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With that she turned and walked away, and that should’ve been it. But no. He didn’t let her have the graceful exit.
 

“You’re right. Every word you’ve said is true. I’m the worst kind of coward. I wish I could get a do-over, but life doesn’t work that way. I get that. You don’t have to accept my apology, but I have to make it. And I’m going to work every day for the rest of my life to try to make amends for the last month.”

Her anger boiled over again. “You do that, Donovan. You do whatever it is you have to do to make yourself feel better. It’s not going to change what you did to me.” She started to walk away, but she had one last point to make. She pointed to her stomach. “Not to me. To us.”

She started to walk away again, but his words stopped her.

“I don’t suppose it matters if I tell you I still love you.”

The words stabbed into Kacie Jo’s heart, pain ricocheted through her body. An angry tear fell from her eye, and she wiped it away. Why was he doing this now?
 

“Donovan, let’s stop pretending. Okay? Let’s just not do this. It’s not fair to either of us.”

He moved in front of her, his face serious, intense like it was every time he reported live from some war zone a world away. “I’m not pretending Kacie Jo, and don’t tell me you were. We found love while we were gone. And if I would’ve had my head screwed on straight, we might still have a chance.”

He seemed so genuine, but she didn’t believe it. She had before, and she’d paid too high a price.
 

“We found make believe magic, Donovan. Not love. And if you’d had your head screwed on straight, you would’ve never made love with me in the first place. You’d probably still be off in the Middle East or Africa or up in New York. You certainly wouldn’t be here in Caldale professing undying love for the woman who’s divorcing you no matter what you say.”

His silence acknowledged the truth in her statement. He rubbed his hand over his tired face, and she tried not to care that the weight of the world was on his shoulders.
 

“You’re not even going to ask me to explain,” he finally spoke, and she shook her head.

“It doesn’t matter, Donovan. It did before, but it doesn’t now. Okay?” She was suddenly exhausted, her anger spent. Her heart ached and she felt empty inside.

“Sign the papers, Donovan. Don’t make this worse for either of us.”

And with that she finally walked away.

Donovan didn’t follow Kacie Jo. He wanted to. As she walked away from him every fiber in his being screamed Go After Her. But he couldn’t. Not yet. He needed help.

When Donovan walked up the steps to Ike’s home, he told himself one of two things was going to happen. Either he’d get the help he needed, or he would die because Ike Jenkins would slaughter him. Either would be preferable to the hell he’d been in.

Ike opened the door before he knocked. The scathing look he sent spoke volumes.

“Young man, I’m not sure you want to be here right now.”

Donovan deserved the man’s censure.

“I’m not sure either,” he said. “I know I’ve made a lousy mess of things. I know I’ve hurt a lot of people, most of all Kacie Jo. More than anything I know I need help, and I think you know how I can get it.”

Ike didn’t answer right away, and Donovan couldn’t blame him. When he thought Ike was going to toss him off the porch, he opened the door wider instead.

“Have you still heard nothing from Donovan’s lawyer?” It had been a week, and Kacie Jo was tired of waiting.

Grady sat behind his desk working on a spreadsheet of some sort. Completely lost.

“Isn’t that the kind of thing Eliza usually does?” she asked.

“I’m sure you know Eliza Jane quit,” Grady growled. And then he looked up at her. “No, I’ve still heard nothing. If you want to know what’s taking him so long, you might talk to our father. They’ve spent every afternoon the last week together.”

Ouch. Kacie Jo tried not to let her brother see how much that news hurt. “I didn’t know Eliza quit. I’m sure you deserved it. Where is she now?”

Grady rubbed his forehead. “I have no idea. She left town. Her voice mail says she’s on vacation.”

“Eliza took a vacation?” Suddenly Kacie Jo felt horrible. She’d spent so much time focused on her own grief she hadn’t been there for her best friend. Her brother had broken Eliza’s heart, and he didn’t even know it. Idiot.

“Wait. You didn’t know?” Grady asked looking more concerned than aggravated.

Kacie Jo shook her head. “No. But she definitely earned one after all the time she spent here with her unappreciative boss.”

“I appreciate her,” Grady said begrudgingly, and Kacie Jo sighed.

“Whatever, Grady. You treated her like she was invisible half the time and like she was someone who needed bossing around the other. I’m going to Dad’s. If you hear anything from the lawyer or from Eliza, call me.”

She stepped out into the late summer heat and pressed Eliza’s contact info on her phone. Sure enough, her voice mail said she was out and off the digital grid for a week.

By the time Kacie Jo got to her father’s house, she’d worked herself up into one big mess of guilt over her lousy abilities as a best friend.

Daddy sat on the front porch with a cup of coffee and his tackle box.

“Going fishing?” she asked leaning down to give him a kiss.

“Something like that,” he said, and she frowned at the ambiguity of the answer.

“Does this something have to do with you spending your afternoons with Donovan?” She didn’t want to be hurt, but she was.

“It does.”

Wonderful. She lost a husband and her daddy got a fishing partner.

She wanted to ask why, but if her father planned on imparting information, he would’ve done so already.

So she took Grady’s advice. “When you see him, could you tell him the divorce can be quick if he doesn’t contest it?”

“He’s in the garage. You ought to tell him yourself.”

Panic hit followed quickly by anger. “Are you on his side?” She couldn’t keep the accusation out of her voice.

Her father shook his head, but his eyes were gentle. “No sides in this one, Kacie Jo. I love you. I still think you ought to go talk to the boy.”

His answer soothed the ache in her chest and she bent down, to hug him. “Thank you, Daddy,” she said.

And then she started toward the garage.

