Defining Love: Volume 3 (Defining Love #3) (5 page)

“Hello?”

“Edi’s upset with me,” she said; then I heard the sniffle.

“Why?”

My heart was already racing. Had she done it? Had she actually
proposed what I’d suggested even before getting back?

“The text I got in your room last night. It was from her. She
wanted to talk. I had a feeling something was up because she was texting so
late, but I was afraid she might notice I’d been drinking, so I didn’t respond.
I figured I could say I was asleep and didn’t see the text until this morning.
She called this morning before I could even respond.” She paused to sniffle
again, and I could picture her wiping her sweet little nose and dabbing her eyes
as she had last night. “After Bea left the night she came over and asked if you
and I were having an affair, all Edi asked was if she had anything to worry
about. Of course, I told her she didn’t, and she seemed satisfied with that,
but she said after we got off the phone last night she was left with an ugly
feeling in her gut. It’s why she texted me. Her text last night was a single sentence.
Please tell me again I have nothing to worry about and that you love me
.
It’s why I left so suddenly. The guilt was overwhelming, especially given that
I’d just been discussing breaking things off with her
with
the person
she’s worrying about.”

She quieted, and I waited, but when she didn’t go on, I had to
ask,“What did you tell her?”

“That I do love her and that she doesn’t have anything to worry
about, but then she asked what I’d done last night after I got off the phone
with her. I couldn’t lie, Aaron, especially not to her. It’s not even that I’m
such a noble and sincere person. I just suck at it, and Edi especially would
know I was lying.”

She took a deep breath, and while she still sounded upset, at
least she wasn’t crying anymore.

“So you told her you spent the evening with me in my room? Is
that what she’s upset about?”

“It’s what started it,” she said, her tone going a little
hesitant—cautious. “She was mostly quiet when I told her we’d split a pizza and
ate it in your room. I was completely honest and even told her about the wine,
but I assured her all we did is what we always do. Just talk. And again I assured
her she had
absolutely
nothing to worry about. She’d hardly said
anything the whole time until I finished explaining, and then she asked one
thing. Are you attracted to him?”

She stopped again, and I knew now why she’d hesitated. I stood
up, my heart rate picking up tempo, and I began pacing slowly, not sure if I
should ask, but there was no fucking way I was going to let her leave it at
that.

“I was honest about that too,” she finally said, and I froze in
place, holding my breath. “She hung up on me.”

That still wasn’t an answer, but it was all I needed. Henrietta proceeded
with how she’d tried to call Edi back several times and sent a few texts,
repeating once again what was getting annoying as shit to hear. That she’d
assured Edi again in her texts that she had nothing to worry about.

“Physical attraction is completely different from actually
feeling something for someone.”

“I agree,” I said immediately as my insides heated, but we were
getting something straight right now. “And if you’re not feeling for me what
I’m feeling for you, then Edi
doesn’t
have anything to worry about. Like
I said last night, Henri, what I’m feeling didn’t just happen overnight, and I
think I’ve managed to remain as professional as possible.”

“You have.” Her words were a near whisper.

“If you need me to tell her myself that she has
nothing to
worry about,
I can do that too.” My tone was much harsher than I’d planned
it to be, but I struggled to tone it down. “I’m sorry it’s turned into an issue
for you two.”

“I think we can both agree the real issue between Edi and me runs
much deeper than this. I’d just hate to think she’s hurting because I never
wanna do that to her again.”

She sounded so sad I felt like an asshole. Here I’d told her she
could talk to me anytime about
anything
, and the first call she makes to
vent, I nearly blow up on her. I pulled the phone away, covering the mouthpiece
with my finger so I could exhale as hard as I needed to. Then I took a deep
breath and tried again.

“Listen, admitting to your girlfriend that you’re attracted to
someone else, even if it is
just
a physical attraction,” I added, doing
my best to not sound as irritated as that made me, “is never gonna over well.
Hell, I’m breaking things off with Mia and don’t think I’ll be as honest as you
were with Edi. But I don’t think it’s an end-all. I’m sure she’s been attracted
to other people. It’s natural. She’s gotta give you credit for being honest. I
say you give her some time to cool off and she’ll be okay.”

“Ugh!” she said loudly. “I hate this. I really had planned on
sleeping in today. I would’ve if she hadn’t woken me. It’s not even eight yet,
and there’s no way I’m going back to sleep now.”

