Desolate (17 page)

“
M
OMMY
, MOMMY,” LIAM CALLED OUT, waking me out of my slumber. The most joyous noise I’d ever heard. All day yesterday I held them both so tight, I’m sure it felt suffocating. When I woke up and realized that Andrew was still there, I hopped out of the bed and ran down the hall to Liam’s room, not caring if I woke him up, just needing to hold my baby boy. I gently lifted him from his crib, walked over to the rocking chair, and held him close to my chest and bawled like a baby. There was no greater feeling than having them both back in my arms, which is where they both stayed for the rest of the day.

I rolled out of the bed and noticed that Andrew was already awake, as usual. How he beat me to hearing Liam, I couldn’t understand, but nothing was stopping me from going to that little boy and his father ever again.

Hurriedly, I took care of my morning routine. I threw on a t-shirt of Andrews and a robe and went in search of my two favorite guys. Of course, I found them in the kitchen. Their second favorite place to be in the world because it held food.

I leaned against the entrance to the kitchen and watched as Liam picked up the piece of cereal off his high chair and put it in his mouth, making a moaning noise as he chewed the bite of food. It always made me smile when he did that with each bite he took.

“Good morning, Mrs. DeLuca,” Andrew called out as he turned around holding a cup of coffee I assumed was mine. The second he said my name, I burst into tears, covering my face with my hands. My emotions were all over the place, and I just wanted to go back to normal. My new normal though. After today, Andrew may think I’m crazy, but I hoped he’d be happy that finally, after all the years we’d been together, I was saying a big screw you to that fortune teller and letting the fear absolve into the nothingness it should’ve been in the first place.

In an instant he was by my side, pulling me into his arms, rubbing his hands up and down my back to soothe me.

“Hey now. We’re both fine. You saw that all day yesterday. There’s no reason to cry, Mags.” Only I didn’t want to experience this ever again. Not ever did I want to feel their losses as profoundly as I felt them in that vision, dream, whatever the hell you want to call it.

Moving away from him, I wiped my eyes and let out a small laugh. I was being irrational in a way. I knew that I hadn’t actually experienced everything, but it was still so real and fresh in my mind that I had to get an explanation regarding the entire phenomenon before I could put it behind me.

“I know, but you have no idea how much it means to hear you call me something as simple as that. How I honestly thought I’d never hear that name grace your lips ever again. Shortly, I’m hoping I can explain it in a way you can see exactly why I’m so freaked out,” I confessed as walked into the kitchen to give my handsome son his morning kiss.

“Hey there, my sweet boy,” I said as I ruffled up his hair.

“O’s, Mommy,” he cheerfully said as he held one out to me. Without even second guessing it, I bent down and gobbled up the Cheerio from his awaiting hand, making crazy noises in the process. His laughter filled the room as he pulled his hand out of my mouth. That sound. The most precious sound there ever was would never be taken for granted again.

“I’ll get him ready while you drink your coffee and get dressed. I called the office and told them I wouldn’t be in today. After your appointment, I also want you to get checked out by your regular doctor. Just humor me okay.” The look on his face let me know there was no way I’d get out of the second appointment.

I picked up the hot cup of coffee off the counter and blew on the hot liquid, shaking my head at him as I walked down the hallway to our room to get ready. He could be such a pain in the ass with his demands, but that’s why I loved him. He always knew what was best for me and apparently I needed to see two doctors today.

Quickly, I showered and put on my jeans and sweater. I threw my hair up into a messy ponytail and walked over to my dresser to get my jewelry. As I slid on my engagement ring and wedding band, chills racked through my body. It was surreal putting these rings on and knowing that the man who put them there was just in the other room instead of in the ground. I don’t think I’d ever fully be able to wrap my head around this whole situation even after I’d gotten an explanation.

I walked into the living room to find Andrew and Liam waiting for me on the couch, Andrew tickling a squirming Liam as he giggled loudly. Taking in the sight, I allowed myself to breath just a little bit easier now that it had sunk in a little more.

