Deeper (8 page)

She shrugs. “Chad’s parents have money. They still want him to work, but he just has to pay for school, not rent. Same as me.”

I nod. It’s foreign to me. Last year, my first year of college, I paid all of my own bills. “That must be nice.”

“It is.” She looks over at the house. She’s wearing a pink sleeveless blouse that gathers at the waist, and tiny jean shorts that barely cover the essentials. Plus strappy wedges.

I look over at the house with her and see she isn’t the exception. The guards really go all out. Maybe because it’s nice to actually dress up once in a while rather than always seeing each other in wet hair and swimsuits.

I look down at my own outfit. Black halter that ties at my neck. Jean shorts like Amy’s, from her closet. I’m taller than her but I’m skinnier too. So they fit. Barely. She assures me this is the point. My hair is back, but the ponytail is ratted to give it volume. She talked me into stilettos with narrow straps over the front. Said I had legs to die for.

I’m just glad they’re long so I can run away really fast if I need to. I wonder if I can sneak back out here and hide in the car when she’s not looking. How is anyone supposed to look me in the eye tomorrow after this?

I did put a touch of my own. Small silver earrings. Hearts. William gave them to me. I never liked them, but they’re a great reminder. I rub my fingers over them for a moment, trying to put myself in the right frame of mind. Not allowed to have too much fun.

They’ll keep me out of trouble tonight. Speaking of trouble, I gaze around the crowd outside, searching for Knight.

“Looking for someone?” Amy grins at me, then nods to the front door, where Knight is coming into view.

Oh man, screw the earrings. I’m in so much trouble.

I start at the bottom and work my way up. High end flip flops encasing perfect, tan feet. Jeans different from the ones he wears to work. These are designer, dark wash, with embellishments and little tears in fashionable places. They emphasize his long legs and tight thighs, and hug his hips. He’s wearing a partially tucked in button up plaid shirt that hangs a bit loose in the right places and is nice and tight on his pecs. He’s also wearing a leather cuff and a watch, and has an earring in. I didn’t know he had one. He takes a look around, shrugs his shoulder in the night air, and takes off the plaid shirt while mumbling something to the girl next to him. He tosses it inside, and comes out with folded arms and searching eyes.

Now he’s just devastating. He’s wearing a white tee with a logo. It’s tight on his chest and looser at his waist and emphasizes the way he’s shaped in a V from his shoulders to his hips. His biceps completely fill the short sleeves, making me wonder if they are supposed to be baggy on smaller guys. He’s just tall, tan, California hot from head to toe. He smiles at the girl next to him and something twinges inside me. Maybe I’m glad I look a little bit sexy after all.

I step out of the car and Amy grins and does the same, popping the keys in her pocket. Eyes turn to us in a wave, from those nearest us all the way to the front door. Knight.

He looks over and freezes as his eyes meet mine. The smile he was directing at something said by the girl next to him slowly fades as his eyes sweep over my body in a slow, hot movement. When he meets my eyes again, his are burning, with anger or something else, I don’t know. He says something to his group and turns to press through the crowd, but before he can get very far, Chad is in front of us.

“Wow, Rain. You look great. So great.”

Chad looks good too, in typical skinny jeans and a black tee that sets off his hair, but he’s a ghost compared to Knight. I can see Knight frowning in the background behind Chad, who smiles and reaches out to put a hand around my waist.

I step smoothly out of his reach and smile at him. I need to keep him reigned in, but I also need him to want me enough that Knight finds it believable and keeps his distance. Maybe if he goes away, stops taunting me and flirting with me every chance he gets, stops being controlling and overprotective, I can stop feeling like a traitor to my own heart.

“Come on, I’ll get you a drink.”

“Just juice,” I say, and Chad grabs my arm and pulls me behind him, through the crowds, and into the house. Amy rolls her eyes and follows. Before we reach the drink table, someone else grabs my arm and yanks me away from Chad.

It’s Knight, and he yanks me around the corner into a darkened hallway and pushes me against the wall, his hands on my arms. He bends down to look into my eyes. “What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Gonna drink with him now, too?”

I exhale and look away, annoyed. “Gonna assault me in a dark hallway, too?”

