All Falls Down (4 page)

Matthew was murdered?

I'm suddenly confused and scared, too.

Crawling onto the bed with Katrina, I wrap my arm around her shoulders, offering what meager comfort I can. She leans into my side. I've never seen her so fragile, so small before. She's always been so vivacious and friendly. It's frightening to see how much this has hurt her.

"Do the police have any suspects?" I ask.

"I don't know," she whispers, her breath stirring pieces of my hair. "I tried to talk to Lexi about it yesterday, but she just told me that everything's fine. That I should focus on getting through the funeral tomorrow and not worry. That Jared will take care of us." Kit exhales, her body shuddering.

I want to ask how he's supposed to take care of them… who he is. A hundred different questions run through my mind. I settle on the easiest, not sure how much Kit can handle right now. Or how much I'm even allowed to push.

"Have Lexi and Jared been together long?" I try to keep my tone level.

I don't know what it is about Jared Corbit, but he makes me jumpy. He's done nothing, but I'm uneasy around him, inadequate. I hate feeling that way.

"A while. A year, maybe?" Kit shakes her head, uncertain. "I don't know." A tear rolls down her cheek. "I don't want Lexi to die. We've already lost Mom. And now Daddy, too."

"She's not going to die," I promise. It's not one I should be making when Kit's lost so much already, but the words slip out before I can call them back.

It seems to be what she needs to hear.

She sighs softly.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" She looks so tired.

"Of course you can." I climb from the bed to move my dress back to the closet and then pull the covers back.

Kit wriggles around until she's underneath them and then curls into a ball. It reminds me of all the times we shared a bed when we were younger. She always slept in that same tiny ball, completely hidden beneath the covers.

I've missed her so much.

Why did I leave with Toby?

"I'll be here if you need me," I promise her, turning out the light before I climb back into the bed beside her.

Within moments, she's fast asleep.

It's after midnight, and Kit's still sleeping deeply. I'm exhausted – mentally, physically, and emotionally spent – but I can't find peace enough to sleep. I've taken a long shower, swallowed a pain pill, and my mind is still my own worst enemy.

Why did I leave with him?

The question refuses to dislodge now that it's bubbled to the surface, and I have no answer. None that doesn't hurt, anyway. I left for
him
. I loved him, and I believed him. I think part of me still believes him.

I don't belong here.

Giving up on sleep, I slide from the bed, pulling a blanket tightly around me. I slip through the guesthouse and out onto the porch. Aside from the rush of wind through the expanse of trees littering the property, it's quiet out. The moon is a sliver far off in the distance, the mansion a deeper shadow in the night.

I crawl up onto the wide railing carefully and rest my head back against the column. When I pull my feet up, my back protests. I lower them again, staring out into the night. I can't forget what Kit said. It mixes with other memories – the ones I came here to forget – and the resulting cacophony is too great to ignore.

"
Why?" The question is a whisper, but it's all I can manage as I take in the scene before me. My boyfriend and my friend are in our bed together.

My body is numb, frozen.

"
What did you expect me to do, Savannah? You're frigid!" Toby sneers at me, jerking his jeans on. "I'm a man. I have needs."

"
Maybe I should go," Laney says, hurriedly tossing her clothes on and refusing to look at me.

I stand in the doorway amidst a shower of broken glass, tears running down my cheeks.

After everything, I still haven't met his needs.

I'm suddenly tired of trying, of never being good enough.

"
No," I whisper, shaking my head in stunned disbelief. "I'll go."

"
Maybe you should," Toby snaps, buttoning his jeans. His dark eyes flash. He's angry with me again. "Maybe your little rich friends will take you back." He sneers again.

Katrina!

Oh Kit, I miss you so much.

"
Maybe," I whisper.

Toby laughs, the sound full of cruel condescension.

I turn to leave and slip on the glass and water at my feet.

"
Oh!" I cry out and try to grab the door handle, but it's too late. My feet come out from beneath me.
I fall hard. Searing pain lances through me almost immediately, burning.

I can't catch my breath and my back hurts.

"
Fuck!" Toby yells. "Laney, call an ambulance."

"
I'm fine," I try to say, but that hurts too. I briefly wonder if this is going to kill me. It hurts so badly, as if I've been ripped in two. I try to roll over and cry out in pain.

Glass crunches beneath me.

Toby falls to his knees beside me and reaches out. He's so angry with me. His hands come up in front of me, smeared red. "You're not fine, Savannah. You're bleeding. God, you are so fucking clumsy–"

The sight of my blood on his hands while he yells at me is too much.

I black out, his insults ringing in my ears.