“You ready to go?” I asked Andrew, causing Liam to break free once his father was distracted and barrel toward me, crashing into my shins within seconds after he ran across the room.

I picked him up and spun him around, kissing his neck over and over again.
Another simple task I’d never take for granted again,
I thought to myself as I breathed in his baby smell.

“We sure are,” Andrew replied as he walked toward me and grabbed Liam’s diaper bag off of the floor.

Once we all had our coats on, we walked to the car, Andrew grabbing my hand and lacing our fingers together as soon as the door was shut behind us. The smile that donned his face as he looked over at me helped ease the anxiety that coursed through me. There was no telling how this appointment would go. They could commit me for all I knew when the truth was fully out.

We buckled Liam into his car seat and handed him the blanket we never left behind before we both got into the car, Andrew in the drivers’ seat. We drove in silence to drop Liam off at daycare and arrived at the doctor’s office mere minutes before my scheduled appointment at 10 a.m.

We got out of the car and I slowly walked a few steps behind Andrew, wanting to know the truth, find out an explanation to all of this craziness, but fearing that it was just my imagination getting the better of me.

We walked through the lobby and up to the reception desk to sign in, Andrew never more than a step away the entire time. As we walked across the room to find a seat, someone bumped into my shoulder causing me to fall back a step. Looking up, I couldn’t believe who stood before me. There was no way in hell this could be happening. Deja Vu was really playing with my mind right now.

“Weston,” I whispered out at the same time he said, “Magdalena?” Risking a glance over at my husband, he appeared to be more confused than ever. There’s no way he’d believe this even if I explained each and every detail.

“How do you two know each other?” Andrew questioned as his eyes roamed back and forth between the two of us.

Then it dawned on me. The reason we both questioned our familiarity. The day I had a flat tire, he was the one who changed it. How in the hell did I appear to have a dream about a complete stranger? Better yet, how did said stranger know my name when I knew that I’d never given it to him that fateful day.

“He changed my tire the other day when I had a flat on the way home,” I responded, hoping like hell I didn’t reveal the true meaning behind this insanity.

“Yeah. Some coincidence we’re in the same place again, huh?” Weston nervously replied as he shuffled his stance between his feet.

“Totally.”

“Well, if you ever need another tire change, just give me a call,” he said after he reached into his wallet and pulled out a card, with a shaky hand he held it out to me. The look on his face as he glanced up at me shown that he was as equally freaked out as I was.

“I sure will,” I replied with a grin, taking the card from him.

“Magdalena DeLuca,” a nurse called out from behind me, giving me the out I needed from this crazy encounter.

“See ya around,” he replied as he tipped his hat.

With a smile, I turned and walked toward the awaiting nurse. The entire time not one word came from my husband since he asked the question, leaving me wondering if he believed the farce of a show I just performed.

We followed the nurse back down the corridor to the last room on the left of the hall. She motioned for us to enter and after we went into the room, she followed, shutting the door behind her.

I sat down on the couch and Andrew sat down beside me, instantly grabbing my hand to ease my nerves. He always knew just what to do to help me through anything.

She asked the normal questions about what brought me in today and how I’d been since my last visit, the types of medications I took, and left the room, telling me the doctor would be right with me.

“Your hands are sweating up a storm. Are you doing okay?” Andrew asked in a concerned tone as his finger ran across the top of my hand.

“Yeah, I’m just nervous. I haven’t really gone into detail about any of what’s bothering me with you, and I just had the craziest feeling when we were in the lobby. When I said you really didn’t understand how I felt, I meant it. This wasn’t a typical anxiety attack, Andrew. This was something else in its entirety.

Before he could respond, the doctor knocked on the door and entered the room, leaving me even more nervous than before as I took a few deep breaths.

He sat across from us and looked down at my charts, presumably at the notes that the nurse had left and then looked back up at me.

“How have you been, Magdalena? It’s been awhile since you’ve been here it seems,” he stated as he tapped his pen on the file.

