hand to
wave to her, but Lillian looked away.

Hannah walked back into the mudroom and leaned against the wall. She wondered how
her day could become any more confusing. Not only did she feel intense emotions for
Trey radiating inside her, but she just found out her
onkel
had left the community and wasn’t dead.

She stepped into the kitchen and looked out the window to where Joshua was hitching
his horse to the buggy. Barbie stood near him and gestured wildly while speaking to
him. Hannah couldn’t even imagine what Barbie was saying about her. She knew the news
of her impropriety with Trey would spread through the community. Once word got around,
nothing would be the same for Hannah and her children.

Hannah shook her head. In her heart, she knew that one accusation Barbie had made
was correct—Hannah was on a road that could lead to trouble. But she couldn’t deny
how she felt about Trey. When she was with him, she felt comfortable and safe, a feeling
she hadn’t experienced since Gideon had died. And Trey could offer her a new life
enjoying what she loved to do most.

“
Mamm!
” Andrew’s voice sounded from the other room. “
Mamm?
Will you sit with me?”

“I’m coming.” Hannah hurried toward her bedroom and hoped all of these problems and
confusing feelings would evaporate and heal along with Andrew’s injury.

“
Mamm?
” Lillian stood in her mother’s bedroom doorway later that evening. “May I talk to
you?”

Mamm
looked up from the Bible and patted the bed beside her. “Lily. Of course we can talk.
Come sit with me.”

Lillian sat next to
Mamm
and pushed her glasses up on her nose as she so often did. “I’m glad Andrew’s headache
is gone. I checked on him, and he’s sleeping.”

“
Gut
. I’m glad he’s okay.”

“I wanted to talk to you about what happened earlier.” Lillian smoothed her nightgown
over her legs while she considered her words. Although her mother had always told
her that she could talk to her about anything, bringing up the incident with the
Englisher
made her uncomfortable. “
Mammi
was really upset when she saw you outside with Mr. Peterson.”

Mamm
frowned. “I know. She told me she was upset.” She leaned over. “Are you upset with
me, Lily? You can tell me the truth.”

Lillian shrugged. “I don’t know if I’m upset, but I’m confused.”

“Why are you confused?”

“I’ve never seen you hugging anyone else the way you hugged Mr. Peterson.” She paused.
“Except for
Dat.
”

Mamm
nodded slowly. “Trey was there when I needed him, and I was really upset today. I
was afraid I might lose your
bruder
like I lost your
dat.
”

“You call him by his first name now?” Lillian struggled to understand her mother’s
sudden attitude change toward this man.

“
Ya
,” she said slowly. “Trey is
mei freind
, and we call our
friends by their first names. But he’s only
mei freind
, no matter what
Mammi
says.”

Lillian understood her mother’s words, but she wasn’t convinced the hug was merely
innocent or without repercussions. “
Mammi
says people may make assumptions about you because of what you did. I don’t want
you to be shunned.”

Mamm
took Lillian’s hands in hers. “Lily, I don’t want you to worry about this. I haven’t
done anything to be ashamed of. Your
mammi
is entitled to her opinion, but I disagree with her. We need to respect our elders,
but that doesn’t mean we have to agree with everything they say. We can silently and
respectfully disagree.” She glanced at the clock on her nightstand. “It’s late. You
really should go to bed so you’re ready to teach in the morning.”

“Okay.” Lillian stood. “Who was your
onkel
Elam? I don’t remember hearing about him.”

“
Mei onkel
Elam was married to
mei aenti
Sarah. I was told he died before I was born, but your
mammi
says that isn’t true. She said he divorced
Aenti
Sarah and married an
Englisher.
” She shook her head. “I have no idea if that’s true, but I’ll ask my cousin Susan
at church on Sunday. Since she’s older than I am, I imagine she’d know the truth.”

“
Ach.
” Lillian fingered her nightgown. “Why would
Mammi
bring that up today?”

Her mother frowned. “I’m certain
Mammi
is concerned I’m going to wind up like
Onkel
Elam.”

“What do you mean?”

“She thinks I’m going to run away with Trey.”

Alarm gripped Lillian as her eyes widened. “Do you want to run away with him?”

“No.”
Mamm
spoke with emphasis. “Do me a favor, Lily. Don’t believe everything your
mammi
says about me. Please always give me the benefit of the doubt.” She tapped the comforter.
“I want to stay right here on this farm with you and your siblings. This is my home.
Do you understand me?”

“
Ya.
I understand.”

