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“Yeah, but it’s later. Going for a walk?”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Yes. I try to walk every morning. Alone. It’s a great stress relief.”

He didn’t get her message. “Want some company?”

She considered telling him no, explaining that the words stress relief and Donovan Nelson would never belong in the same sentence.

He wasn't dressed for a walk in this heat, but whatever.

Donovan waited until they reached the park to make his first move. And for all the times he told himself it was because that was his plan, he knew the real reason. He was scared. Scared she’d say no and send him back to square one.

Finally, he worked up the nerve. “Kacie Jo. Would it be too much if I asked you to hold my hand?”

He almost laughed at the way she stopped suddenly and turned to glare at him. “Yes.” She practically spit out the single word.

He shrugged like it was no big deal even though his heart raced. “It’s just my hand, Kacie Jo. Surely, you can handle that. Plus it’ll be nice. Just two people walking in the morning. That doesn’t mean anything really does it?”

“Fine.” She held out her hand, and he took it in his. He loved the way it felt like he was offering her his protection just by enveloping her smaller fingers in his. Loved the way her hand was soft and warm on his calloused palm.

At first, she walked stiffly beside him, but finally she relaxed and let him set the pace. He didn’t say a word just savored the wonder of walking down the road with her by his side.

The air was warm, but not too bad yet. The wind blew softly, and he could hear birds in the trees and kids playing.

A couple jogged by and he wondered how long it would take before Caldale knew Kacie Jo and Donovan Nelson were holding hands, walking in the park this morning. He was going to love owning a paper in this town.

They rounded the corner and started back toward her house, and he had to say something, had to tell her why he was there.

“I came by this morning to talk.”

“I figured you came over for something.”

They walked up the steps to her walkway, and she stopped and looked up at him.
 

“I’d like to come inside, talk a minute if we can.”

Kacie Jo hesitated, searched his eyes for some unspoken message then finally sighed and opened the door inviting him inside.

The photos of Anaj were still on her coffee table.

“Do they bother you?” Kacie Jo asked.

Donovan was surprised by his answer. “No. Not really.”

“She’s beautiful. Thank you for asking Ali to send them. They help explain….” She let the words trail off, and Donovan nodded.

“They’re only part of the story, Kacie Jo. If you still want to know, I’d like to tell you the rest.”

As he said the words, Kacie Jo stood completely still, indecision in her eyes. When she finally made up her mind, she turned to him, her eyes clear, steady. “I want to know.” Her words were whispered and Donovan understood her fear.

He sat on the couch and hoped she’d sit beside him because he wasn’t sure he could tell her this story if she sat across the room.

She sat beside him, as if she wanted to protect him from his memories.

“I don’t know what Ali wrote.” He had to give himself a few minutes.

“He said you were a hero in B’en Ai. That his family accepted you as a part of them. He said Anaj thought we’d marry.”

Her last statement surprised him, but the rest he knew. “I’m not a hero, Kacie Jo.”

She shook her head. “Don’t put yourself down, Donovan. I saw some of the stories you did. Those weren’t stories by someone who didn’t care.”

In a way, Kacie Jo was right. He had cared about the people he met. The stories he covered. Usually. That’s one reason Anaj’s death had hurt. If he’d done his job the right way, maybe….It didn’t matter. He couldn’t change the past. He could only fight for his future. The future he wanted to share with Kacie Jo.

“I watched Anaj die. Actually, Ali and I stood outside the city wall where her murder took place, and then we had to run like hell to stay alive.”

He still remembered the way the acrid smoke billowed through the air. Still remembered Ali’s promises of retribution and his own desire to kill.

“Her maid said her husband had forbidden western television in his home. That he’d planned on murdering Anaj for months. Of course, we knew that. We had the letter.”

“The letter?”

“Anaj smuggled a letter to Ali and her father begging for help. She told about her fears for her life. A new doctor had declared her infertile. But she didn’t believe it. She didn’t know why her husband wanted her dead, but he’d paid the doctor finely for his diagnosis. Now we know it probably had something to do with the short war that followed. But Ahmad was jealous of the friendship I shared with Ali and Anaj. After the doctor, Anaj discovered her husband was censoring the mail she received and sent. She knew then, and somehow she found a way to get us the message. Her maid would’ve died, too, but we were able to save her. If we had been an hour earlier…."

Kacie Jo covered his hand. “Don’t do that, Donovan. Don’t second guess what can’t be changed.”

Donovan sat back against the couch. “I know it’s pointless to think about.” He shook his head to clear away the memory. “I know you’re right. You might have seen it on the news, but I refused to cover it. At first, I thought I’d be okay with a few days off. I headed to the front lines for what was supposed to be a surprise visit by the President."

Replaying the events in his mind made them seem so powerless.

"I got there a few hours early and convinced the team we should do a story on the education of young girls. We pulled in front of what was supposed to be the safest school in the area almost at the same time the building blew up."

He shook his head and wished he could erase the images of that day.
 

“After that it was like I developed this evil twin and he took over. Loud noises made me jump. I couldn’t sleep, and when I did, I’d see Anaj or one of a million other deaths playing over and over in my mind. I shook constantly. I finally realized I had to leave when I tried to cover a new school opening and threw up every time I stood in front of the camera.”

He’d lost his mind. Lost the ability to do the job he’d loved.

“Luckily, my bosses agreed and let me out of my contract.”

That was the condensed version, but it would suffice.