"Can't sleep?" Jared's voice sounds from off to my right and I jerk, crying out in alarm.

"Sorry," he mutters and steps from beneath the shadows of the massive oak growing wild beside the guesthouse. I can barely make him out. He's just a long, dark shadow stretched across the rolling grass.

"I didn't hear you." My voice is thick from the tears spilling unnoticed down my cheeks.

"Sorry," he says again and moves closer.

I hurriedly swipe at my cheeks as his feet hit the stairs and he starts making his way up onto the porch. I can see him more clearly now and he looks… tired. Stepping up beside me, he places his hands on the railing, staring out into the yard. His broad shoulders are slumped, his head bowed.

I have the sudden urge to say… something… to ease him, but I don't know what.

I swipe at my tears again.

He whips his head in my direction. Green eyes land on my face and widen.

My fingers still on my cheeks.

I get caught up in his gaze. It's soft and open, and warmth shoots through me.

He tilts his head to the side, shifting closer. "You're crying. Why?"

"I'm no–" I drop my hands back to my lap, fidgeting under the weight of his gaze on me. "Some things are deserving of tears," I say vaguely instead of finishing that lie.

"And some people aren't," he retorts.

"I wouldn't know." I don't know why I lie again, but I don't want this man to see me vulnerable. I don't want to share my tears or the reasons for them with him. And I don't like the way he says that, so softly, as if he's guessed that I'm not out here crying over Matthew.

He shifts again, but I can't bring myself to look at him. He's confusing to me. I don't even know him, so I don't know how that's even possible, but it is.

He doesn't say anything for a long moment. And then, "Katie talks about you a lot."

"Does she?" I whisper, surprised. My head shoots up from the blanket.

He's staring out at the yard again, but he jerks his head in a nod. "She's missed you."

"I missed her, too." I clear my throat. I'm so uncomfortable and I don't even know why. "She's a good friend."

"She says the same about you."

"Does she?" I can't hide my surprise this time either.

How can I be a good friend when I've barely spoken to Kit in two years?

Two years.

I have no excuse. Nothing except for
him
.

God, how could I have been so stupid?

"She does." Jared doesn't offer anything else, but his silence isn't cold. It's simple.

I want to laugh at that because, even though I don't know this man, nothing about him is simple. He's a puzzle. Complex, complicated, something you have to assemble piece by piece.

"How long have you been gone?"

"Two years." I can't hide the disgust in my own voice. It's directed solely at me. So much has happened in two years and I have nothing to show for it. Nothing but healing scars across my back and new wounds in places that won't heal any time soon.

"England?"

"Italy."

"Ah."

I think I hear… something in his voice. I'm not sure.

"College or pleasure?"

"College," I answer quickly and then change the subject, not willing to have this discussion with him. Maybe not even willing to have it with myself yet. I don't know. It's too close. Too fresh. "How's Lexi?"

He tenses the moment her name leaves my lips. "She'll be fine. You should go in. We have to be at the church early tomorrow." I don't know what I said wrong, but he's suddenly brusque again, curt, like he was at the airport. He turns and makes his way down the stairs without another word.

Once again, I'm left with the distinct impression that I should apologize and I don't even know why.

Why doesn't he like me?

"I'm sorry," I whisper, watching him walk away.

"Goodnight, Savannah," I hear him say before the oak swallows his shadow again.

It's a long time before I move.

The funeral is beautiful, if such a thing can be beautiful. Reverend Haynes knew Matthew well and speaks eloquently about the kind of man he was – compassionate, generous, happy. By the time the choir finishes the final hymn all five hundred attendees are in tears. Everyone except me, anyway. I can't seem to find the tears Matthew deserves.

Madeline and Kit sob openly, one on either side of me. Lexi clings tightly to Jared, his arm around her. Her face is pale and tears streak silently down her face. I've never seen her so heartbroken or so stunning before. Jared stares straight ahead, his jaw tense. He's so angry, but he's as beautiful as Lexi. Her perfect match.

The thought makes me ache, though I don't know why.

His family is arrayed on his other side, his father comforting his mother and teenage sister. They seem to know the sisters well. I don't know them, but I'm glad they came to pay their final respects to Matthew.

My gaze moves back to Lexi just as she glances in my direction. She attempts to smile at me, but her lip quivers and the smile doesn't come. She turns toward the front of the church again, another tear rolling down her cheek.

"Please stand," the reverend says.

Shifts and sniffles resound throughout the vast church. Five hundred people rise to their feet and bow their heads. Kit and Madeline cling to my arms and I barely manage to get us all three up. My back throbs. My head hurts. I've barely slept. I wrap my arms around the girls anyway and allow them to cry on my shoulders.