A Hopeful Heart (16 page)

“I’m not hiding anything from you.”

“Then why can’t you tell me what a GED prep book is?” Nancy jammed her hands on her
small hips. “If you’re not hiding anything, then you’ll tell me.”

Amanda swung the shopping bag containing the book. “It’s a book you use as a study
guide for the GED test.”

“What’s a GED test?”

“It’s a test you take to get your high school equivalency.”

Nancy scrunched her nose. “I don’t understand.”

“You take the GED in place of going to high school and getting a diploma.”

“A GED is like a high school diploma?”

“
Ya.
It’s like a high school diploma without going through four years of high school.”
Amanda remembered how Mike called it torture, and she smiled.

“What?” Nancy’s eyes flew open. “Why are you smiling?”

“I was just remembering something Mike told me.” Amanda bit her lip to stop her smile.

“What’s going on with you, Amanda? Are you going to try to get your high school diploma?”

Amanda shrugged. “No, I’m just curious.”

“You’re more than just curious.” Nancy’s frown deepened. “You want to go to college,
don’t you?”

“No.” Amanda slipped her hand into her apron pocket. “Well, maybe. I’ve been wondering
what it would be like to go to college. Like I said, I’m curious.”

“So you want to leave the community?”

Amanda shook her head. “I never said that.”

Nancy’s eyes narrowed. “I didn’t want to believe what people were saying about your
mamm
, but now I’m starting to wonder if it runs in the family.”

“What did you say?” Amanda glared at Nancy.

“You heard me. Everyone is talking about how your
mamm
was seen hugging an
Englisher.
I guess you’ll be the next one in the family to break the rules.”

Angry tears stung Amanda’s eyes. “I can’t believe you would say that about
mei mamm
or me. I thought you were
mei
best
freind.
”

“And I thought you were mine, but
mei
best
freind
wouldn’t consider going to college.” Nancy spun on her heel and started back toward
the deli.

Amanda wiped her eyes while watching Nancy cross the street. She stood by the crosswalk
and silently debated what to do. She couldn’t risk losing her job, but she also didn’t
want to work with Nancy if she had such low opinions of her and her mother.

Nancy turned and faced her from the other side of the street. “We need to get back
to work.”

Amanda crossed the street and approached her. “Are you going to tell your parents
about the book?”

Nancy shook her head. “No, but I don’t agree with it. And if anyone finds out, I won’t
be a part of it at all.” Her frown softened. “I don’t like what you’re doing, but
I know what your family has been through since you lost your
dat.
I know you need this job.” She wagged a finger at her. “But if
mei mamm
finds out you want to get a high school diploma, I’m not going to lie to her if she
asks me about it.”

“That’s fine.” Amanda walked back to the store while hoping Nancy would keep her word.

Trey smiled as he made his way from his car to the hotel’s front entrance. He looked
up at the bright sunshine and couldn’t help but think it was appropriate for his mood.
Today had been a wonderful day. He’d finally made an offer on a farm, and he felt
satisfied that he’d made the best choice. It was the first farm he’d looked at, the
one that reminded him of his grandparents’ and Hannah’s places. He’d followed his
realtor’s advice and offered a fair but lower price than what the owners asked, and
now he just had to wait and see if they would accept it. He had a strong feeling they
would, and he’d be closing on his new home and future bed and breakfast at the end
of the month.

He spotted Hannah exiting the hotel as he approached, and his smile widened. “Hannah!”
He quickened his pace. “How are you?”

“Trey.” Hannah’s smile seemed more like a grimace. “I’m well. How are you?”

“I’m doing great.” He tilted his head while studying her troubled eyes. She seemed
sad and possibly even uncomfortable. “Is something wrong? You don’t seem like yourself.”

“No, no.” She adjusted the large tote bag on her shoulder. “I’m just in a hurry. My
ride should be here soon.”

“Oh. I have some great news to share. I made an offer on a place today.”

“I’m so happy for you.”

He was unconvinced she was happy, but he didn’t want to question her when she was
in a hurry. “I also found a really nice church. I went to a service on Sunday, and
the congregation was very warm and friendly.”

“That’s wonderful, Trey. I’m glad you’re making Paradise your home.”

“How’s Andrew doing?” He moved closer to her, and she took a step back. Could she
be the same woman who’d put her arms around him last week? What had happened to her?

“He’s fine. Thank you for asking. The gash is healing well. He has some bruising around
the bandage, but his headache is much better.”

“Good.” He wished he could take away the uneasiness in her eyes. “Hannah, what’s going
on? You’re not yourself.”

