Dangerous Beauty: Part Three: This is War (59 page)

Carter was so angry she was shaking. “Fuck you,” she shot through clenched teeth.

“Say whatever you want, Carterina. Hate me all you want, but you better remember one fucking thing.
I’m Daddy!
I’m the creator.
You are mine
, you came from
me
, you
are
me. You can call every
Tom, Dick, and Harry
daddy if you want to, but at the end of the day there is only
one man
on this
God-forsaken earth
that is responsible for your existence.
Me!
Silas fucking Steele
. I am your father, your maker, I control, and
have controlled,
every aspect of your pretty little life. You live, and
die
on my say so. I’m the fucking king and the
world
is
my kingdom. I run it!”
He lowered his voice once more. “You’ve chosen the wrong side now, but don’t you worry, daughter. I’m going to make you, Mommy, and Gabriel see the light very, very soon.”

“Give it your best shot, motherfucker!” Carter’s fist tightened until her knuckles paled. “
You will suffer
for every bit of hell that you have put me and my family through. I don’t give a flying fuck who you
think
you are or what goddamn kingdom you rule. If you set one foot in
my
world, the world where
my family
is, the world where I care for
my sons,
you better be prepared for the fight of your fucking life.
I dare you
to step into
my
world and fuck with me.
I dare you
to stand in
my
fucking face and tell me who the fuck
I
belong to.
You don’t control shit
!
And you’ve got one more fucking time to threaten me before I find your pathetic ass, and detach your goddamn head from your body
!”

Silence. Just … silence. It blanketed itself over them. Carter knew Silas was still on the phone—and she knew that he was aware she was still there, too—but neither of them said a word. They just listened, becoming lost in the silence; waiting for the other to speak first.

Carter looked down at her hand and released her clenched fist. She fought to calm her breathing as she counted to ten, then backwards from ten, then to twenty, hoping that she’d soon calm herself once again. She’d lost it for a second, and she was positive Nathan had heard. She was prepared to deal with the consequences of lying to him.

The sound of Silas taking a deep breath then releasing it brought Carter out of her thoughts. “Wow. You are your father’s daughter,
Carterina Anastacia
. Why you choose to deny me, and force my hand, I will never know. Does a child not wish to learn about herself? Who she came from? Why she is the way she is?”

Carter lowered her eyes to the floor in thought before she answered his question truthfully. There was no point in lying anymore. Silas had already made it clear that he wasn’t going to stop. Carter thought fast because it was her only option. She knew what was coming, and she knew that she didn’t want it. She wanted Silas Steele to lower his weapons and think again about attacking her family, and there was only one way to do that. Carter had to be his daughter. She had to be real. “Yes,” she whispered. She shook her head as a single tear fell down her cheek. “That is why I read your letters. I loved them …” Her words trailed off as she fought against her emotions. “It may be true, that I am curious about who you are, but you a have pretty much obliterated any chance of me ever getting that chance. You ruined it. I don’t want to know you anymore. And if hurting me because of it will make you feel better, then go right ahead, but you just remember one thing.
You are my father
. You and Mom created Gabriel and I, we didn’t ask to be here. The life I had, and the father I had, were based on the decision that
you made
. You can’t punish us,
your children,
any more than you already have. You separated us from each other, from our mother. You took my father away from me when I was a child. You didn’t give a shit when Cole manipulated me—”

“I said I’d kill him for you!”

“I don’t want that. I’m capable of killing him myself. I just wanted you to give a shit that he violated me. You just brushed it off like it was okay because of the way I look.”

“I didn’t mean it. I was upset!”

Carter shook her head. “That can’t be your excuse every time. The fact of the matter is you hurt me. You put me in that position, and I can’t forgive you.” She wiped the tears from her face and sniffled softly. “How can you expect me to believe that you love me the way a father loves his daughter? I have been fortunate enough to experience a father’s love, Silas. I know what it is. I know what it feels like.”

“You wish for me to love you as Robbie does, but I cannot! I am not him—”

“I don’t expect you to be him,” Carter yelled, cutting off his words. “You said you were hoping for redemption, but you’re not even trying.”

“How dare you say I’m not trying?”

“Because it’s true! You’ve had a chance to prove that you’ve changed, but you insisted on getting what you feel you’re entitled to. Me, Mom, and Gabriel. Unfortunately, we don’t trust you. If you want to be a father, then fine. Be my father. Prove this love. Protect me Silas, save me.”

“From what … Carterina?”

“From you,” she whispered. “You are the scary monster that’s haunting my dreams and hiding under my bed, just waiting for the perfect moment to jump out and take me away from everything I love. You could be the one I run to when I’m afraid, you could be my hero, my champion … my daddy. That is what you want, right?”

Carter waited silently, praying to God that Silas gave her the answer she wanted him to.

After a moment, she heard him clear his throat. “Yes,” he muttered awkwardly.

Carter sighed and thought for a moment. She didn’t know what she was doing, but she did it anyway. This was her way of ending the war before it even began. “Okay then. This is the only chance I will give you to earn any hope of my forgiveness, Silas. Just end this. For Gabriel, for me … for your grandsons.”

