A Life Restored (36 page)

Finally, at ten, with no sign of her husband, she could stand it no more.
 
She set her book aside and left her small room.
 
Once at the bottom of the stairs, she realized she had no idea where to look for him.

Caroline headed across the street toward Lancaster’s.
 
Knocking on the front door, she bit her lip and tried to remain calm.
 
No one came, so she knocked again.

“Dear,” Betty said as she opened the door.
 
“What’s wrong?”

Paul appeared behind Betty.

“Thomas…
 
He hasn’t come home.
 
We fought this morning.
 
He lost his job at the blacksmith and I suggested he go to Barnett and Barth.
 
He got angry and stormed out.
 
I haven’t seen him since.”

“Oh, dear!”

Paul scowled and crossed his arms.
 
Odd reaction, Caroline thought.

“Do you know where he might be?”

“I haven’t seen him, dear.”

Paul stepped forward.
 
“I’ll find him.
 
Go home and wait for us there.”

Caroline started to ask Paul if he had an idea where Thomas was, but the shadow on his face stopped her.

“I’ll see you home first,” he said, offering her his arm.

She walked in silence next to the large broad-shouldered man.
 
He seemed irritated.
 
At the bottom of the stairs going up to her room, he promised her he would return as soon as he could with Thomas.

Thomas lost track of time and the number of drinks he consumed and how much money he’d won and then lost.
 
His stomach growled.
 
He looked at the few gold coins he had left.
 
Enough for some food, a few more drinks, and maybe something to start him out at the poker tables again.

He nodded to the bartender and ordered some food and another drink.
 
While he waited for the food to arrive, he sipped the whiskey, appreciating that it added to the heady feeling that had started to slip away.
 
As long as he sat here like this he didn’t have to think about what a miserable failure he was.

The taunting voices mocked him in his head.
 
Failure.
 
Robber.
 
Gambler.
 
Drunk.
 
Murderer.
 
Over and over again.

Then his mind remembered a time of freedom.
 
Where had that been?
 
Oh, yes.
 
At Perry’s ranch, when Drew visited him.
 
No, that had been a dream.
 
For a time, he felt free—absolved from the things the voices accused him of now.

A scantily clad saloon girl set a plate of food in front of him.
 
Then she slid a hand up his arm and looped it over his shoulders, leaning into his side.
 
“When yer belly’s full, I can see to yer other hungers.”

Guilt smacked Thomas between the eyes, sobering him.
 
Caroline waited for him at home.
 
If he could do nothing else right in his life, perhaps he could at least be faithful to his wife.

He nudged the saloon girl away, focusing his attention on his food.
 
He was hungrier than he thought and finished the meal quickly.

He should go home. Only he couldn’t bring himself to face the disappointment in those green eyes.
 
When Caroline learned of his deceit and his losses, she would be upset.
 
He grunted and lifted his empty glass, catching the bartender’s eye.
 
A full glass of whiskey appeared.

Thomas drank it and requested another.

He couldn’t go home.
 
Not yet.
 
He could not face her.

Propping his elbows on the edge of the bar, he rested his head in his hands and closed his eyes.
 
If only he could find an honest job that he both liked and could do well.
 
That would solve all of his problems.
 
He wouldn’t have to come here to gamble.
 
The lure of this place had been too much today.
 
And he paid dearly for it.
 
At one point, he had been up three hundred dollars.
 
That was one of the largest amounts he had ever won in one day.
 
Then he lost it all.
 
To Garrett.
 
It seemed like that man was trying to leave him penniless.

At one point, he almost put his pistol up as collateral.
 
That would have been foolish.
 
The weapon was for protection, not something he could gamble away.
 
Who knows, he might even need it on his way home tonight if he ran into any trouble.

“Your wife is worried sick.”
 
Paul’s deep voice rang in Thomas’s ears.

He looked up to his friend.

“Time to go.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t face her.”

Paul placed a hand under his arm and hefted him to his feet.
 
“Time to go anyway.”

Thomas stumbled, then let his weight rest heavily against Paul’s side.
 
“I lost it all.”

The cool night air hit his face.
 
The streets were empty.
 
How late was it?

“What did you lose?”

“All the money I had.
 
I lost it all.
 
I have nothing left.”

Paul said nothing.

As they neared Hardy’s mercantile, Paul stopped and let Thomas slide to a bench in the town square.
 
Then he stood in front of him, crossing his arms.

“Almost two hours ago your frantic wife knocked on my door asking if I had seen you.
 
It’s taken me that long to figure out where you were.
 
I didn’t want to believe I would find you in the saloon.
 
What are you doing?”

He swallowed the lump rising in his throat.
 
What
was
he doing?
 
Acting like a fool was what.
 
Throwing away what little money he had.
 
Worrying his wife.
 
Even if he was a huge disappointment to her, he still loved her.

None of the words would form into sentences.

“I know it’s hard—what you’re going through.
 
You made your living riding for so long.
 
Ain’t got no idea what else to do.
 
