Deeper (6 page)

He leans back on his hands and looks at the ceiling for a moment.

“I’m sorry, I’m still learning names…you are?” I’ve seen him before but never asked him.

“Ryan.” His voice is low and velvety. He should talk more.

“How long have you been here, Ryan?”

“Same as Knight.”

“Oh?” I wonder why he’s not a sup then. “What did you want to talk to me about, Ryan?”

“Knight.”

“What about him?”

Ryan sits forward, studies his hands, front and back and fidgets like he doesn’t know what to say. Is he always like this? He starts to tap his foot and his leg bounces with it. He seems agitated and now I’m getting agitated that he won’t tell me why.

“Well, if there isn’t anything, I should go take my break too.”

He looks up at me, eyes widening slightly in alarm that I’m leaving, so I sigh and sit back and wait. I’m not a patient person, but I’m not one to punish someone for shyness either. I wasn’t planning on taking a break anyway, I was just hoping to get him to talk.

“Be careful with him,” he says, in that low, nighttime radio DJ voice.

“Why?”

He seems to need another minute to gather the strength to say more, but then his eyes meet mine, beautiful, and he blinks a couple of times. “Hurts.”

“What?”

“He hurts.”

I blink. I’m not sure I’m going to get any more cogent information. Does he mean I should be careful because Knight hurts people? Or that I should be careful because Knight is hurting inside?

“What do you mean he hurts?”

“Just be careful.” Ryan stands and puts out a hand for me to grab. He pulls me up. He’s strong and capable and not afraid of touch, but for some reason, verbally blocked. He pats my shoulder, gives me a pained smile, and then walks ahead to the break room. I’m realizing it’s not shyness so much as the fact that he likes to communicate with his body instead. He’s interesting, but I still find Knight most interesting. Not that I’m allowed to find anyone very interesting.

I run to the supply closet to gather up tubes, trying to forget what Ryan said since I can’t make sense of it. I lay the tubes out at stations along the lap pool. I’ve decided we’ll do a couple rescue drills here before we try them in the river. I’m dusting my hands off and standing up when I hear someone clear their throat behind me.

I stand up and bump into Knight. He’s like a wall, a sexy, warm wall, and I jump back in shock and fall straight back into the pool. Water and embarrassment crash over me and I wish I could just stay under rather than face him after this. Still, I splash a few times and regain my footing, but don’t bother to get out. Instead I glare up at him.

He grins down. The old Knight is back, standing confidently with huge arms folded and blue eyes twinkling from behind tousled dark hair. I blush, both because I can’t stop checking him out, and because I actually fell into a pool.

He shakes his head and crouches by the edge of the pool. “Trying to look up my swimsuit again?” He quirks an eyebrow.

I gasp. “You wish.” I side stroke away from him to the other side of the pool, so I can keep the guard room door in sight and watch them as they come out. None have yet. Knight jumps in and follows me. Using huge strides, he manages to get in front of me before I can reach the stairs.

Dark hair flops over his forehead, sending drops down around his perfect nose. He seriously could have walked off an Armani ad. Those are always my favorite, because the models always have the tan skin, dark hair, bright blue eyes combo.

I wonder how old Knight is though? Early twenties, maybe late teens?

I realize he is studying me too, his eyes have gone soft and serious. A minute later they twinkle and the next minute he has scooped me up in the air and thrown me over his shoulder. I squirm and kick, not wanting the other guards to see. I need to look impervious, I need to look powerful. Otherwise no one will take me seriously, and if they don’t take me seriously, someone could die.

“Knight, put me down,” I punch him lightly on the back, hoping he drops me before anyone sees.

“Aw come on, no one’s back yet. They all think 10 minutes means a half hour. Come to the hot tub with me for a minute.”

I stop kicking. At least this way if anyone sees, it can at least look consensual.

“Put me down, I’ll walk.”

“No. You interrupted me during my swim. Now I’m interrupting you.”

He’s tall enough to step over the lanes in the shallow end of the pool. The only reason I’m putting up with this is because I know he felt humiliated earlier, when I pulled him out. It isn’t because his arms feel good holding me caveman style, it isn’t because he’s tall, and hot, and I like the way our skin feels touching. Definitely not.

