Baby Alicia Is Dying (2 page)

“I can’t wait until I have a career,” Desi said. “I’ll make money to spend on the things I want. After college, of course.”

Aunt Clare filled bowls with popcorn and handed a tray to Desi. “I’m not exactly on the Fortune 500 list, dear. Come on. Let’s go sit on the sofa and watch some movies.”

“Well, you’re not poor either,” Desi replied as she dropped to the couch.

“There are trade-offs.”

“Like what?”

Her aunt set her tray onto the glass-topped coffee table and snuggled into the corner of the sofa, facing Desi. “You’re the only ‘daughter’ I’ll ever have.”

Desi smiled, pleased. It was no secret that she was her aunt’s favorite niece. That often helped her feel better about not being her mother’s favorite daughter. “You might still get married and have kids.”

“No way. I’m married to the hospital,” Aunt Clare said with a laugh. “That’s quite enough for me.”

“Mom told me you’ve changed positions at the hospital.”

“I sure have.”

“Are you going to tell me about it?”

Aunt Clare tipped her head thoughtfully. “Actually, I’d rather show you.”

“You make it sound mysterious.”

“Not at all. My job has expanded, that’s all. I’m doing my usual administrative duties with the pediatric nursing staff, and I’ve just been appointed community liaison between County Hospital and Atlanta’s ChildCare house.”

“I’ve never heard of ChildCare.”

Aunt Clare smiled as she said, “I have a great idea. Since you’ll be staying here this week, why don’t you come with me next Saturday and see ChildCare for yourself? I think you’ll be very interested.”

“Desi! Over here!”

Desi searched the crowded hallway for the voice calling her name. She flattened herself against a bank of lockers in an attempt to get out of the crush.

“Desi! I’m coming!”

She saw Corrine Johnson, her best friend since fifth grade, struggling to pass through the mass of milling students. Desi reached out and caught Corrine’s hand and pulled her the rest of the way toward her. “Do I still have all my body parts?” Corrine asked breathlessly. “This place is a madhouse! I’m totally lost.”

“Me too,” Desi confessed, staring down at the map of Grady that had come in her freshman packet.

“Show me your class schedule card.”

Desi fumbled with her notebook and extracted her card. “I’ve got biology first period.” She had to shout to be heard over the noise. “I think the room’s upstairs.”

“I’ve got English.” Corrine handed her card back. “All we have together is lunch. That stinks. I’m hoping we’ll have some really cute guys in class.”

“Corrine, this is the big time. No Grady High guys are going be interested in freshmen peasants like us. Besides, I’ve got to concentrate on my grades if I hope to get a scholarship to college and medical school.”

The bell rang. “Here we go,” Corrine declared.

“Look for me in the cafeteria,” Desi called. “If we miss each other, call me tonight.” Desi watched her friend weave through the mass of bodies and felt a wave of nostalgia. She and Corrine were different in many ways, but she still wanted them to be friends, and she hoped that different schedules in high school didn’t drive them apart.

Desi wedged herself into the flow of the crowd. She allowed herself to be carried along toward the stairs, hoping desperately that her class was indeed on the upper level. She found the correct door and entered, as a paper airplane sailed in front of her nose. She ducked and took a seat in an already crowded room. The room was arranged with lab tables where groups of four could work at the same time. Shiny stainless sinks, glass beakers, and test tubes formed the center of each lab table. Posters of animals and plants lined one wall.

The teacher, Mr. Redding, arrived as the tardy bell sounded. He took attendance and assigned lab partners. Since there was an uneven number of kids, Desi found herself in a threesome. She was grouped with a girl, Shaundra Johnson, and a boy, Brian Connley. Desi thought that Shaundra wore too much eye
makeup and that Brian didn’t look like a “serious” student. His shock of blond hair hung low over his forehead, almost obscuring his intense blue eyes. He was big and muscular and wore a rawhide band around his wrist. She felt intimitaded by his size.

They listened as Mr. Redding outlined the course work. After he passed out worksheets, he allowed the students to discuss the material among themselves. “Man, I hate this stuff,” Shaundra complained as she shoved the paper aside.

“Me too,” Brian agreed.

“I think it could be fun,” Desi ventured.

Shaundra gave her a bored stare. “I flunked this course cold last year, and I don’t have any hopes of doing much better this year.”

“I failed it too,” Brian admitted with a shrug. “Actually, I might have passed it, but I guess I cut too many classes.”

Desi realized she was the lone freshman in the group, and the only one interested in biology. “It says here that we’ll be dissecting earthworms and frogs during this grading period.”

“Count me out!” Shaundra declared. “That stuff’s disgusting!”

Brian plopped his head dramatically against the tabletop. “Now I remember why I skipped so many classes.”

“I don’t mind that part,” she told them. “I like science.”

“You’re weird,” Shaundra said, making Desi blush bright red.

“We have to keep a journal,” Brian said, and just as Desi wondered if she was going to be responsible for that too, he added, “I can do that part. It’s just keeping accurate track of our experiments. I know from last year how Redding wants it done.” Desi was skeptical of his offer, but she wrote his name down next to the assignment in her notebook. Obviously Mr. Redding expected his class to perform in tandem. She wanted to ask Shaundra what she was going to contribute to the group, but didn’t have the nerve.

“If we want extra credit, we can do a special project,” Desi announced as she scanned the course outline. “We might want to consider one, you know. If it gets into the science fair finals, it will be a guaranteed A in this class.” She looked from Brian to Shaundra, but they seemed indifferent.

Brian explained, “Look, I’m not planning to knock myself out for this class. I just want to
pass.”

