A Promise of Hope (20 page)

Sarah stared down at her soup, taking in all that DeLana had said. The stories overwhelmed and confused her. Peter had truly loved DeLana and wanted to provide for his child. Why hadn’t he ever told Sarah the truth? She would’ve found a way to understand it all. He had a right to love his child.

Was the problem that his heart had still belonged to Cody and DeLana even when he was with Sarah? The thought caused her heart to sink.

“How are the twins?” DeLana asked, snapping Sarah back to the present.

Glancing up, Sarah found DeLana smiling.
“Wunderbaar.”

“Luke told me that they were just exquisite. He was very excited about them. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” Sarah was overwhelmed Luke had been excited enough about her children to mention them to DeLana. Perhaps he truly cared—although it meant he cared for the children, not for Sarah.

“That’s so cool you have a boy and a girl,” DeLana said. “I want to have another one, but the time never seems right. My mom says we should just go for it, but I don’t know. Kids take so much time and money.”

“They’re a gift from God,” Sarah said, lifting a spoonful of soup.

“Yeah. They are.” DeLana pulled an envelope from the bag below her chair. She set it down in front of Sarah. “I know the Amish don’t believe in photographs because of the whole ‘do not make a graven image of yourself’ verse from the Bible, but I thought you might like these. They’re photos of Peter and also some of Cody.”

Sarah’s mouth gaped. “Photos of Peter?”

“Yeah.” DeLana opened the envelope and out slid a stack of photographs. “They were taken while we were dating.” She handed Sarah the pile. “I found them when I was looking through some old albums last night. I took a little trip down memory lane.”

Sarah gasped as she stared at a photograph of Peter with his arm around DeLana while they stood in front of a large oak tree. His smile was wide, almost electric, and he was clad in jeans and a dark T-shirt. His hat was also missing. DeLana’s smile was equally bright. Their love was obvious in their eyes.

Sarah glanced up, meeting DeLana’s gaze. “Peter dressed English?”

DeLana smiled sheepishly. “We did a lot of things our parents would never have approved of.”

Sarah flipped through a half dozen photos of Peter, some with him hugging DeLana, others with them sitting on a pier near a lake, and a few of him alone, just smiling while posing on stairs or in a hay loft.

She then sifted through photos of Cody, stopping when she came to one at the bottom of the pile. She studied his eyes, his nose, his mouth. The child resembled Peter, but he also looked like Luke.

She couldn’t get Luke out of her mind’s eye. She again wondered if she should visit him. Would he be happy to see her or would he tell her to go home?

“Is Luke’s shop far from here?” Sarah asked, placing the photos on the table.

DeLana shook her head and finished chewing. “No. It’s just on the other side of town.” She sipped her iced tea. “I was surprised he never married that girl he was dating. I can’t remember her name now. Was it Maddie? Maggie?” She snapped her fingers. “Millie! That’s it. I wonder why they didn’t get hitched.”

Sarah stared at her half-eaten sandwich. “He took care of his ill father, and his girlfriend broke up with him. She didn’t want to have to nurse him too.” She explained how Luke and Peter’s father had had a stroke after Peter left and died eight years later. “It’s a shame he never married,” Sarah whispered, her voice thick. “He’s a
gut
man. He’d be a
gut
husband and father.”

“I bet it was hard for him to find out about his brother by showing up at the shop where he died.” Frowning with sympathy, DeLana shook her head. “I can’t imagine how that felt.”

“He was stunned. He didn’t know about me, and I didn’t know about him. It must’ve been hard on him to face losing his brother when he moved away, losing his
dat
to the illness, and losing Peter all over again when he found out he had died.” Sarah stared down at the napkin she had folded by her plate. “Luke deserved better than that. He’s such a kind, sweet, gentle man. He deserves a loving family. He has so much to give. He shouldn’t be alone.”

Glancing up, she found DeLana studying her with a wide grin and round, laughing eyes.