But going back to your old ways—those ways that God forgave you for—that isn’t going to make a single thing in your life better.
 
It will only destroy you and ruin your marriage.”

Thomas nodded.

“Decide Thomas.
 
Who will you serve?
 
God or gambling?”

Caroline gasped as Paul helped Thomas to bed.
 
The smell of alcohol permeated the room, making it feel confining.
 
After Paul left, she propped the door open and opened all of the windows.

Thomas groaned.
 
Then soft snores serenaded her as she struggled to remove his boots.

She yawned and looked at the clock.
 
It was after one in the morning.
 
She quickly undressed and slid into bed beside her sleeping husband.

She closed her eyes, only sleep would not come.
 
Paul’s words turned over in her mind.
 
He gambled away everything.
 
Remember how much you have been forgiven.
 
Forgive him just as much.

He gambled everything.
 
Caroline didn’t even know how much that was.
 
Apparently, he had been hiding money from her.
 
Well, now there was nothing left to hide.
 
They had nothing, save for the few coins she had left from her last pay.
 
Not enough to restock the pantry.
 
She would have to stretch it as long as she could.

A tear slid down the side of her face splashing onto her pillow.
 
Regret mixed with guilt.
 
She should have never let him into her bed.
 
If she hadn’t, she would not have had to marry a complete stranger—one prone to drinking and gambling.

What other secrets did he hold?

She turned her head and sobbed into her pillow.
 
She was certain she did not really want to know.

Chapter 37

Caroline put the finishing touches on the spicy venison and beef stew.
 
She glanced over at Thomas as he leaned heavily on his cane, a dark scowl on his face.
 
She looked back to the stew then down at her rather large belly.
 
Maybe she should have made something easier for him to carry to the community celebration and pot luck.

“I’ll grab one handle and you the other?” she suggested.

Thomas grunted, but moved toward the stove and did exactly that.

The awkward trip down the stairs took much longer than she expected.
 
Setting the pot on the last stair, she flexed her fingers before picking it up again.
 
Paul Lancaster hurried toward them and took the pot before either could object.
 
She thanked him.

She looped her hand in the crook of Thomas’s arm.
 
“Nice weather for the celebration.”

When he didn’t say anything, she glanced at him.
 
The earlier scowl remained firmly in place.

She sighed.
 
The past few weeks both of them remained tense.
 
He hardly said a word to her.
 
She never brought up his gambling and drinking binge.
 
Neither did he bring it up, nor did he repeat it.
 
Nor did he manage to keep a job.
 
She had lost track now of how many he had quit or been fired from.

“Caroline, dear, come help me with the pies?”
 
Betty asked as they neared the back of the dining hall.

She followed Betty inside.

“How are you doing, dear?”

“Fine.”

“You look a little sad.”

“Hmm?” Caroline pretended not to hear Betty’s comment.

Taking a pie in each hand, she waddled to the table outside and set the tasty creations down.
 
Several more trips and the ladies had all the pies set out.

“Caroline!”
 
Julia’s voice drew her attention.
 
She hurried to her side.
 
Despite being as round in her seventh month as Caroline was, Julia seemed much lighter on her feet.
 
They hugged each other for several minutes.
 
Caroline needed the closeness of her friend to help soothe her aching heart.

“Linny,” Adam greeted her, leaning down to give her a hug.
 
“Thomas.”

Thomas nodded his head and extended his hand.
 
The scowl on his face diminished some, though it was not replaced with a smile as she hoped.

“Heard there’s a horse race,” Thomas commented dryly.
 
“You riding?”

“Naw.
 
Covington is representing Larson Stables.
 
Hawk is riding for Colter Ranch.”

“Larson Stables?”
 
Caroline asked.

Adam beamed.
 
“Yep.
 
Will said the place needed a good name.
 
He’s still a partner, but he said he didn’t feel the need to have his name stuck on everything.
 
Colter Ranch and Colter Meat Company seemed good enough to him.”

“Congratulations!”
 
She gave her brother another big hug.

“Have you thought of any baby names yet?” Julia asked as Adam led them to a shady spot in the square.
 
He spread out a blanket and helped Julia take a seat.
 
Thomas helped Caroline before he slowly and clumsily sat next to her.

“If it’s a boy, I was thinking of George,” Caroline teased.

“As if our family doesn’t have enough Georges already,” Adam said.

“It will be Andrew if it’s a boy,” Thomas growled.

Caroline frowned.
 
He ignored her every time she brought up naming their child.
 
Now all of the sudden he had a name picked out.

“I suppose you have a girl’s name picked out, too.
 
Something you haven’t bothered to share with me.”

“Don’t start.”

The tension mounted as Caroline tried to bite her tongue.
 
She failed.

“For weeks I’ve been asking you if you had a preference for names.
 
And now you’ve just decided.
 
When were you going to tell me?”

“Before the baby was born.
 
Maybe when it was born!”

Caroline glared at her husband as he glowered back.
 
As their stare down continued, Julia broke the tension.

