Diary of a Wanted Woman (21 page)

I stared at him and realized he wasn’t budging.

“Keith what am I supposed to do then? I can’t go anywhere like this.”

He grabbed my hand and led me back to the bed. He climbed on but I waited. He looked at me and smiled.

“I’ll take it off in the morning,” he said throwing back the covers.

I looked at him. Was he serious?

“So you want me to come back in the morning?”

He laughed hard smacking his hand across his forehead.

“No baby, come get in the bed,” he said moving and patting the empty side.

“Come over here and snuggle with daddy.”

I hesitated. I was nervous about him being nice all of a sudden.

He noticed I wasn’t moving and he sighed.

“Hannah, get your ass up here or I’m never taking the collar off.”

I took a deep breath and climbed in the bed. He probably just wanted me there in the morning or in the middle of the night to quench his sexual appetite.

He grabbed me and pulled me close to him. He slid one leg between mine and wrapped his arm across me. The collar was uncomfortable and I didn’t see how I was going to sleep like this.

“Goodnight, sexy.”

I remember being a kid playing games with myself. I didn’t have any siblings or very many friends so I would sit and play alone.

One of my favorite games to play was dominoes. I never played it the correct way. It was just me and so I could not see who could come up with the most points.

I would sit in my room with the door locked and line the dominoes one by one. I would try to make cool designs. Sometimes I would arrange them in an H for my name.

The best part was knocking one down and watching the rest follow suit.

Well, it looks like I am not straying too far from my childhood games. I told David about Keith and in a sense that was the first domino being knocked down. I didn’t see it. I knew it was bad but not as bad as it turned out to be.

I was hoping there was a way to minimize the effect. Yet, I have learned once they get going it’s pretty hard to stop them. Those dominoes, they continue to fall and they will continue to fall until it all blows up in my face.

If this was just a couple of dominoes, I hate to see what happens when the last one falls.

It was very early Friday morning and I was slow getting ready for work. I always slacked in getting to work on time on Fridays. I was going to be late and I didn’t care.

This Friday morning I was lucky I was able to get out of bed. My heart was heavy. David really did mean that he was through with me. I tried calling him thinking that he was just pissed and needed time to cool off.

I was wrong.

I called and left messages hoping he would answer or call me back. The best I got was a text message that said for me to leave him alone.

I don’t blame him. I knew anything good in my life would not last very long. It’s just depressing how we ended things. Ten years just washed down the drain.

It made me hate myself, not that I liked myself very much anyway. With all these emotions running through my head, no wonder I had been so depressed lately. Maybe I’ll just stay home today and wallow in my self-pity and abandonment.

I still needed a good cup of coffee however, so I got the coffee maker going and slid around the kitchen in my slippers waiting for it to finish. Once I had my cup of Joe, I plopped down in on the couch to finish my slacking and turned on the television.

There was a segment about the weather and a story about a string of robberies that had been happening on the eastside. I zoned in and out not really listening sort of thinking about things, when I heard a glimpse of a story that grabbed my attention.

It was one of those teasers where they mention something and make you sit through a million commercials before you actually get the story.

They mentioned something about a fight between two players on David and Keith’s team that could cost them the first game of the playoffs.

David would be furious. He works really hard every day and for them to lose the game because two assholes were fighting during practice would piss him off to no end. If I had decided to go to work today, I most definitely would be late. I want to see what happened.

I sat through the commercials drinking my coffee. The news finally came back on and they didn’t go right to the story. They played around with other stories first and then I heard:

“If you are betting on the football game this Sunday, you might want to re-evaluate your bet…”

My attention was caught and so I listened on hoping it wasn’t as bad as they are making it out to be.

“Two star players from our hometown professional football team were caught on video during a scheduled practice engaging in a physical altercation. Source’s say break out star wide receiver Keith Morgan and Pro Bowl Tight End David Castor were reported to have exchanged derogatory words during practice this morning and then the altercation turned physical.”

My mouth hit the floor. I was speechless.

David and Keith fighting? David fighting?

I don’t put it past Keith but David was a solid leader on that team and he has stayed away from negative publicity.

I prayed that this didn’t have something to do with me. I knew that if it did, I would never get David to love me again. He will hate me forever.

I looked up to see them show footage of David and Keith going at it. I just dropped my head in my hands. I felt like crying but no tears came.

I decided that I needed to get to work. I knew that David would not call me anymore but he would give his sister the scoop.

I jumped off the couch and rushed to get dressed. I made it to work about 30 minutes late and headed straight into Stacey’s office. I didn’t waste time speaking to her assistant. I barreled into her office and was about to shout “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?” when I realized that she was on the phone. So I waited.

I plopped down and placed my head on her desk. Storming in here really took a lot out of me.

“I know. I know. You know when you get provoked by that you need to keep calm baby brother.”

I sat up and looked at her. I realized she was talking to David. I felt that urge again to want to say something to him.