Sarah’s face warmed. Could DeLana sense her feelings for Luke?

“How long did Luke visit?” DeLana asked, still smiling.

“Four months.”

DeLana leaned forward on the table as if Sarah were going to share a juicy secret. “You guys got pretty close, huh?”

“Well, no. We visited and then he had to go home to get back to work.”

“Have you two kept in touch?” DeLana asked.

“I haven’t heard from him, and I haven’t contacted him either.”

DeLana’s eyebrows rose in question. “How come? It sounds like you became close friends.”

Sarah thought her cheeks might catch on fire as she searched for the answer to explain why Luke probably wouldn’t contact her. DeLana was more outspoken than the English customers she’d encountered in the bakery.

“I don’t think he would—” Sarah began.

The waitress appeared and cleared their dishes. “Did either of you save room for dessert?”

Sarah resisted the urge to kiss the waitress for interrupting her stammering. She glanced at DeLana, who shrugged. “Feel like some awesome chocolate cake?” she offered.

“Why not?” Sarah rubbed her flat middle. “It’s not like I have to watch my figure. I lost quite a bit of weight after having those twins.”

They both laughed, and Sarah realized she felt strangely at ease with this English woman from her husband’s secret past. They drank coffee and enjoyed large slabs of rich, moist chocolate cake while discussing their lives. DeLana bragged about how well Cody was doing in school while Sarah told her about the twins, the bakery, and her father’s carpentry shop.

An hour later, the coffee and cake were gone, and DeLana paid the check, refusing to take any of Sarah’s money. They walked outside together. The rain had slowed a bit, and small drops tickled Sarah’s nose and soaked her cloak as they maneuvered through the parking lot.

“I have an hour before Cody gets out of school,” DeLana said, hitting the Unlock button on the keyless remote for her SUV. “Would you like a quick tour before I take you to the train station?”

Sarah shook her head. “Thank you, but I better get back and buy my ticket.” She opened the door and climbed in. “My family is expecting me home tomorrow night.”

“You sure?” DeLana folded herself in the driver’s seat. “I can take you by Luke’s shop.”

“No, thank you.” Sarah buckled her belt.

DeLana turned over the ignition. “We have time. I could even take you by his house so you can see where he and Peter grew up. Then we can drop by his work. Don’t you want to see him? You came all this way, Sarah.”

“No, thank you. I’d better get to the station and buy my ticket.” Sarah kept her eyes focused on the passenger window. “The rain is beautiful, yes? I always loved running through puddles when I was a girl. My brothers, and sisters, and I would run through the mud in the back pasture, and—”

“Sarah.” DeLana touched her arm. “You don’t have to hide it from me. I know you want to see Luke.”

Sarah met her gaze, hoping her voice wouldn’t defy her. “I really don’t want to. I need to get home to my babies.”

DeLana nodded. “Fine. Suit yourself.” She chatted about the scenery as she steered through the town.

When a sign for “Amish Custom Cabinets” came into view, Sarah’s heart pounded. She glanced at DeLana, who kept droning on about the weather and her hopes for a warm spring as she steered into the parking lot of the cabinet shop.

“This is where Luke works,” DeLana said, pulling the SUV into a spot in front of the building. “This is your last chance to go see him.”

Sarah gaped at her, wide eyed. Who did this woman think she was? Sarah had said no more than once.

DeLana folded her arms and grinned. “You don’t have to lie to me, Sarah. I can see it in your eyes.”

“You can see what?”

“Love.”

“Love?” Sarah shook her head. “I don’t understand what you mean.”

“Sarah, I hear regret in your voice when you talk about Luke.”

Sarah gasped. “You do?”

“Yes, you do,” DeLana said. “Luke makes you happy, and you deserve happiness. I know it’s none of my business, but you’ve been through so much. I’d hate to see you lose someone who can make you happy.”

Sarah stared at the front door of the shop and took a deep breath. She absently wondered if DeLana could read her mind.

