Beautiful Pain (16 page)

She changed into her running clothes and went out. It was her turn to make dinner tonight, but she didn’t have to rush. Vanessa was going to be out all night and Sophia was dreading tomorrow evening. She was going out with Harry O’Donaghue, a prison leaver who’d proven to be an exceptional kisser and probably even better lover.

While running through quiet streets of Belfast, Sophia thought about Ramona. She wanted to tell her all about Harry, but she shouldn’t have been excited about this meeting. Her cousin would encourage Sophia to take things further with Harry. The situation wasn’t good. Sophia had to be careful about what she was doing. Harry was still a dangerous criminal, but she was warming up towards him more than she should.

On Saturday morning Vanessa was still sleeping when Sophia was getting ready. She paced around the room for at least half an hour, contemplating if she should call off this whole trip. She tried a few different things from her wardrobe, but in the end she went for jeans and a plain T-shirt. She kept telling herself that this wasn’t a date and she didn’t have to make an effort. She needed to keep her distance from Harry, then she wouldn’t be in any trouble. This attraction wasn’t going to ruin her life.

At ten past ten she received a text message from him asking her what her address was. She bit her lips with anticipation. She hadn’t considered where they were going to meet.

She texted back saying that they should meet in the city centre. After all, she wanted to keep him away from the apartment. Her phone started ringing almost straight away.

“
Hallo,” she answered, feeling her pulse increase.

“
Sophia, give me your address. I am going to pick you up,” he said, sounding angry.

“
I don’t think—”

“
Stop being unreasonable! I am just going to pick you up from your place,” he said, irritated.

“
Fine,” she snapped and hung up. She didn’t like to be ordered around, but she obeyed. She sent a quick text with the address. He replied instantly.

I am coming for you baby.

She smiled lightly but shook her head. No one ever called her that. It was sweet, but out of order.

“
What are you even thinking? He isn’t for you,” she reminded herself. He was waiting for her downstairs. She saw him in front of a motorcycle. He was watching her as she walked towards him. Her body was going through some kind of emotional shock; her heart skipped a beat.

“
Hello beautiful,” he smirked, eyeing her from head to toe. She shivered but reminded her wild thoughts that she wasn’t going to do anything stupid today. She had to find out why Harry was still dealing and save him before he ruined his life forever.

Chapter Sixteen

“
So where are we going?” she asked, eyeing the motorcycle with suspicion.

“
It’s a secret, now put this on,” he ordered, handing her a helmet. Confused, she stared at it for several seconds. Then she looked at the motorbike.

“
If you think that I will get on that, then you are very wrong,” she said, stepping back. Harry’s eyes darkened and his expression hardened.

“
I am not joking, Sophia, just put it on. I am done playing with you. Stop being a baby and just do what I say,” he ordered. “She is my best form of transport.”

Sophia opened her mouth to argue, but changed her mind. She’d never ridden on a motorbike, but she wasn’t going to delay anything or cause a scene on the street. She yanked the helmet away from him and climbed onto the back of the motorbike.

“
Put your hands around my waist and hold tight,” said Harry with a hint of amusement in his tone. Her stomach made another contraction; she wanted to avoid being close to him, but he was making it impossible. She sighed and wrapped her hands around his waist. Her heart pounded in her chest and a cold heat surged through her arms. She needed to keep it together, ignore all the emotions. She closed her eyes, thinking about his warm body. A few minutes later they were away from the city centre and passing through busy traffic. Harry handled his bike well, moving smoothly through busy streets.

After some time Sophia realised that they’d left Belfast completely and were now driving through the country roads. When he finally stopped his powerful motorcycle, Sophia found herself in the middle of nowhere, flushed and worried about where she was, expecting the worst. She pulled the helmet off and took a deep breath, staring at the green fields stretching for miles away.

“
Where are we?” she asked, looking at Harry who lifted his rucksack off the floor and hung it over his shoulder. His eyes flashed with excitement and a tiny smile crept over his lips.

“
We are near the coast, that’s where I am taking you,” he replied.

“
Are you going to leave your motorbike here?” she asked in disbelief, glancing around.

“
Don’t worry, no one is going to take her away from me. I have left her alone many times before,” he smirked and took Sophia’s hand.

“
We shouldn’t pretend that this is a date,” she said, quickly pulling her hand away.

“
Can you just chill out a little?” he said, annoyed. “This isn’t a date, but I want to hold your hand.”

Harry reached for her hand again and this time she didn’t fight him. A wave of heat dug under the surface of her skin as their hands connected. All her plans to stay away from him were going nowhere and she hated herself for that. They started walking through the grass up the hill. Part of his tattoo was clearly visible on his arm and Sophia kept glancing at it, admiring it and having the urge to run her fingers over his skin. She relaxed slightly after a moment; there was no point overthinking what he was planning.

