Crossroads (12 page)

“You owe me cuz.  You know I barely made any money on that sale right?”  Con slaps me on the back and leans over my shoulder.  I can’t believe he is bringing this up, today of all days.  Em is right here.  He makes enough money so I know he’s only joking around and he doesn’t actually care about the lack of profit made.  But Em might not see it that way and I have fond memories of the day I helped her choose a new bed.  I don’t want him to tarnish that.

“Yeah, yeah, pull your head in,
” I chuckle, shaking my head.  Turning to him I add, “Seriously though, thanks for not dicking her around, you know I appreciate it.”

My eyes are forever drawn in
Em’s direction and it doesn’t take long for Con to notice and spot Em talking to Yiayia by the back door.

“I’m glad to see that you took my advice
though,” he says smugly.

“What’s tha
t?” I ask distracted by Em as she laughs at something Yiayia says.

“I told you the day I met her that she was a keeper.” 
Normally I would argue a comment like that, but not this time.  I
do
want to keep her.  Con nudges me with his arm just as Em looks in our direction.  She smiles and waves.  We both wave back.  “She is gorgeous Nick.”

“Yep.”
  I watch as she makes her way over to us, the sunlight hitting her hair highlighting the red in it.  “She sure is.”

“Emma! 
You’re looking lovely as always,” Con booms as he puts his hand out for her to shake.  He pulls her hand to his mouth for a kiss and I feel like smacking him.  “So how’s that bed working out for you?”

“Um.
” I watch Em’s face flush my favourite shade of pink.  “Very well, thank you.”  She glances nervously at me.

“Con
behave yourself!” Gemma says, appearing at Con’s side.  “Hi I’m Gemma, Con’s wife.”

“
I’m Emma.  Nice to meet you,” Em says shaking her hand, they both giggle at their similar names.

“Emma please
excuse my husband, he’s a hopeless flirt,” she says pulling him away, cursing at him.

Em laughs and moves to stand by my side, he
r face turning suddenly serious, as we watch Con and Gemma walk away.

“I can’t be
lieve you told Con about us!” she whispers angrily, looking straight ahead to the crowd in front of us.

“I didn’t
tell him anything.  That’s just Con being Con.”

“Really?” s
he asks, her voice softening a little when she turns to me.

“I swear.”

“Good, because I don’t want anyone knowing about our arrangement.”

“Our arrangement?”
I ask bitterly.  But Em walks off before I can say anything else.  When she starts to talk to my littlest cousins I realise she is putting a stop to our conversation.

Our arrangement?
 
I thought this morning effectively ended
our fucking arrangement!

I place the tea towel in Yiayia’s outstretched hand.

“Thank you for your help Emma,” she says with a genuine smile.

“You’re welcome,” I say, grinning back at her.

Yiayia
has spent the last hour telling me about all the family she will be catching up with when she goes to Greece with Nick, while I’ve been helping with the dishes in the kitchen.  It turns out she will be there with him for a month before coming home by herself, leaving her grandson to continue his overseas adventure on his own.  I really like the way her eyes light up when she speaks, I can tell she thinks the world of Nick.
I’m beginning to know that feeling well.

T
hough her accent is very strong and I had a little trouble understanding her at first, she’s the type of person that I can’t help but gravitate towards. There is a jovial mood in the busy kitchen filled with a group of aunties as well as Nick’s mum.  For the most part they have included me in the conversation, but they have also been talking intermittently in Greek making some of the talk rather difficult to follow.

“Yes, thank you Emma, but you shouldn’t be helping
, you know. You are our guest!” Nick’s mother, Marie says, shoving me towards the door to the backyard.  “Now go, have fun!”

“Okay, okay, I’m going.”  I can’t help but laugh as the woman who is almost as small as Yiayia pushes me across the room.

“Is that her?” I hear a man say as I step outside into the sunshine.  Glancing in his direction I notice him and three women staring at me.  The smile I was wearing instantly drops from my face.  They quickly look away and continue to whisper.

Remembering the o
verheard conversation with those female relatives earlier and now knowing even more family members are gossiping about me, makes me feel very uncomfortable all of a sudden.  I think back to Con’s comment about how the bed is working out and remind myself of the reality of the situation.  What Nick and I have is an arrangement.  An arrangement, that he may or may not have eluded to when he spoke to Con.  Regardless of what he did or didn’t say to his cousin, I know he could never feel the way I do.  This morning with Nick was… I gulp and try to hold back my tears… so much more than I ever thought possible.  Yet, it is still stupid of me to think it could be anything
real
.  The bright and shiny mood I was in sours dramatically the more I stew on those words from his family.

