A Hopeful Heart (17 page)

“You’re not your sister.” He pointed toward her. “You’re Amanda. Don’t be so hard
on yourself. And you’re not eighteen yet, are you?”

“No, I’m not.”

“There you have it.” He smiled. “You have time to figure out what you want in life.
I’m not even sure what I want, but I do know I want to go to college. I think I want
to go to medical school, but I may not be cut out for it. I’ll figure it out when
I get there.”

She gestured toward the driveway leading to her house. “My farm is right there. I
wish I could invite you up to see it, but it would be better if you and Julianne came
together sometime.”

“I understand.” He handed her the tote bag.

“Thank you for walking me home.”

“You’re welcome.” He touched her arm. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay.”

He started down the street, turning around once to wave. She returned the wave and
then walked up the long rock driveway toward her house. She was relieved to have had
the opportunity to share her discombobulated feelings with someone, and she was thankful
for her special friendship with Mike.

After supper that evening, Hannah stood at the sink and dried the last dish. She’d
spent the meal thinking about her conversation with the bishop and wondering how she
was going to avoid Trey. She wanted to tell the girls that she’d done her best to
make things right, but she didn’t want Andrew to overhear the conversation. She was
afraid he’d misinterpret something and be upset.

She looked over at her son while he swept the floor. “Andrew. Go on and get your bath.
We’ll have devotions when you’re finished.”

“
Ya
,
Mamm.
” He disappeared through the family room toward the stairs.

“I wanted to talk to you both alone,” Hannah said to her daughters as she gestured
toward the table. “Have a seat.”

Lillian’s eyes were wide as she sank into the seat across from her sister. “
Was
iss letz
?”

“Nothing is wrong.” Hannah sat next to Amanda. “I wanted to tell you I met with the
bishop on my way home from work today.”

“What?” Amanda shook her head. “I thought you weren’t going to stir things up even
more,
Mamm.
Why did you do that?”

“It’s okay,
mei liewe.
” Hannah touched Amanda’s hand. “I only did it to make things right for Lillian. I
explained to him that Trey was only
mei freind
, and I never meant to hug him. I told him all about how Andrew was injured, and I
was emotional. He said he understood, and I don’t have to confess in front of the
congregation because I didn’t do anything immoral.”

Amanda blew out a breath and looked relieved. “
Gut.
I didn’t want to see you humiliated like that.”

“Did you mention the school board?” Lillian wrung her hands while studying Hannah.

“
Ya
, I did.” Hannah smiled. “He’s going to talk to Elizabeth Beiler for you tomorrow.”

Lillian squealed, came around the table, and hugged Hannah. “
Danki!
Oh,
danki, Mamm.
I’m so very froh.”

“I know you are, Lily.” Hannah nodded. “I’m hoping it works out for you. I just want
you to be
froh.
”

“I will be.
Danki
again!” Lillian headed for the stairs. “Andrew! Why are you spying? Go get your pajamas
and get your bath. Go on.”

Hannah turned to Amanda and found her frowning. “Amanda? Is something wrong? You’ve
been quiet all evening.” Her normally happy and easygoing daughter was unusually pensive
tonight.

“I’ve had a lot on my mind.” Amanda ran her finger over the wood grain on the table.
“I think it’s wrong that you had to talk to the bishop to make things right.”

“That’s just how things are.” Hannah studied Amanda. “Amanda, is there something you’re
not telling me? What’s really bothering you?”

Amanda looked up at Hannah and her lips quivered. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong
here.”

“What do you mean?” Hannah rubbed Amanda’s arm. “We’re your family, and we love you.
Of course you belong here. Why would you say something so
gegisch
?”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I don’t mean here, like in this
haus.
” She pointed around the kitchen. “I mean in this community. I don’t agree with all
of the rules we have to live by. I don’t agree with how you were treated. I know I’m
not supposed to feel that way, but it’s the truth.”

Hannah nodded slowly. Although she wanted to tell Amanda that she understood, she
knew she had to be the role model Gideon would expect her to be. Gideon was a loving
man, but he was also a conservative father. He believed in teaching the children the
rules and always being an example to them. In this moment, she felt she had to honor
his memory despite her own feelings. “You know we have to follow the rules. It’s how
we’ve chosen to live, and it’s our culture. It’s what God intended for us.”