“Adam and I were seriously thinking of George for our son, but only as a middle name.
 
Maybe Edward George.
 
Though, we’re not sold on the name yet.”

“Yeah,” Adam added.
 
“The sentiment is there, but the name just seems awkward to me.”

“But, we’d like Catherine for a girl’s name.”

The significance of the name was not lost on Caroline.
 
She turned attention away from her angry husband to her friend.
 
“After your mother.”

“Yes.
 
Even though I barely knew her, I thought it would be nice to honor her—that is if Will doesn’t steal the name first.”

“Is that a possibility?”

“I’m not certain.
 
He mentioned the name once, but Hannah hasn’t said anything about it.”

Caroline nodded.
 
“Are they coming today?
 
Isn’t she due very soon?”

“She seemed a bit tired this morning but they were planning on being here soon.”

Thomas stood without a word.
 
He shot Caroline a nasty look before heading off in the direction of a game of horseshoes nearby.

“What’s gotten into him?” Julia asked.

Caroline sighed.

“Has he found any steady work yet?” Adam asked.

“No.”

“Is he any good with horses?”

“He can’t ride, remember.”
 
Caroline didn’t even try to keep the edge from her voice.

“Linny, I was just thinking.
 
Maybe the two of you should move out to the ranch.
 
You could stay with Julia and me.
 
Thomas could work in the stables, mucking stalls, caring for the horses.
 
I mean, he knows his way around them.
 
Maybe he could help repair bridles and saddles and such.
 
Seems to me he’d be good at those things.”

She shot back, “Then why don’t you ask him?”

“Hey!”
 
Adam put his hands in the air.
 
“Just trying to help out.”

She sighed.
 
“I know.
 
It’s just…
 
As it gets closer and closer to the baby coming, I’m really worried he’s not going to be able to provide for us.
 
We can’t live above the mercantile after the baby comes.
 
I won’t have a job anymore.
 
And he hasn’t been able to hold a steady job, much less come up with a place for us to live.”

“All the more reason to consider my offer.”

“He won’t.
 
It would be too much like charity.”

Adam stood and brushed at his trousers.
 
“Think I’ll ask anyway.”

“He means well,” Julia said.

“I know.”

Thomas bit back a curse, insulted that Adam even made the offer.
 
He obviously didn’t trust him to provide for his sister.
 
“No thank you.
 
I’m sure I’ll find something soon.”

“Well, offer still stands.”

He started to reply when someone shouted that the horse race was about to start.
 
He should be in that race.
 
If he was, he would win it—especially if he had the chestnut mare—only she died on that mountain side in December, and he was no longer able to ride.
 
It chaffed on his nerves.

The most beautiful horses from the area and the valley below lined up along Montezuma Street.
 
He spotted Covington on a pinto.
 
Hawk’s mount was a sleek looking black gelding.
 
Thomas also recognized one of Perry Quinn’s men on a palomino mare.
 
Then he spotted the express rider.
 
That should be him.

A gun sounded and the horses lurched forward.
 
The express rider moved to the front, followed by Hawk and Covington.
 
A good distance separated the express rider from the rest of the crowd.
 
As the horses turned a corner from their view, the thundering of their hooves echoed across the town square.

As they moved back into view, coming up Cortez Street, Covington was now in the lead.
 
The head of Hawk’s horse inched forward near the flank of Covington’s mount.
 
Slowly Hawk gained on Covington as the last few feet of the race came near.
 
Covington leaned forward into his horse’s neck and the horse spurted forward, leaving him the clear winner as he crossed the finish line.

A cheer went up from the crowd.
 
Hawk crossed the line closely followed by the express rider.
 
Quinn’s man was dead last.

Soon, a swarm of cowboys from Colter Ranch, including Will Colter, surrounded Covington and Hawk.
 
Adam left Thomas’s side to join them.
 
Thomas moved away from the crowd, still stewing over how incredibly unfair it was that he could no longer ride.

Fingering the change in his pocket, he looked towards the row of saloons.
 
Then he glanced back at his wife.
 
She was engrossed in conversation with Julia.
 
Quickly he darted across the street and into one of the saloons.
 
Maybe a few drinks would improve his mood.

Reverend Page was invited to the platform to offer a blessing for the meal.
 
Once he finished, Caroline searched the crowd for Thomas.
 
She didn’t see him anywhere.

“Come on,” Julia said.
 
“He can eat whenever he’s ready.”

She hesitated, allowing Adam and Julia to make it to the line.
 
She looked around one more time and made her way there.

“A man like him doesn’t change,” a man’s voice sounded behind her.

She turned and held back a gasp, coming face to face with Robert Garrett.

“Once a drunk, always a drunk.
 
Once a gambler, always a gambler.”

How did he know?

Garrett smiled, though the darkness in his eyes froze any warmth.
 
“Had the pleasure of winning hundreds of dollars from your husband.
 
Thank him for me when you see him next.”

Now she didn’t want to be near this man.

The line surged, pushing Garrett forward into her.
 
A sneer spread across his face.