Chasing After Infinity (28 page)

"Yeah, I know. I thought they hated each other. Remember that time when he threw his drink at her?"

"That is fucked up."

I peek around the corner and see Jake Chen and Ryan Kingsley talking near the corridor.

"But you
gotta
admit
,
those two suit each other.
Huntington and the other a total whore."

My jaw tenses, my eyes blazing as I fight the boiling inside.

"
Shhhh
," Adrian says, his eyes narrowed, clapping a hand over my mouth.

"That son of--" I begin, raw with anger.

But he cuts me off by kissing me, his lips moving against mine to form the words, "You'll make them know that we're here."

"
Mffgh
," I say, my back pressed against the bookshelf, the books' edges jamming into my spine. And Kingsley's words melt from my mind as I feel his mouth closing over mine. I
can feel my heart slamming violently against my ribcage as I tilt my head sideways and close my eyes. I remain frozen, my arms at my sides, forced up against the shelf as he kisses me.

He leans his arm against the space above my head, the other dragging me closer. His mouth barely brushes over my bottom lip as I part my lips, taking his lower one between mine, pulling lightly at it. His left hand slowly makes its way from my lower back to the crook of my neck, cupping my face to deepen the kiss.

I let out a small gasp as I feel his tongue gliding over my lips, like creamy butter.

"Did you hear that?" I hear Jake say.

We pause, both of us breathing hard. I look up at Adrian and we stop. Then like an avalanche, the laughter builds up. I'm choking back my laughing as he presses a finger to my lips.

"Let's go. Fifth period is starting," Kingsley says.

As soon as they leave, Adrian and I fall from around the bookshelf, laughing.

"That was such a failure," I choke out.

Suddenly, Adrian grows serious.
"About what happened earlier, we don't care what other people say."

Adrian slips his hand until it’s over my waist and I shiver a little as his finger taps my hipbone. His eyes are radiating desire and my heart is thrumming in my chest as he lowers his head so that his lips nearly—just barely—graze my ear. A smile curls his lips as he notices my quickening breath.

I shake myself away. “See, you’re doing that again.”

With me frowning as he's laughing to himself quietly, we walk out of the library.

***

In the halls, I see Kara and Hayden engaging in some conversation. As soon as I come closer, they stop talking. Hayden flickers his eyes over me as I approach them, a heavy feeling in my throat. And it's like a
waterfall,
I miss them, my best friends.
"Hey, I haven't seen you two since the dance," I say, trying to sound cheerful.
"We've heard," Kara says, interrupting me.
"Ditching us already for Huntington?"
"Guys--" I try to explain.
"You even seem different these days," Hayden cuts me off, his blue eyes scanning me over. I feel a flush coming up. It seems like he knows everything that's been happening these weeks.
"So our friendship is going to end just because I'm dating Huntington?" I look at them, my hands falling to my sides.
They look at each other. Kara sighs. "You still know that Adrian is not
the type you should be with, right? You yourself said that all he does is use girls then throw them out a minute later."
"I'm perfectly clear on that," I reply.
"Then why are you still with him?"
"It's just--" I stop then start again. "We--I...I don't know."
And the three of us stands in the hall, not sure what to say.

Kara sighs. “Just don’t get hurt in the process. Moths that are drawn to flames get burnt, remember.”

“I’m a moth,” I say, laughing as I mime flying.
“Moth, moth.”

Kara looks at me. “Be careful.”

"Well, you've been warned," Hayden says, shaking his head. "Besides, if he hurts you, guess whose tires are going to get slashed?"

We all look at each other and I can't help it, I start to smile.

"Thanks, guys," I say.

I'm glad that I have my friends who I know will always
got
my back even when I don't.

And even if—if, one day,
Jace
decides to leave, I’ll be okay. I’ll watch him leave until he disappears from view. And I won’t look back.

