Chasing After Infinity (27 page)

“Hey,” he says.

“
Shhh
,” I tell him, clapping my hand over his mouth.

“Are we sneaking around now behind everyone’s back now?” Adrian whispers.

I feel free, strong. As if this sneaking around in my bedroom is as romantic as holding hands at the cinema. It’s strange.

I smile, leaving him surprised and I push him back into my bed. He lands on my mattress, staring up at me with a slight smirk.

“Wherefore art thou, Romeo?” I whisper, grinning.

“There’s something between you and I,” Adrian says softly. He slides his fingers through my hair, moving up to trace my jaw. His other hand rests against my lower back. His gaze is on my lips and I tingle inside. He draws my head towards his, my head bent down to him and he pauses before our lips can touch.

We breathe like that, me stilling. Then taking advantage of my situation, he grabs the nearest pillow and hits my face with it, rolling over, and chortling quietly.
“Oomph!”

I hit him with a pink pillow and he covers his head. “You arse!” I whisper.

His laughter deepens.
“Arse?
Who uses that word anymore?”

My eye twitches. I roll away from him.

“Don’t be mad,” he whispers. I feel the bed dip as he shifts closer to me. An arm pulls me close to a compact, warm body. He must’ve taken a shower before he’s come here because his hair is still damp, smelling like apple-cinnamon soap. I close my eyes as he holds me closer to him.

It’s been a while since I’ve been held like this. I look at the worn patches of the linen, remembering childhood. When I felt safe in a
cocoon like I’m protected from the world and all its heartaches.
Heartbreak upon heartbreak, glass shattering.

I turn over, facing Adrian as he moves my hair from my face. I rest my forehead against his chest, taking in shaking breaths. This moment feels like it’s going to be of those moments that you look at back later, realizing what you had and then lost.

My heart feels weak, and I feel cold chills all over like I’m having a fever.

I’m not sure how long this uncertain thing between us can go on but I’m going along with it.

We are there in silence until I turn my face upward to the small window, showing nothing but a deep blue night. After a moment, I finally say absently, “Do you think stars cry?” I look at him, who blinks.

“Maybe, who knows?” he answers.

I snuggle closer to him, tracing a circle on the comforter, my eyes downcast. It used to be what I thought I always wanted. And
him
being near is almost too tempting to want to close the small distance between our bodies and lean against him.

I turn over on my elbow to look into his face. He’s still staring up at the ceiling and the colors of the song don’t reach him and the illusion doesn’t matter to him. I concentrate on his face, his dark lashes.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
He flicks his gaze over to me. “What are you looking at?” There’s a slight smile on his lips.

He smirks and before I can react, he has rolled me over and pinned me under him on the bed. The back of my head hits the soft mattress; his body presses to mine, holding me between his hands and the sheets. In surprise, I stare up at him.

“
Haha
,” I say sarcastically, feeling a too fast rush.
“Very funny.
Let go.”

He doesn’t say anything, only pulls me down quickly until our faces almost touch, our lips centimetres apart.

I close my eyes and we meet halfway.

His mouth closes over mine, the friction between our lips consuming, him kissing me as if I’m rich milk butter, delicious smooth. He bites my bottom lip and I scratch at his back, one hand pulling his shirt up, exposing his skin.

I pull away when I hear footsteps from the hall outside my door. We both still and a breath releases out of me when I hear the toilet flushing and fading footsteps as my dad retreats to his own room again.

“That was close,” Adrian says, muffling his laughter.

After he’s gone, I roll away from Adrian. My gaze falls on the Celtic dagger tattoo on his lower stomach. I gesture to the letters “The Unwanted” on his skin.

“You told me that you drove to the city to find your real dad. But what’s the other part of the story?”

He looks at me, the light in his eyes muted. “I got the tattoo down in Salt Lake City where I had a friend working in a tattoo parlour. It was after I found out I was adopted. I got into this huge fight with the folks, started throwing shit and I stole their car because I had to get out of there.”

I stay silent. I think I’m starting to understand him.

And finally, he turns to gaze at me. “I’m no damn angel, Ave,” Adrian speaks. “I never was.”

“There are so many stupid things that I’ve done in my past. Everyone was so concerned for me ditching class, drinking, sleeping
around,
the typical shit that that I never got a second chance.”

“Life never gives us a second chance,” I say. “It seems like everything’s
a regret
to me now.”

“I think we might be more alike than you think.”

I’m trying to hold on but I’m slipping.

“Do you ever think of the night I came over?” Adrian asks.

His back is to me so I can’t see his expression but I feel unsteady.
A thread of discomfort twist inside me.
“What do you mean?”

He pauses, finally turning around, his eyes so deeply green. I’d forgotten how much they resembled the roiling tides of an inland ocean. “Would you give that up?” His voice is husky.

My mind digests his words. Slowly, I answer, “No, I probably can’t.
Because I’m already in too deep.”

And saying it out loud, this revelation, I don’t know whether to smile or to cry.

chapter
twenty-two
 

AVENA

AVENA

Time dissolves quickly, I’ve learned, and it's nearing winter break. I've spent the majority of my time studying for the upcoming exams, cleaning up around the house, and being with Adrian—him sneaking out to come over in the middle of night to keep my mind off everything that's been going on. So far, we’ve been keeping this…
thing
between us hushed and that’s how I prefer it to be.