“I couldn’t sleep either,” I admitted. “I’ve been tossing and
turning for over an hour now. I was just thinking about going down and grabbing
some coffee when I saw your text. You wanna go get breakfast?”

“Yes, actually.” The sudden change in her voice had me smiling
again. “Food always cheers me up. Waffles with lots of strawberries and whipped
cream would sure hit the spot right now.”

Why
did even that have my crotch coming alive? Despite my
annoyance with her just minutes ago, the visual of watching Henrietta licking
whipped cream off her lips had me rock hard and groaning the moment I was off
the phone.

Okay, maybe the physical attraction I felt to her had reached a
new level as well, but what I felt for her wasn’t
purely
physical. Of
that I was certain.

Chapter 15

Henri

Less than an hour after I got off the phone with Aaron
that morning, I was showered and packed so that we could just come back to pick
up our suitcases after breakfast. I’d done enough blubbering about Edi for the
weekend, so I was determined to stay off the subject. I also wanted to steer
clear of any more talk about his feelings for me. It terrified me as much as it
thrilled me. For as much as he said that our relationship would remain as
professional as always, I could already feel things changing. Though in his
defense, I’d felt them changing weeks ago.

I still hadn’t decided or known what was going to happen between
Edi and me. I wasn’t sure I could go through with it. What if she really didn’t
want anything more to do with me anymore? I didn’t want to risk Aaron finding
out the truth about what I was feeling for him. Though I was pretty sure, just
as I sucked at lying, I was pathetically transparent when it came to hiding
what he did to me. The more I heard him say he had feelings for me, the harder
it would be for me to not admit the truth. I was
crazy
about him. I just
wasn’t sure if taking a chance on a relationship with him was worth losing Edi.
But I’d learned my lesson with Edi. I also didn’t want to ruin my friendship
with him by admitting anything in case I couldn’t go through breaking things
off with her. I hated to admit it even to myself because, as much as I loved
Edi, it felt so wrong but . . . I was officially completely torn.

So I was determined to stick to a safer subject. I
was
curious to hear more about Aaron’s relationship with Mia anyway. I wondered how
it was possible that they could be together so long and he felt so little for
her that he was
letting her go
. I’d known Edi under four years, and the
thought of losing her was a suffocating one. But then I knew my situation with
her and Aaron’s with Mia were significantly different.

My plan worked. We spent the entire morning and a better part of
the afternoon talking about his relationship with Mia. He seemed hesitant at
first, as if it weren’t a subject he wanted to think about, but he eventually
gave in. He told me about how he’d met Mia and how they were friends first
before they’d fallen for each other. In hindsight, he said he knew his utter
excitement in the beginning was purely a sexual thing. “Crazed teenage
hormones” is what he’d called it. She’d been his first but wasn’t his only
sexual experience since they did break up for a while. It’s how he knew it
wasn’t just boredom. Nor was it the selfish need to experience that high you
feel in the beginning of a relationship. Because he’d never felt that magic
with any of the other girls he dated either. He told me about what his father
had said to him once. How even if you couldn’t explain it, you’d somehow just
know when you met
the one
.

Aaron said he’d just never felt it with Mia. “More than anything,
I just think whoever you’re with is supposed to make you really happy. You’re
supposed to look forward to seeing them, talking to them, just being around
them. And I haven’t felt that with Mia in a long time. Even back in our happier
times, I don’t recall ever feeling that magic you’re supposed to feel when
you’re truly
in
love with someone. Like no matter how much time you
spend with them,” he paused, staring at me, “it’s never enough.”

For a moment, neither of us said a word, and I knew the exact
feeling he was talking about. Already, I wasn’t looking forward to this trip
ending. He’d explained on the flight here that he’d had to switch shifts to be
able to get the three days off in a row from the station this weekend, so he’d
ended up with what he called a dreaded four-dayer. Meaning he’d be working four
twenty-four-hour shifts in a row, starting tomorrow.

After he dropped me off at home tonight, I wouldn’t see him for
six
days. Friday, the day he did finally get home from his four-dayer, Edi and
I were going to a party. I had an appointment to get my hair cut that day and
planned on going shopping the rest of the day, so I’d already told him I
wouldn’t be able to come in on Friday. He’d be back in the station for a one-day
shift on Saturday. Though I’d felt it before when I’d go three or four days
straight without seeing him, I had a feeling this time it would feel like an
eternity. Especially after the weekend we’d just had.