“Alex makes me happy,” DeLana whispered, “but a tiny part of me regretted not running off with Peter that night he begged me to. We had a terrible fight, and we both said some horrible things and threw around nasty accusations. We didn’t speak again until that time I saw him at the market. I saw remorse and hurt in his eyes, but it was too late to try to rebuild what he and I once had. I don’t want you to live with that kind of sorrow, Sarah. You’ve lost Peter too. You know how short and precious life is.”

“I can’t face Luke,” Sarah said, her voice trembling. “I said some terrible things to him.”

“Sure you can face him. Just apologize and tell him you love him.”

“You don’t understand. I can’t take back the hurt I caused him. I saw it in his eyes.” Sarah stared straight ahead at the shop.

“He’ll forgive you. They were only words.” DeLana touched her hand. “Think about your life.”

Sarah faced DeLana, tears filling her eyes. “We had an argument the night before he left Bird-in-Hand. He said some horrible things to me too, and I deserved them all.” She sniffed and swiped a hand across her wet cheeks. “I was awful to him. I lost any chance with him.”

DeLana gave her a sad smile. “If he loves you, he’ll forgive you, and you can work it out. Don’t make a mistake you’ll regret the rest of your life, Sarah. You deserve some happiness.”

Sarah turned back to the shop and stared at the sign above the door. “I can’t see him. Please just take me to the train station.”

“Suit yourself.” DeLana put the truck in gear, and they drove to the train station in silence. The rain increased, and drops pelted the windshield, sounding like a chorus of hammers banging in unison.

When the windshield fogged, DeLana punched a series of buttons on the dashboard, sending air hissing through the vents to fill the thick silence between them.

The train station came into view, and DeLana maneuvered the SUV through the lot, parking one row from the entrance.

Sarah hefted her small tote onto her lap and fished Peter’s shirts from the bottom of the bag. “I wanted to give these to you for Cody. They’re not much, but they were Peter’s. If you ever tell Cody about his biological father, then please give these to him as a memento.”

DeLana’s face lit up as if Sarah had just handed her a treasure. “Thank you. They’re beautiful.” Her lips turned up. “Actually, I do want to tell Cody about Peter soon. I wanted to ask you if we could keep in touch. You have Cody’s only siblings, and I’d love for them to meet and foster a friendship.”

Sarah smiled. “That would be
wunderbaar gut.
After all, they’re family.”

DeLana pulled a card from her purse, snatched a pen from the console, and jotted some numbers on the back. “Here’s my number at work. I do the books for Alex’s shop. You can reach me during the day if you’d like. Let me know how you and the twins are. We can meet up sometime in the summer if you’d like. I’d be happy to come see you next time.”

“I’d like that. Thank you for everything.” Leaning over, she gave DeLana a quick hug.

“Thank you too.” Pulling back, DeLana gave her a stern look. “Don’t give up on Luke. He’s a good guy.” She tapped her own chest. “Listen to your heart.”

Sarah nodded even though she disagreed. Her heart told her that she’d lost him forever.

“Promise me, Sarah.” DeLana wagged a finger at her.

“I promise. Good-bye.” Sarah wrenched the door open.

“Call me!” DeLana said.

Rushing through the rain, Sarah entered the train station and purchased a ticket to go home, leaving behind Peter’s past and Luke too.

Her heart swelled with a mixture of regret and hope as she headed toward her departure gate. She contemplated Cody, her twins, and their future relationship. She knew one thing for certain—Peter would live on through his three children.

22

T
he following evening Sarah thanked Nina, hoisted her bag on her shoulder, and trekked up the gravel driveway toward the porch stairs.

During the long trip home, she’d analyzed all that DeLana had told her and stared at the photographs. Although the man in the photos resembled her late husband, he felt like a stranger. She’d never imagined Peter had had a love affair with an English woman and considered running away with her. The Peter Troyer she’d married wasn’t who he’d seemed to be, and she still wasn’t sure how to open her heart to accept the past.