I
step out onto the back lawn where I find Nick playing with a gorgeous little girl.  She has dark brown, almost black, curly hair in pigtails and wide brown eyes, with a cheeky little smile.  Nick growls as he tickles her making her giggle.  I stand back and watch them for a moment before Nick raises his head and notices me.

“Sorry I got side-tracked-” I hold a hand up to stop him
from talking.

“No
, don’t be silly.”  I step closer and the little girl loses interest in him and runs off.  “She’s adorable,” I say, watching her join some other kids.

“Isn’t she though? 
That’s Natassia, she’s my sister Maria’s daughter.  She has me wrapped around her little finger.”  He beams as he watches her play.  Then he surprises me by adding, “I hope I’m lucky enough to have a little girl like her one day.”

I
suck in a lung-full of air and swallow hard. His innocent comment contradicts everything I have been thinking about him and it brings tears to my eyes just considering it. 
So he would settle down?
  He is such a caring and thoughtful person, but he’s also a lot of fun too.  I could see him as a great father.  And his own father would be a perfect example of exactly what
not
to do.

“You would make a great dad,” I say, my voice thick with em
otion.

“You really think so?”
Nick asks after eyeing me thoughtfully for a moment.  I nod and he smiles.  Shoving his hands in his pockets he asks, “How about you Em, do you want kids?”

“Yes
… someday,” I stutter, confused and surprised that this conversation is even occurring with him.

“Me too
… in the distant future, that is.” He chuckles.

We continue to gaze at each other
.
  I’d love to know what he is thinking right now.

Stupid thoughts invade my mind.  I see
pictures of a future with Nick - as the father of my children, and for the briefest of moments it feels like a feasible reality.  
It's never going to happen…

Nick opens his mouth to speak, but I interrupt him.

“So, anyway, I’m going to head home.” 
I need some distance, from this, from dreaming of a future that could never happen with you.

“
No… really?”  He removes his hands from his jeans and he steps closer to me, curving his arms around my waist, pulling me towards him and tucking his head in my neck.  It’s an intimate display of affection, the most he has offered me in front of his family, and it makes me uncomfortable when I know what they think of me, of us.  I struggle from his embrace and he looks at me with hurt in his eyes.  “Em, please don’t leave,” he pleads.

“I need to go,” I smile at him with false bravado.

“I’ll come with you.”  He grabs hold of my hand and links our fingers together.

“No, you need to spend some time with your family.”

“We’ve been here for hours.  They won’t even notice I’ve left.”

“Nick
, please.”  I try to tug my hand from his but he only pulls me closer.

“What’s going on Em?  Why a
re you pulling away from me?” The worry in his voice makes my heart jump because I know he means more than just my hand.

“I’m not
… I promise.”  I smile at him and give him a quick kiss on the lips.  It seems to appease him some.

“You promise?”  He smiles
back, but I can see the doubt in his eyes.  He leans in to catch my lips once more.  “Can I come over later then?”

“How about you
call
me later?”

His smile
slips away completely and he looks down at our joined hands and nods, his shoulders slumping in overdramatic disappointment. 
Obviously he’s used to getting his way when it comes to women.

“I’ll walk you out,
” he says solemnly.

When the last guest leaves, I head to my room for some privacy to call Em.  It’s only been about four hours since she left, but it has felt a hell of a lot longer. 
I can’t believe how much I miss her already!  How can I possibly leave her to travel?  Indefinitely?

I don’t like the way she left
either.  I thought she was having a good time, here with my family.  I saw her talking and laughing, but then something changed, and the hell if I know what it was.  I know she said she wasn’t pulling away, but it sure felt like it.  Something happened to make her re-think us, I just don’t know what.

It’s almost
nine o’clock when I take my phone out of my pocket, still plenty of time to go to her apartment.  I lay on my bed contemplating going to see her.  I want to feel her in my arms, I want to hear her voice and smell her perfume.  I want to listen to her laugh and see her smile... it doesn’t matter what I want, she wanted me to call.  So I call.

“Hello.”

“Hey you.”

“Nick,
” she mumbles sleepily.

“I like the way
my names sounds from your lips when you’re all sleepy.”

“Is that so?”  I can hear a smile in her voice.

“Yeah.  So what are you doing?  Can I come over?”

“No, I’m going to have an early night I think.”

“Sounds good to me, why don’t I join you?”

“
Nick…
” her tone of voice sounds almost like a warning.

“
Em
,” I copy it.

“I’m really tired.”

“I’d like nothing better than to sleep with you.”