Desi was disappointed. This was a class she was most interested in. She’d hoped for more cooperation from her partners. Briefly she toyed with asking Mr. Redding to give her other lab partners, but decided to wait and give Shaundra and Brian a chance. Finally the bell rang, and everyone darted for the door.

Desi missed Corrine at lunch, and by the time she’d finished the day and caught the city bus for her
aunt’s town house, she felt as if she’d been dragged by a rope behind dirt bikes.

That evening her parents called. “How was your first day?” her father asked.

“Hectic.” She didn’t add that she missed them and wished they all could have been together. “But I like biology, and I think I’ll do all right in it if my lab partners cooperate.”

Her dad chuckled. “That’s my girl! Val wants to talk to you.”

“The campus here is awesome,” Val told her when she got on the phone. “There’s ivy on the bricks of all these really old buildings. Tennis starts tomorrow, and it’s going to be a killer. So far I’m coming in top-seeded among all the freshmen girls.”

“That’s good.” Desi felt proud of her sister, but realized that once again Valerie would be the family star.

“It’s sort of scary,” Val admitted. “People keep expecting great things from me. I hope I don’t let them down.”

Desi doubted it would be a problem and told Valerie as much.

“Here’s Mom,” Val said.

Desi’s mother got on and announced, “Val’s already very respected in the athletic department.” Desi could practically see her beaming smile through the receiver. “Are things going well with you and Aunt Clare? Was school all right?”

“School’s fine, and Aunt Clare and I are having a great time. She’s taking me someplace Saturday. It’s connected with her new job.”

“Well, don’t get in her way,” her mother instructed, and then asked to speak to her sister.

“I won’t, Mom.” She handed over the phone and stood aside, wishing that her mother had talked to her longer. It seemed to Desi that her mother was always busy and rushed whenever it came to her. Her mom had time for Val, but never quite enough time for her. It had been that way for as long as she could remember, but she doubted it would change now.
Learn to live with it
, she told herself, and quietly left the room.

   The Saturday morning air was crystal clear. Aunt Clare’s car wove its way down a quiet suburban street and turned into a driveway situated between two low brick walls. A small plaque posted on one wall read:
ChildCare
. The driveway curved gracefully toward twin magnolia trees standing on a hilly crest. Behind them a brick, ranch-style house stretched across a tree-cluttered lawn in need of cutting.

Aunt Clare parked beside a back door, saying, “Let’s go in through the kitchen. I want to introduce you to some people before the meeting begins.”

Inside, two women were rushing around frantically, trying to quiet and feed five screaming infants.
Desi saw three high chairs, a playpen, and an infant seat scattered about. One of the women looked up. “Clare! Thank heavens you’re here.” As she handed Desi’s aunt a bowl of baby food and a spoon, she said, “I’ll bet this is your niece.”

Desi opened her mouth to speak, but the woman held up her hand. “Formal introductions later. I’m Gayle. This is Anthony.” She handed the screaming boy over to Clare, scooped up the baby wailing in the playpen, and turned to Desi. “I’ve got Dwayne. Can you please give this bottle to Alicia there?” She pointed to the baby crying in the infant seat.

“But I’ve never—”

“Just put it between her lips. She’ll take it from there,” Gayle urged good-naturedly as she shoveled glop into Dwayne’s opening mouth. “Five-month-old tots aren’t noted for their patience.”

Gingerly Desi scooped Alicia from the infant seat, trying not to drop the bottle. She sat in a nearby rocker and rested the baby’s head in the crook of her arm, and pushed the nipple of the bottle against Alicia’s mouth. Instantly the baby began sucking greedily. Blessed quiet descended on the room.

The little girl’s eyes were large and dark brown and fringed with incredibly long lashes. Tiny teardrops clung to the lashes’ tips. Narrow tracks of moisture had stained her dark-skinned cheeks. Alicia’s
hair was a mass of black fuzz, and against Desi’s bare arm it felt soft, like feathers.

Once the edge was off Alicia’s appetite, the baby slowed her sucking and stared intently upward. Her open, curious expression made Desi smile. “Hi. Are you full yet?” Desi felt a surge of pleasure as she watched the infant in her arms.

Alicia reached, and Desi held her finger up. Alicia’s small hand wrapped around it. The baby’s perfect, miniature fingers were no bigger than a doll’s. Desi smiled broadly, and the baby spit the nipple out. Formula dribbled down her chin, but slowly her face broke into a matching smile. The beauty of it took Desi’s breath away.

Gayle chuckled and said, “You better watch out for that one, honey. She’s a real heartbreaker.”

Dimples peeked from either side of Alicia’s bow-shaped mouth, and her eyes resembled soft, shimmering pools of dancing brown light. “You’re so beautiful,” Desi said, surprised by the infant’s effect on her.

“Hard to believe no one wants her,” Aunt Clare said from over Desi’s shoulder.

“She’s an orphan?”

“Not exactly. Her mother abandoned her at birth.”

Desi couldn’t believe it. “Why? How can a mother not want her own baby?”

“Because Alicia”—she gestured toward the
others—“as well as these other babies were born testing HIV-positive.”

Incredulous, Desi glanced from baby to baby. “All of them?”

“Sad, but true. They all carry the AIDS virus.”

“They’ve got AIDS?” Desi had heard much about acquired immune deficiency syndrome over the past year. A few highly publicized cases of some important, well-known people had prompted awareness programs at her former school. She knew the virus was passed through an exchange of body fluids—like blood or semen. “But how did they get it?” Desi asked.