Back-Up (36 page)

I
brought a copy of DL’s CD containing a personal handwritten message for each of them. It’s not an ego thing or that I’m leaving behind my autograph. It’s more of a dedication because I would not be where I am today without them. They took the opportunity to tease me mercilessly. I knew they would.

“Wow Leila, this outfit they have you in will have guys drooling over you.” Joe says smirking. He looks up at me, a new lust in his eyes that was never there before. “
When you get back, can we go out to dinner or see a movie?”

Shocked by his comment, I’m speechless until he
smirks.

“Shut up
, you idiot.”

“You’re so easy to
bust.”

I chose to drink more wine and ignore
them as they continue to laugh at my expense.

I threaten after a few minutes, “
That’s it, no tickets for any of you.”

“Will you be wearing this outfit opening night? Then I’ll need a few more for the guys at my gym.”

“You’re hilarious, Matt.”

I hand out
the tickets as the backstage passes they will need for the after party. Jennifer is sending us off with a bang. 

I know our night is coming to an end, and I quickly text Jack to let him know.
They surprised me with a small cake and an embarrassing rendition of
Layla.

We congregate in the parking lot with rounds of good-lucks, hugs and kisses
before each going our separate ways.

On
the short ride to my apartment, Evan admits, “I love you Leila. I don’t want you to worry about a thing. I promise I’ll look after dad and my mom. I’ll keep you well informed with what’s happening here and we’ll talk every few days, ok?”

The sobs I’ve held in for most of the night finally escape.
He called my father dad!

“Why are you balling?”

“You called him dad.” I smile through tears.

“I did? Huh…”

Evan pulls up to my apartment and turns to face me in his seat. “Please be careful.”

“I will,
I promise. I love you Ev.”

“
Me too. Just remember what you’ve dreamt about your whole life.” He raises an eyebrow poignantly, and I get his message loud and clear.

Smiling, he adds, “If you need me, I’m a plane ride away.”

He leans over and hugs me tightly, kisses my head and releases me. I wipe away my tears as I get out of the car and walk away from my best friend.

I’m lost in thought when I climb my stairs to hear a familiar voice say, “Hey
, gorgeous.” Jack is sitting on the top steps near my apartment door looking all sorts of gorgeous himself.

“Hey.
You got here quick. How did you get in?” I sit close to him so our bodies touch. It’s been a while since we were able to have a whole night together, and truth be told, I’m thrilled that he is here. I missed him in my bed.

“I couldn’t wait
for your text. I’ve been here a while and I have my ways.” 

My guess is
that he wooed one of my female neighbors.

“How was dinner?”
He leans into me and kisses my shoulder. It’s like eighty degrees out but his lips on my hot skin still manage to cause goose bumps to sprout all over my body.

“Fun, sad and
depressing.” I answer truthfully. “Matt has a girlfriend, Logan and Alisa are engaged. I’m going to miss those guys.”

“We’ll take good care of you.” He says with a smirk.

“Yeah, I’m sure
you
will.”

“What’s that?” H
e motions towards the take out container I’m holding.

“Leftovers. Are you
hungry?”

“I can eat.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me. I can’t hide my own
smirk, as I understand his double meaning.

“So you’ve mentioned.”

He stands, taking my hand and pulling me toward my apartment. Once I open the door he responds, “Time to follow through.”

We are
through my door for about three seconds, when he starts undressing me. “I feel so used.” I say smiling until I see his smile drop. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you really?”

“I’m kidding.” Part of me always feels it’s just about the sex with us. But I enjoy him as much, if not more than he enjoys me. I’d be a hypocrite to say I didn’t.

His mood has completely changed. Grabbing one of his hands, I wait for him to look up at me. “Jack, I’m really glad you’re here.” He searches
my eyes and wordlessly pulls me into an embrace. Something is bothering him, I can tell.

“Are you ok?”

“It’s not just the sex.”

“I know.”

Bending towards me he places a sweet, tender kiss on my lips. “Ok, so what’d ya bring me?” He grabs the container out of my hands. Wherever he just went, Mr. Mercurial is now back.

Jack heats my leftovers
and devours them while standing in my kitchen.