He frowns and pulls away. There’s something really handsome about the way his mouth tightens up and his jaw looks even sharper when he’s pissed. “No. I just didn’t think you drank.”

“He’s getting me juice.”

“Hm.” Knight braces himself on an arm against the wall that puts him nicely over and around me. Surrounded. He always surrounds me, he can never just be there. Never non-threatening like Chad. “Rain, did it occur to you that some of these guys might have ulterior motives?”

I avoid his eyes. “I’m sure some of them do. I mean, look at me.” I mean it as a joke, but he takes me seriously and looks me over again.

“I am.” His eyes linger at the cleavage revealed by my halter. “Awfully hard not to right now.”

I frown. Why did I want him to look? We can’t do anything about this thing between us. I try to push past him but he blocks me and I lean back against the wall to avoid touching him. Touching him is dangerous.

He runs a finger from my ear to my shoulder in a quiet, searing line. “If you dress like that, you’re gonna get attention. Attention you don’t want.”

“Well, that’s their problem. It’s sexist to say I should dress differently because others can’t control themselves.”

“True. It’s just…” His finger continues down my arm, and though he has big hands and long, strong fingers, it’s just a delicate whisper along my flesh, heating me up and making me want to hit my head against the wall until I can’t feel it anymore. I’m not supposed to feel this anymore.

But he’s so tall, so gorgeous, so serious in the dark, looming over me, all bridled sexual power. Maybe I’m not as immune as I want to be.

“Knight.” I put a hand up to his chest, give him a slight shove to move away.

He steps back and drops his hands. “You can dress how you want, but you’ll have to deal with how the guys perceive it.” He bites his lip, looking troubled and sexy. Oh no, I’m not falling for it. I move to leave once more and he grabs me around the waist and pulls me back, turns me to the wall again, this time more gently.

“Don’t go.” He braces his fists on the wall above me. “You look so beautiful tonight. I don’t want you around anyone else.”

I stare up at him, mesmerized by his aqua eyes, intense under long, dark lashes. I can’t look away.

“Is it okay?” he asks. I don’t know what he’s asking, till he leans in and I can feel his breath on my neck, sending pleasurable tingles down my spine. He’s close enough to whisper in my ear.

“No one’s watching.”

“We shouldn’t.”

“Rain,” he says, pulling a stray wisp of hair behind my ear in a way that tingles a nerve all the way down my back. “You knew this would happen.”

“No.” I shake my head, even though I know he’s right. There’s been this magnetic tension between us, pulling me ever closer to him, and now that he’s here, so close, so focused, it feels right.

He leans in until his mouth brushes my ear. “You and I, Rain. You and I are inevitable.”

My mouth falls open in shock. He’s right but it’s so wrong. I should pull back but I sigh lightly and run my hands over his shoulders and down his arms. So solid, so hard.

Why couldn’t I have found him before everything went crazy? Why couldn’t I have found him before we were both damaged?

Right now he’s not my surly coworker. He’s just a gorgeous guy, pinning me in the hallway and telling me we’re inevitable. I run over the rules in my head, searching for loopholes. No sex. No love. But nothing about making out, right? I tilt my head up to his, but he jerks back as someone comes around the corner.

“Knight?” someone calls, and Knight backs up and away, as if he were never there. He gives me a look, bites his lip again, and looks over at me with regret and want in his eyes.

“Sorry Rain, don’t know what came over me.”

I should stop him, let him know I want him, but the moment is over and he’s withdrawing. He looks me over one last time and then turns to Chad, who has just turned the corner, juice in his hand.

“What are you two doing in a dark corner together?” He eyes us suspiciously.

“Nothing.” I walk past Knight and take Chad’s cup. “Show me around.”

Chad smiles, winks at Knight, and takes my arm to guide me. I won’t look back. Knight pulled back and it’s better he did. Hanging out with him outside of work is dangerous.

Chad is warm and pleasant. He shows me through the living room, then into a room upstairs where the lights are off except for a few party lights and the light coming in from the streetlights. People are scattered around the room on beat up couches and folding chairs. He leads me to a couch and lets me sit, then perches on the arm with his glass, which he downs in one go.

