A Hopeful Heart (13 page)

“It’s okay if I go before I’m baptized, but if I do something like that after I’m
baptized, I’ll be shunned.”

“Shunned? Wow. That’s harsh.” He shook his head. “I guess it’s not something you really
want to do then. You wouldn’t want to risk being shunned, right?”

Amanda shook her head, but she wasn’t really certain if she wanted to be baptized.
She didn’t want to lose her family, but she also wasn’t sure the Amish life was right
for her. She finished her sandwich and then started to eat a cookie. “Did you talk
to your uncle about the job at his bookstore?”

“Yeah.” He faced her. “I haven’t had a chance to tell you I got the job. He hired
me full-time for the summer.” He nodded toward the cookies. “Would it be okay if I
had another one?”

“
Ya
, of course.” She handed him the bag. “My sister is a really good baker and cook.”

“I bet you are too.” He palmed another cookie.

Amanda shrugged. “I’m not as good at my mom and sister. So tell me about the test
you have to study for.”

While Mike explained his science class, Amanda considered what he’d told her about
getting her GED. She wondered if she was smart enough to do it and what her
mamm
would say.

T
rey bowed his head for a prayer and then flipped to the appropriate page in the songbook
for the service’s closing hymn. He glanced around the sanctuary and found it nearly
jam-packed. He was so glad he’d decided to come to the service at Paradise Community
Church.

He’d been greeted with smiles and hellos when he entered the sanctuary before the
service, and he’d shaken many hands during the sharing of the peace, when members
of the congregation greet each other with a handshake during the service. The congregation
appeared to be warm and welcoming, which was just what he craved. And he’d enjoyed
the service too. It reminded him of the services at his church back home.

Throughout the service, Trey had thought of Hannah and wondered what she was doing
today. He knew that the Amish worshiped formally together every other week. Was she
also at a church service today?

Hannah had haunted his thoughts, both day and night, ever since Wednesday. He couldn’t
forget the fear in her eyes when they’d rushed to her house to check on Andrew. He
felt her worry while they sat together in the car, and he’d wished
he could take the burden off her shoulders. He’d longed to help her. He’d prayed for
Andrew while Hannah was in the bedroom with him. He’d hoped it was just a minor injury
and nothing more.

Trey had sensed her relief when she’d returned from her bedroom, and he was stunned
by the way she’d opened up to him, cried, and let him hold her. Their embrace was
overwhelming. He’d pulled her close and drank in the sweet smell of her lilac shampoo.
Having her next to his heart felt natural, familiar—as if he’d held her before. He
didn’t want to let go, but he also knew that getting attached to her would put him
on a road to heartbreak.

As much as Trey wanted to have Hannah in his life, he knew he couldn’t. They were
from different worlds. Yet, he found himself wishing and praying they could be together.
He’d love to see her sitting next to him in church. He would enjoy having her help
as he planned the bed and breakfast. He couldn’t give up the dream of being her friend—and
possibly even more.

The congregation finished singing the last stanza of the hymn, and the minister closed
with announcements and then the benediction prayer. As Trey placed the hymnal back
into the pocket shelf in front of him, he wondered again what Hannah was doing. He
hoped he’d see her soon.

After service on Sunday, Hannah searched the sea of faces in the kitchen for her cousin
Susan. She had to find out the truth about their uncle Elam, and she knew Susan would
hold the key. As she walked past a group of women, her mother-in-law frowned
and then turned her back. Hannah kept walking, hoping to see Susan.

She found her cousin standing with another group of women. She smiled and nodded at
a few friends as she approached, and they each hesitated before returning the greeting.
Hannah wondered why they didn’t return the gesture immediately, but she pushed the
thought away as she reached Susan.

“Susan.” Hannah smiled at her cousin. “Wie
geht’s?
”

“Oh, hi, Hannah.” Susan cleared her throat. “I’m fine. How are you?” She was standing
with two other women, who each stared at Hannah before walking away.