That’s the only thought I can afford to think.
chapter twenty-four
ADRIAN
I Will Try to Fix You
I
I'm holding her between my arms, as she shakes and trembles into my shirt, making these little noises that makes my heart clench. "
Shhh
," I keep on saying, smoothing back her sweat soaked hair as she opens her eyes, having
fell
asleep with tear stains on her face.
"
Shhhhh
."
Her voice is hoarse. "Adrian?"
"It's okay. You just had a bad dream," I say, kissing her salty tears away. I groan, shifting away. "You even taste sad."
She stays quiet, as I hold her closer, rocking her back and forth in a slow movement as her eyes slide
close
. "Was it about your mom again?" I ask her quietly.
Avena
shakes her head, her heartbeat fast under my palm as I soothingly trace a line on her back. "No. It was about you."
I look at her and softly say, "What happened?"
"I dreamt that you were in a car accident," she says in a tone so low that I barely catch it. "I saw it--the wheel slipped from your hands and you tried to put on the brakes but the car skidded off the tracks." She swallows. "I couldn't do anything but watch. You in the car fell off the bridge and it--
it
just f-felt so real."
"I'd never leave you," I whisper into her hair, "without you leaving me first."
She nods sleepily against me and lulling, she drifts off to sleep again. This time, she sleeps fitfully, her body curved towards me. A few minutes later, she starts to snore softly.
Hiding my smile, I roll over on one elbow to look straight up at her white plastered ceiling. Closing my eyes, I wonder if this is it.
If this is what being with someone truly feels
like.
All those other times, being with someone meant sleeping with them. I wonder if I'm wrong all this time.
This feels closer to someone than any fooling around could make up for.
Listening to her breathing slow exhales, I've never felt so peaceful in my life.
My past comes in snippets to me.
The dark times when I was traded from foster home to foster home.
The lonely nights, the dead silence, the shattering of plates as they are smashed against the wall.
The sound of me holding my breath as they beat me, counting the blows as I grit my teeth, enduring against the pain.
All those years of searching, searching for the place--home-had ended.
When I got to my teenage years, I was hungry for danger. I regularly got into fights and barely went to school because suspensions were handed out like candy. Then the fighting couldn't satisfy my desire and I had to resort to getting drunk and ending up in the mornings with an unfamiliar girl sleeping beside me, the covers messed up, my clothes strewn all over the carpet. I usually left before they woke up. I couldn't face my reflection in their eyes. I carried that habit with me all through high school. I got no connection to the world and the world has forgotten me.
I
fold
my arms over my head, staring up at the ceiling. I look over at
Avena
, whose face is
smushed
halfway against her pillow, sleeping with one arm held out and the other wrapped around her stomach. Her Hello Kitty pyjamas have been worn so often that the colours have faded. These nights, she'd used me as her teddy bear to hold and I can't say that I mind it.
I focus on her face, the one freckle on the side of her face, the way her eyes crinkle up when she sleeps. I feel a stirring from within.
I don't know how long we can go on like this.
Thinking back to that day in the cafeteria, I don't know what come over me to act that way. The way Ryerson leaned into her, his hands trapping her. The way his gaze shifts to me, mocking me. I felt that he was challenging me to do something. The way he whispers in her ear makes me clench up.
After fourth period,
me
and Ryerson were smoking in the empty halls of the art wing.
"What do you want?" I flicked ash from my cigarette, getting straight to the point.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't play stupid."
Ryerson laughed. "Is this about that monkey girl? You know that I have
absolutely no interest in her."
"Are you sure," I said, moving closer to him, blowing smoke out, "that you're not putting the moves on her?"
I cornered him closer as he took a step back.
"Because, you'd better be sure."
"Hey, hey!"
Ryerson chuckled, putting his hands up. "Relax. I'm not going after your girl."
"Then you better keep your word." I shoved him into the lockers and he winced.
"Huntington!" He shouted as I walked languidly away. "You're whipped, you know? Fucking whipped."
I ignored him as I continued.
And now, I wonder if that's true.
Closing my eyes, I try to sleep as I listen to
Avena's
light snores from beside me. It takes a while but finally, I start to lose consciousness.
But then I feel someone kick me in my leg and I open my eyes, groaning under my breath to see
Avena
lying
facedown
, her legs tangled with mine, one arm sprawled across my face.
Sighing exasperatedly, I roll away and try to go back to sleep.

