Crossroads (5 page)

God, she feels amazing.  Her lips, her hips, her arse, her tits, her… everything… every inch of her feels glorious beneath my hands and I can’t get enough.  And finally being inside her, there are no words.  The sounds she is making, as I pound into her, I’ve never heard anything like it; it’s music to my ears.  She is enjoying herself and letting go and I am right there with her.  Right where I belong, right where I have wanted to be for so long now.

“Oh Nick!” s
he calls out loudly as she eventually convulses around my cock, pushing me over the edge with her.

“Em!”
I grunt against her neck as I jerk roughly inside her.  We continue to rock against each other, squeezing every last bit of our orgasms out.  I hold her head to mine and kiss her lips, her cheeks, her forehead, my fingers threading through her hair, now damp with sweat.  We are both breathing heavily, gasping for air. Our bodies are slick with moisture.  I moan loudly, releasing a heavy breath as I hold her tighter.

She laughs
, all the tension flowing out of her body.  We stay connected for a few more minutes before I reluctantly lift her off me.  I pull the condom off and discard it.  Em flops back against the bed with a sigh and I lie down beside her.

“Whew, it’s hot in here,” I say
, as I wipe the sweat from my brow with the back of my hand.

“That it is
,” Em giggles happily beside me, and I think I am probably the luckiest guy in the world right about now.  “Wow, that was just… wow!” she sighs.

“Yep
, stick with me baby.  If you’re looking for a good time, I’m your man.”

“
Nick!
”  She slaps me on the chest.  “Way to ruin a moment.  Why do you have to be such an arsehole?”

“I was joking!  Come here.
” I tug her over into my arms.

She snuggles into me, resting her head in the crook of my
arm, her arm across my waist, while I trail my fingers up and down her back.  We lay in contented silence like that, while I contemplate my next move.  When I left the CD for her earlier today I only dreamt the night would turn out like this.  I mean, I knew she would contact me, but I had no idea the night would end with us together in bed.  Of course I’d hoped it would, but with Em there are never any certainties.  So now it’s with dread that I realise the night is already slipping away and I don’t have a choice but to leave.  If I had known, I would never have booked a gig for tonight.

“Hmm
, that feels nice,” Em eventually mumbles sleepily as I continue to strum my fingers along her spine.

“You tired?” I ask.

“Mhmm… a little.  You wore me out.”

“
You sleep then.  I’ve got to go,” I say, gently pulling my arm from under her head.  I really don’t want to leave but I have to.

“
What?
  Where are you going?” she asks suddenly alert and sitting up, as I make a stand beside her bed and start to collect my clothing.

“I have a
DJing gig down at the club.  I start in…” I pull my phone out of my shorts pocket, “forty minutes.”

“Oh.  W
hy didn’t you say anything earlier?”  She watches me with sad eyes while I continue to get dressed. 
Sad eyes that I have put there.  Again.  Fuck.

“
I don’t know, it didn’t come up,” I shrug and pull my t-shirt over my head.  I can see by the look on her face that she’s not convinced.  I sit on the edge of the bed beside her.  Trying to think of a way to make this right, to let her know this is only the beginning for us and that leaving her now is a really fucking hard thing to do.  But instead what comes out of my mouth is, “You didn’t wonder why my car is parked here?” She shakes her head slightly. I push the hair off her forehead and run my fingers through it.  It feels so good to be able to do that, to be intimate with her, finally.  I feel like, now, I actually have the right to do that.  “My car’s fully loaded, ready to go.  I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know where the night was going to lead and I didn’t want my job to stand in the way-”

“Of a root!
” she finishes for me, looking agitated.

“No!
That’s not what I was going to say,” I argue, hating that she would use that word to describe what just happened between us, or to put herself down like that.

“Maybe not exactly how you would put it, no, but it’s what you mean.”

“Em-”

“No go!” she says with a sweep of her arm, dismissing me angrily.

“I’ve had this gig booked for weeks…”  I kiss her on the forehead and pull her in for a hug. 
Maybe I should cancel, it’s not like it really matters when I’m leaving so soon.

