Deeper (9 page)

I step up and push him to the side. Grade school flirting will have to wait a moment. I’m beginning to worry about Rain.

“Have you seen Rain?”

“No.” Amy shakes her head, eyes widening slightly. “Damn.”

“It’s fine.” I wave her off. “I’ll find her.”

I should have followed her when she left, but I was too ashamed. I basically molested her in the hallway, and figured no matter what Chad would be more of a gentleman than I was. Plus I needed time to clear my head. But now I just feel stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. Letting the girl I want out of my sight in that outfit. When I know there’s a bet about getting her in the sack. But what was she thinking showing up like that? No one’s going to see her as just their boss after this party. I complete a loop of the bottom floor and head back to Amy.

“Did she leave by any chance?”

Amy shakes her head. “You can’t find her?”

“Dude, you check upstairs?” The guard with her raises his head for a moment.

“Upstairs?”

“Yeah man. Dance party up there.”

I nod at him and round the stairs. I rush up them and head down the hallway. Bedrooms up here. Gross. I walk into a room where music is playing. It’s pretty dark and people are mostly on chairs, some of them getting drinks near me at the door, and some dancing clumsily in the center of the room to the heavy rap. I shake my head. No Rain, no Chad. I head across the room to look out the window, just Di and a guy making out. Poor Chad, that’s gotta suck. Hopefully he isn’t trying to get to Rain just to ease that pain.

My face drains as I look down the hall. What if they’re in one of the bedrooms? What if he put something in her drink? No, he wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t put much else past him when he’s dealing with Di’s drama, though. I clench my hands into fists and run into the hall to the first bedroom. I yank the door open, and two teens break apart and look up at me with glares.

“What the hell, Knight?”

“Sorry.” My face goes red and I close that door and head to the next. And the next. Nothing. Just three couples angry at being caught and three awkward conversations that I never want to have. Ugh. Not that I’d mind getting Rain in one of those rooms.

Damn, that was hot in the hallway. I head back to the dance room to ask around to see if anyone has seen either Rain or Chad. When I get there, my eye goes somewhere it didn’t before. One of the couches near the window. I go over to the couch across from it and ask one of the guards, Lacey, what’s going on.

“Nothing. Chad’s just drunk and raping a couch.”

She and her date laugh, but I take a closer look at the couch. Then I hear something. It’s Rain’s voice, and it’s muffled. Something about get off me.

He’s not raping the couch.

It’s my last sentient thought before adrenaline takes over. I can feel everything start to burn, all the way down to my fingertips, which are clenching into tight fists as I cross the room. As I come closer, I see more of what’s going on. I can’t bear it. She’s mine.

He’s on her neck and she makes a squeak and something snaps in me. I’m going to kill him. I grab the back of his neck and tear him off. He comes up like a wet blanket, staggering and trying to swing at me, but I side step and shove the back of his neck so that he flies over into the center of the floor and slumps in a heap.

Rain looks up at me with wide eyes. Her mouth flattens in uncertainty and she clasps the cushion she must have been holding between them.

I can’t tell if I’m angrier that I was witnessing an act like the one that hurt Camille or if it’s because Chad was violating the woman who’s been in my thoughts night and day for the past two weeks. Hell, ever since I met her, I’ve seen her as mine. And now I manage to hold back and he just attacks her the second I back off? I’m seriously going to kill him.

Rain reaches out, grabs my jeans while I wait for Chad to show signs of life so I can kill him. So I can kill him and everyone who destroys goodness and softness in the world. Everyone who takes what is mine. I’ve already lost Camille, and I haven’t bonded with Rain just to lose her too.

“Knight, it’s okay. He’s just drunk. He was joking.”

The words are like French to me. I stride to him on the floor and kick him in the side. “Get up.”

He mumbles something and whines a bit.

“Get up asshole, let’s finish this.”

The room has gotten louder, people are starting to notice. They probably don’t even know why I’m about to kill him.

“Knight, let’s go outside. It’s not fair like this. He’s drunk.” Rain tugs on my arm.

“Like hell.” I pull him up by the collar and look into his bloodshot eyes. My brain is weakly trying to remember he’s my friend, but my fists don’t think so. He’s a rapist and that makes him the enemy. He’s everything I hate more than anything in the world. He took everything from me. I want to drive my fists through his head again and again.

