As I Close My Eyes (12 page)

After work, I drove up to the restaurant off Route 52 and met Ben for our third date. I was early, as usual, and didn’t see his car yet. As I pulled into a parking spot, I inhaled deeply to calm my nerves, then slowly exhaled, letting all of the stress of the week out. I pictured his lips kissing mine for the first time as I took in a deep breath and let this uncharacteristic passion engulf my body.

A knock on my window startled me. It was Ben. I hoped he didn’t notice my pursed lips or that my back was arched awkwardly as I imagined our first sensual embrace.

“
Hey there,” he said.

“
Hi.”

“
Wanna go inside or are you just going to stay out here all night?” he asked.

“
Sure, let’s go in.” 

We held hands as we walked into the restaurant and l liked the feel of his fingers entwined with mine. He led me to a little table in the back near a window that overlooked a large field. The restaurant was full of hungry patrons and only one table remained for the line of people ordering up front.

“
So how are you? I missed you,” said Ben.

“
I’m good. Better now that I’m here with you.”

Ben ordered us an appetizer while we looked over the extensive menu. I decided on chicken marsala and he chose gnocchi with pink vodka sauce.

“
What have you been doing with your summer days since the last time I saw you?” he asked as he took a sip of wine. “You know, you can order a drink here. No one knows you’re eighteen. Besides, you’re with me and everyone here knows who I am. They trust me.”

“
I’ll just have what you’re having.”

Ben motioned to our waiter for another glass.

I was nervous this time. More nervous than before. I think it was because of the dream I had about kissing Robert. I wondered if my dream would translate into reality for Ben and me. “So, to answer your question, I haven’t been very busy. Just working and watching movies with Mama.”

“
Well, I couldn’t stop thinking about you and I hope it was okay that I called you so soon. I know there’s that magical waiting period of a day or so before you’re supposed to call a woman, but I couldn’t wait,” Ben said.

“
I’m really glad you called,” I whispered.

“
Me, too. I can’t believe you’re only eighteen. You seem well beyond your years.”

“
I know. I’m young. So, can I ask you something?”

“
Sure,” Ben replied as he took a bite of the cheesy crab dip.

“
Who was that woman you were with in the restaurant when I first saw you?”

“
Oh, she was a friend from New York. I think she’d like to be more, but there’s nothing there from my end.”

“
That’s good to hear. I mean ... I’m sorry,” I nervously tried to recover.

“
No, it’s fine,” Ben laughed as he spoke. “I’m not sorry. If it would have worked out with Lori and I, then you and I wouldn’t be sitting here. So, I’m absolutely not sorry. I really wish our waiter would bring out your Chianti because you need to relax a little bit. You’re so tense.”

“
I know. I’m just not used to anyone taking me out nice places and treating me the way you do. I mean, my family is great but I’ve never really been to a restaurant like this.”

“
This isn’t the last time I’m going to take you on a date, Danielle, so you better get used to it.” Ben laughed as he took another sip of wine. Something inside, beneath my belly, felt warm and heated by the thought of seeing Ben more often. I wanted to leap across the table and entwine my entire body with his, wrap my legs around his waist and press my lower half into his. I silenced my libido and focused on our present conversation. “If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?”

“
Anywhere but here, I guess. I’ve never really been outside of Georgia before. My family just never had the money to travel.”

“
Well then, I’ll take you to some amazing places. Maybe even to England one day so you can see the inspiration for my store.”

“
I’d love that.”

We stayed at the restaurant for three hours before parting ways. Ben walked me out to my car and as I was about to put the key in the door to open it, he grabbed my shoulders and spun me around to meet him. He kissed me and my stomach felt like I had dropped from a 25-foot cliff.

He placed his hands softly on both sides of my face and I could feel my skin turn to a rosy shade of blush as our lips met and our tongues danced together. I realized that my arms hung in a lustful surrender by my sides, but quickly found their way to Ben’s strong biceps as if they were being controlled by strings on a marionette. Our kiss stopped time and made all of my recent visions melt away. Since I’d met Ben, I’d been the happiest I had been since Justin passed and I didn’t want the moment to end. We slowly pulled apart and locked eyes.

“
I’m falling for you, Dani. Don’t go anywhere. Stay put. I have something to give you.” Ben raced to his car. Those next few seconds before Ben got back left me feeling like the prettiest girl in the world. No one had ever kissed me like that, or felt anything like this for me before. I pinched my own arm to see if it was real.

“
I wanted to give you something so you can think about me when I’m not there,” he said as he handed me a small package wrapped up in brown paper and tied with a string. “I know it’s not the best wrap job, but I did my best.” 