And yet, she’d felt a new sense of hope when she’d heard DeLana explain Peter had planned to tell Sarah the truth. According to her, Peter had lived with worry and regret for not being truthful with Sarah from the beginning, and he planned to make things right before the twins were born. DeLana’s words had mirrored Timothy’s, which only proved they were true.

Sarah smiled at that realization. Peter truly had loved her, and he’d planned to make things right.

Just knowing that settled her heart; she felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Perhaps her anger and betrayal toward Peter could be put to rest.

Was this the faith her mother had suggested Sarah find? With prayer, Sarah had found the answers to the riddle of Peter’s past—it was a past he regretted and had wanted to share with Sarah, his true love.

Sarah hurried up the porch steps. She longed to see the twins and had missed them every moment she’d been away.

As she approached the back door, she stopped when she heard a chorus of voices sounding from within the kitchen. She had only expected to come home to her parents, Kathryn, and the children, yet it sounded like the entire Kauffman clan awaited her arrival.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open, and a sea of eyes focused on her. Scanning the group, she spotted her parents, Timothy, her sisters, her brothers-in-law, nieces, nephews, Norman, and his children. Then everyone began speaking at once—yelling questions, wanting details of her visit, asking if she’d seen Luke.

Sarah held her hand up. “Please. Everyone.”

A hush hovered over the crowd.

“I’m home. I’m safe. I had a nice trip.” She gestured toward the stairs. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to see my
zwillingbopplin.
I’ve missed them.
Gut nacht.”
Sarah ambled toward the stairs.

“Sarah Rose!”
Mamm
scurried after her. “You can’t go to bed without telling me about your trip.”

“I promise I’ll tell you tomorrow,” Sarah said, squeezing her hand. “I’m just wiped out. It was a long and bumpy ride home, and I couldn’t sleep.” She started up the stairs, ignoring voices calling her name.

Reaching her room, Sarah pulled off her cloak, tossed it onto the end of the bed, and let her bag fall to the floor with a
thwap.
She then hurried next door to the nursery and leaned down over her sleeping babies. She rubbed their backs and whispered her love for them before returning to her room.

Boots scraping in the hallway announced an approaching man. Sarah hoped it wasn’t one of her brothers coming to lecture her about leaving without warning and worrying
Mamm.
Exhaustion filled her.

Glancing toward the hallway, her eyes widened when Norman appeared to stand frowning in her doorway. “Norman,” she whispered.

“Hello, Sarah. I know it isn’t appropriate for me to be up here alone, but I told your
mamm
I needed to talk to you. I’ll keep our conversation short.” He leaned against the door frame, folding his arms across his wide chest. “You gave your family and me a real scare running off like that.”

“I didn’t run off.” She sat up straight and gestured toward a chair. “Have a seat.”

“Danki.”
His expression softened. Stepping into the room, he lowered himself into the chair next to her. “Your
mamm
was a bundle of nerves. Timothy came and told me you’d gone to Ohio, and I was really surprised.”

“I know it was wrong not to tell her I was going, but I didn’t want her to talk me out of it.” Sarah fingered the hem of her apron. “It was something I had to do. I wanted to do it alone without any suggestions or advice.”

“I care about you. Had I known you were going, I would’ve offered to accompany you to Ohio. I could’ve helped you through this ordeal.”

“Danki,”
she said. “I appreciate the offer, but this was something I had to do on my own. Kathryn offered, and I told her I preferred she help with the
kinner
instead of going with me.”

Leaning forward, his warm hands covered hers. “I’m not sure you know how much you mean to me.”

Sarah studied the fire in his dark eyes, and her heart fluttered with panic, wondering what he was going to say.

“I think of you all the time, Sarah Rose,” he said. “You’re very important to me. I hope you can learn to trust me with your worries and your burdens in your heart. We’re going to be lifelong partners.”

“What did you say?” she asked, sitting up straight. “Lifelong partners?”

