A Saint for Life (13 page)

{27}

Christian

“Are you coming?” Matt held the door open to the locker room.

“Give me a minute. I’ll be right out.” I wanted to take my jersey off. For the first time in my life, I didn’t want to step out onto the court.

“You better hurry. Coach is gonna be pissed.”

The door shut behind him. I reached into my bag and grabbed my phone. I was hoping to see a text from Zoe, wishing me good luck in today’s game. There was nothing.

“Agh!” I angrily threw my phone across the room. It bounced off the wall onto the floor.

“God damn it!” I picked up my phone to find the entire screen shattered.

Pacing back and forth, I tried to calm down. I was irritated at myself. All I wanted to do right now was to go to the hospital and make things right with Zoe, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell her the truth, and that made this even worse.

I stood out on the court and tried to erase her from my memory so I could concentrate on the game. I tried, but it didn’t work. The whistle blew, and I missed the ball as it was passed to me. Five seconds into the game and I already had the ball stolen.

I could hear her voice inside my head saying “You lied to me, Christian. You lied to me.” The voice continued to speak louder than all of the noise in the arena. The pain in her eyes and the sadness in her voice will never leave me.

*

I threw my sneakers across the locker room when I sat down. Losing today’s game just made things even worse. The guys walked in slowly, and no one said a word until Matthew walked in and sat next to me.

“Michaels, what the fuck is your problem today, man? Where the hell were you out there? Way to blow the game for us.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Just saying. We needed you out there today, and you played like shit.” He untied his sneakers.

“I said leave me alone, Matt.”

“Don’t tell me Zoe broke up with you. Aw, guys, I think Chris has a broken heart. Maybe we should all sit here and cry with him next time instead of picking up his slack on the court.”

I tried to contain myself. I tried not to look at him. He was just pissed we lost.
Don’t do anything stupid, Christian. Don’t do it
. I put my hands on my knees and repeated to myself.

I could see out of the corner of my eye that a few of the guys were staring at me. Matt turned to the guy next to him and whispered something.

“What did you just say?” I spoke softly.

Matt didn’t answer but the other guys continued to laugh.

“I said what did you say?” I picked my head up and stared at him waiting for a reply.

“He said—” One of the freshmen started to respond.

“I want to hear it from Matt.”

“I said I bet Zoe wasn’t satisfied but that I could show her a good time.”

The blood rushed through my body faster than it ever had before. I couldn’t stop myself. My fist left my lap as I stood up and flew across his face. Then on the ground, I found myself on top of him, hitting him so hard that blood flowed out of his nose. Our teammates came running and grabbed me off of him.

“Whoa, Chris, easy. Calm down.” A few of my teammates held me back. I stared Matt in the eyes until I broke down. It wasn’t just Zoe that was bothering me. It was everything that had been piling up over the course of the last few days. All of it was just too much for me to handle. I’ve never gotten physical with anyone before, especially one of my best friends. I stood up and punched the wall.

“You two with me
now
!” Coach Higgins walked in and pointed at Matt and I.

The team watched as we awkwardly made our exit out of the locker room.

“We are adults. We respect each other. We are a
team
. Now what happened?”

Neither Matt nor I spoke up.

“If neither of you are going to talk, you leave me no choice. You’re both suspended from the next game.”

“You can’t do that!”

“I’m the coach. I can do what I want.” Coach Higgins walked away.

“Don’t suspend Matt. I started it. I hit him first,” I admitted.

“Okay. Michaels, I want to see you in my office tomorrow.”

I felt too guilty to let my anger be the cause of Matt getting in trouble. I was furious with Matt, but he was still my friend.

*

The bus home was even longer than the way there. I sat in the back by myself. Hardly anyone on the team was speaking to me. Not only did I blow the game for us today, but now I was suspended during our next game.

When we walked off of the bus, and no one said a word. Matt got a ride back to the townhouses with someone else. The house tonight was going to be awkward.

I got out of my car and walked through the path to my house. Someone was standing outside of my door, but it was too dark to see who it was. I could only make out a female figure

Maybe it’s Zoe?

As I approached, I soon realized who it was.

“You need to leave. Now,” I demanded and signaled for her to start walking.

“What’s your problem?”

“You shouldn’t be here.” I snuck by her to open the door to my townhouse.