Like every other part of the house, the garage was spotless. Donovan stood over Daddy’s gear packing his tackle box. A fishing pole hung on the wall above his head. When she stepped inside, he stopped.

“Hello, Donovan,” she said, surprised by how calm she sounded even though her heart was practically bursting out of her chest.

“Kacie Jo,” he said setting down the box.

Business. That’s all this was. Tying up lose ends. Finishing what never should’ve started. “Grady said you’ve been spending time here.”

“I have,” he said wiping his hands on his jeans.

“He said we haven’t heard from your lawyer.”

“I have the papers. I’ll send them today if that’s what you want.”

She nodded, started toward him because it seemed like the right thing to do then stepped away because what? Were they going to shake hands or something?

Donovan reached out, touched her shoulder. The contact zinged clear to her toes and she closed her eyes and told herself one day she wouldn’t miss this spark they shared.

“Wait, Kacie Jo. I need to say something more. It’ll be quick.”

She didn’t want his apologies. She’d already told him that. They were pointless. She shook her head. “Don’t, Donovan. It doesn’t matter.”

“I think it does.”

She stepped away from him wishing she’d ignored her father’s challenge. “What?”

“I made a lot of mistakes the last year. The biggest one was walking away from you.”

“Donovan, please,” Kacie Jo held up her hand to stop him. She didn’t want this. It hurt too much.

“I don’t deserve any more chances from you, and I don’t blame you a bit if you walk away without hearing a word I have to say,” he said.

Kacie Jo didn’t answer, but she wanted to. She wanted to tell him he was right.

“I just want you to know, whatever else happens, I’m getting help now. Ike made some calls, and I’ve been talking to a doctor. I’m not well, but I am getting better.”

“That’s good,” Kacie Jo said, and she meant it. Like he said, whatever else happened, she didn’t want him to hurt forever.

“Anyway,” he said, “I wanted you to know I wouldn’t have had the strength to do this, to try to get through this if it weren’t for you and the baby.”

She wanted to scream leave me out of it, but she didn’t. Instead she pasted on a smile and said the words she should feel. “That’s good, Donovan. Really good. I’m happy for you.” Maybe the words would’ve worked better if she hadn’t started crying.

Turned out the books about pregnancy were right. Raging hormones intensified emotions including those brought on by broken hearts.

She would’ve been okay if he hadn’t reached out then and brushed her tears away before whispering, “Don’t cry.”

She shrugged pitifully. “I thought I was done crying over you.” Even as she said the words she realized she was being far too honest with a man she was divorcing.

“If I could make this better, I would,” he said, and she saw he meant it. But then Donovan had always been sincere. Sincerity didn’t change a thing.

“I loved you so much,” she said, not sure whether she meant the words to hurt or soothe.

“I love you still,” he said, and she pushed away from him. She couldn’t go there again. She just couldn’t.

Chapter Fifteen

Kacie Jo’s summer days were quickly coming to an end. But every time she looked at her files she found herself lost in memories of the lake and of Donovan.

Another week had passed. He’d signed the agreement, and the sixty-day to finally divorced countdown was on.

It would be easier if Donovan hadn’t made a point of being so present in his absence.
 

He’d tried to send flowers every day and she’d dumped them in the trash twice before telling the florist to deliver them to the women’s shelter. She had a roomful of diapers, a baby swing, and a stroller.

She’d sent the men who’d shown up with a crib away at first, but changed her mind.

The papers in front of her begged for attention, and she sighed. If she couldn’t organize a few lesson plans, how was she ever going to teach a class of kids who needed all the help she could give them?

Finally giving up on the whole mess, she stood and stared out her window. The summer heat soared and the grass had turned brown and yellow. Thank God for air-conditioning.

The sharp ring of her phone grabbed her attention and she answered it even though she didn’t recognize the number. When she heard the voice on the other end, she cringed. Her thoughts had conjured satan.

“Hello, Kacie Jo. I was just wondering if you could tell me where I might find Donovan.”

“No, Sam. I haven’t seen Donovan in a while.”

“I heard about you splitting. That’s a damn shame. Usually I’d be all for it seeing as this frees Donovan up, but he seemed like a different man with you.”

He was. But it wasn’t real. “Thanks, Sam. If I see him, I’ll let him know you called.”

“Wait.”

She really did not want to talk to this man, but she found herself curious to see what he had to say. “Yes?”

“I just wanted to say I remember once in Iraq we were in the middle of a huge gunfight and he was standing there capturing footage. People were blown to hell, and God only knows why we weren’t. I called him a fearless son of a bitch. He told me when you weren’t afraid of dying there wasn’t a lot to worry about. He never was afraid of dying. He was crazy as hell, and he was a damn fine reporter. But with you he was different, and I think that was a good thing."

Kacie Jo swallowed the tears his words brought on. Maybe Sam wasn’t the devil she believed him to be. She could close her eyes and see that look in Donovan’s eyes. He’d always been fearless. “Well, thanks, Sam. Like I said, I’ll tell him you called if I see him.”

Hanging up the phone, she returned to the window. She didn’t want to think about Donovan in the middle of a gun war, didn’t want to think abut him being a damn fine reporter in a situation that might get him killed.

But she couldn’t let herself think of him here either. She needed to get busy living her life. She needed to remember who she’d been before Donovan.

If Sam called again, she wasn’t answering. She didn’t need to think about these things. All the negativity had to be bad for the baby, and it sure was hell on her heart.

After the call Kacie Jo gave in to her restless energy and put away the lesson plans. Instead, she settled for a nice long bubble bath, a paperback book and a relaxation playlist.

Now that the bath was over, she looked at her pruned red skin and the book with its wet edges and wondered why she’d thought a thunderstorm soundtrack would get her mind off Donovan.