Crossroads (7 page)

I feel my lips pull up into a tight line.  How can he say that to me?  I’m sure
Mr. Experienced
has had way better experiences than what we just had.  It was over so fast, because of me.  I don’t like the fact he is exaggerating how he feels. 

“What?” he asks
, after a moment of silence, his blue eyes searching mine, looking concerned.

“Nothing.”
  I shrug and duck my head to bury my face in his chest.

“Em, talk to me, please.”
  I don’t want to bring up my insecurities, I want to sit here and enjoy the moment.  What we just did
was
incredible for me and I don’t want to spoil it by talking.  “I don’t want to leave things like we did last night, not again,” Nick says catching me off guard. 
What?  Is he getting ready to leave already?  I don’t want him to go.
  He looks down at me with that vulnerability again.  “Please don’t pull away from me,” he says.

“I’m not.”  He holds my chin in his hand and stares at me, waiting for me to talk.  I sigh, giving in, “It’s just… you shouldn’t say things like that…”

“Like what?”

“
Wow, that was incredible!
” I say trying to imitate his voice.  “You don’t need to feed my ego.”

“What?  I’m not trying to feed your ego.”  I drop my eyes down to our joined bodies.  “D
on’t you trust me?  Em look at me,” I drag my eyes back to his face.  He
looks
sincere. “Trust me when I say it’s AMAZING with you!”  I just shake my head at him, unable to believe his statement.

“Nick, I… I haven’t had…”
How do I explain to him that I feel inadequate?
  “I haven’t been with many men.  I can’t compete with the girls you normally…”

“What?”  He pulls away from me
and turns on me with a disheartened look. 

“
You know
…”

“
Screw…?
 
Fuck…?
 
Go on say it!
”  I can’t, especially not when he’s getting angry with me.

I don’t mean to come across all angry, but Em is frustrating the hell out of me!  In the past I had been proud of all the women I had slept with, but now I wish I didn’t have such a sordid history.  I don’t want her to feel this way.  I’m also annoyed we aren’t feeling the same things here.  And I can’t believe she would even feel the need to compete!  There is no competition. Em is unlike anyone I have ever been with.  I’ve never had sex with someone I cared deeply about.  I know saying what I’m thinking, out loud, goes against the rules of our “arrangement” but I don’t care at this point.

“Em
, do you honestly think that what we have is just about sex?”  I look her in the eye, she nods.  “Well it’s not.  And I can’t believe you would even think you need to compete!  It’s not a competition!  Shit!  It’s more than just sex… at least it is for me.”

I let out a frustrated growl when she squeezes her eyes shut, like she’s trying to block what I’m saying to her.  I grab hold of her chin again and kiss her on the lips.

“Don’t you understand?”

“Understand what?” she whispers
against my mouth, finally opening her eyes.

“It’s different with you Em,
” I say moving back slightly.

“How do you mean
different
?”  Her eyes search mine.

“It just is…”
I let out an exasperated sigh. 
How can I tell her what I am feeling when I can’t find the words?  How can I tell her when it goes against what she wants from me?

“I
don’t understand why you would be with me when there are so many other girls you could choose from.  Women with more experience, better looking ones, that could give you what you want.”

“You give me what I want.” 
So much more than I ever thought I wanted.
  I can’t get carried away here.  She is only going to get mad if I tell her exactly how I feel.  I have to try to stick to the
friends with benefits
crap.  “I guess the sex is different with you because of how I feel about you.” 
Fuck, this is going to be harder than I thought.
  “You are important to me… so when you feel pleasure, I feel your pleasure; I feel your desire… I care about what makes you feel good.  I care about you and so when I’m inside you it means more.  Does that make sense?”  Her face is on fire with embarrassment at the turn in conversation, which in turn gets me excited again.  She nods in response.  “And you are more than good looking, Em, you’re gorgeous.”  My eyes roam her face.  “You’re beautiful.  Now I’m going to say it again and you are going to believe me this time, okay?”  I pull her chin towards mine and stare into her wide green eyes as I say it with meaning, “That. Was. Incredible.”