“I wanted to see if you were okay, after yesterday and all.”

“Lacey, not now. Please leave.”

“Are you going to tell her?”

“If she ever speaks to me again. Every minute that goes by, knowing how angry she is at me, feeling so deceived, it’s painful.”

“If you tell her it’ll ruin it, Chris.”

“Are we doing the right thing?” I questioned myself.

“Yes. Zoe will understand when the time comes.”

“I can’t wait that long for her to find out. I can’t wait that long to talk to her.” I was really missing talking to Zoe. I loved the sound of her voice and the way she made me laugh.

“Yes, you can. I know you can. Just focus on school and basketball.” Lacey tried to console me. “Have you told your parents yet?”

“I’m going to call them tomorrow.”

“I’m glad we can be friends, Chris. You know, after everything. I’m happy you asked me to help you.”

“Me too. Thank you, but seriously, you need to go. I can’t have you here.”

“Understandable. Have a good night.”

I said goodbye to Lacey and shut the door behind me. Matt was sitting in the kitchen with ice on his eye.

“Did I really hit you that hard?” I tried to laugh it off, but he just ignored me and walked upstairs.

First Zoe won’t speak to me, and now my best friend. I feel like a terrible human being.

{28}

Gabe

“What are you doing here?” I asked as Christian walked in my room.

“I came to see how you were doing! It’s been a while!” he replied.

“I’m confused.” I tried to remember what Zoe told me her reason was for Christian not coming to visit me anymore. I’ve been in the hospital for three weeks now and he hasn’t come once.

“What are you confused about? Wow, you really made it feel like home in here.” He looked around at all of the decorations that my nurse and Zoe put up.

“Yeah, my nurse Danielle and Zoe put up a lot of the things from my room at home. But Zoe said something about you not coming to see me anymore.”

“Oh, she did?” He looked sad as he sat down.

“Yeah, and she didn’t tell me you were coming.”

“She doesn’t know I’m here. Can you keep that a secret?”

I thought about it for a minute. Something was going on with my sister and him, and Zoe wouldn’t tell me the truth.

“Why? Why can’t she know you’re here?”

“Well, because she might get mad that I ditched our plans to come see you.” I could tell that Christian was lying now too. I don’t know why neither of them will tell me why. I’m old enough to know.

“Okay, I’ll keep your secret. But on one condition.” If he really didn’t want me to tell Zoe I might be able to get something out of it.

“Oh, really? What’s that?” Christian laughed.

“I want to go to your last game.” I stared at him waiting for his reply.

“That’s not really up to me.”

“I know. It was worth a try. I really, really, really do want to go.”

“I know you do. I’ll tell you what. I’ll see what I can do, but no promises.”

“That works for me.”

“Good,” Christian replied.

I scratched my head, and a clump of hair came out. It started happening the other day and freaked me out. Dr. Sheehan said this was going to happen after I began my new treatment. Christian saw this and looked sad.

“The doctor said this was normal.” I tried to cheer him up.

“How are you feeling?”

“I get really sick from this new treatment. I actually feel a lot worse. But Zoe says it’s going to make me feel better, so I believe her.”

“I know you’ll get better too.”

“Me too. Zoe hates seeing my hair come out, though. I think that makes her even more sad.”

“She’s been upset?” He looked concerned.

I took a sip of the water that was next to my bed.

“Yeah, and I really hate seeing her sad. I noticed that the only time she’s happy is when you are around.”

“Is that so?” Christian smiled.

“Yeah, but me too. I mean, it really makes me happy when you come and hang out with me too.”

“Don’t tell Zoe, but I enjoy hanging out with you more than her.” He winked at me and we both laughed.

“Oh no.” Tears poured out of my eyes and my hand covered my mouth. Christian grabbed the basket next to my bed and held it under my head as I sat up and leaned forward.

He helped walk me to the bathroom and sat on the floor with me while I got sick.

“I’m scared.” I leaned against the toilet and held my hand to my stomach.

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

{29}

Christian

“Please don’t go,” Gabe pleaded.

“I won’t.”

“Promise?” he whispered.

“I promise.”

“Are you going to come back to visit again soon?”

“I will try to!” I was excited. After how slow the last few weeks have gone by, finally, the night I’ve been waiting for is approaching. Gabe was going to get one big surprise.