“It’s complicated. I can’t explain it now.” She shook her head, and he was certain
he spotted tears glistening in her beautiful eyes.

“So, let’s talk. I can come by your place tonight.”

“No.” She said the word with such emphasis that he flinched. “You can’t come by. I
can’t see you at all. In fact, if I’m seen speaking to you, it will only make things
worse for my family and me.”

“Make things worse?” Confusion surged through him. “What do you mean? What happened?”

She stepped closer to him, and he drank in the sweet scent of her shampoo. “Word got
around that you and I hugged, and it’s caused problems for my daughter and also for
me. I’m going to visit the bishop on the way home and try to clear things up.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” He shook his head. “Nothing happened.”

“In the eyes of my church, something did.” She looked past him and took a step away
from him. “My ride is here. I have to go. Take care, Trey. I wish you well with your
new home.”

A blue van pulled up to the curb and stopped. Hannah moved toward the van and opened
the door.

“Wait.” Trey pulled a business card from his pocket and handed it to Hannah. “Take
this. My cell phone number is on it. Call me if you ever need me. Any time, day or
night.”

She looked at the card, and he hoped she wouldn’t refuse it. He had to leave the door
open to their friendship. He couldn’t say good-bye and walk away from her forever.

Hannah slipped the card into her apron pocket, and he breathed a sigh of relief. “Good-bye,
Trey.” She climbed into the van and slammed the door.

“Good-bye,” Trey whispered as the van drove off. He couldn’t bring himself to accept
that this was the end of their friendship. She meant too much to him, and from the
pain in her eyes, he believed she cared for him too. Loneliness rushed in, drowning
him.

Trey sent up a prayer begging God not to take Hannah away from him. Somehow, there
had to be a way for them to continue their friendship. Only God could figure out the
way for it to happen.

P
hyllis turned from the driver’s seat and faced Hannah beside her. “Are you certain
you don’t want me to wait while you talk to the bishop?”

“There’s no need for you to wait, but thank you for offering.” Hannah gathered up
her bag from the floor.

“Hannah.” Phyllis touched Hannah’s arm. “You seem upset about something. Is everything
okay?”

The concern in her driver’s face caused Hannah to pause. “I’m fine, but thank you.
I’ll see you Friday.”

“All right then. Have a good evening.”

“You too.” Hannah climbed from the van and began her trek up the long rock path to
the bishop’s two-story white home. A line of red barns that served as his dairy farm
stood behind the house.

She couldn’t erase the memory of Trey’s hurt expression from her thoughts as she made
her way toward the porch steps. She could feel his concern and disappointment as she’d
climbed into Phyllis’s van, and her heart twisted with sharp pain.

She knew she shouldn’t have accepted Trey’s business card, but she wanted to keep
something, a token, from their friendship.
If she couldn’t be his friend, at least she could remember the special times they’d
shared during the past month.

Hannah climbed the steps, and her stomach tightened. She wished she’d prepared a speech
before this meeting. She had no idea how to apologize for something she didn’t regret.
She hoped the Lord would provide the correct words so she could remove the stigma
against her family, despite her own breaking heart.

After knocking on the door, Hannah cleared her throat and touched her prayer covering.
She hoped she looked presentable. She’d known the bishop all of her life. In fact,
he’d been the bishop since before she was born. She hoped he’d be as understanding
and fair as she’d witnessed him being with other members of the district.

The door opened with a loud creak, and Elmer Smucker smiled at her. In his late seventies,
Elmer was short and stocky with a long, graying beard. “Hannah.
Wie geht’s?
”

“Hi, Elmer.” She adjusted her bag on her shoulder. “I’m fine. How are you today?”

“Fine.” He cleared his throat. “How can I help you?”

She made a sweeping gesture toward the line of rocking chairs on his wraparound porch.
“I was wondering if you had a moment to talk. I promise I won’t take up much of your
time.”

“Of course I have time. Please have a seat.”

Hannah lowered herself into a rocking chair, and placed her bag on the porch beside
her.

He sat in a chair next to her. “What’s on your mind?”

“I’ve heard some rumors about me are making their way through our community. I would
like the rumors to stop, and it seems I need to start with you to make things right.”

“What are the rumors you’re referring to?”

“People are saying I’m having an inappropriate relationship with an
Englisher.
” Hannah placed her hands in her lap and fingered her apron. “And these rumors are
affecting my family. Lillian has requested to become the full-time teacher next year,
and she was told she wasn’t allowed to have the job because there are concerns in
the community about my behavior.”

He fingered his beard. “Are these rumors true?”