To Hannah’s great surprise, Amanda’s frown transformed into a wry smile.

Hannah gaped.

“Is that what you really believe,
Mamm
?”

Hannah was speechless for a moment, and Amanda stood.

“I’m going to go upstairs. Call me when it’s time for devotions.” Amanda pushed her
chair in. “
Mamm
, I understand how you really feel, even if you aren’t saying it out loud to me.”

Hannah watched Amanda leave the kitchen, and she wondered just how deeply her daughter
understood her.

T
he following afternoon, Lillian swept while Mattie organized the books at the front
of the classroom.

A knock sounded at the door, and Lillian looked up as Elizabeth Beiler stepped into
the schoolhouse. Lillian sucked in a breath and hoped the visit was connected to the
bishop’s plan to speak with Elizabeth today.

“
Wie
geht’s?
” Mattie crossed the room and shook Elizabeth’s hand.

“I’m doing well.” Elizabeth smiled. “How was your day?”

“
Gut!
” Mattie clapped her hands together. “The scholars are doing so well with their multiplication
tables.”

“That’s
wunderbaar.
” Elizabeth looked at Lillian. “I was hoping to speak with you.”

“Of course.” Lillian’s stomach tightened as she stowed the broom. She walked over
to Elizabeth and gestured toward the row of desks. “Would you like to sit?”

“No, no.” Elizabeth waved off the question. “We can talk right here.” She turned toward
Mattie, who was gathering up her bag and heading for the door. “There’s no need for
you to leave. You can stay if you’d like.”

“What would you like to talk about?” Lillian smoothed her hands over her apron and
pasted a smile on her face. She prayed it was good news and assumed it was since Elizabeth
said Mattie could stay. Certainly she wouldn’t have invited Mattie to stay if it was
bad news.

“I spoke with the bishop this morning.” Elizabeth folded her hands. “He told me I
should recommend you to the school board for the teaching position next year. He and
I spoke about a few things at length, and I agreed with him.”

Mattie clapped her hands again. “That’s
wunderbaar gut
!”

Lillian smiled. “
Danki.
I’m so excited. I’ll work hard and be the best teacher I can be.”

Elizabeth held up her finger. “Now, don’t get your hopes up too high. The board will
have to interview you at the end of the school year. I just wanted to let you know
I’m going to give my recommendation to the board. I’ll let you know when the members
want to meet with you.”

“
Danki
again.” Lillian shook her hand. “I truly appreciate your help with this.”

Elizabeth nodded and then headed for the door. “Have a
gut
evening.”

“You too.” Once Elizabeth was gone, Mattie hugged Lillian. “You’ll be the best teacher.”

“I hope so. It feels too
gut
to be true.”

“No, it’s not too
gut
to be true. The Lord has led you to this job, and he’ll guide your path. Just put
your faith in him.”

Lillian nodded. “I will.”

Lillian rushed through the back door and into the kitchen, where Andrew was eating
cookies. Her mother pulled an apple pie from the oven, and the smell filled the room.

“I’m so excited!” Lillian dropped her bag on a chair. “Elizabeth Beiler came to see
me today.”

Her mother raised her eyebrows. “What did she want?”

“She’s going to recommend me to the school board as the teacher next year.” Lillian
danced over to her mother and hugged her. “
Danki
so much.”

“You’re really going to be my teacher?” Andrew grimaced. “Why don’t you apply in another
district instead?”

Mamm
wagged a finger at him, despite a smile forming on her lips. “That’s not nice, Andrew.”

Andrew shrugged and stood. “I’m going to go help
Onkel
Josh and Daniel.” He took his empty plate to the counter before disappearing through
the mudroom.

“I’m so
froh, Mamm. Danki
for talking to the bishop. That had to be difficult for you.”

Mamm
nodded. “It was difficult, but I did it for you. I just want you and your siblings
to be
froh.
” She touched Lillian’s face. “It’s so
gut
to see you smile again.”

“I can’t wait to tell Amanda.” Lillian leaned over and inhaled the sweet scent of
the pie, which caused her stomach to growl. “I can’t wait until this is cooled. I
want to cut it now.”

“No, no.”
Mamm
wagged a finger at her. “We have to let it cool.”

Lillian started for the stairs. “I’m going to get changed and then start weeding the
garden.”