“
Gut
nacht.
” Her mother yawned. “You better get to bed.”

“I will.
Gut nacht.
”

Lillian climbed the stairs to her room while thinking about everything that had occurred
today. She’d gone from worrying about Andrew to confusion about her mother’s public
display of what seemed like affection for Mr. Peterson, even though her mother said
he was only a
freind.
She needed someone to talk to so she could sort through all of the confusing feelings
coursing through her. She hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to Amanda and tell her everything
that had happened.

She quickened her pace as she reached the top step and hurried to their room at the
end of the hall. She pushed the door open and looked over at the bed.

Lillian frowned when she found Amanda snoring and lying on her side facing the door.
She considered waking her up, but she knew it was best to just let her twin sleep.
She’d once awoken Amanda to tell her about a strange dream. Instead of being interested
in the contents of the dream, Amanda fussed at her, saying it had taken her more than
an hour to fall asleep.

Lillian crawled into bed and snuggled down under the quilt. She said her prayers and
then stared at the ceiling while listening to the rhythmic sound of her twin’s snoring.
She wished she too
could fall asleep and forget everything that had happened today. She wanted to believe
that everything would be okay. Yet she knew deep in her heart that nothing would be
okay. This was only the beginning.

L
illian waved as each of the children filed out of the schoolhouse on Friday afternoon.

Mattie Smucker, the full-time teacher, walked from the doorway toward her desk. “It
was a
gut
day,
ya
?” At the age of nineteen, she stood at five-foot-six, just an inch taller than Lillian,
with light brown hair and brown eyes.

“
Ya
.” Lillian gathered up the stack of books from the desks and placed them in the bookshelf.
“The scholars are so bright. I love watching them figure out a math problem. There’s
nothing more rewarding than helping a
kind
learn something new. And they never give up. They soak up new ideas like little sponges.”

“
Ya
, they do.” Mattie smiled. “I have a secret.”

“
Ach!
Tell me!” Lillian moved to the front of the classroom and sat on one of the desks
in the first row. She folded her hands over her apron.

Mattie ran her finger over the desk. “Can you keep my secret?”

“
Ya!
I can! I’m bursting at the seams. Please tell me.”

Mattie bit her lower lip. “Stephen asked me to marry him last week. I’ve been dying
to tell you.”

“
Ach!
” Lillian hopped down from the desk and rushed over to Mattie. “That’s
wunderbaar
! I’m so
froh
for you.” She hugged Mattie. “You must be so excited.”

“
Ya
, I am.” Mattie sighed. “Stephen is so sweet and kind. And handsome.” Her ivory cheeks
flushed bright pink. “I met with the school board members last night, and I told them
I won’t be returning to teach in the fall.” She paused. “What do you think about becoming
the full-time teacher?”

Lillian’s eye widened. “Do you think they might consider me?”

“Absolutely!” Mattie gestured toward the desks. “The scholars love you! You’ve seen
how they ask you to join their baseball games outside, and they bicker about who gets
to sit next to you when we eat our lunch on the playground. You’d be a
wunderbaar
teacher.”

“But you know most teacher’s assistants go to work full-time at a school in another
district. Do you think they’d consider letting me teach here?”

“Oh,
ya
, I do think they would consider you.” Mattie nodded. “You’ve been the assistant here
for a year, and you know teachers are hard to find. We can talk to them together and
explain that you want to stay here. I’ll put in a
gut
word for you, and you know the scholars will too. You’re the best teacher’s assistant
I’ve had since I started teaching here three years ago. You’re patient with the
kinner
, but you’re also firm when necessary. I think you’ll do an excellent job.”

“
Danki.
I would love to do it.” Lillian couldn’t prevent the smile from spreading across
her face. It had been her dream to become a teacher ever since she was a little girl.
She couldn’t wait to run her own classroom.

“We better get going. Chores await us at home.” Mattie started for the door. “I’ll
see you Sunday at church.”

“Okay. Bye.” Lillian grabbed her bag and headed out the door. As she walked up the
street toward her farm, she grinned. Maybe her dream of becoming a teacher would come
true after all. She couldn’t wait to tell her mother and Amanda the news! Amanda worked
until the late afternoon at the deli today, but her mother would be home.

Lillian rushed toward the farm and into the house, where her brother sat at the table
eating a snack and her mother stood at the sink washing baking dishes.

“Hi, Lily.”
Mamm
looked up from washing a pan. “How was your day?”