Hannah shook her head. “The
Englisher
is an acquaintance. I met him while working at the hotel. He and I have spoken a
few times, and he drove me home last Wednesday when Andrew was injured.”

“Is Andrew okay?”

“
Ya.
” Hannah nodded. “He fell and got a terrible gash above his eye. We thought it was
much worse because of how much it bled. But he’s fine,
danki.
”

“
Gut.
” Elmer frowned. “I try not to listen to rumors, and I don’t like to spread gossip.
I was surprised, however, when I heard you were seen hugging this man. Is it true,
Hannah?”

“
Ya
, it is true.” She absently ran her hands over the arms of the wooden chair. “I gave
him a hug after I found out Andrew was going to be okay. I was worried something bad
would happen to Andrew.” She paused, thinking of Elmer’s daughter, who’d drowned many
years ago. “Do you remember when you lost Rachel?”

The bishop sat up straight. “Of course I do. Why would you ask that?”

“After experiencing that kind of pain, do you ever worry about losing your other
kinner
or your
fraa
?”

He nodded. “Sometimes I worry about my
grandkinner
when
they swim in the creek, but then I remember that if I worry, that means I don’t trust
God.”

“I understand, and I know we should always trust God. I never expected Gideon to leave
me, however, just as you didn’t expect to lose your Rachel. I know it was God’s plan,
but it still hurts. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that worry or hurt. I carry it
in my heart.” She paused. “On that Wednesday, I was concerned about Andrew, and I
was trying to keep myself together and be strong. Once I knew he was going to be okay,
I let all of the emotion come out of me. I hugged Mr. Peterson and he gave me comfort.
It felt like a natural reaction.”

Elmer continued to finger his beard while he listened.

“What I did may be considered a sin, but it was an honest mistake. We all sin and
fall short of God’s glory. I want to know how I can be forgiven so my family doesn’t
have to suffer for my actions any further.” She gripped the arms of the chair and
hoped her voice sounded confident instead of revealing her jumbled emotions. “I’ll
do anything to make things right with the community for my family. I love this community,
and I never meant to jeopardize my place in it. If I need to confess in front of the
congregation, I will.”

The elderly man leaned back in the chair and crossed his legs at the ankles. “I don’t
think that’s necessary. You didn’t do anything immoral.”

Hannah felt the tension ease in her shoulders.

The elderly man studied her expression. “It sounds like you’re
gut freinden
with this man.”

“
Ya
, I am.” Hannah ran her hand over the pocket where the business card was hidden. “We’ve
spoken a few times. He lost his
fraa
and
dochder
, and I lost Gideon. We have a lot in common.”

“It seems to me that your friendship with him has gotten very deep. Do you feel an
attachment starting with him?”

Hannah nodded. She couldn’t lie to him.

“I can tell this man means a lot to you, Hannah, but I feel you should stop all contact
with him immediately. If you don’t, then things could get complicated again for your
family. He is
English
, and you are Amish.”

Hannah frowned. “
Ya
, I know I should avoid him.”

“As long as you concentrate on what kind of role model you want to be for your
kinner
, everything will be fine. I’ll take care of the school board. I planned to take a
walk in the morning since the doctor ordered more exercise for my diabetes. I always
go past Elizabeth Beiler’s
haus
, and I’ll stop in and speak to her then.” He stood and smiled. “Everything will be
just fine.”

“
Danki
for taking the time to talk with me.” Hannah stood and shook his hand.

“
Gern gschehne.
”

“Have a
gut
evening.” Hannah started down the porch steps and hefted her bag onto her shoulder.
She headed toward the main road with a mixture of happiness and disappointment. Although
she’d made things right for Lillian without having to go before the entire church
district, she also agreed with the bishop when he said she should avoid the one person
who held the key to healing her broken heart.

Later that afternoon, Amanda packed up her bag. She’d never been so happy to see closing
time. After eating lunch by herself on the bench outside, she’d spent the afternoon
avoiding
Nancy. Whenever they looked at each other, Nancy frowned. They were cordial and polite
when they were forced to speak to each other, but the distance between them felt like
a chasm the size of the Grand Canyon. And that distance was breaking Amanda’s heart.

Amanda and Nancy had been best friends since first grade. Amanda recalled having only
one disagreement with her. It had happened in third grade, and they’d argued over
who should be picked first when they were playing baseball. The disagreement lasted
ten minutes and ended with both of them laughing. Why couldn’t this argument be just
as simple to resolve?

Yet this was more than simply a disagreement; Nancy had hurt Amanda’s feelings by
comparing the horrible rumors about her
mamm
to Amanda’s curiosity about going to college. Amanda had never seen Nancy be so hateful.
Had she lost her best friend forever?