“Ya.”
His eyebrows rose in question. “I want to marry you, Sarah Rose. Your year of mourning will be over next month, and I hope I can court you. We can be married in the spring, or we can wait until fall and do a traditional wedding.”

“Wait a minute.” Sarah popped up from the edge of the bed and stared at him. “What are you saying?”

He shook his head with confusion and stood before her. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. I thought you knew that.”

“No.” She shook her head as guilt rained down on her. How could she have missed his feelings? “I thought we were friends. Good friends.”

“We are.” He smiled. “And I love you. I want you to be my
fraa.
We both have
kinner,
and we can provide a good, strong, Christian home for them together.” Again he took her hands in his.

She shook her head, and the warmth of his eyes burned her soul. He was such a good man. Marrying him was tempting. But Sarah didn’t love him.

She knew in her heart she loved Luke.

Norman deserved someone who loved him with her whole heart; not someone like Sarah who couldn’t fathom sharing his marriage bed.

“I never meant to hurt you or lead you on,” she whispered, her voice quavering with guilt. “I want to be your friend, Norman, but I can’t marry you.”

His smile faded. “Oh. I had assumed our friendship was leading to a wedding date. I thought, from the long talks we’ve had, you loved me. Those conversations have meant so much to me.”

“They’ve meant the world to me, too, but I’m not ready to get married.”

He shrugged. “I can wait.”

She smiled. “No, Norman, don’t wait for me. I want to be your friend, but that’s all I want. Just your
wunderbaar
friendship.”

He paused. Then he opened his mouth to speak and then paused again, his expression falling to a deep frown.

“I see.” He stepped toward the door. “If you ever need someone to talk to, please let me know. I’m here whenever you need me.”

“Danki.”
She smiled.

“Gut nacht.”
He opened the door. “I’m glad you’re home safe.”

She swallowed her guilt.
“Gut nacht. Danki
for checking on me.”

He exited the room, gingerly closing the door behind him. Sarah collapsed on the bed. She cried herself to sleep, praying that she could find a way to forget her love for Luke and let go of her guilt for not loving Norman Zook, the one who loved her in return.

Sarah lounged on her bed the following afternoon and skimmed her Bible while the twins slept.

During breakfast this morning, Sarah had filled her parents in on her trip to Ohio, telling them the highlights of her conversation with DeLana. They listened with wide eyes when she explained how Peter had met and courted DeLana and detailed the events that led to their breakup.

Sarah shared the photographs, and her parents gasped at the shots showing DeLana frolicking with Peter clad in English clothing. She did not share the conversations about Luke, but she did explain she and DeLana wanted to keep in touch for the sake of the children since they were family.

Mamm
and
Dat
were supportive, and elated to hear she had forgiven Peter. Sarah also noticed that her father seemed more attentive than usual. There was something in his eyes telling her he understood more than she knew.

As she lay in bed reading from her Bible, she wondered exactly what
Dat
was trying to tell her with his wordless expressions.

Sarah had considered telling
Mamm
and
Dat
about Norman’s proposal, but she couldn’t form the words. The guilt over turning him down still haunted her, and she couldn’t admit to them she’d told him no. Logically, she and Norman would make the perfect couple with their blended family.

However, Sarah knew her heart belonged to Luke, a man who hated her after the way she’d treated him.

Sarah was reading from the book of John and trying to ban Norman and Luke from her thoughts when a knock sounded on her door.

“Come in,” she called.

The door squeaked open, and Kathryn stuck her head in. “Hi. Can I come in?”

“Ya.”
Sarah sat up and patted the edge of the bed next to her. “Please.”

“How are you?” Kathryn closed the door, crossed the room, and lowered herself onto the edge of the bed.

“Gut.
Tired. How are you?” Sarah closed the Bible and placed it on the end table.

“Gut.”
Kathryn touched Sarah’s hand. “I’m worried about you. Tell me how things went.”