“
Wunderbaar!
” Lillian dropped her bag on a kitchen chair.

“Here.” Andrew pushed a plate of oatmeal raisin cookies toward her. “Have some
kichlin.
They’re my favorite.
Mamm
made them fresh for us.”

“
Danki.
” Lillian picked up a cookie and bit into it. “They’re
appeditlich.
They’re still warm, which is just how I like them.”

Mamm
smiled. “I’m
froh
you like them. Now tell us why your day was so
wunderbaar.
”

Lillian sat in a chair next to Andrew while she finished the cookie. “I’m going to
tell
Mamm
something, and you need to keep it to yourself. Understand, Andrew?”

“It’s a secret?” He grinned. “I like secrets.”

Lillian leaned over toward him and leveled her eyes with his. “The question is—do
you like
keeping
secrets?”

He nodded and then gestured as if to lock his mouth with a key.

“
Gut bu
.” She patted his shoulder and then looked at her
mother. “Mattie told me she won’t be returning as teacher next year.”

Her mother raised her eyebrows.

“Is she getting married?” Andrew’s words were distorted by a mouthful of cookie.

“Andrew!”
Mamm
raised her eyebrows. “Take smaller bites, and don’t talk with your mouth full.”

“Well?” Andrew wiped his mouth on a napkin. “Is she getting married? Our last teacher,
Lydia, left to get married.”

Lillian smiled. “
Ya
, she’s getting married.”

“How exciting!” Her mother clapped her hands. “I bet she was bubbling over when she
told you.”

“Oh
ya.
She was.” Lillian picked up another cookie from the plate. “I was thinking of talking
to the board about becoming the teacher.”

“I’m not surprised to hear you say that. When you were six, you told me you wanted
to be a teacher.”

Lillian gasped. “I remember that! That was the second day of school. I came running
home and told you I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up—a teacher and a
mamm.
”

“That’s right. And I told you that you had to be a teacher first since mothers can’t
teach because they have too much to do at home.”

Lillian laughed.

“That’s very true.” Andrew held up a cookie and gestured with it. “If you were a teacher,
Mamm
, there wouldn’t be anyone here to make my snack on the days Lily is working.”

Mamm
sat across from them at the table and nodded. “You’ll be a magnificent teacher, Lillian.
That is a fabulous idea—for you to try to get the job.”

“Will my teaching work with your schedule, since you work three days a week?”

“Of course it will. Andrew will be older, and he will have
Onkel
Josh and Daniel at the
haus.
He’ll be just fine.”
Mamm
turned to Andrew. “You can handle walking home to Joshua if Lillian has to stay later,
right?”

Andrew nodded. “
Ya
, I can handle it.”

“
Wunderbaar.
” Lillian looked at her brother. “You can’t tell anyone about this discussion. I don’t
think Mattie wants her engagement blurted around the community yet.”

He glowered at her. “I said I won’t tell anyone. You don’t have to keep reminding
me.”

“I agree you should talk to a member of the school board about it.”
Mamm
took a cookie.

“But should I wait until a formal school board meeting to ask them?” Lillian tapped
the table. “I don’t know if I should do it before the end of the school year.”

“You should tell them soon. They have to plan for next year since Mattie already gave
notice. You could approach one of the board members at church and show your interest.
Tell one of them you’d like to look for a full-time teaching position and see if they
have any thoughts on it. Be sure to tell them you love teaching and would like to
be considered for a position in the future.”

“Okay. I’ll do that.” Lillian’s stomach tightened at the thought of becoming a teacher.
Her goal might be within reach soon.

That same afternoon, Amanda sat on the bench outside the back of the deli and bowed
her head in silent prayer. She then placed her lunchbox on her lap and pulled out
her turkey sandwich. The warm sunlight kissed her cheeks, and she smiled as a bird
sang in a tree nearby.
It’s the perfect spring day.

“Beautiful day, huh?” a voice asked.

Amanda turned and found Mike standing behind the bench. “Hi, Mike. I didn’t hear you
come out. How did you find me?”

He pointed toward the back door leading into the deli. “Nancy told me you were out
here.” He placed his hand on the back of the bench. “Is it okay if I sit with you
for a couple of minutes?”

“Of course.” Amanda moved to the far end of the bench and then smoothed her apron
and dress. She hoped her prayer covering and hair were straight. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” Mike smiled. “How are you?”

“Fine. I haven’t seen you for almost a week. Have you been busy?”