“Do you need a ride home?” Nancy’s
dat’s
question broke through Amanda’s thoughts.

“No,
danki.
” Amanda motioned toward the front door. “It’s a
schee
day, so I’ll walk.”

Nancy’s
mamm
tilted her head. “Are you certain?”

“
Ya.
I’ll see you tomorrow.” Amanda focused her eyes on Nancy. “
Gut nacht.
”

Nancy nodded and then quickly looked away.

Amanda lifted her bag onto her shoulder and stepped out the front door. She walked
down the path and started for the crosswalk.

“Amanda! Wait up!” Turning, she found Mike jogging from the bookstore toward her.
“I was hoping to catch you before you left.”

“Hi, Mike.” She smiled up at him. “What are you doing here?”

“I have news.” His grin was wide. “I not only passed that test, but I got an A!”

“That’s wonderful news!” Amanda clapped her hands. “You must be so excited.”

“Yeah.” He raked his hand through his hair. “To be honest, I’m stunned. I was praying
for a B and I got an A.”

“The power of prayer.” Amanda laughed. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks.” He nodded toward the bookstore. “My uncle Rick told me you stopped in today.”

“Oh.” She fingered the strap on her tote bag. “I needed to get a book for my sister.”

“He said you asked about a GED prep book.” He leaned closer to her. “Are you thinking
about taking the test?”

She hesitated, debating if she should be honest with him. How could she tell him she
was confused about everything, including her feelings about taking the test? She didn’t
want him to think she was silly.

“It’s okay.” He looked down toward the toe of his sneaker. “I don’t mean to pry. I
won’t keep you. I just wanted to tell you about my grade.” He started to walk backward
while gesturing behind him. “I better get going. I’ll see you later.”

“Wait.” She held her hand up to stop him. “Do you want to walk me home?”

“Yeah.” His smiled returned. “That would be awesome.”

“Great. It’s only a few blocks.” Amanda fell into step with him as she pointed toward
the direction of her farm.

“Let me carry your bag for you.” He reached over and lifted the bag off her shoulder
and placed it on his.

“Thank you.”

“So, about the GED,” Mike began while walking with his hands in his pockets. “I wasn’t
trying to pry. I was just going to tell you I’d be happy to help you study if you
need a tutor.”

“Thank you for offering, but I don’t know if I want to take the test or not.”

“Oh. Can I help you decide?”

She looked up at him. “I don’t know if you can.”

“Try me.” He shrugged.

Amanda frowned. “My family is sort of having a hard time.”

“What’s going on?”

While they walked, Amanda told Mike what was going on with the rumors about her
mamm
and how they affected Lillian’s plan to get the teaching job.

“It sounds like your community is really critical of what everyone does.” He shook
his head. “That’s rough.”

“
Ya
, it can be. It’s not always like that. We just have certain rules we’re supposed
to follow. My mother always says it’s our culture.”

“I see that, but what about Jesus’ command to love one another? Isn’t spreading rumors
the opposite of that?”

“
Ya
, I agree. I feel bad for my mom, and, honestly, I’m angry too. It’s unfair that everyone
is treating her this way. She’s friends with a man who isn’t Amish, but she didn’t
do anything wrong.”

Mike stopped walking. “Wait a minute.” He pointed back and forth between them. “Are
you saying you and I can’t be friends?”

She paused. “
Ya
, that’s true. We shouldn’t be friends. At least, not friends who spend time alone.”

“Does that mean I could get you in trouble just by walking you home?”

She nodded.

“I don’t want to get you in trouble. I only wanted to be your friend.” He held out
her bag. “I should go, then.”

“I don’t want you to go. I don’t care about getting in trouble.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You really don’t care?”

She pursed her lips. “I care about getting in trouble, but I don’t want to lose your
friendship. I told you, I’m confused. I don’t know where I belong. I’m curious about
getting my GED and going to college, and I really want to be your friend. That means
I have no idea who I am or where I belong.”

“How old are you?” He slipped her bag back onto his shoulder.

She studied him. “I’m sixteen. Why are you asking me that?”

“My dad says no one knows who they are until they’re thirty.”

“Thirty?” Amanda laughed. “We have a long way to go then,
ya
?”

He nodded. “I think he’s being facetious. But his point is that we’re not supposed
to figure out who we are until we’re much older.”

Her smile faded. “I don’t think it’s supposed to work that way in my community.”

“Why?”

“We’re expected to join the church when we’re around eighteen and then live in the
community for the rest of our lives. My sister is already talking about getting baptized,
but I’m not sure.”