“When was the last time you ate?”

He looks up with a face full of pasta and clarifies, “Food? About an hour ago. You? It’s been entirely too long.” He smiles wide and I want to attack. I’m not usually the initiator but when he says things like that, my lower half ignites. Plus, I feel bad I hurt his feelings.

I walk over to him and take the container out of his hands. Leaning up
to kiss him deeply. He makes pasta primavera taste even better. I groan as he takes over and my body starts to pulse from just a kiss.

He pulls away and admits
, “I love the sounds you make.” He bends to pull my earlobe in between his lips and I moan pathetically. “Like that. It’s so fucking sexy.”

I grab his hand and drag him into
my bedroom. He has me in my bra and panties in record time. I wasn’t expecting him so my underwear is functional and definitely not meant to turn someone on. He fingers the little satin bow in between my breasts.

“I like this.” He says and reaches behind me to unfasten it
and soon throws it to the floor. He turns me around and runs his hands down my back until he reaches my white basic panties. 

“I like these too. They are very school-
girl like.” He slowly pulls them down my legs, as I feel a tremor from his words and his hands. He crouches behind me removing my panties one leg at a time, and I can’t stand the anticipation.

Jack trails kisses up my legs, my ass, and my back until he is standing and pressed up against me. I reach around to cup him through his jeans, feeling his arousal in the process.

“Why am I the only one naked?”

“It’s more fun this way.” He runs his hands over my breasts, pulling and rolling both of my nipples at the same time. As I throw my head back and make one of my noises he loves so much, he whispers into my ear, “You’re so fucking sexy.”

Then he starts kissing and licking my exposed neck, slowly running his hands down my body until his fingers find my aching sex. He doesn’t stop as he explores and strokes me intimately.

“Jack you are driving me crazy.” I say
in between gasps.

“Good.” He
touts arrogantly. Removing his fingers, he runs his hands around to my ass and then up to my lower back. He pushes me gently until I fall forward and land on my hands with my ass is in the air in all its glory.

He kneels behind me and runs his tongue over my
exposed ass until he reaches me from behind. My hands clutch the comforter as he proceeds to drive me to the brink with his lips and his tongue. He pulls me into his mouth and sucks on my most sensitive part. It doesn’t take long for me to tremble from my orgasm.

I bury my face to muffle my screams. He continues until he feels the last quiver leave my body.  Then he stands and I hear hi
m unzip his jeans. I can’t move. I know I must look ridiculous with my ass still in the air, but I can’t move. It works well with Jack’s plans, as he enters me from behind and groans deeply. “God, Leila. You feel so good.” He says while pulling out and then back in torturously slow.

He still hasn’t undressed, and it
only adds an erotic element to the crudeness of our position. His hands are gripping my hips as my body starts to respond to the sensations of Jack sliding in and out of me. He is working us both up to into frenzy, when my phone rings and stops him in his tracks.

“Don’t stop…the machine will get it.” I
push backwards to prompt him to continue.  He slowly starts moving again until he hears Dylan’s voice on my answering machine and then he completely stills.

Oh fuck…

“Hey Lei, its Dylan. I meant to call you all day. I’m sorry about last night. I was hoping I could come by so we could talk about it. I don’t regret what happened. I just wanted to let you know that. Please call me when you get in. Bye.”

Jack hasn’t moved the entire time Dylan was rambling on my answering machine.
Fuck…

He pulls out and sits on my bed.

“Jack...” I say sitting next to him.

He
stands quietly, zips up his jeans, and walks out of my bedroom and out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. Instead of talking to me, he just storms out.

What the hell?

Is this a glimpse of what he’ll be like in a crisis? When he gets upset, he’ll bolt?

I can’t have dinner with a friend? Dylan had dropped by, and I had forgotten to mention it. And yes, the message may have alluded that something happened between us. That something being a kiss. But don’t I get a chance to explain, without him assuming the worst?

T
he more I sit, the more I stew. My anger is off the charts by the time I throw on my clothes and storm out of my room.

Chapter 24
- Jack

I’m beginning to hate this guy. He needs to back the fuck off!