Hannah shook her head. “I feel as if my prayer
kapp
is missing or my cape is on backward today. It’s as if everyone I talk to stares
at me like there’s something wrong with me. I don’t understand it. What could I have
possibly done for everyone in the entire district to stare at me?” Hannah hoped it
had nothing to do with Trey.

Susan grimaced. “You really don’t know why?”

“No, I don’t.” Hannah studied her face. “You
do
know why?”

Susan touched her arm. “Let’s find somewhere to talk.”

Hannah followed her outside where they walked down the porch steps. They made their
way toward the line of buggies parked by the pasture and then stopped. “What’s all
this about, Susan?”

Her cousin frowned. “A rumor has been flying through the community about you. I don’t
know who started it, but people are saying you were seen embracing an
Englisher
man the other day.” She glowered. “I refuse to believe a word of it. We’ve been close
since we were kids, Hannah. I know you would never behave that way.”

Hannah shook her head. She knew it was inevitable, but she didn’t think it would happen
so quickly. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Barbie started that rumor.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve become
freinden
with a man who’s staying at the hotel. Andrew fell and hurt himself on Wednesday.
Lillian called me to tell me that it looked really bad. He had a gash above his eye,
and there was blood everywhere. It was so bad Lillian couldn’t tell where he was cut.
I had to get home immediately, and
mei freind
gave me a ride home. I had no other means of transportation, and I was desperate.
I was really upset and worried about Andrew.”

“He only gave you a ride?” Susan clicked her tongue. “I see no harm in that. I wonder
why people would spread such nasty rumors. If she’s lying about you, then you should
go to the bishop.”

“It’s not that simple.” Hannah paused. “We hugged before he left my farm.”

“What?” Susan raised her eyebrows. “Why would you hug him?”

“I was really emotional. Every injury and illness worries me after losing Gideon.
I was thankful Andrew’s injury was minor. I was so scared after seeing all of that
blood on his clothes, on the rags, and in his hair. It looked much worse than it was.
After I released all of that worry and stress, I needed a hug.”

“Why would you hug an
Englisher
you barely know, Hannah? That doesn’t make sense to me.”

“I don’t know. It just felt right at the time, and I don’t regret it.” Hannah shrugged.
“Honestly, it doesn’t make much sense to me either.”

Susan eyed Hannah. “Do you think you need to talk to someone? Maybe you should meet
with the bishop and tell him you’re having feelings you don’t understand. He can counsel
you on how to turn your heart back to God so you don’t have feelings like this again.”

“It’s not like that. My friend understands me better than other people do. He’s lost
his
fraa
and his
dochder
, and we can each relate to the grief and loss the other has faced.”

“There are other people in this district who have had to cope with loss and grief.
You don’t need to go to an
Englisher
about things like that.”

“Now you sound like Barbie.”

“I know you’ve had problems with Barbie in the past, but I think she’s right about
this.” Susan’s frown softened. “You need to be careful. If Barbie started these rumors
about you, you know where that will lead. Rumors like this led to Irma Yoder’s shunning
a couple of years ago. She had to confess her transgressions in front of the whole
church. You don’t want to do that, do you? Her
kinner
were mortified.”

“I know.” Hannah nodded. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something else. Barbie
told me something about
Onkel
Elam, and I wanted to ask you if it was true. You were closer to
Aenti
Sarah than I was.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Did he really divorce
Aenti
Sarah, leave the community, and marry someone else?”

Susan nodded. “
Ya
, it’s true.”

Hannah gasped as if the wind had been knocked out of her. “Why didn’t my parents ever
tell me the truth?” She pointed at Susan. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought you knew. Actually, I thought everyone knew. No one ever talked about it
publicly.”

“Who told you?”

“
Mei
mamm
did.” She leaned against the buggy behind her. “I think I was about sixteen or so.
I asked her why
Aenti
Sarah didn’t remarry after
Onkel
Elam died because she was so
bedauerlich.
I told her I knew another widow who had remarried and that I felt bad
Aenti
Sarah was so alone.
Mei mamm
told me
Aenti
Sarah didn’t remarry because
Onkel
Elam was alive, and she felt it would be wrong. She explained he’d left
Aenti
Sarah and married an
Englisher
woman who had visited his shoe shop. She was so heartbroken she couldn’t get out
of bed for nearly two months after he left.”