He sets me down gently on the ledge of the pool and climbs out beside me. He goes to the hot tub and slides in. I follow, sliding in on the bench opposite him, despite my own beliefs that hot tubs are cesspools. He has a way of just making me do things. He spreads his arms out and leans back on them, a sigh of ecstasy escapes his mouth and he closes his eyes. I guess he doesn’t care about germs.

The guards are all gathered in the break room in small, laughing swarms. I should go get them. We should start drills, but the hot water feels so good.

And it’s just nice to be in a hot tub across from a hot guy.

He opens one eye, catches me checking him out, and smiles and sits up, keeping his arms on the back of the tub. “Like what you see?”

“I’m not sure.” I do. I just hate that I like it. Plus there’s more to him than the sparkly packaging. “What happened back there?”

“What do you mean?”

“The swimming, you know…” I trail off, because he’s playing dumb.

He raises an eyebrow, and I get a bit angry because I’m sure he knows what I mean.

“You know, how you went into some kind of swimming trance and couldn’t stop.”

He swims over and puts his hand over my mouth to muffle the rest. “Shhh…don’t tell everyone my secrets.”

“They’re all on break.” But it comes out like “drrrallrronbrrik” behind his hand. He pulls it away. My lips tingle where he pressed against them.

“I don’t want to talk about it in front of the guards.” He sits beside me, looking genuinely a bit embarrassed.

“Well, I think they have a right to know why their sup is acting disturbed.”

He slumps a bit. “Does it really look disturbed?”

“I guess if I didn’t know what disturbed looked like, no. To someone less aware, maybe it wouldn’t look off.”

“Can I just say I’m an adrenaline junkie?” He smiles up at me but it’s just his mouth turning up at the corner.

“You can say whatever you want. I know what I saw.”

“And what do you see now?” he asks quietly. Even his voice is attractive. He meets my eyes now, and it’s hard to remember what we are talking about. I may think he’s disturbed, but I’m also disturbingly attracted to him, and I don’t really enjoy trying to figure out what’s wrong with him.

Then again, there’s a lot wrong with me, and I can’t be with him anyway. After two days with him, my heart wants to forget its promises. It wants to forget what I’ve done. But I can’t.

“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.” It’s a copout. I don’t want to get any deeper with him.

He seems to accept it, and closes his eyes to lie back again. “You want to go round up the guards?” he asks without turning to me.

“Why don’t you?”

“Why would they listen to me? I’m disturbed, after all. Plus, you like ordering them around. Admit it.”

He’s right. It makes me confident that I can keep them all safe. “I like when they listen,” I say, getting out of the tub. “Be over by the pool for drills so they don’t come over here thinking it’s hot tub time.”

“You act like we’re herding cattle.”

“Cattle is smarter than a herd of teenagers.”

“Good point.” He gets out. “I’ll come with. Still haven’t forgiven you for interrupting my swim.”

“Still haven’t forgiven you for hoisting me off to the hot tub.”

He jogs in front of me and grins. “I liked hoisting you off to the hot tub. Maybe I’ll do it again later.”

I gulp and frown, but can’t keep it from morphing into a grin as he turns and jogs to the break room. I put a hand up to hide my expression because it just doesn’t feel dignified to be watching him and smiling like this.

I hadn’t expected to be having this much fun at my job. I’m not supposed to be.

Above all, I need to remember. Remember remember remember.

I run a towel over my head and listen to the guards chatting about their weekend plans. We’re just finishing our last week of training. It’s been two weeks with Rain, and I just can’t get her out of my head. She haunts me.

It shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t be looking at her over a backboarding procedure and noticing how beautiful she is. I shouldn’t be going over schedules with her and wanting to touch her hair. I should keep things professional. I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to hurt her either. We have an awesome team thing going together, and I don’t want to damage that.

She’s starting to really warm up to some of the guards. She’s so friendly and open with some of them. I can’t help watching, because she’s never like that with me.

“Knight, you coming to the party tonight?” Chad says, offering me a beer from his backpack. I didn’t even notice him walk up.

“Chad, you can’t have that in here.”

“Oh come on, Knight.”

I frown.