I pull him to standing and he wobbles on his feet, confused as to why he’s facing me. “Wass wrong, Knight?”

I punch him, once, through the face, and he spins and flops down with the limpness of a rag doll. Rain screams. Once isn’t enough. I pull him up again, wait for him to get balance, and punch him again. Blood flies out behind him in an arc, mixed with spit. He’s too floppy for this to be satisfying, and he hits the floor again.

“Knight, no!” Rain grabs my arm and I whip around, ready to yell at her. But I can’t. Other guards are starting to come forward. Soon they’ll start recognizing faces in the dark. I don’t want to leave him breathing, but she pulls hard, and her hand feels soothing on my arm. I let her pull me out. She drags me down the hall to one of the bedrooms, knocks, and shoves me in and shuts the door behind us.

I stand and pace angrily, still flooded with energy and adrenaline. I turn to the door, determined to go through again and finish what I started, but she plants her hands on my chest and shoves me back onto the bed. I look up at her, pissed. She glares back at me, a bit disheveled, but okay. It calms me a little that she’s unhurt. My heart is still thudding in my chest, but I can take a deep breath and let it out. I’m still seeing red.

She glares down at me for a moment, and I’m sure I’m about to get a lecture. I hit a guy. Hit him twice, lost control and am pretty sure if she let me I’d go back there now and hit him again, hit him till his face turned to red mash under my hands.

“You need to calm down.” She glares down at me.

“He was trying to rape you.”

“He was dry humping. Fully clothed. And there was a pillow.”

“Yeah, well,” I bite my lip, drawing blood. “I don’t care. I’m going back.” I try to stand once more and she blocks me off. I sit back on the bed, trying to figure out how to get her out of my way, but gently.

She glares at me for a moment longer, then sighs and says “screw it”, and comes onto the bed with me. She straddles my lap, takes my face in her hands and kisses me hard. I feel my anger fade into shock, then arousal.

What the hell? She deepens the kiss, trying to press me further down into the soft mattress. She might just be trying to distract me, but it works.

I wrap an arm around her, grin, and flip her over. I’m a top, not a bottom.

It feels good. It feel so good to finally kiss him again. I’ve been waiting for this for two weeks, even as I promised myself it wouldn’t happen again.

He grabs me around the waist and flips me over easily and now he’s straddling me with his wide, hard thighs. He braces his hands on the bed and leans in to kiss me. He pushes my lips apart and comes in with his tongue, first gently testing the sides of my mouth, the inside of my teeth in a way that tingles and makes my toes curl up.

I can feel him smile against my mouth as he feels me responding to him. Then he takes my mouth again, his tongue thrusts inside as his hand moves down to my hip, grabs the flesh there and kneads it with the rhythm of his kiss.

I can’t believe I pulled Knight into a bedroom. I can’t believe we’re doing this. It feels as good as I always knew it would. I’m supposed to be putting him off. But I couldn’t let him kill Chad, even if it’s a bit hot that he’d kill him for me. No, not hot, disturbed, he’s disturbed, I tell myself as he runs his hand over my thigh, making me dizzy, making me want him.

He was crazy in there. I had been wishing he would come, wishing he would save me. But once he pulled Chad off, I was regretting my wish. He was so unleashed, so angry it seemed to roll off of him in waves. For me.

He bites my lip, pulling my attention back. He’s so hot and so large and when he pulls away from my mouth to bite my ear I gasp without meaning to. He pulls back and when he sees the gasp was one of enjoyment, comes back in for more. He licks up the side of my ear in a gentle, smooth line, then after a pause, bites the top gently.

Pleasure shoots through me and I sigh. He laughs and moves to my neck. He hovers there, just breathing softly, warmly, in a way that is driving me crazy and making me pull on his shirt to make him come closer. He finally does, dropping his mouth to the base of my neck for a long moment, just softly pressed there.

Then he starts to move down to my shoulder. Just when I think I can’t take the soft pressure anymore, he bites me gently. It makes my skin scream, but he moves back to a kiss, alternating between bites and kisses until I’m going crazy, wanting so much more.