I had one more reason for the guilt grenades to continue to
detonate. Here I was actually dreading not being around him for six days and he
hadn’t even left my side. Yet I was grateful that Edi wouldn’t be home after
not seeing her for going on
three
days now.

“There’s definitely something missing in my relationship”—he
glanced back down at the bottled water the flight attendant had just brought
him—“and it’s about time Mia and I just admit it.”

Saying goodbye that evening when he dropped me off was
bittersweet. As tempted as I was to hug him and thank him for the amazing opportunity
this had been, I couldn’t. I feared he might take it the wrong way. So I
settled for a handshake and genuine smile.

“I’ll see you Sunday,” I said.

“Sunday?” he asked with a touch of alarm.

“Yeah,” I said, inadvertently giving way to my disappointment.
“You work all week, and Friday I can’t come in. You said you work Saturday too,
right?”

Unlike me, he didn’t even attempt to hide his disappointment,
warming my heart in the process. “Shit! I forgot about that,” he said then to
my surprise added, “It’s gonna be long week.”

“Yeah, it’s exactly what I was thinking,” I said, knowing I
shouldn’t, but I just couldn’t help it.

“Call me if you need to talk.”

“I will.”

As usual, he waited until I was inside and waved from the door
window before he drove away. My heart felt ready to come apart with everything
it was feeling. But I knew I was in trouble. While it should be feeling heavy
like the last and only time I hadn’t heard back from Edi all day and knew she
was hurt, it was bursting with excitement instead.

I was really going to have to practice my speech and my continued
reassurance to Edi that she had nothing to worry about. That nothing had
changed and wouldn’t be changing as Aaron promised, but in my heart I knew
things were already changing. And both Edi and I had a
ton
to be worried
about.

~*~

Aaron

“Are you in love with her?”

I stared at Mia, amazed at the difference in what I felt watching
her tear-streaked face and what I’d felt last night seeing Henrietta’s. While
my heart sympathized with Mia, it really did, this was just added confirmation
that my feelings for Henrietta were off the charts like
nothing
I’d ever
felt for Mia.

“Just be honest,” she pressed on. “It’s the least you can do
after everything we’ve been through. Are you and her—?”

“No,” I said with conviction.

I may be guilty of having fallen for someone else, but I wouldn’t
allow Mia to imply that either Henrietta or I would disrespect her that way.

“Nothing has
ever
happened between Henrietta and me. She’s
a nice, respectable girl—”

“
Are.
You. In. Love. With. Her?” she asked even louder.
“Just answer the damn question!”

“Yes!” I said, stunning us both. “But it’s not why I’m breaking
things off with you.”

“Bullshit! I knew it!” she cried out. “I knew I’d felt a change
once you brought that little girl in to work for you, but I didn’t think you’d
actually be
that
into her. She’s a child! What is she eighteen,
nineteen, Aaron? Do you really think you and her are—?”

“It’s nothing like that, Mia! She doesn’t even know I’m in love
with her. She’s in her own relationship. And you know as well as I do, that
damn change we both felt happening started long before she came to work for me.
Things between you and me haven’t been right for a long time.”

“So why this?” she yelled, pulling off her engagement ring and
throwing at me. “Why the big phony proposal in front of all our friends and
family?”

“Doing it that way wasn’t my idea,” I said, feeling like the
biggest douche on the planet. “If I’d been up to me, I would’ve done it
privately. You know what my crazy family is like. But doing it at all
was
stupid, okay? I admit it and I’m sorry. As long as you and I have been
together, I thought maybe it’s what was missing. Taking the next step. I was
wrong.”

“So that’s it,” she said, her face scrunching up. “Ten years down
the drain.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” She looked at me, confused, the tears
still pouring down her cheeks, and the thought of Henrietta’s words last night
nearly made me smirk at such an inopportune moment. But I said it anyway
because I really meant it. “We could still be friends, Mia. Your friendship
means the world to me.”

“Get out,” she said through her teeth. “And take that fucking
ring with you.”