“I tried to push all of it to the back of my mind. But then I saw Ali and snapped. I was so afraid I’d go crazy and hurt you or myself. I had to leave, Kacie Jo. I had to get away. Or so I thought.”

He looked at Kacie Jo then. Looked at the way she was watching him, waiting to see if he had more to say. And he did. He wanted to say please forgive me. Give us another chance. Please, let me prove how much I love you. Please, let me have the chance to watch our baby grow in you. Please, let me hold you through the night.

“Why did you wait to tell me, Donovan?”

He’d asked himself the same question. “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want you to know how messed up I am. I needed to figure this all out on my own. Find my way alone.”

“And now?” She held her hands together so tightly her knuckles were white as she asked the question.

He looked away knowing this answer was the most important thing he’d said all morning. “Now I know alone isn’t the answer. There are no answers in me. I have to trust others to help me, and I have to let the things I can’t control go. It’s a scary realization, but it sure does make life easier.”

She didn’t say anything, so he continued. “It’s funny how my mother gave me that bit of advice. She’s a pretty wise woman.”

Kacie Jo silently tightened her fingers around his, as surprised as he was at the admission.
 

“I think we might be showing each other the way out of our misery. She helped me see it was time for both of us to stop running, and she was right. For her, it was telling me about my father. For me it’s about accepting help and going after what I really want, what I really need. That brings us right back where we started.”

Donovan stared down into Kacie Jo’s eyes and prayed she understood the true depth of his words. “Because what I want, what I need is you, Kacie Jo. Please, don’t shut me out of your life completely.”

To say yes was to risk everything. Kacie Jo didn't know what to do. Her track record with risk and Donovan wasn’t all that great.

What if he walked away again? There were no guarantees here. And he’d pretty much told her his illness wasn’t something that would just go away.

She could practically hear the crackle of tension in him as he waited to hear her answer.
 

She couldn’t just say no. But yes wasn't the right answer either. “I don’t know, Donovan. I really don’t know.”

Donovan took her hand in his. Held it to his chest. “Let me earn this, Kacie Jo. Let me at least try.”

Her hand was cold and limp in his. She couldn’t give him the answer he wanted, but she couldn’t pull away either. He was still the same magnet. His heat still embraced her, pulled her toward him.

She turned away. “You said we’d be friends.”

“We will be friends, Kacie Jo. The best of friends.”

She yanked her hand away. “I can do that. I can be your friend. That’s all I can say yes to right now. Okay?”

She waited for him to answer, to say anything. He was disappointed with her answer but willing to try things her way. “Okay.”

He stood then and held out his hand to help her up before they walked to her door together. When he stepped outside, he turned to her. “I’ll think about you today.”

She didn’t figure now was the time to tell him she thought about him every day, every minute, every second.

She felt off kilter, not at all friendly.

And then he lowered his lips to hers. The gentleness of his kiss surprised her, her reaction scared her even more.

This wasn’t a goodbye. This was a beginning.

Chapter Seventeen

For a month of mornings, Kacie Jo settled for knocks on her door and early walks with Donovan that always ended with kisses that left her hungry for more. Over the course of that month, he opened the Caldale News. His first story was a piece on an orphanage in Juarez. The Caldale Junior League had adopted Maria’s cause and fallen in love with Isabel and the other kids. They were sending money and supplies. Once the roads were safe, they’d send people to help. Donovan thrived on helping others.

Everywhere she went in town people talked about him and the paper. Sometimes, she'd see him on the job, and he'd wave. Twice he stopped by for dinner. Once he took her to a movie in Dallas.

School started. The morning walks moved earlier, and still, he was there.

This morning the wind gusts woke her earlier than normal. As she ate breakfast she turned the television on to wait for Donovan.

The reporter on screen looked nothing like Donovan, but the setting was all too familiar.

Kacie Jo wanted to turn the television off, but the breaking news bar across the top kept her riveted.

Donovan knocked and she debated turning the news off or telling him to come watch with her. It didn't matter if they watched live. The reporters would take whatever happened and turn it into a story everyone could understand. They didn't need to see it all unfold.

Donovan knocked again, and she opened the door and waved him in.

"The trial. It's on the news"

Donovan didn't look surprised. "I know."

Of course he did. "Do you want to come in? They're talking now."

He paused a second before answering, but then shook his head. "I want to go on our walk. If it's still on when we get back, we can watch then.”

Donovan held Kacie Jo's hand and marveled in how her belly was more round today than it had been the day before.

"I think he grew a few inches over night," he said, and Kacie Jo laughed.

"She's been rambunctious at nights, but she sleeps in the mornings."

"Our walks put her at peace,” he said hoping this was true.

Most mornings he kept his phone on silent, but a national chain store was opening shop in Caldale, and the airport crew was supposed to let him know when the bigwigs were scheduled to land. The call came before they'd closed in on a block of walking time.

"Nelson," he answered.

Sam's voice stunned him. "There's a place for you on the next flight to London, if you want it. Not the Middle East. Not Africa. London. They're trying those terror suspects caught with explosives last winter and the bosses want you. You're the only one who can explain the suspects’ lives to people in a way they understand, and you still have a contract. Plane leaves DFW at 4 p.m. Call and let me know either way, buddy."

With that, the line went dead

Kacie Jo seemed to sense the phone call was something more than small town newspaper business.

"London's calling," he said and slid the phone back in his pocket absolutely sure of his answer.