“
I am fine, stop telling me to chill out. The point is that we shouldn’t be doing this,” she pressed. He looked at her, scanning her face with his brown eyes.

“
Please stop worrying and imagine that you are spending a nice Saturday with your friend. We don’t need to talk about anything else,” he suggested, smiling. “And after today if you decided that you never want to see me again outside probation I will do whatever you say.”

Sophia didn’t respond straight away, but she shifted her eyes, staring at the field in front of her. He wasn’t asking for a lot, just one day and then she could decide.

“
Fine, I can stick to your idea of friendship, but friends normally don’t hold hands,” she challenged.

“
Well maybe we can pretend that we are more than just friends,” he smirked.

“
No we can’t, you are crossing the line again.”

“
I know that you are attracted to me, so stop pretending. Besides, I took you away from the city so you could relax and stop worrying,” he explained. “I want you to tell me about your life in London.”

Sophia tensed her body, thinking about how hopeless she felt in London. Her parents always made her do what they wanted. Since she’d left the hospital she didn’t have much freedom. Her parents had never understood why she was hurting herself. She bit her lips, looking away. She had hidden this secret so deep inside her, keeping it away from everyone that knew her.

“
There is not much to talk about. I live with my parents, studying and that’s about it. My life isn’t exciting at all,” she said.

“
Come on, there must be more to it. What do your parents do?”

“
Mum is a designer and my father is a solicitor.”

Harry arched his eyebrow.

“
What about your hobbies and interests?”

“
I like running. I don’t party, or do much at all. I am just boring, Harry. I don’t know what you were imagining?”

“
No one is boring, Sophia, especially not you. So why did you decide to come to Ireland, to Belfast?”

Sophia tossed her hair behind her back and pursed her lips together contemplating what to say.

“
My parents can be quite overwhelming at times and I needed a break from them” she said trying to keep her voice even as the scene from four years ago flashed through her mind.

My mother was just standing at the door staring at my bloody legs. I felt light and didn’t want to move, but I could see that her pupils were dilated, her mouth wide open. The horror crept across her ashen face.

“
Sophia, what the hell are you doing, hun?” she whispered, still not moving from the same spot.

I couldn’t respond because I kept looking at the thick, red liquid that was running across my thighs. My weapon was lying on the floor next to me.

I was caught and now she knew my secret. My mind spun and I wanted to die, to tell her that it wasn’t her business. Scream that no one cared.

“
This is what you made me do!” I roared with anger. I just wanted her to know how she made me feel, I wanted her to experience the same pain. Anger, frustration, and misery flew through my body. I was never good enough no matter what I did.

What had happened after that felt like a dream; my memories were hazy whenever I thought about that day. My parents called an ambulance, although I was perfectly fine. The paramedic must have given me something because I dozed off. I couldn’t remember when I woke up in a completely different place.

I was freezing cold, but I knew that I was in hospital. Someone had taken care of my wound. The room was small, but even through the darkness I saw the shape of the metal bars that were outside the small window. I felt lonely and abandoned. I never wanted to remember what I did to myself.

“
Sophia, are you listening to me?”

Harry’s voice brought Sophia back. She thought that the past was behind her, so why did she keep bringing back those painful memories? She had to pull herself together.

“
Yes, sorry, what did you say?”

“
I asked if you left a boyfriend behind in London,” he smirked, watching her carefully.

“
No, no boyfriend,” she replied, blushing. She thought about the marks on her body; no one in their right mind would stay with her, she was a freak with a dark, confusing past. She never let anyone in close. She was ashamed of what she’d done to herself.

“
How does a girl like you not have a boyfriend? You are beautiful and intelligent,” he stated and his brown eyes gleamed with heat.

“
I was busy with focusing on my career,” she muttered. “Anyway, let’s not talk about me, this trip was supposed to be about you.”

“
Hold on,” he said. “Look up.”

They reached the hill and Sophia finally understood Harry’s grin. She gasped and brought her hands to her lips. He’d brought her to the excluded beach and the most striking seaside that she’d ever been to. Heavy clouds hung above them, the sea was wild, waves crashed against the sandy shore. Sophia was used to the grey landscape in London, to the city that was never calm, but right now she felt special admiring the striking view, enjoying being away from people. She used to go abroad with her parents, but this felt so much more real.

“
Oh my God, this is amazing!”

“
Are you ready for a swim?” laughed Harry, taking his shoes off. Sophia laughed and shook her head.