At lunch, I've been sitting at Adrian's table for about a week now. Today, at the central table located in its prime destination next to the set of large bay windows, I see Blake sprawled on the seat, his feet propped up on the table, popping one fry into his mouth. He looks up, noticing my gaze and he waves me down.

"Hey," I say, setting my tray down on the opposite side of him. "
Where's
Valerie and the others?"

He shrugs. "They're probably late."

An awkward silence descends on the table. Looking at him reminds of the dance night. As I chew my sandwich, I notice his eyes on me. Swallowing, I say, "You know, it's rude to watch others eating."

Blake smiles and leans closer, regarding me. I draw back but he keeps on coming closer until I say, "What?"

“So, you and Huntington, eh?”
 

For a second, I stare at him before recovering myself.
“Nah.
We’re not together,” I say, hastily trying to divert me and Adrian’s “special” situation. It’d be when hell freezes over when I’m going to admit our hooking up and confirm the fast rumours.

“Well, that’d be hard to back up.” Blake looks at me in a way that I feel like he’s seeing right through me. “He hasn’t been seen with the usual girls in quite some time.”

I shrug. “That has nothing to do with me.” I pause. “Maybe he’s just going through some things right now. Give it a few more weeks and I’m sure that he’d be up to no good again.”

Blake leans forward so that I can smell his cologne. “So that means that you don’t care about him. You don’t give a damn about him.” His dark eyes seem almost hypnotic and I have to blink before moving away.

“Well, I don’t want him to die in some fatal car crash that will make all the girls cry at his funeral but I sure don’t have any real feelings for him or something.”

“Ah, well, if that’s the case,” Blake continues, still smiling that smile. “Are you going to reconsider my earlier offer?”

He’s still in my private space, taking up the room so that he’s pressing me against my seat. It makes me uncomfortable. “I don’t know.”

“Is that a maybe?”

“That’s
a
I don’t know,” I say firmly.

With his wavy golden hair, liquid eyes, and pretty boy looks, I don’t know why Blake is after me if he could have dozens of girls falling over their feet to say yes.
Same as Adrian.
I get suspicious when pretty boys take sudden interest of me without warning.

Blake doesn’t take a hint and instead looks at me with the same wonder mixed with amusement. He leans over me, his hands over either sides of my chair, pinning me under his gaze.

Then he pauses. "And...
here
he comes." He smiles and releases me, settling back in his seat.

I turn, seeing Adrian coming over languidly across the dining hall, an entourage of girls lingering on the spot as he passes.

"Ryerson," he says, his eyes flicking over me and him, his lips in that crooked curve.

"Isn't this your spare period?" Blake pops another fry into his mouth.
"Can't imagine you doing anything but chasing skirts during this free time."

Adrian just smiles.
"Quitting that nasty habit.
Besides, I've got my motivation. This here--" He slings an arm around my shoulder, making me look in surprise at him, pulling me closer.
"Is my antidote."

"Stop it," I hiss at him, looking at some tables turning to watch this debacle.

He ignores me. Both stand there, watching each other.

"Are you marking your territory?" Blake laughs.

"Maybe I am. She's--" Adrian smirks and brings me to him, making me press up against his side. I smack him away. "Mine. I'm pretty sure you don't need reminding of your place."

The entire dining hall goes quiet. The girls sitting in the nearby table start whispering. Some even shoot me death glares.

I'm sick of the pissing contest. "I'm done here," I say, trying to get out of Adrian's hold.

“Let’s go, shall we?”

Then he places his fingers on the small of my back and guides me down the hall. I look back to Blake who’s standing there, his eyebrows raised. Then I switch my attention to Adrian. I feel conscious of him beside me, his body heat, and the questioningly looks that so many students throw at me as they wonder, Why is he with
her
?

Well, I’m wondering the same thing.

“What were you thinking?" I burst out in anger as we walk out of the dining hall, the doors closed behind us. "Why did you have to embarrass me in front of the whole school?"

"Embarrass?" Adrian says disbelievingly. "What you mean is increase your status."

"I thought we agreed," I say, jabbing a finger on his chest, "to keep this quiet."

Adrian shakes his head, spinning me around to face him. "Now, everyone knows.
So what?"

"Now everyone thinks I'm another one of your dumb groupies!" I finally yell, my voice reaching higher. "That's what I've been trying to escape from."

His green eyes soften.

"You're far from it," he says.

I quiet, not looking up at him. No matter what I do, my past comes rushing back to me.

"Come with me, there's some people right there," Adrian says, jerking his gaze to a couple of girls staring at us. When they don't look away, Adrian barks at them, "What are you looking at?"

A girl blushes and they flinch, scampering away.

He takes my hand and leads us to the library where it's mostly empty and silent. Between the bookshelves, we stand there in the dust.

"Besides, what were you doing with Ryerson?” Adrian says as we try to be quiet as the librarian shushes us, his lips near my ear.

“He wanted some information.”

“The fox.”

“You can’t be talking about yourself.”

He's about to retort when we hear whispering skittering near us, hidden behind the bookshelves.

"I don't believe it. He's with that chick now?"