It was hard for her to say all of these things, but appealing to Silas’s heart was her only defense right now. Carter didn’t want a war. She didn’t want the back and forth. Before their children were born, she told Nathan this. In a war lives would be lost, and her husband and their babies would be at risk. Carter didn’t want that. She trusted Nathan, but she felt useless. Nathan wanted her to fight, he’d said it, and since Carter wasn’t in good enough shape to give Silas a thorough ass whooping, this was it. This was her fighting. “I have to go now,” she said softly. “I will allow you to send the babies one gift a piece and a letter … now, and for their birthdays, nothing else. Maybe one day I’ll trust you enough to send you a picture of them every year so you can see them grow. This is all dependent upon you, Silas. This is the only relationship I can offer you as your daughter. Take it, or leave it. If you send the gifts to S.O. with the letters for Aleksandr and Maksim then I’ll know you have chosen to be a part of their lives any way you can.”

Without another word, Carter hung up the phone.

For a minute or so, she stood in front of the mirror, staring blankly at her reflection and replaying the conversation with her biological father over and over in her head. She didn’t know if she’d just done something stupid, or if she’d gotten through to him, but she supposed time would tell.

After another moment she dropped her head forward with a sigh, and left the counter. Slowly, she walked to the bathroom door and opened it. He sat at the head of the bed staring at her with a blank expression on his face. Carter clasped her hands in front of her as she closed the distance between them and stood between his legs. Nathan said nothing, he just continued to stare at her silently. His intense stare broke her, shattered her, and caused unshed tears to fill her eyes as she wrapped her arms around her waist.

“I’m sorry,” she cried softly. “I’m an idiot, I know. I’ll throw away every letter he sent. I should have told, but I felt so horrible. I felt like I was betraying you. Like I was betraying our family—”

“Stop,” he whispered, and shook his head. “You didn’t betray anyone, Carterina.” He took her hand in his. “Come here.” He gave her arm a light tug, bringing her to his lap.

When she sat on his lap, gazing into his eyes, he softly commanded, “Tell me everything. Please, don’t leave anything out.”

Carter poured her whole heart out to Nathan. She told about every letter Silas had sent and every single feeling she had felt when reading them. Even though she was embarrassed, she didn’t hold back. She talked to Nathan, trusting that he’d be understanding, that he wouldn’t judge her for being curious about Silas in the first place. Nathan listen until she finished speaking, then asked her about the conversation she’d just had with Silas on the phone. Carter relayed every single word said, not withholding anything, including the true identity of the man that killed his mother. After she’d finished speaking, she waited patiently for her husband’s response to what she’d done.

Nathan’s eyes dropped to Carter’s hand and he laced their fingers together. “This will be the last time you ever keep anything like this from me, Carter. We’ve been through this already. We are done keeping secrets from one another. There is no excuse.” His eyes lifted and he pinned her with a hard look. “Understood? Never again …”

Carter immediately nodded her head in agreement, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Understood, bubby. Never again, I promise.”

“Very well,” he said with a slight nod of his head. His thumb ran across the smooth skin on the back of her hand as he continued to stare at her. Carter looked into his eyes, wishing that she could read his thoughts, but knowing she’d know nothing unless the words came from his mouth.

“Nathan,” she whispered, “
please
say something.” Call her a hypocrite, a liar, an idiot, a stupid, naïve child … she didn’t care. Whatever he said to her, she deserved it. She hadn’t told him about the letters. She’d kept it from her whole family and she was wrong. She deserved to be yelled at.

However, as usual, her husband did not yell at her, he didn’t call her a name, nor did he make her feel any worse than she already did. It was in Nathan’s nature to always try his best to understand the actions of others. It was a fascinating and beautiful gift that he had, and one that Carter loved.

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about, my love,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around her waist. “I have no idea what it’s like to be in a situation like this, so I’m not going pretend like I know how you feel. What I do know is that you are not wrong for feeling it. Silas is your biological father. A lot has happened since the moment you found that out. For you to have questions, confusion, and indifference is normal.”

“Even after all that he’s done?” she asked. She shook her head. “It makes no sense, Nathan. I don’t ever want to see him again, and I want nothing to do with him, yet …” She let her words trail off. She didn’t want to say them.

“Tell me, baby.”

She bit her quivering bottom lip and took a deep breath. “I … I don’t want to go to war with him, Nathan.” She shook her head. “I did in the beginning, back when he took me, but then I met Gabriel, and then I found my dad, and now the letters. A part of me knows that although Gabriel has said that he wants Silas dead, he’d mourn him if he died. And my father loves Silas. If only to not hurt him, I hope that Silas takes my offer.”

“But if he doesn’t?” Nathan asked. “That’s always a possibility, Carter. Silas is not a stable man. There’s a chance that he will reject your offer. He could possibly want more.”

“I have no more to give him,” Carter whispered. “That’s why we have to continue to prepare ourselves for any possibility. I’d rather he not, but there is still a chance that Silas will attack us.”

“And he would not win. You know that, right?”

Carter nodded. “Yes,” she stated with emphasis, because she did know, “but I still don’t like all of the risks involved … so please, Nathan.” She pleaded to him with her eyes. “Think about keeping extra security with you when you’re walking around the City.
Please
.”

Nathan smiled. “You want me to increase my security?”

She nodded. “
Please
.”

He nodded in return. “Okay, honey. I’ll get a few more men to watch my back if that will make you feel better.”

“It will.”

Nathan chuckled and stood up from the bed, scooping her up in his arms. “You know, my beautiful secret keeper, you just single handedly leveled the playing field in a very dangerous war between criminals.”

Carter’s brows furrowed. “How did I do that?” she asked with a small smile.

Nathan placed her on her side of the bed and quickly jumped over her to his side. He relaxed on his back, folding his arms under his head. “You gave Silas an opportunity to have something he wanted desperately, baby. Redemption. Any amount will do for a man who has fallen as low as he has.”