“Can you come in two days?”

“What’s in two days?” I bit my lip out of nervousness. Two days was the day I had a surprise planned for him, the day I’ve been planning for the last few weeks. I couldn’t slip up.

“My birthday!” He exclaimed.

“Is it really?” I was shocked. I had no idea it was also his birthday. This was going to make the night even better. This was perfect.

“Yeah! I know it’s your last home game, though, but if you could try…”

“I’ll try my best!”

“Even though Zoe will be here?”

“Yes, even though Zoe will be here.”

“Okay, good. Do you think you’re going to win the game?”

“I think we have a good shot! Then we’re onto the MAAC tournament!”

“I really hope you guys win that. That would be awesome!”

“Especially since it’s my last year.” It was really sinking in that there were only a few games left before my basketball career was over.

“I’m really going to miss seeing you play. Siena basketball won’t be the same.”

“I’m going to miss it too.”

Gabe looked exhausted. He could hardly keep his eyes open. Getting sick seemed to take a lot out of him. You could see in his face that he’s lost a few pounds since I’ve seen him last.

A loud vibration interrupted the silence of the room. Gabe’s phone lit up on the table next to him. He lifted his arm to try and reach it, but seemed to be too weak to move. The look of struggle on his face broke my heart.

Getting up out of the chair, I walked around his bed to grab his phone for him. Looking down at the screen, I didn’t know how to react.

“It’s your sister.” I handed him the phone, but it dropped out of his hand onto his bed.

“Can you put it on speaker? I can’t hold it.”

“Hey, buddy. How’s your day going?” She spoke and I smiled at the sound of her voice.

“When are you going to be here?” Gabe asked.

“Five to ten minutes. I’m on my way now.” Gabe looked at me. I needed to get out of here as soon as possible so she didn’t see me.

“Can you stop and get me ice cream? I don’t like what they have here at the cafeteria.”

“Sure, I can do that. See you soon.”

I hung up the phone for Gabe.

“How’s she doing?” I asked curiously.

“Busy. She sleeps over there.” He pointed to the cot in the corner of the room. “She never goes home.”

It upset me to see what they were dealing with. She’s been living in the hospital with Gabe. I thought of my letter. I had wondered if she saw it yet.

“She’s a good sister!”

“The best!” he replied.

“Alright, I have to go!”

“I know. That’s why I asked for her to stop at the store.” Gabe smiled.

“You are very smart for an eight year old, you know that?”

“I’m almost nine now! I’ll see you soon, right?”

“Yes, you will.” I gave him a high five and grabbed my jacket from the chair. I was on my way out of his room before he stopped me.

“Wait!” Gabe yelled.

“Did I forget something?” I looked around the room.

“Just hold on.”

Gabe uncovered himself and propped himself up in bed. Throwing his legs over the side of the bed he set one foot down at a time. His right hand held onto the side of the bed as he walked closer toward me.

“Be careful!” I ran over toward him.

I knelt down in front of him, and my hands grabbed his arms. His eyelids were blinking fast while his mouth twitched. This was the first time I’ve ever seen Gabe genuinely upset.

“Gabe, what’s wrong?”

He threw his arms around my neck and started to cry.

“It’s just I really missed you.”

“Oh, Gabe, I missed you too.”

“I love you, Christian.”

I closed my eyes and tried to hold back my tears, but it was impossible not to cry. For the first time in a long time, it felt like I had a brother again.

“I love you too, Gabe.”

*

I sat on my bed and stared at the unopened box on my desk. Most days I just glanced at it. Some days I forgot it was even there. But today, the temptation to open it was higher than it ever had been before.

I had found this box in James’ room after his death. It was addressed to me. I never had the courage to open it before, but today I missed my brother more than ever.

Grabbing it from the desk, I carefully unwrapped the paper with my shaking hands. Taking the top off of the box and setting it to the side, I picked up the item that was placed underneath some tissue paper. It was a gold cross on a chain. Flipping it over, there was an engraving on the back of the cross, which read,
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
.

Unhooking the clip, I placed the chain around my neck. I felt connected to him even though it was just a necklace. It was a reminder that even though James is gone, he will always be with me. Just those simple words remind me that God doesn’t give anyone anything that they can’t handle.