Is that why she wanted to be discrete? To hide our relationship from Dylan? Last night she said she was home finishing up with packing. She never told me she saw Dylan. I couldn’t get over here, but what would have happened if I showed up without warning? What would I have found?

Fuck.

I’m assuming
that I know something happened between them. I may not trust Dylan but I trust Leila. Besides, its not like he knows I fell in love with this girl. Hell, it’s not like she even knows I fell in love with her. I’ve never told her.

Sitting out here on her stoop brooding is definitely not the smartest thing
I could be doing right now. I feel like a complete ass, by the time I climb the stairs to her apartment.

I knock
on her door and wait for her let me back in. After a few seconds, without a response, I knock again. “Leila, open up.”

“J
ust go away.”

“I will stand here all
night. Please open the door.” More silence follows my request. “Please, Leila?”

S
he finally pulls the door open but doesn’t move aside to let me in.

“I’m sorry.”

“What exactly are you sorry about Jack?”

“I guess for acting like an ass mostly?” The look on her face tells me that was the wrong answer.

She stares
me down while waiting for a better excuse. I try again. “I’m sorry that I assumed the worst?”

“I’ve told you nothing is going on between us. It hurts that you don’t trust me.”

I cut right to the chase. “I do trust you, but Dylan wants more, doesn’t he?”

She shrugs but doesn’t answer. “Yes.”

I suspected Dylan intentions, but hearing her say it causes my blood to boil.

T
hat
prick
.

“Do you?”
There is double meaning to my question. Does she want more with him or with me?

She looks over at me and doesn’t respond
immediately. At last she shrugs. “Jack, he’s just a friend.”

“Can I ask you one more question?” She nods. “Has he kissed you yet?”

Taking a deep breath, she practically whispers her response. “Last night. He stopped by with dinner. I was surprised to see him. He only stayed an hour because I told him I had a lot to get done. As he was leaving, he kissed me.”

We look into each other’s eyes for what seems like an eternity. I can’t hide my displeasure.

“Jack, I don’t have feelings for Dylan. I don’t.”

At this point she lets me take her in my embrace.
“Thank you for telling me. I do trust you.”

She pulls away and shakes her head. I cannot read her thoughts and as I bend to kiss her she stiffens in my arms.

“Leila?”

“Jack, you stormed out. You never even gave me the chance to explain.”

“I acted like an ass. I’m sorry.” 

She watches me for a long time.
She finally takes a deep breath and speaks. “Jack, you don’t think it’s hard for me to see you with a girl, and wonder if you’ve fucked her? Or if you want to?”

“Leila, I haven’t been with anyone since…well it’s been a long time. Believe me.”

“This is only going to get harder once we leave tomorrow. I need to concentrate on adjusting to my new life, and on my career while you need to focus on yours. Maybe we should stop.”

“No.”
Crap, why is she doing this?

“Jack…”

“Leila, this isn’t just a fling for me. I can’t just turn this off. I’m in this.”

Releasing her, I walk over to the couch.
Its time I told her what she means to me.

“Leila, please come here. I need you to listen to everything I am about to say.” I guess she senses the unmistakable resolve in my voice and doesn’t attempt to argue with my request. She slowly walks over and sits next to me on the couch, but purposefully leaves a distance between us.

“Leila, I started to have feelings for you the day you walked into the studio.” The look of surprise on her face doesn’t deter me at all. “Of course I didn’t know that at the time. My feelings for you started off slow. I would wonder what you were doing at that moment or picture you laughing in that adorable way of yours. I yearned to share something with you that I thought was funny, just to see and hear you laugh. Then it became something more consuming.”

I look down at my hands.
“I have never felt like this in my entire life. I had no idea why I was acting the way I did. I was in a constant bad mood, instead of walking on clouds from the tour and the album. I was falling in love with you and subconsciously I knew I couldn’t be with you. The realization of both hit me like a baseball bat to the head. It was the night of my birthday party. I tried my damndest to hide it. I felt if I admitted my feelings, inevitably I would screw things up and you would run. I haven’t been with anyone else. Once I felt you, I couldn’t think about another woman.