“That was fast,” I say, looking warily at his cup.

“Only my second,” he says, heading to the table near the entrance where more booze is stocked. He gets another, drinks it, then fills up his glass and come back.

I take a sip of my juice, then look up at him. He’s starting to sweat, and his hair is beginning to stick to his forehead and the sides of his face.

“Some kind of race there, kiddo?” I ask.

He grimaces at me. “Kiddo? So now you’re patronizing me?”

“No, I’m just a nerd who uses weird words.”

His face softens and he leans back and sets the drink on his leg, holding it there. His mood changed rapidly, and it makes me nervous. I look around the room to see if I know anyone. I don’t.

“Sort of a race I guess,” he says. “Though I’m not a kid.” He winks at me and I can tell it’s his signature move. “I guess a race to drink away the pain, sure.” His eyes move to the window, where a couple is outside under the tree, kissing. The girl’s hair is black, and though I don’t know her personally, I can guess from Chad’s stricken face who it is.

“Diane?” Amy told me about the recent breakup. They were one of the pool’s longest running couples.

“Yup.” He brings his drink back up, starts to down it, then stops abruptly. It seems like the alcohol is finally settling in, because he’s looking a bit more wobbly. “Jerk. It’s only been a week.”

“A month, Chad!” one of the guys shouts from across the room.

“Stalker,” someone mutters in the dark.

I feel for him, watching him watch her. It sucks to see something you can’t have. I think of Knight in the hallway and wonder where he is now. He probably found another girl, one of the fans, and is making her happy in the way I didn’t let him make me happy. Maybe I should just find him and settle this thing between us, whatever it is.

I zone out and enjoy the humid Cali night air through the window. It washes over me, cooling me after my encounter with Knight. Music begins to play and several people begin to dance in the dim light. I enjoy the scene. Chad drinks beside me and watches out the window. Occasionally he goes to the drink table to refill. I’m wondering if I should cut him off, when he begins to dance erratically in the middle of the floor.

“Watch out Chad!” people joke, but don’t do anything about it, even when he bumps into several people on the floor. He jokes and starts trying to freak dance with one of the girls in a clearly drunken and ill-advised manner, and I’m about to get up and corral him downstairs where he can’t cause so much trouble when the girl pushes him away, and he staggers back to the couch and looks down at me.

He looks over my outfit with drunken eyes, and I remember why I hate being at parties when I’m the only one not drinking. It’s like hanging out with people who have donated half of their brain. His eyes are glazed and fixed on my chest. He seemed harmless enough before, but now he doesn’t look all that in control of himself. I glance around the room, trying to get my bearings. To see how to leave if I need to. I can hear talking at the door, someone coming in, and then he comes toward me.

I’m not sure if he was trying to fall onto the couch, or onto me, but my question is answered when he starts moving in an awkward humping motion. Oh no. I grab the couch cushion next to me and put it between us as a shield. Then I start to push on his shoulders.

He’s not doing any real harm, though it would be way gross without the pillow between us. I know he’s just hurting and he’s drunk too much, and I don’t want to hurt him. Should I call for help? No one in the room is paying attention.

“Chad,” I mutter, pushing at him, “stop it.”

He frowns. “You don’t like it?” He smiles and tries again.

I groan. “No, I don’t. Chad you have to get off.”

“No.” He starts trying harder, and leans in, trying to reach my neck with his mouth. “I miss you Diane.”

“I’m not Diane! You’re drunk!” I push against him again, and shriek a little when his lips graze my neck. It’s gross, the opposite of how it felt when Knight touched me moments ago. I should have stayed with him. I should have listened to him about the guy guards.

“Get off me!” I push again, not wanting to get violent, since with the pillow between us and my hands shoving his face away he isn’t really managing to do anything. Where is the line between hurting my coworker and not letting him attack me? I wish someone would do something.

Chad manages to push my arms down and his face comes in close. I turn away, avoiding his mouth. Where’s Knight now?

I check my watch. Half an hour since Rain disappeared with Chad. Since I let her. I sigh and pull away from the group of girls clutching onto me in various ways and look around for Amy. I find her, sitting on a desk looking up flirtatiously at one of the new guards while he leans over to whisper in her ear.