“I thought I was doing a little better. But then something happened the other night, and I don’t know what to think about the occurrence. It’s the worst case of anxiety and panic that I’ve ever experienced,” I confessed as I rubbed my hand up and down my pant leg.

“So let’s begin then, shall we. Tell me what happened and we will go from there.”

“I’d like to start with a few questions if you don’t mind. Then I’ll tell you all about what happened,” I replied, hoping he’d go along with this and that I could get it all out within the hour we’d been allotted.

“What’s on your mind?” Dr. Harold asked, seeming intrigued by my method.

“Do you believe that someone can dream something so vividly without knowing it’s a dream? Do you think two people can experience the same dream at the same time? Like they are in the dream going through the motions together?” I asked, hoping like hell I made some sort of sense.

“I do believe in all of the above actually. There’s even a terminology for it, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Why don’t you explain what happened, and I’ll let you know if what the answer to your question is what you’ve experienced.”

Here goes nothing. It’s either explainable or a straight jacket for me.

With a few breaths, I began the tale of everything that apparently had been just a dream, a lucid, vivid dream. Explaining to them both how the feelings were so real when I found out about the deaths of Andrew and Liam and what I experienced when I buried them both. Then to when I moved away and met Weston, a man who helped me see the error in the way I’d been living. At the mere mention of his name, Andrew squeezed my hand and looked over at me, the confusion of it all written within his facial expression.

When I’d finally went over every detail and finished with the way I woke up confused, I finally took in a breath of air. Only instead of a quick response, I looked up at the doctor and over at Andrew, their expressions mirroring each others. That’s it. They both thought I was certifiably nuts. As I continued to move my gaze between the two, my nerves kicked up about fifty notches and my breaths began to get shallow. I never imagined that they wouldn’t believe me and based on their quietness and expressions, they were about to tell me that they think I needed help. I was about to try and explain it away further, only the doctor finally spoke.

“It appears my first guess was correct. Now it’s not my particular field of study by any means. However, I did take an interest in the journals posted and I can tell you what you most likely experienced was an intuitive dream. Now, I’ve never heard of someone else entering said dream that you’ve recently met, but anything is possible I suppose,” he replied as I began to jot down the notes in my file.

“And what exactly is an intuitive dream, doc?” Andrew asked before I could.

“It’s perceived to be a sixth sense, so to speak. Intuitive dreams are derived from someone’s innermost thoughts and fears. You’ve always feared they would die, therefore, you dreamed it. However, dreaming about the various aspects within your dream can mean that you are ready to let go of your fear. That you want the qualities that your husband possesses instead of being consumed with the one emotion you’ve come to know so well,” he replied.

“What about the person I just met being in said dream. I just ran into him in the hall and he looked like he’d seen a ghost.”

“I’m not supposed to talk about patients due to confidentiality, but if you’re speaking about the person I assume you are, I wondered if the two were connected. It’s said that when two people experience what you two have, you are connected in some way or another. If you believe in reincarnation, it’s said that you could’ve known each other in a past life, but then again that’s all speculation. I’m a doctor, so it’s hard for me to wrap my head around something that can’t be scientifically proven. Such as what dreams mean, but I do know how the mind works. Dreams are part of our subconscious. I think you should see this dream as part of your awakening. I know how hard you’ve worked to move past what you thought would be the outcome of your life, and if you’re that determined to move past it and a dream helped, then I say I’m all for whatever opened your eyes.” Not a very professional response, but that’s why I liked him. He kept it real and kept the scientific mumbo jumbo to a minimum.

“Thanks for all of your advice, doc. I’m sure it’ll take me a while to get over what I so vividly believed happened, but it’s definitely helped me realize not to take one second of the day for granted.” I stood to leave, Andrew following suit but remaining quiet.

We left the doctor’s office, but I told him I didn’t need to go to the other appointment. I’d gotten all the answers that I needed, and I put my foot down when I told him. He didn’t like it but let it go surprisingly.