“Nick
come on, I just said I was tired.  I’ve had more sex this weekend than… well, ever.  I need to sleep.”  Her voice is whiny, and I can tell that she is getting annoyed.

“Is your mind always in the gutter Em?” I chuckle
, trying to cheer her up.  “I wasn’t offering to have
sex
with you. I said
sleep
…  Let me sleep with my arms around you-”

“
Nick…
” she says with that warning tone again.

“Okay, beside you then-”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says abruptly, cutting me off again.

“Okay, okay.” 
I give up.
  As much as I want to be with her, she has said no and I don’t want to start an argument.  “I’ll see you then.”

“Bye Nick.”

“Sweet dreams Em.”

I wasn’t lying when I told Nick that I was tired.  I was exhausted after our weekend of debauchery and I crashed early.  I woke up feeling well rested.  My head is clearer this morning too.  After what went down yesterday, the feelings of joy I felt at the thought of having an actual relationship with Nick, and then the hurt when I realised it could never happen, I wondered if maybe we could go back to being friends.  I was starting to think it would be best to call things off before either of us got hurt.  That it would be safer that way.  But this morning when I rolled over in bed, before I’d even opened my eyes, memories of being with Nick invaded my mind, while his lingering scent on my pillow invaded my senses.  I want him too much to give him up.  Maybe I overreacted at Nick’s parents’ house.  Maybe we could continue our arrangement.

I decide to forego driving to w
ork because I’m no longer avoiding Nick.  In fact, I cannot wait to see him.  When I round the corner of Nick’s booth he spots me instantly.  He hands his customer her change, keeping his eyes on me.  I stand frozen in his gaze, willing my feet to move in his direction, and wonder what I am going to say to him when I get there.  The man standing next in line clears his throat loudly, breaking Nick’s hold on me.  As Nick tends to the man I walk around to the other side of the booth, to where the door is.  I loiter there, wondering if I am allowed to enter.  What are the rules for employees at the train station?  Are they allowed to have guests in booths?  I don’t want to get him in trouble.

“Get in here woman!” Nick demands, his deep voice warming me with desire. 
How am I supposed to say no to that?

I reach out and turn the knob, opening the door and sliding into the booth
before closing it behind me, it’s even smaller than I thought in here.  I lean back against the door and admire the man in front of me while he goes about his job, serving customer after customer.  I feel turned on just looking at him.  I stare unabashedly at Nick as he stalks his way towards me in the corner of the cramped space, when the last customer leaves.  His sexual prowess is prominent in every step and I feel powerless against the pull I feel towards him.  He doesn’t stop until he is flush against me, against the door and his lips are on mine.  His kiss is tender and sweet and not at all like the sexually charged kiss I was expecting.  He pulls back and cups my face with both hands.

“Mornin
g.”  He smiles.

“Hi.”  M
y heart beats rapidly as he stares intently into my eyes.

“Are we okay?
” he asks.

I take my time answering and when I do it’s not exactly honest.
 
No, I’m not okay, I’m in trouble here, this is too hard.

“Of course.”
  I swallow and take a gulp of air.  My train pulls into the station.  “I’ve gotta go.”

“Alright.”
  He pulls away looking sullen.  I hate when he looks anything other than happy or content, or turned on…

“Nick…”

“Yes?”

I have no idea what I was going to say
, or what I need to do about this whole situation, the only thing I do know is how much I want to kiss him again.  So I do just that.  I place both of my hands on the nape of his neck and pull him in for another kiss.  This one is neither sweet nor tender.  It is a hot and steamy, no-holds-barred kind of kiss that has my insides clenching, my skin warming and my knickers dampening.  Nick pushes me hard against the door and I feel his arousal digging into me as his tongue thrashes against mine.  Abruptly he pulls away.

“You’
re going to miss your train.”

“I don’t really care,” I gasp
, pulling him back to my lips.  He smiles against my mouth as we kiss again, this time short and sweet.  He leans his forehead against mine for a moment and I sigh.

“Can I see you tonight?” he
breathes rapidly.

“Kat’s coming over,” I reply.

“Oh right, Monday night… I can come over later…”

“
I’ll let you know.”  He pulls back a little and looks at me with a sigh.  “I better go.”

“Right.”
  He steps away with a resigned look on his face.

“I’ll speak to you later.”

“Have a good day Em.”

I open the door and exit the booth and practically run to board the train before it leaves.  I take a seat and look back at Nick’s booth.  He is busy
serving more customers but still manages to look over at me with a smile.  It warms my heart, and again I realise just how much trouble I am in.