“Seriously?” He shoves it in his bag. “Oh well, more for the party.” He looks out to the deck. He’s five foot ten, average build, dirty blonde hair that’s wavy and hangs in his eyes and around his neck. What you’d expect from a lifeguard. He’s the party guy, the one people go to for fun. “I invited Rain.”

“What?” I freeze and look up from shoving my stuff in my duffle. “Why?”

“Dude, seriously? She’s hot.” He winks at me. “Some of the guards are betting on getting her in the sack. Now that Di dumped me I can get in on it. Apparently she’s against sex, according to Amy. Maybe she’s religious or something.”

Against sex? It didn’t seem that way when she was melting in my arms in the waves. Then again we didn’t go that far. Sex on the beach sucks anyway. Super sandy.

I wouldn’t take Rain on the beach. Before my head can fill with all of they ways I would take Rain, Chad interrupts.

“I’mma invite her and see what she’s like drunk. Play the friendly guy.”

“She’s your boss.”

“Yeah yeah, so are you. You guys just get more sucky stuff to do and a little better pay.”

I close my eyes, gathering patience. That’s not even close to true, but I’m more worried about Rain than I am about being insulted over my job.

“What if she turns you down?”

“Then she does. But she won’t.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me. “I have a way with the ladies.”

“Didn’t you just break up with Di?”

“Yeah. Exactly. Now I’m free and irresistible.”

“I doubt it.” I stand and stretch and walk out the front door. “Where’s the party tonight?”

“My place. Most of the guards will be there.”

“Alcohol?”

“Of course.”

I shake my head. I won’t get them alcohol, but I can’t stop them from drinking anyway, so I usually go to make sure nothing gets out of hand.

“Why do you doubt I can get Rain?” he asks.

“I don’t know.” I turn and wait for him to quit following me. “She’s classy, man. She’s not your type.”

“I can do classy.”

“You wouldn’t know what to do with classy.” I throw up my hands. “Go back and invite the other guards. Why are you following me?”

“Are you going to go warn Rain?”

“No.” Yes, I am.

“Look, just because you aren’t a manslut anymore doesn’t mean you should stop the rest of us.”

So I was a little promiscuous while trying to get over Camille. But it was empty real fast, and instead of filling the emptiness, it had just emphasized it.

“I think you better step off, Chad. I’ll do what I want, I’m still your boss, even if I am your friend,” I say, giving him a light shove.

“You want her for yourself?” He just won’t let it go.

I glare at him.

“You do!”

I frown. I can’t deny it in any convincing way. He shakes his head and slings his backpack over his shoulder. “Come on man, if you’d just said so, I mean you can have the first shot. I mean you’d win the bet in a second.”

I clench my fists and then release them. I don’t want to win the bet, but I don’t want anyone else to win either. If only I had staked a claim, maybe the stupid bet would never have happened.

That gives me an idea. Maybe a way to keep the guys off.

“I am interested.”

“You are?” Chad’s grey eyes search mine. “Man, that changes things.”

“So let the others know,” I say. “She’s off-limits.”

Chad doesn’t look happy as he looks over at the guard room. He isn’t looking forward to telling the others. Lots of them have known me for a long time and went to high school with Camille and I. A weird perk to losing the person who meant more than life to you is that other people seem to support you finding someone new at any cost. Maybe then they don’t have to face you and your pain and see their worst nightmare walking around.

“I’ll tell them.” He scratches his head. “In that case, you might want to bring her to the party. I was kind of joking about making a move, but I know other guys mean it for real. It’s gonna be a bloodbath.”

“Even if you tell them she’s mine?”

“No one’s gonna believe that bro. You haven’t staked a claim on anyone since Camille. You’ve nailed a few chicks but you haven’t been possessive of any of them.”

I try to convince myself it’s because she’s my co-worker and I’m just looking out for her, but he’s right. I’m possessive and it’s definitely odd. I can’t stand the thought of someone else’s hands in her hair, someone else kissing her. I can feel my neck start to burn and adrenaline flood me at the thought. I guess I’ll have to be at the party. Maybe I should make sure she comes with me.

Or maybe I should just stay away.

I pat Chad on the shoulder. “Watch out for her and the other chicks at the party, will you?”