She
hugs me back for a moment before she pulls back.  She shakes her head and then a timid smile appears, “It’s fine Nick.”  She swallows, “Really, I get it.”  She gives me a shove on my chest as her smiles goes wider.  “Go.  Go play your doof-doof music!”  She giggles and all the tension leaves my body.  I let out a relieved sigh and kiss her hard on the lips once.

“Get some sleep,
” I whisper in her ear, before I stand and make my way to the door.

“Good night,” she says before lying back down.

I stand in the doorway and watch her roll over, turning her back to me, and I am the most reluctant I have ever been to leave a girl in bed.

“Last night I had The. Best. Sex. Of. My. Life!” I exclaim excitedly down the phone.

“Nick?”
Kat asks.

“Yes.  Wait.  H
ow did you know it was Nick I slept with?” I ask, clearing my throat.

“Because you have been pining for him for ages.
  And because I know you wouldn’t just hook-up with some random.  Also because I am your best friend and I know everything.”  She huffs with false impatience.  “So you can thank me now.”

“Thank you? 
For what?”

“For making you realise that Nick was the one for you, of course,” she says smugly.

“He’s not ‘
the one’
for me.  It’s not like that Kat, we had sex, that’s all.”

“Whatever,” she says sarcastically.  I remain silent for a moment, thinking about that. 
Was it just sex?
  “Best sex of your life you say.  So Mr. Experienced knows his stuff, pays to be a manwhore, huh?” Kat laughs.

Mr.
Experienced. 
She’s right. 
Shit!
  Whenever Kat has brought Nick up these past few weeks I have called him names like that.  And she has brought him up a lot.  For some reason she believes that we belong together.  Which is crazy!  Especially when she barely knows him.  Nick likes women and sex, one night stands, he is a player, a manwhore… 
Oh my god, what if Nick just played me?
  Was that all it was to him?  Just sex?  Maybe I was just an itch he needed to scratch.

The silence stretches down the line between Kat and
me, as I contemplate how quick Nick was to leave last night.

“Em, I’m kidding.
”  Kat breaks me from my thoughts momentarily.  “I was only quoting you, letting you know how ridiculous that sounds when you say it.”

“
It’s not ridiculous Kat, it’s true.  Nick doesn’t do relationships.”

“If you gave him a chance I’m sure you’ll find-”

“He’s leaving on his trip in two weeks,” I interrupt her.  I don’t want her to say anything more that will get my hopes up. 
Nick is leaving in two weeks.
  My eyes water at the thought.

“Oh Em, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, it is what it is.”  I shrug unnecessarily, it’s not like Kat can see me.

Kat doesn’t speak for a moment and then I hear Luke talking in the background.

“I gotta run Em, sorry.  Luke is waiting impatiently for me at the door, we’re off to Bunnings.”

“Oh okay.  Speak soon.”

“You should talk to him.  Tell him how you feel.  See ya darl.”

It made me sad when N
ick left last night.  But I couldn’t expect him to cancel a paying gig for me.  It wasn’t like last night was exactly planned.  He’s going to need all the money he can get for his trip anyway.  I can’t believe he’s leaving in two weeks!  I have to forget about that fact and concentrate on making these next two weeks the best two weeks they can be, like Nick said.  That’s if I see him again.  What if I gave it up too soon?  What if he got what he wanted, and that’s it?

I sit on the balcony of my apartment and wonder what will happen between us.  We
didn’t really discuss anything - maybe we should.  Nick doesn’t do relationships and even if he did, he is about to leave the country, it’s not like anything can really come of this.  I have no clue if what happened last night was a one off or when we’ll even see each other next.  I can’t help but also wonder about the girl I saw him with at the club.

I take a sip of my glass of iced
water, it is sure going to be a hot day.  The late morning sun is shining brightly, even with my sunglasses on it is still blinding.  I have to adjust my chair’s angle to see better.  I wonder how Nick’s gig went last night and what time he got home.  When he left here it was almost ten thirty.  He probably got home pretty late.  I better not call him in case he’s sleeping, if I should call him at all.  I wonder if he will call me.  It’s almost eleven now, I wonder how late he will sleep.  Sleep.  That does sound good in the warmth of this sun.  These are the thoughts going around in my head over and over as I slowly drift to sleep.