I watch
her pupils dilate and feel a shiver run through her.  Her mouth curves into a glorious smile I can’t help but return.  I’m still staring into her magnificent green eyes when my phone rings.

“Hey Dan,” I say
, reluctantly answering the call.

“Nick, what you up to mate?”

“Hanging out… you know,” I answer, getting caught off guard.  I glance at Em, wondering how much I can actually tell Dan.  If I tell him who I’m with, I’m sure he will have a stack of questions.

“I know I said I’d be at your gig tonight but I’m
gonna have to take a raincheck, sorry I gotta have an early night. Jo and I have plans to visit some of her relo’s tomorrow.  They bloody live out in the middle of woop-woop.  We need to be there by lunch and it’s a few hours’ drive.”

“Yeah, no worries.
  I’ve come to expect that from you.  You’re so whipped by that ball and chain of yours,” I joke.

“Yeah
, you’re funny!  Do you want to grab a bite before your gig tonight?”

Em stands up
from the couch and walks to the kitchen.  My eyes automatically follow her but I can’t read the expression on her face with the small glimpse she offers me.  Maybe we could all go to dinner together?  Em would probably get along well with Jo.  Would Em go though?  Does that cross the whole
friends with benefits
line?  Friends eat, but if we go out as friends, with other people, I probably couldn’t touch her.

“Nick?”
Dan gets my attention.

“Raincheck?”
I ask.  The thought of not touching Em, while out on the town, sounds like pure torture.

“Okay.  I’ll catch
ya.”

“Bye mate.”

That was incredible for him. 
Being with me was
incredible
for Nick?

The confidence those words incite in me make me feel fantastic and bold. 
They make me want to ask him for more of what I want, more
incredible
sex, but then Nick looks at me in a way that catches me off guard.  I almost believed I could see love behind those eyes, or at least the potential for it.  I know he cares for me, we’re good friends, but I don’t know, for a moment I thought maybe there was more.  More than just good friends and great sex.

T
hen his phone rang and the moment was gone.  Nick joking to his mate Dan about being “whipped” and having a “ball and chain” brought me crashing back to reality.  Even if he was sticking around, he doesn’t
do
relationships.

“Hey
, are you okay?” Nick asks from the couch.

“Yeah
, fine.” I finish off the last of my beer and grab another from the fridge.  “Do you want another?”

“Nah
, I’m good,” he replies lifting his still half full bottle.  He watches me carefully as I return to the couch and lean back into his waiting arm.

I try to put those silly, useless thoughts
, of what could have been, out of my mind and instead put myself back into
friend
mode.

“So you’re heading t
o Greece first and then where?”

B
y asking questions about Nick’s travel plans, I can hide from the fact I can already feel my heart breaking at the thought of his imminent departure. 

“I’ll probably stay in Greece for about a month, checking out my heritage, meeting long lost
relos.  Then I was thinking of going to Bulgaria.  The city of Sofia is supposed to be nice and it has some really happening clubs that I’d like to check out.  Then maybe Italy next, I’ve always wanted to go there…” 

He tells me of all the places he is planning to visit and the things he wants to do when he gets there.  The idea of visiting places I have heard of but never
even dreamed of seeing, makes me jealous. I find it courageous.  He talks animatedly and it warms my heart to see him chatting so happily, I can’t help but get excited for him.

We sit like that
, on the couch, until the sun goes down, me leaning into Nick and feeling so comfortable there.  Nick’s fingers distractedly trace patterns on my bare leg while he talks about his big adventure.  Over and over they rotate, gradually higher and higher until my dress is barely covering my bits and I am so turned on I can’t think straight.  I’m having difficulty concentrating on his words now.  I grab his hand and hold it in place, stopping him mid-sentence.  With our eyes connected I slowly move his hand upwards, underneath my dress until he is where I want him, surprising myself with my directness.  I moan when one of his fingers presses into my folds.

“I had no idea you had no underwear on
,” he growls wide-eyed.