Sarah opened her heart and shared everything with Kathryn. With her eyes brimming with tears, she pulled out the photographs and explained all the stories about Peter’s past. She even shared the conversation she and DeLana had had while sitting outside the cabinet shop. She ended with telling Kathryn that she and DeLana would keep in touch so that the children could meet someday.

Kathryn wiped her eyes and shook her head. “DeLana sounds like a
gut
person.”

“She is.” Sarah cleared her throat. “I can see why Peter loved her.”

“You love Luke, don’t you?” Kathryn took Sarah’s hands in hers.

“Ya,”
Sarah whispered, admitting it aloud for the first time. “I do. I can’t stop thinking about him. I miss him so much that my heart aches.”

Kathryn gave a sad smile. “You need to call him and tell him.”

“No.” Sarah shook her head. “I never could. It’s not right. We don’t belong together.”

“Why not?”

“Because he only wants to be with me for the sake of the
zwillingbopplin.
He doesn’t want to be with me because of his feelings for me.”

Kathryn raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “How do you know that?”

“He feels a responsibility to take care of his brother’s
kinner.
That’s the only reason he wanted to be here.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Kathryn waved off the thought. “When I saw him with you, he was attentive to you. I don’t believe for a second he would only want to be with the
zwillingbopplin.”

Sarah shook her head. “We also argued the night before he left, and he said some nasty things. I’m convinced he hates me.”

Kathryn scoffed. “Please. I don’t believe that man could ever hate you, Sarah Rose.”

Sarah told Kathryn the details of the argument.

“I think he said those things out of frustration.” Kathryn squeezed Sarah’s hands. “He was hurt and angry, but I don’t think he hates you.”

“You didn’t see his eyes, Kathryn.” More tears spilled down her cheeks. “I’ve never seen him that angry.”

“I’ve made David that angry before, and he still loves me.” Her sister frowned. “You should call Luke and give him another chance.”

“There’s more,” Sarah said. “Last night Norman came up to see me after I got back. He asked me to marry him.”

“What!” Kathryn gasped. “You’re kidding!”

“Shh,” Sarah warned her. “If you wake the
kinner
our visiting will be over.”

“Sorry.” Her sister giggled. “I’m stunned. I had no idea he was interested in you.”

“I didn’t know either,” Sarah said, crossing her legs under herself. “I thought we were just friends.”

“What did you say when he asked?”

“I told him no. I said I cherish his friendship, but I could never be his wife. I think I broke his heart.” Sarah sighed. “I wonder if I made a mistake. Luke doesn’t love me, and I may spend my life alone. Maybe it makes sense for me to marry Norman since we both lost our spouses and have
kinner
who need two parents. It’s logical, really. We’re
gut
friends already. Maybe I could learn to love him.”

“Ack,
don’t say that.” Kathryn squeezed her hands. “You did the right thing. You shouldn’t marry the wrong person. Marriage is for life, and you should be happy, Sarah Rose. You’ve lost Peter. Don’t marry for the sake of having a husband. Marry for love.”

“But Norman is so
gut
and kind. He’s a
wunderbaar dat.
He’ll love me and my
zwillingbopplin
for life.”

“But do you love him?”

Sarah shook her head.

“There’s your answer.” Kathryn nodded. “You made the right choice by telling him no. You need to listen to your heart and not make a mistake you’ll regret the rest of your life. He’ll still be your friend. He’s a loyal man.”

“But I don’t think God’s plan is for me to marry Luke.”

“How do you know that?” Kathryn’s smile was smug. “What is your heart saying?”

“I’m not sure.” Sarah brushed away a tear. “I’m so mixed up. All I know is that I can’t stop thinking about Luke, and it feels like a lost cause, a silly fantasy.”

“Listen to your heart,” Kathryn said again. “Close your eyes, open your heart, and pray for hope. Then listen to what God tells you. You’ll get your answer, Sarah Rose. I promise the Lord will guide you to the right path.”