When I next open my eyes
, my glass of water is no longer full of ice and no longer cold.  I glance at my phone, it’s a little after twelve, no missed calls, no texts.

“I hope you’re hungry
,” I hear Nick shout.  I scramble forward and look down.  Nick is standing below my balcony, plastic bag in hand.  He holds it up, “I bought lunch.”

His smile is wide and matches mine
.  We gaze at each other for a moment before he disappears around the building.  I go back inside to open the front door for him.  I listen to the hurried thumping of his feet against the stairs, and feel them echoed in my own heartbeat.  And then he is standing in front of me taking my breath away, showing me those delicious dimples, the crinkles around his blue eyes and the sexy smile he has perfected.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” I smile at him as he leans closer.  He gives me a peck on the cheek before walking past me into the kitchen.

“I stopped by the bakery and bought you a meat pie and a
lamington.  I hope that’s okay,” he says, emptying the contents of the bag onto my dining table.

I grab the tomato sauce from the pantry.
“It’s perfect, and very Aussie of you.”

“I guess it is
.”  He smiles and takes a seat.

I watch her take another bite of her lamington.  She brushes the coconut off her face but misses a bit, so I lean forward and swipe it away.  I love how comfortable I feel doing little things like that.  Her eyes flash to mine and I can see desire behind them.  She doesn’t say anything and instead looks away again.  She’s been chatty throughout lunch, making small talk, but I have a feeling that something is playing on her mind, like she is waiting for the right moment to tell me something important.

“What are we doing?” 
Uh-oh, here goes.

“I think it’s called eating,” I say
, trying to lighten the mood.

“Ha
ha.” She’s being sarcastic but smiles anyway.  “Nick, you know what I mean.”

“I don’t actually.”

“I mean, what is this?”  She motions between us with her hand.  “I know you’re leaving soon, and last night you said let’s make the most of the next two weeks, but what does that mean exactly?”

“What do you want it to mean?” I ask
, hoping she has the answer because I sure as hell don’t.  All I know is that I want to be with her.  She looks up to the ceiling in contemplation, taking a moment to respond.  When she finally looks at me, it is with determination in her eyes.

“I’ve missed your friendship…”
she trails off. 
I don’t like the sound of this.

“Em I don’t want-”

“Let me finish, I have to get this out.”  She swallows nervously, her eyes searching mine for a moment before looking away.  “You’ve said it yourself, you don’t do relationships,” she says in a rush. 
She’s right I have, but a guy can change his mind.
  “You’re leaving.  We can’t get involved.”

“It’s a little late for that.”

“What I mean is,” she blushes delectably, “we can’t pretend this is any more than it is.  We’re friends, but last night was… well, I don’t know about you, but I would like to, you know, be with you again.”  Her words taper off to an almost whisper.  She is embarrassed which is adorable.  I grab her hand and pull it to my lips. I kiss it and then hold it tightly against my mouth.  Her breath falters and her eyes search mine.

“Em
, of course I want to be with you again,” I reassure her and watch as she visibly relaxes.

“So it’s agreed then?  We’ll be friend
s with benefits until you leave,” she says with a nod, waiting for my acceptance.

I feel the blood drain from my face. 
Friends with benefits?  She can’t be serious!
 
I can’t give her that!

“We can’t let feelings come between us,
” she continues, “We don’t have time for that.  It will only make things harder when we have to say goodbye.”

I don’t know if she’s trying to convince me
, or herself.  She is right about one thing though, we don’t have much time.  And I get it.  She’s trying to protect herself.  She doesn’t want to get hurt, and I sure as hell don’t want to hurt her.  Again.  Saying goodbye will be hard enough for me, I don’t want to break her heart as well. 
But what we have is so much more than friendship.

I have no idea how we are going to do this, but if this is what she needs to hear, to stop
herself from getting attached to me, I cannot argue because I want to protect her too.

“Okay,
” I nod.

Pity it’s too late for me.  My feelings are already way too strong to ignore.
  Last night, finally being with her, was so much more than I ever thought it would be.  Even though I had to cut it short, leaving before I wanted, to go to the gig, it was still the best night of my life!