Hannah shook her head. “I don’t understand why
mei mamm
never told me.”

“Why are you asking about this now?”

“Barbie told me Wednesday that
Onkel
Elam’s situation caused a lot of pain in the community. She said the family went
through a lot, and she never wanted that for her family. She implied I’m going to
leave the community and cause pain and rumors too.”

Susan shook her head. “What
Onkel
Elam did has nothing to do with any of us.” She frowned. “But you need to be careful,
Hannah. Everyone will be watching you now.”

“I know.”

Susan touched Hannah’s arm. “I need to get back inside, but I’ll be thinking of you.
Let me know if you need someone to talk to. You can always come to me instead of your
Englisher freind.
”

“I appreciate the offer.
Danki
for telling me the truth.” As
Hannah watched Susan march back toward the house, loneliness stole into her. She knew
Susan would listen if Hannah needed her to, but deep in her heart she believed that
only Trey would truly understand her. She wanted to talk to Trey more than anyone
in her community.

Lillian’s hands shook as she approached Elizabeth Beiler, who was married to a member
of the school board. Elizabeth was sitting with her sister. Lillian folded her hands
in front of her apron. “Hi, Elizabeth. May I please speak to you for a moment?”

“Lillian.” She patted the place on the bench beside her. “Have a seat.”

Lillian sat and heaved a deep breath.
Please, Lord, guide my words.
“I wanted to talk to you about the school.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth glanced over at her sister. “Would you mind getting me another cup
of water?”

“I’d be happy to. I’ll be right back.” She stood up from the bench and walked to the
kitchen.

“What would you like to discuss?” Elizabeth turned toward Lillian. “Are things going
well in the school?”

“Oh,
ya.
Things are going wonderfully.” Lillian nodded. “In fact, I’d like to be considered
for full-time teacher. Mattie shared that she won’t be returning next year. It’s always
been my dream to be a full-time teacher. I love the scholars, and I think they like
me too.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth’s smile faded. “That’s very sweet, Lillian.”

“I’ll work hard. I’ll put my heart and soul into the job.” She couldn’t understand
why Elizabeth was frowning. Was Lillian
not saying the right words, or had they already hired someone else? “Did you already
hire another teacher to replace Mattie?”

Elizabeth shook her head. “No, the board hasn’t chosen another teacher yet.”

Lillian folded her hands as if she were praying. “Please give me a chance to talk
to the board and tell them how much this means to me. I’ll do my very best.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know if it would be a
gut
idea for you to talk to the board.”

“Oh.” Lillian cleared her throat, hoping to stop the lump forming there from swelling.
“Do they have someone else in mind?”

Elizabeth shook her head, and Lillian stared at her.

“Have I done something wrong?” Lillian’s voice quavered.

“No, Lillian, you haven’t done anything wrong.” Elizabeth shook her head. “From what
Mattie has told us, you’re a wonderful teacher, and the scholars love you. But I think
there may be some board members who are concerned about an issue with your family.”

“I don’t understand. What has my family done?”

“There has been some concern about your
mamm’s
behavior lately.” Elizabeth’s smile didn’t seem genuine. “I will mention your interest
to my husband, but I’m not certain he will want to consider you. I think they may
have to look for another full-time teacher.” She patted Lillian’s hand. “But
danki
for expressing your interest.” Her sister approached and handed Elizabeth a cup of
water.

Lillian stood and studied Elizabeth. She hadn’t expected to get the job on the spot,
but she’d never expected to be rejected so quickly, either. “
Danki
for your time.”

“
Gern gschehne.
Have a
gut
day.” Elizabeth turned to her sister and began discussing her children.

Lillian walked out the back door and moved toward the group of young people playing
volleyball. In a matter of minutes, she’d watched her dream shatter in front of her
eyes, and she was left reeling. She needed to find a way to change the school board’s
opinion of her. What was the community saying about her
mamm
, and what could Lillian do to remedy it?