“Yeah, I have.” He frowned. “I’m struggling in one of my science classes, which isn’t
good for a hopeful med student.”

“Oh.” Amanda wished she could talk in depth with him about school, but she had no
knowledge or experience when it came to high school science classes. “I hope it works
out for you.”

“Thanks.” He crossed his ankles and she stared down at his fancy-looking sneakers.
“I’m working with a tutor, and he’s really good. I have a big test coming up next
week. I’m hoping I do well on the test and I can pull off a B in the class, which
is much better than a D. I can’t have a D on my high school record. It’ll hurt my
chances at a decent scholarship.”

Amanda nodded slowly while holding the sandwich in her
hand. She didn’t know anything about grades or scholarships, and she hoped he didn’t
think she was stupid.

He pointed toward the sandwich. “Please, go ahead and eat. I don’t want to interrupt
your lunchtime.”

“It’s okay.” She took a small bite and then sipped her cup of water. “Have you eaten?”

He shook his head. “I’m going to pick up something on my way home.”

“You got out of school early today?”

“Yeah. It was a half day.”

“Oh.” She wondered what his day at school was like. He’d once mentioned he had different
teachers throughout the day, which was a foreign concept to Amanda. It sounded like
a lot of running from room to room. How did the scholars keep up with such a busy
schedule? And then they graduated and went to college, which sounded even more busy
and stressful. She pulled herself from her thoughts and found him watching her. “Are
you excited about college?”

“Yes, I am.” He gazed off toward the trees. “I can’t wait to be on my own. I mean,
I love my family, but it will be nice to be independent. Sometimes I get tired of
my parents telling me what to do, where to go, and what time to be home. I’m ready
to figure things out for myself, you know?”

Amanda shrugged. “I guess so.”

“I guess life is different for you.”

“It is. We normally stay close to our families and help them out. Most young people
don’t move out of their parents’ house until they’re married. Some married couples
live with one set of parents until they can build a house of their own. And then they
build on their parents’ property.”

He chuckled. “That’s a lot of togetherness.”

“It is.” She paused for a moment while considering the differences between their lives.
“I often wonder what it would be like to be in your shoes and go to college.”

“You do?” He raised his eyebrows.

“
Ya
, I do. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be a veterinarian. We have one
who lives across from our farm. He comes over whenever one of the animals is sick.
I’ve watched him work, and I’m fascinated. I would love to work with animals all day.
I could help the ones that are sick. It would be so rewarding.” She chewed the side
of her lip when she realized it was the first time she’d admitted out loud that she
wanted to experience life beyond what her community permitted. Both relief and guilt
soaked through her.

“Wow. That would be amazing if you could become a vet.” Mike shook his head. “But
you can’t, can you?”

She sighed. “It’s a dream, but I know I can’t do it for real. I’m not allowed to go
to college.”

“Because it’s against your community’s rules.”

She nodded slowly. “
Ya
, but you’re the first person I’ve told.” She leaned in closer to him and lowered
her voice. “What would I have to do if I wanted to go to college? Hypothetically,
of course.”

“Hypothetically?” He tapped the back of the bench behind her. “Well, that sort of
depends on a few things. Do you have a high school diploma?”

She shook her head. “Not really. The Amish only go to school through the eighth grade.”

“Oh, then you don’t have a high school diploma. You’d have to get your GED before
you could apply to college.”

“GED?” She tilted her head. “What’s that?”

“A GED is like a high school diploma. I can’t remember what the acronym stands for,
but it’s considered a high school equivalency. It’s like you went to high school without
suffering through the four horrible years of torture.”

She looked up at him and wished her face would stop burning. “High school is torture?”

“I’m kidding, but some of it was pretty awful. Like the endless nights of homework.”

Amanda pulled a Ziploc bag of chocolate chip cookies from her lunchbox and handed
him one.

“Thanks,” he said.

“You’re welcome. My sister made these yesterday.” She thought about the GED and more
questions filled her mind. “What would I need to do if I wanted to earn a GED? Again,
I’m only asking hypothetically.”

“You’d have to get this huge catalog-size book, study a lot, and take a test.” He
finished the cookie and wiped his hands together. “My older brother’s friend got his
GED last year. He said he had to study pretty hard, but he was really excited when
he did it. Because he got his GED, he was able to get a better job with a bigger salary.”

Amanda handed him another cookie. “Thanks. These cookies are fantastic. How is this—hypothetically,
of course—going to be possible when the Amish aren’t allowed to go to school beyond
eighth grade?” he asked.