As she climbed to the second floor, she grinned. Things were
starting to look up. She couldn’t wait to tell Leroy she might be the teacher next
year. Maybe they would both be baptized in a couple of years and could start dating.
The possibility caused her heart to thump in her chest.

Josh wiped his brow with a handkerchief and smiled as Andrew approached him. “Hi,
Andrew. How was school?”

“
Gut
.” He shrugged. “You know, the usual. Boring.”

Josh chuckled and touched his nephew’s arm. “You know you have to go to school so
you can be smart enough to help me run this farm.”

“I’m already smart enough.” Andrew flexed his arms. “And I’m strong enough. I was
the only
bu
strong enough to lift a giant rock on the playground today. See? Look at my muscles.”

“You do have big muscles.” While Andrew chattered on about the large rock on the playground,
Josh glanced toward the house and thought of Hannah. He’d been thinking of her and
wanted to talk to her, but didn’t know what to say ever since he saw her in Trey Peterson’s
arms that day. He felt as if he’d been punched in his chest when she allowed that
man to touch her. The feeling was so intense he thought he might be physically ill.
Why couldn’t Hannah see that she didn’t belong with a man like Trey? Instead, she
belonged with someone like him, a good, faithful man who was true to the Amish way
of life.

Hannah invited him to stay for supper a few times, but he came up with excuses. She’d
stopped asking him after the third time he turned her down. Although he was hurt and
angry by the sight of her touching that
Englisher
, he still cared about her.

“You should try to pick up that rock sometime,
Onkel
Josh. It’s huge!” Andrew gestured widely. “It was bigger than a cat!”

“That’s pretty big.” Josh leaned against the fence. “How’s your
mamm
doing?”

“She’s fine.” His expression became quizzical. “Last night I listened in on a conversation
that confused me. I was supposed to go upstairs and get my bath, but I stood by the
stairs and listened while
Mamm
talked to my
schweschdere.
”

“What were they talking about?”

“
Mei mamm
went to see the bishop yesterday. She said something about people talking about her.
Why would people say bad things about
mei mamm
?”

Intrigued, Josh rubbed his chin and wondered if it had to do with her and that
Englisher.
“Well, I’m not certain, Andrew. Did she give you any idea what they’ve been saying?”

“No, but she told the bishop she was sorry for what she did, and she was going to
stay away from Mr. Peterson.” He squinted as if trying to figure out a puzzle. “Why
would talking to Mr. Peterson be a bad thing?”

Josh paused, wondering how to explain the situation in terms Andrew might understand.
“It’s sort of complicated, Andrew. People think your
mamm
shouldn’t talk to him because he’s
English.
”

“So, we’re only allowed to talk to Amish people? But I’ve seen you talk to
Englishers
when they come to look at horses.”

“It’s a little more than just talking to someone when they want to buy a horse. When
people see your
mamm
talk to Mr. Peterson, they might think she likes him as more than a
freind.
Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Oh.” Andrew nodded. “People might think she wants Mr.
Peterson to be her boyfriend.” His eyes widened. “She doesn’t want him to, does she?”

Josh frowned. “I hope not.”

“Oh.” Andrew paused as if to consider this. “I guess that makes sense.
Mamm
also said she asked the bishop to talk to the school board and tell them to give
Lillian a chance to be the teacher next year.” He grimaced. “Mrs. Beiler came to see
Lillian today and told her she may get the job. Why does
mei schweschder
have to be my teacher? I see her enough at the
haus.
”

Josh grinned at his nephew’s bleak expression. “Your
schweschder
will be a great teacher. You’ll do just fine.”

“Josh!” Daniel called from the other side of the barn. “Are you going to come help
me shoe these horses or what? I have the stock all set up.”

Josh stood up straight. “Since you have these big muscles, you’re ready for some real
work. Do you want to help Daniel and me shoe a couple of horses?”

“
Ya!
” Andrew’s eyes were wide. “I’d love to help.”

“Great.” Josh placed his hand on Andrew’s shoulder as they walked toward the shoeing
stock on the other side of the large barn. He frowned as he thought of what Andrew
had shared about Hannah. He’d felt guilty for telling a few of his friends about seeing
her in an embrace with the
Englisher.
Maybe he was the one who’d started the rumor.

