Diary of a Nerd King #2: The Complete 2nd Season - Episodes 1 to 8 (15 page)

At least they’re all supposed to be equals.  I think Wolverine is probably the most wicked awesome of them all. 

Of course, Magneto has wicked awesome powers too.  He may actually be the most powerful mutant of them all. 

But I think I got a little off track here.  The point is, with a lot money to buy the best stuff out there, and even invent your own, you can do just about anything!  I can’t wait until that’s me!

Tuesday

We had GLEE club today.  It went OK.  Actually it went better than OK.  I sang pretty wicked awesome.  Even Ms. Winsome said so.

Well she didn’t exactly say “wicked awesome,” but she said I had a great voice and sang very well, so it’s basically the same thing. 

I was pretty surprised actually.  This morning I woke up with this little ball in my stomach that was kinda uncomfortable, like a tennis ball that was bouncing around and making my stomach feel bad. 

It got worse as the day went on. 

By the time the school day was over, and it was time for GLEE club, it was pretty bad.  I actually thought I was going to have to go and see the school nurse.  What felt like a tennis ball bouncing around this morning, now felt like a football being thrown around inside me with the pointed ends hitting me in the guts every time it landed. 

And then it was my turn to sing.  The football was still there, except now it felt like 3 or 4 of them were in there.  I thought I was going to throw up. 

Ms. Winsome must’ve noticed because she said I looked a little pale and asked me if I was going to be all right. 

I don’t know if it was Ms. Winsome saying I looked pale that did it or what, but all of sudden the weirdest thing happened.  The footballs stopped flying around in my stomach, and I felt strangely calm all of a sudden.

And then it happened.

The me from my dream took over.  It was like I was transformed into the girl version of me that sang a duet with Jordan in my dream. 

I just opened my mouth and sang, and the amazing thing is that I sounded really good.  It wasn’t a girl’s voice.  It was my own, but it was clear and strong and everybody kinda stopped and stared at me in amazement. 

And let me tell you, everybody else may have been amazed, but there was nobody more amazed than ME!  I was actually singing.  Me!  And it sounded good!  And it wasn’t just me that thought so!

Even better, after I finished and looked over at Jordan, she was staring at me and smiling too. 

But it wasn’t amazement that was on her face.  I mean, there might have been a bit of amazement there, yeah, but the BIG thing that I saw on her face was pride.  She was proud of me!

Of course, I was never going to be able to tell anyone what my secret is.  NO ONE can EVER know what really happened.  If word got out that the secret to my wicked awesome singing is that I envision myself singing as a girl, I’d be done for.

I doubt even Boogie would speak to me.  I mean, he might want to, but he wouldn’t be able to because of what would happen to him if he did.  It’s that whole guilt by association thing again, like why I couldn’t let Tabi get on the zit face list.

Being a kid can be REALLY tough.  It’s a pretty hard game to play.  The rules can be really brutal, but hey, it’s the only game we’ve got.  What else are you gonna do about it?

Like my Uncle Dan is always saying, “Suck it up Buttercup.”  (I’m not even totally sure what that means, but it sounds cool when you say it, especially if you say it like Uncle Dan does, and I think it actually fits in a situation like this.)

Wednesday

Boogie and I found a new YouTube star to watch today.  His name’s Ed Bassmaster, and he’s absolutely hilarious!

We found him when we were doing some more research on farts and farting.  Ed is like the KING of making farts and farting funny so he came up in the top results of our YouTube searches. 

There’s this one video where Ed does call “
Farting in the Library
” where he walks around the library and uses a fart machine to make really real sounding farting sounds when he bends over or stops by someone.  It’s TOTALLY hilarious!  You really have to watch it to see the looks on people’s faces!

Ed uses this wicked awesome fart machine called a
pooter
.  It’s probably the BEST farting device I’ve ever seen!  It sounds totally real.  You’d swear someone was actually farting, and some of the farts sound totally brutal!

Ed Bassmaster does a bunch of other videos on farting too.  They’re all pretty funny.  Ed’s also got like 5 or 6 characters he does that all do different things. 

He’s got this one character, Mumbles, where he walks around mumbling at people, like he’s talking to them but they can’t understand him because it’s all mumbles.  It’s really funny, and you get to see everybody’s reactions too which makes it even funnier!

Another of Ed’s characters that I really like is The Hacker.  He walks around talking to people, and then starts hacking away in the middle of saying something, like he’s got really bad smoker’s cough or something.  (Dad says smoker’s cough is what they call it when people who are dumb enough to smoke get a really bad hacking cough from smoking).

All of Ed’s videos are pretty funny, but we watched the farting ones over again because they’re part of our research.  Boogie and I figure if we can basically do our own version of the “
Farting in the Library
” video, then we’ll have a hit.  Ed has like over 3 million views so far, so we’re thinking if we do one, we should be able to get at least that. 

It’s pretty awesome to think we’re gonna get rich from farting.  Who would’ve ever thunk!  Maybe we’ll have to get t-shirts made up with a can of beans on them or something.  On the back it could say “Bean, beans, the magical fruit.”