“I tried to stay away from you
, Leila but it wasn’t possible. It made me angrier that I had to deny what I felt. The kiss we shared first at on my roof, and later at my party were the cruelest forms of torture. Once we spent such a great day together after your farewell party, I needed you like I need air to breath. Now…now I want nothing more than to show everyone we are together. You aren’t ready for that though, and I don’t want to push you or pressure you. Even so, I want the world to know I love you.”

She sits stunned.

“Why didn’t you tell me that sooner?” She asks very quietly.

“
I’ve only known you for a few weeks. At first I just wanted to be with you, in any way I could. The more time I spent with you, the more I realized friendship wasn’t enough. Falling in love with you doesn’t make sense to me. It’s never happened before and I didn’t handle it well. I’d convince myself to stay away, then one look at you and I’d kiss you. Then I’d convince myself it was a mistake, then one look at you and I’d kiss you again. Then I’d convince myself we should just be friends. Then I’d convince myself maybe we could be together, and maybe I should tell you how I felt. But I was scared you wouldn’t believe me. I barely could believe it myself. Or what if you didn’t feel the same? I still have no idea what you are feeling. I was tormented by these confused feelings.”

She leans forward and takes my hands in hers
, yet she doesn’t speak. She remains motionless, stunned into silence.

“Baby?”  She looks up almost forgetting I was sitting next to her. “Am I scaring you?’

“No…yes...” She looks lost as a few tears slowly slide down her face. A tiny seed of doubt festers in the pit of my stomach. What if she doesn’t feel the same?

“Babe, t
alk to me.”

“
Your words don’t scare me. It’s how this’ll work that does.”

“Why?”

“Jack, I think I fell in love with you the first day I met you. My feelings weren’t a slow build. Mine were like a freight train running through my heart.”  She stares at me, nodding slowly, her eyes still moist from her tears. “I’ve been dealing with very similar emotions. I wanted to be with you so badly yet knew it wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do. You’re like a drug to me. I can’t stay away from you.”

“
Jeez, Leila.”

Closing the distance between us, I clutch her body to mine. We cling to each other like neither of us want to let go.
Eventually she pulls away with the lost look still obvious in her eyes.

“You’re holding something back. Leila, t
ell me.”

“Jack, I am terrified of what people will think.”

“Who cares what people think?” I respond angrily.

“Let me rephrase it.
I’m terrified how this will look.” I run my hand through my hair. I’m sure the frustration I feel is written all over my face.

“Let me explain. I’ve wanted nothing more than to become a rock singer since I was a little girl. I still do. I don’t want you to think it’s more
important to me than you are, but it’s part of who I am. I worry of the backlash we would get if we went public. Others might think that I only got the job because we’re together.

I never thought of that. It would only need to be one negative comment, to cause rumors to run ramped al
l over the Internet. How would that affect her career?

“I understand.” Taking both her hands in mine again, I tug until her gaze meets my own. “We don’t have to go public. I get how vulnerabl
e you are in this situation, but I don’t think we need to deny our feelings and not live our lives.”

Leila sits quietly
as she processes my words.

“Babe, I woul
d never let anything hurt you. Everyone we know is aware of why you got this job. The world will know, too, the minute we go on tour. Your talent is undeniable.”

I take her face in between my hands and
bend to kiss her gently. “We’ve wasted so much time fighting this. I’m done with that. We love each other and that’s all that matters.”

I kiss her a second time and
profess my love once again. I’ll say it every minute of every day so she knows and never forgets it.

“I love you.”

Smiling wide, she has never looked more beautiful. It’s seems almost impossible, I know. How can someone who is perfection, be even more perfect? It’s the love in her eyes that makes her even more beautiful.

I never want to forget the look of pure love and joy on her face at this moment. I know it will be forever etched in my memory, but I still
want evidence that this magnificent woman loves me.

Pulling out my phone I snap a few pictures of Leila.

“What are you doing?” she asks while laughing.

“I want to remember how you looked at the moment we professed our love.”

Blinking, she sits motionless for a few seconds looking stunned again. “That is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”

I kiss her gen
tly and snap a few more pictures. I notice a tear falling slowly down her cheek. Using my thumb to brush it away, I kiss her gently before saying, “Why are you crying?”

“
Because I love you.”

“I love you too.”