So this is what I’ve been missing. I let out a choked sigh, and he runs his tongue the remaining length over my shoulder. I shudder against him. I can’t stand it much longer. Too hot. Too good. I should have known he would be like this in bed. So hot, so uncontained, a mess of smoking hot trauma, as I thought before.

I grab his shoulders and dig in with my nails. I’ve never had anything like this. I never knew I would be here when I took this job. I thought I’d be able to keep all of my promises. Now I don’t want to keep any of them. I pull at him desperately. He grins in approval and moves back up to my mouth to take it again, this time with more intensity. His mouth over mine, his hands on my body, it’s consuming me. It’s almost enough to make me forget everything that has happened in the last year.

I wish so much I could forget. He puts a hand up to cup my chin, to pull my mouth closer to his so he can come deeper inside. I moan into it, wanting more, needing more, but something in the back of my head warns me we need to stop soon.

Why had I thought I could make out with him and not go further? Why had I thought it would be just like kissing one of my other boyfriends, and I would be fine, eager even, to stop it when we should? I didn’t know anything could feel like this. I didn’t know anything could feel this good. I feel safe, and contained, and the world outside can spin without me and my promises.

His hands move to tug at the bottom of my halter. Second base. I groan at the thought of his hands there, but my hands move to stop him of their own accord. I let out a deep sigh of regret. Stupid hands. He stops for a moment, and then lets go of my shirt and splays his palm along my waist and continues kissing me.

He’s slowing now, and sinking into a rhythm that I’ve joined without thinking. We’re together, working more in tune than we do even when we are guarding together. There’s something more between us, and when he’s pressed to me like this I can feel it. And it scares me.

He’s still making me hot, still keeping me wanting, and even though pain is creeping in because I know I should stop this now, I can’t yet. I sigh against his mouth and open deeper. His hand moves to my belt, and I sit up abruptly.

That’s it. No more. If I thought I could break my promise, I was wrong. It’s so hard to say no that it’s almost physically painful.

I scramble back, pushing away from him. He’s gleaming in the night air and the sweat of the moment, looking at me with slightly swollen lips and questioning eyes. His hair is sexy and messy from my hands. I want nothing more than to put them there again, but I back up to the headboard and stick out a hand. “No more.”

He nods and sighs and flops on the bed. “Sorry. I got carried away. You’re so amazing, Rain.”

“It’s okay. I got carried away too.”

“Great while it lasted though, right? Even better than the beach.” He exhales slowly and rests his hand on his chest. I wonder if his heart is beating as hard as mine.

“Yeah, it was great.” I smile. So that was making out with Knight. Downright dangerous. Consuming. Confusing.

He looks over at me, smiles, then stares at the ceiling. His shirt is out of place from where I was grabbing it. I can see a glimpse of one sexy pec where his shirt is slid off to one side. “So I guess you are a no-sex girl?”

“Yeah,” I say, looking down at my hands. I really wish I was a sex girl though. Just for now.

“Any reason why?” He doesn’t say it like he’s trying to change my mind. He just wants to know. As if he wants to know me better even though he’s not getting any. That feels good, that he hasn’t just stormed out when I told him I couldn’t do that with him.

“It’s personal. I just can’t. It’s not you.” I fold my arms. Why is it so hard to calm down? It was so easy to get worked up. For just a few moments, I felt like a different girl. A normal teenager. Someone who has never seen anyone die.

He rubs the back of his neck. “Damn, that sucks. That was hot though, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks for stopping me in there,” he says, straightening his shirt and then waving it as if to let air in. I catch another glimpse of his bare chest. “I have a thing against rapists.”

The word rapist cools the room immediately. “Don’t most people?” I ask.

“I have an extra thing.” He frowns and I can sense he’s drifting off somewhere. I wonder if it has anything to do with Camille. Why she killed herself.

I move toward him and sit next to him, bumping him with my shoulder. “Well, it’s a good thing to have a vendetta against.”

“Not to mention,” he says, bumping me back but putting a hand over mine on my leg, “that he was doing it to the girl who’s been driving me crazy for days. Maybe since I met her.”

I can’t speak. I have nothing to say to that. It would do no good to tell him he’s driving me crazy too. It would be too good to be true, if I wasn’t broken and unable to take him up on what he offered.