“You didn’t?”
I breathe out as he begins to rub up and down.  I adjust my position slightly to allow him easier access.

“Do you think I would have been sitting here talking this whole time if I knew?”  He stares at me reverentially as he pushes a finger inside me making me
gasp.  I am already so wet and needy for him.

“Well you
kinda wrecked the knickers I was wearing so- mmm,” he inserts another finger.  He slowly pumps his fingers in and out and circles my clit with his thumb.  I close my eyes and lean back against his other arm and the couch.

“Well I’m glad I did then
...  mmm you’re so wet.  It was driving me crazy just playing with your thigh.  Do you know how crazy I would have been if I knew?  I can’t believe you have been letting me sit here while you’ve been-”

“Nick!” Opening my eyes, I turn my head against the couch to look at him.  I can see
in his eyes, and tell by his husky voice, just how turned on he is as he continues to move his hand under my dress and inside me.  Feeling suddenly cheeky, I say, “
Shut. Up!
” 

Those words have the desired effect.  His mouth curves up into a breathtaking smile before
his lips crash into mine.  He pumps his fingers in and out a few more times then he stops and pulls me on top of him.  I’m straddling his lap, our lips and tongues tangled, my hands twisting in his soft hair as his circle my back.  Overwhelming warmth spreads through me as I rub against him.  I move backwards slightly so I can undo his shorts.  His erection is there ready for the taking and I intend on taking it.  I wrap my hand around him and move it up and down until he groans.

“Careful,” he warns.  I pull from his kiss and look into his eyes and I can see that he is close.  I need him in me.

“Bedroom?” I gasp.  As much as I want to do this right here, right now, we don’t have any protection out here that I’m aware of.  He nods his head and I jump off him, grabbing his hand to pull him from the couch.  We hurry to my room where I quickly pull open my bedside drawer and pull out a condom.  Nick stands in front of me with his hands on my hips and groans as I pull the wrapper off with my teeth.

“You’re killing me,” he says as I roll it torturously slow down his length
.  I pump him with one hand while pushing his shorts down with the other.  After he kicks them off I place both of my hands on his chest and I shove him down on the bed.  I straddle him again and I grip his cock with my hand, placing him at my opening.  Then I sink down on him with a moan.  His arms come up behind me, pulling me forward so that we can kiss while rocking into one another.

I love the feisty girl that is inside her.  The sex kitten I once glimpsed, what seems like forever ago in the rain at the station, has come to the forefront again today and I love it.  As much as I enjoy the shy red faced Em, I’m beginning to love this confident and sex-crazed one even more.  I roll us so that Em is underneath me.  The light filtering in from the lounge room behind her was making it impossible for me to see her face properly.  Now that she is on the bed I can see her clearly as it lights up her face instead of mine.  And I need that, I need to see her.  I want to watch her as she comes for me.

I caress and kiss every part of her body that I can reach while still moving inside her.  I can’t get enough.  When I can tell she is close, I lift my
self away from her enough to run my hand down her middle between us.  She arches her back and groans loudly.  I move my fingers further down and put pressure on her clit as I rock into her, deep and slow.

“Yes,” she moans
as she closes her eyes.  She is beautiful like that, with her eyes closed in bliss, but I need to see into those green jewels as she comes undone.

“Em, open your eyes.  L
ook at me.”

She does.  Her eyes bore into mine as our bodies work together to bring us
both to climax.

“Nick.”

I watch as her eyes flutter and she falls apart around me, her mouth open and panting with pleasure.  I follow close behind her, groaning her name. Collapsing on top of her, I struggle to catch my breath.  I’m sure I’m probably crushing her with my weight but I don’t have the energy to move straight away.  When I finally try to, Em’s arms just hold me tighter to her body.  We lie like that for some time, just holding each other, clinging onto one another, as if we are both trying to hang onto this moment.

Eventually her arms relax and
I roll over to her side.  I don’t even pull off the condom straight away because that would require too much effort.

And
I am completely wrecked.