***
AVENA

The morning light is almost searing bright as I squint into the
blindingness
. Groaning softly, I stretch out my arms and looking over, Adrian is gone. I remember last night, he'd come in through the window and we'd talked before I drifted off to sleep. I recall the way his fingers slid through my hair, the way my face pressed against his chest. It had felt right in a way, being held by him.
Being taken away from the nightmares.
I sit up, rubbing my eyes, the covers sliding off my legs. Waddling drowsily to the bathroom, I turn the knob and am met face to face with Adrian fresh out of the shower, mist drifting around us as he squints at me. He's bare-chested and in the middle of stretching a shirt over his head. If not for the Celtic dagger tattoo on his toned lower stomach, I
wouldn’t have recognized him because of his now wet wavy hair. His strong shoulder blades, his taut stomach, lower down...I look down and scream so loudly that he nearly jumps back.
"Knock before coming in!" I can hear him laughing quietly from behind the door as my cheeks grow hot furiously.
"It's my house!" I yell back.
The door opens and he steps out, wrapped in a white towel and he shakes out his hair. Raking his hand through his loose hair, he smiles. "
Aww
, monkey's shy," he crows, wrapping me into his arms. I try to push him off me but he laughs, holding me. He smells of soap and spice.
"One more word and I'd castrate you," I grumble.
He reaches for me again but I dodge him with a karate chop.
"Go get dressed," I retort, directing him away.
"
If you say so."
He's about to drop the towel and I abruptly turn around, my face probably as red as a tomato by now. There's rustling and zippers being pulled.
"Okay, you can turn around now."
I open one eye. Adrian is in a plaid flannel and
lowslung
jeans, him balling away the towel and towelling off his wet hair. "So how was last night?" He asks softly, seemingly returning to normal.
There are remnants of my earlier distorted dreams, whispers of lost things. I remember something that had me upset but now I can't put my finger to it. I shrug. "Yeah, it was fine. Why?"
"You were crying."
"I have nightmares all the time," I say, brushing his words away, "I usually forget them in the morning." I'm used to the bad dreams ever since Mom's funeral. They come and go but always persist in staying on my mind.
Adrian comes closer, wiping my hair out of my eyes. "Whenever something's bothering you, talk to me."
And with me looking at him and his hand brushing my bangs away, it's a long moment where we just stand there.
And as if almost consciously, Adrian steps away like he's overstepped a boundary and I look away, the rub of emotion lingering between us.
 
***
I remember the first time I encountered him. It was the third week of sophomore year and I was still getting used to the twists and turns of the school. That day, I was racing down the busy art hallway a minute after the tardy bell had already rung and then it was like a classic banana slip with the dramatic music playing in the background and the wide O of my mouth as I crashed against a body when I turned the sharp bend. My hands flew up, spilling my unstapled English papers, them wafting to the linoleum tiles. I lift my gaze from old jeans, a motorcycle jacket and at last, his face. His green eyes are looking at me, but not in that movie romantic way, but rather...
"Watch it,
freshmeat
," he said, stepping around me, smirking.
I twitched. He thought I was a freshman? Just who the hell does he think he is?
He walked off, leaving me to pick up my papers. Chivalry is really dead.
That was the first time I saw him. He didn't leave a good impression. Soon after, I learned from gossip that his name was Adrian. When all the other girls swooned after him at every step, I scorned him. Or maybe I was just jealous. He easily overcame the social boundaries of school that for years I was trying to overcome and he did it almost effortlessly.
When his reputation rose to its peak in junior year, more girls threw themselves at him. Regularly, I could see him lounging near the seniors' turf in the courtyard, with a new girl sitting in his lap. I heard rumours stating how he slept with more girls than he could remember their names. I heard that it was just a game to him.
And that just made me hate him more. It was one thing to have that many girlfriends and one thing to view them as objects to be played with.
I swore that no matter what, I wouldn't get tangled up in his mess.
I didn't know back then that I was going to turn into one of his
marionnetes
, the one thing I hated the most. Now I wonder
,
has the world gone up in flames?