Yet he wondered if the rumor was what had inspired her to make things right. After
all, she promised not to see the
Englisher
anymore because people were talking about her. Perhaps if Hannah was sorry for her
actions, she was ready to see what was right before her eyes: the love Josh wanted
to give to her and her
family. He wasn’t ready to give up on her. He was going to find a way to win her heart.

After supper was over, Hannah brought the apple pie to the table. “I baked this earlier.”

Lillian smiled as she grabbed the vanilla ice cream from the propane freezer. “
Ya
, she wouldn’t let us sample any. Believe me, I tried to convince her.”

Hannah shook her head, marveling at the change in Lillian’s temperament ever since
she’d gotten the news that Elizabeth Beiler was going to recommend her for the teaching
job. Although she was relieved to see her daughter so happy, she wished she could
squelch the empty feeling inside her. She missed Trey terribly and wondered how she’d
ever mend the hole in her heart.

“It smells
appeditlich.
” Josh smiled up at Hannah as she served him a piece.

The eagerness in his eyes caused her to nervously finger her apron. She wondered why
Joshua was so determined to stay for supper tonight after turning her down the last
few times she’d invited him. Something had changed in him, and it made her uneasy.

“
Mei mamm
makes the best pies.” Amanda dropped a large piece onto her plate.

Lillian studied her sister. “How do you stay so thin when you eat such large pieces
of pie?”

Amanda shrugged while cutting her piece. “I stay on my feet all day at the store.
I guess that’s my exercise.”

“It’s so unfair.” Lillian scowled. “No matter how much I cut down my portions, I still
can’t get as thin as you.”

“You’re perfect the way you are, Lily.” Hannah sliced through the air with her fork
for emphasis. “Don’t worry about your weight. It’s not
gut
to obsess over your appearance. Pride is a sin, you know.”

“How are things at school, Lily?” Josh wiped his mouth. “Are you staying busy?”

“Oh,
ya.
” Lillian launched into a long discussion about the students and their antics on the
playground.

Hannah watched Joshua’s reactions while he listened to Lillian’s story. He smiled
when she said something funny and frowned when she was serious. It was apparent he
truly cared about her children.

She knew he cared about her too, but she couldn’t reciprocate the love he had for
her. She knew if she’d fallen in love with someone like Joshua, her life wouldn’t
be as complicated. Yet the love in her heart was intended for someone she couldn’t
have. She felt herself caught between her love for the community she’d known all her
life and her blossoming feelings for a man she couldn’t consider dating unless she
left her beloved community.

Once the pie was gone, Hannah stood and began taking the dirty dishes to the counter.

“Dinner and dessert were outstanding.” Josh stood and rubbed his abdomen. “I’m stuffed.”

“
Gut.
” Hannah turned on the faucet and waited for the water to warm. “You’ll have plenty
of energy to work on the farm again tomorrow.”

“
Ya.
I will.” He touched Andrew’s back. “You get a
gut
night’s
sleep so you can help Daniel and me tomorrow. You were a
wunderbaar
assistant today while we shoed the horses.”

Andrew grinned. “You got it,
Onkel
Josh.”

Hannah added dishwashing liquid to the water. A hand on her back caused her to jump.
Turning, she found Josh looking down at her.

“I’m walking out.” He leaned in close to her. “Would you like to come out with me?”

Hannah hesitated.

“You can go,
Mamm.
” Lillian brought the utensils to the sink. “Amanda and I will take care of this.”

“
Danki.
” Hannah wiped her hands on a dish towel and then followed Joshua out the door and
down the porch steps toward his buggy. “I’m glad you stayed for supper tonight.”

“I am too.” He stopped at his buggy and faced her. “I’ve missed you.”

Hannah studied his eyes, wondering why he was suddenly so pleasant after he’d berated
her over her friendship with Trey. She forced a smiled and then gestured toward the
house. “It’s getting late, so I better get back inside. See you tomorrow.”

“Wait.” He reached for her hand and then pulled back before making contact. “I wanted
to talk to you alone. That’s why I asked you to come out here with me.”

Hannah folded her arms over her chest as alarm surged through her. She wondered what
Joshua wanted. Was he going to lecture her again about Trey?

“Andrew told me that he overheard a conversation last night.”

Hannah stood up straight. “What did he hear?”