“Stacey,” I whispered.

She looked up.

“Tell him to call me.”

She nodded.

She waited for a break in his speech before she gave him my message.

“Hey David, I have to go but Hannah is here and she wants to talk to you.”

I could tell he was still a little upset. I could hear the profanities coming through the phone. Stacey had to hold the phone away from her ear just so he wouldn’t damage her ear drum.

“David, I don’t get it. Talk to her!”

After a few seconds she pulled the phone from her ear and looked at it strangely.

“He hung up!” she said in shock.

She sat the phone down and looked at me.

“What happened between you two?”

I laid my head back down and tried to fight back the tears.

“I don’t want to talk about it Stacey. I just want to know what happened between Keith and David.

“I see you talked to Keith.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Stacey if you don’t tell me what happened I am going to throw this paperweight at your head.”

She looked at me shocked that I was in such a sour mood.

“Between you and David, you guys are driving me crazy with the woe is me attitude.”

I looked at her and gave her my most menacing look.

“Stacey, paper weight!”

She laughed.

“Okay,” then she paused. “Didn’t you talk to Keith? Didn’t he tell you what happened?”

I am going to slap her.

“I haven’t talked to Keith. I found out on the news this morning.”

Her eyes were huge.

“It’s on the news?”

She dropped her head into her hands.

“David is not going to like this.”

I was getting frustrated and she wasn’t telling me what happened.

“Stacey again, I implore you. Please tell me what happened.”

She leaned back in her chair. I could tell that she didn’t want to tell me. I have known her for years. Whenever she gets distressed she always twirls a strand of her hair around her finger which she was doing right now.

“Well according to David, he overheard Keith talking about having sex with a woman and realized it was you. He didn’t say your name but the description said it all.”

I squinted. That could not be all that started the fight.

 
“Okay and then what happened.”

She continued.

“Well David didn’t like that so he confronted Keith about what he was saying. He told him that he knows you two are dating.

My guess is that David told Keith about us. I now knew Keith and David officially knew everything. I opened up a can of worms and now I can’t get them back. The dominoes just continue to fall.

“Then Keith claimed that David wanted you and that is why he is so upset, which is crazy.”

She didn’t realize that wasn’t so crazy of a concept.

She stopped then. She didn’t want to finish. I sat up and looked at her. I could only imagine what Keith said.

“Then Keith said some bad things in regards to his relationship with you. David, well…he didn’t take it very well.”

Oh goodness. I felt so guilty. My head started to spin and I didn’t feel very well. I just continued to lay my head on her desk.

“What did Keith say?”

I needed to know.

“He said that he owned you. He owned every part of you and if David wanted you he had to fight to get you.”

That made me sit up. Was David fighting for me? Did he still care? I wanted to talk to him so badly.

“So what’s going to happen to them?” I asked.

Stacey sighed.

“Well David said he talked to the coach today and he decided to ban them from playing the first half of the game.”

I kept my head down. I wanted to call David and talk to him so bad. I knew he needed comfort and he normally would get it from me. It made me feel so sad.

“Hannah, does it bother you that Keith said he owned you?”

I knew she was concerned and I figured if I came completely clean I might be able to avoid more trouble.

“Stacey, my relationship with Keith is pretty different.”

She frowned.

“What does that mean?”

“We have a dominant submissive relationship...at times.”

I could tell that her mind could not understand the concept. You know I am thinking about sewing my mouth shut. What the fuck was I thinking? I should not have said anything. I just keep spilling the beans and making things worse. Fuck!

She squinted at me.

“What does that mean?”

I closed my eyes for a second and sighed.

“Well, we have a sadomasochistic relationship.”

She looked confused.

“What is that?”

I was tired of explaining it. I was trying not to come right out and say it, but it seems it has come to that.

“We have a master/slave relationship.”

She opened her mouth to say something and then stopped. She tried again but nothing came out.

It was silence for a few minutes and then she asked.

“You’re kidding right? Hannah, tell me you are playing with me.”

She just gave me an out and I should take it. I could laugh and say I’m kidding and leave it at that, but I continue and tell her the whole sordid story. I am a true masochist. I just keep setting myself up for more pain.

I guess a part of me was happy that all the lies were out and I didn’t have to hide anything from anyone anymore. Trying to remember all your lies and what lies you told to whom is exhausting.

“So, Stacey he’s the master and I’m the slave. I do what he wants, when he wants no matter what it is. I am required to obey all his commands.”

“How are you ‘required’ to do anything? Does he hold a gun to your head or something?”

“No, I just choose to obey him.”

She started to bite her nails. That was her sign that she was trying to think hard about this. She didn’t want to give an adverse reaction.

“Does he get violent with you?”

I smiled.

“Well, that’s part of it.”

She looked surprised and appalled.

“And that’s the relationship you want?”

“Stacey it’s working for me.”