I laughed and quickly opened it. It was a very decorative bookmark that looked like a long wooden hook with jewels hanging from the top.

“
I made it.”

“
You made this? Wow!” I was shocked.

“
Yeah, it’s sort of a hobby. And it’s something you can use every night when you’re reading. That is, if you read at night. I’m not sure if you do, but at least you can keep it on your nightstand and think of me. I’ve sold a few in my store. People seem to like them.”

“
This is beautiful, Ben. Thanks so much. I think it’s the most thoughtful thing anyone’s ever given me.” Except, of course, the necklace Justin had given me when I turned sixteen, I thought to myself.

He kissed me on the cheek and began to walk to his car before turning around half way there. “Can we do this again?”

“
Absolutely. I have your number now, so I’ll call you tomorrow if that’s okay. Maybe you can come to Sugar Hill next time.”

“
I’d love to,” Ben replied as he blew me a kiss and opened his car door. I was disappointed that our night together was over.

We got in our cars and drove away in separate directions. I found myself paying more attention to the rearview mirror as I drove off, watching his break lights in the distance become smaller and smaller until they disappeared. I wasn’t sure if this meant that we were officially dating now. I’d have to bring that up when we saw each other again. I needed to know what Ben thought we were.

A sense of despair suddenly came over me. In just a few weeks, it would be exactly two years since Justin’s death. At first I thought I was just subconsciously thinking about him more lately, as I usually did this time of year and every year since the accident. Then pieces of my dream came into my head and I started connecting the dots.

Justin’s voice sounded very similar to the voice of John in my dreams, but that was impossible. John was an overweight, older man who looked nothing like my deceased brother. For a split second, an image of Justin singing “Happy Birthday” while standing by my side during a family party appeared in my memory. 

“
This is one hell of a night,” Justin said in my ear.

I’d heard those same seven words before. I remembered John saying the exact thing to my Victorian mother in my dreams. Maybe it was real.

Chapter 11

I went to bed that night hoping I’d have another dream so I could connect more missing pieces. I longed to see Robert again. I wanted to feel his lips on mine and the touch of his hands around my waist. I was disappointed when I woke up the next morning without a flashback. It made me feel better though when I saw the clock and it was precisely ten a.m. I could call Ben and see if he wanted to come to Sugar Hill for the first time.

The phone rang only once and Ben picked up.

“
So I was thinking, would you want to come here on Saturday and meet my friends? Maybe even my parents, too?” I asked as I clenched my teeth and tightened my hands into fists. We had only been on three dates and really didn’t know each other that well yet. I knew he owned a bookstore and spent time overseas, but so what? I didn’t know what his bad habits were, or what made him laugh, or his favorite food. Maybe it was too soon.

“
I can’t wait. I’ll close the bookstore early and come to your house around four. Does that work?”

“
That’s perfect, but are you sure you can just up and leave like that?”

“
Sure. It’s mine. I can do whatever I want.”

“
Okay. Well, maybe we can eat dinner at my house and just hang out here with everyone.”

“
Okay, great! What should I bring?”

“
Nothing. Mama is the typical southern woman. She’ll have warm buttermilk biscuits, something mouth-watering in the oven, homemade pecan pie, and flowers on the table to make it all look like something out of
Southern Living
magazine.” 

We hung up and I hopped into the shower. As I reached for the shampoo, I thought about what I’d say to Bill and Mama during dinner.

I was supposed to go to work, but Brad and Shannon were heading out on the boat, so I decided to call in sick. I never did that and I hoped I wouldn’t get caught. I just needed some time with the four of us so I could get some advice on how to present Ben to my overbearing mother, considering I had never brought anyone home before. Ben’s age would be something I’d have to tread carefully around. He was already twenty-six and I hoped they wouldn’t find that as a fault.

“
Your mama is going to love him. He’s gorgeous, successful and he really likes you,” said Shannon as we lay in inflatable chairs floating next to the boat with glasses of margaritas in the cup holders.

“
Yeah, I just hope she doesn’t think he’s too old for me.”

“
How old is he, anyway?” Shannon asked.

“
Twenty-six.”

“
Well, it really makes no difference when you’re our age, anyway. You’ll be done with school in another three years and he’s only eight years older than you. Hell, when you’re sixty, you’ll just have to push Ben around in a wheelchair.” Shannon laughed. I flipped her over and threw her into the lake below.

“
Hey, you owe me a margarita,” she said as she came up out of the water with mascara running off her face.