I could’ve tried to argue, but it was pointless. In all the years
I’d been with Mia, she’d never once cussed
at
me, not seriously anyway.
I knew this was the maddest she’d ever been at me and rightfully so maybe, but
I’d started this discussion with zero intention of admitting even being
attracted to Henrietta. I should’ve known Mia already knew. She probably knew
even before I did. As bad as this breakup had gone, it was as painless as possible
given the fact that Mia had been intent that I admit I was in love with
Henrietta. There was nothing else I could say that would lessen the pain, so I
picked up the ring and left without saying another word.

~~~

It hadn’t even been two full days since I’d last seen
or heard from Henrietta. Not two
full days! A
nd here I’d been fighting
the urge to at least text her for that long. Monday afternoon I’d done the next
best thing. I texted Eileen, who I knew was working with Henrietta that day to
ask for an update on the queues. It was a valid inquiry. The week after a show
we were usually flooded with new orders. I could easily check for myself on my
phone app, but I used the excuse that the app wasn’t on real time like checking
directly on the actual the website.

She updated me with the numbers, which were higher than they’d
ever been the first work day after a show. I smiled, certain Henrietta giving
the presentations had
everything
to do with that. I asked a few more
generic questions before asking if she was giving Henrietta a ride home.
Thankfully, she responded not just with a yes but that she was also picking her
up and dropping her off the next day and what hours they’d be putting in.

The next day we got a call for a run not too far from my place,
so I gave into the temptation and did something that wasn’t entirely unheard
of. I asked the guys to stop by my place so I could pick up something I’d
forgotten. It wouldn’t be the first time one of us had stopped by while on duty
in the fire truck at our home, kid’s school, or little league games, etc.

I knew it was pathetic, but I couldn’t help it. I was suddenly
going nuts not having heard from her and
dying
to see her again. I knew
this was bad—
really
bad—but I was helpless to fight what I felt. Even as
I jumped off the truck and hurried into my house, I could feel the adrenaline
rush and my heart racing just knowing I’d be near her soon.

I didn’t realize I was practically sprinting when I skidded into
the back room and both Henrietta and Eileen looked up from where they were
standing wrapping packages. I made such a clumsy loud entrance they both stared
at me wide-eyed and speechless.

“P-paperwork,” I stammered without thinking, hitching my thumb up
and pointed at my office. “I, uh, had to stop for some paperwork I needed.”

Eileen nodded with a look of amused confusion, but Henrietta
smiled. I smiled also, too big I’m sure, but she was absolutely beautiful. I
was so far gone I should’ve been terrified, but I wasn’t. Instead, I felt
ridiculously elated just to see here. “Henrietta?” I said as casually as I
could. “Can I, uh, see you in my office for a moment?”

Her smile grew even bigger and she nodded. “Sure.”

“Thanks,” I said, walking away toward my office.

I had to get a grip here. I promised her I’d be professional. I
didn’t want to spook her and have her questioning if continuing to work for me
was a good idea. I grabbed a manila folder off my desk and held it as if that
were what I was there for then leaned against the front of my desk and waited
anxiously for her to enter.

“Hey,” she said with a timid smile as she chewed the corner of
her lip.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she knew my story about
needing to stop by for paperwork was pure bullshit. I was there for no other
reason than I couldn’t stay away from her. I focused on her face, trying not to
let my eyes roam and keeping my smile from going overly goofy. But those eyes.
Dear God, those eyes were going to be the end of me.

“Hey,” I smiled cautiously. “How are you?”

“Good.” Her expression was understandably puzzled.

“I’ve been thinking about you and Edi,” I explained. “I know you
were really worried about her being upset. I was just wondering how things have
been.”

“Oh.” She nodded then frowned. “Yeah, she finally answered my
call yesterday. It didn’t go great. Things are still tense, but at least we’re
speaking now. She comes home today, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to have that
talk with her.” She lifted a pair of entwined fingers. “Fingers crossed I don’t
chicken out. How’d it go with Mia?”

I shook my head, closing my eyes for a second, and then smirked
with a humorless chuckle. “You were right. The staying-friends idea didn’t go
over well.”

She winced then smiled. “Well, at least you tried.”

The loud horn of the fire truck outside was a rude reminder I
needed to get back out, and I turned to the door with the frown. When I glanced
back, I caught her taking me in from top to bottom, a little too bright-eyed.
Her face flushed when she realized she’d been caught. I smiled until I
remembered her comment Sunday morning.
Physical attraction is completely
different than actually feeling something for someone.