Drunk With Blood (28 page)

2 Chronicles 21.19

Number Killed: 1

Jehoram of Judah

Jehoram (of Judah) was not a very nice guy. When he became king he killed all of his brothers along with some Israelite princes.

Now when Jehoram was risen up to the kingdom of his father, he strengthened himself, and slew all his brethren with the sword, and divers also of the princes of Israel. 2 Chronicles 21.4

And then he did something that really pissed off God: he made all the people commit fornication.

Moreover he made high places in the mountains of Judah and caused the inhabitants of Jerusalem to commit fornication. 21.11

When the news got to Elijah, he sent Jehoram a letter telling him he was in big trouble with God. God will smite his children, wives, and all the people of Judah with a great plague.

Behold, with a great plague will the LORD smite thy people, and thy children, and thy wives. 21.14

And he will smite Jehoram with a disease of his bowels until his bowels fall out.

And thou shalt have great sickness by disease of thy bowels, until thy bowels fall out. 21.15

God first “stirred up” some people to carry away his sons and wives.

The LORD stirred up against Jehoram the spirit of the Philistines, and of the Arabians, that were near the Ethiopians: And they came up into Judah, and brake into it, and carried away his sons also, and his wives ... save Jehoahaz, the youngest of his sons. 21.16-17

And then God smote Jehoram in his bowels with an incurable disease.

After all this the LORD smote him in his bowels with an incurable disease. 21.18

For two years Jehoram suffered from the disease, until his bowels finally fell out.

After the end of two years, his bowels fell out by reason of his sickness: so he died of sore diseases. 21.19

2 Chronicles 22.1

Estimated Number Killed: 3

Jehoram’s sons

In Elijah’s letter to Jehoram, he said that God would smite his children and his wives with a great plague.

Behold, with a great plague will the LORD smite thy people, and thy children, and thy wives. 2 Chronicles 21.14

From that, I expected God to send a disease to kill Jehoram’s wives, children, and people. But he sent some Arabians instead.

The LORD stirred up against Jehoram the spirit of the Philistines, and of the Arabians, that were near the Ethiopians: And they came up into Judah, and brake into it, and carried away all the substance that was found in the king’s house, and his sons also, and his wives; so that there was never a son left him, save Jehoahaz, the youngest of his sons. 21.16-17

So I figured the Arabians just enslaved Jehoram’s wives and sons (Elijah, God, and the Bible say nothing about the daughters). But then, the next chapter starts with this:

The inhabitants of Jerusalem made Ahaziah his youngest son king in his stead: for the band of men that came with the Arabians to the camp had slain all the eldest. 22.1

Which means that the Arabians didn’t just take his sons and wives away; they killed them. And since God was the one who stirred them up in the first place, he deserves credit for killing Jehoram’s sons. (The verse doesn’t say what happened to the wives, daughters, or the rest of the people of Judah.)

How many sons were killed by the Arabians? The text doesn’t say, so I’ll guess 3.

2 Chronicles 22.6-9

Number Killed: 1

Ahaziah of Judah

It’s hard to keep track of Bible characters. They often have the same name, live at the same time, do pretty much the same things (do evil in the sight of the Lord), and have the same fate (God usually kills them). It will drive you nuts if you’re not careful.

Take King Ahaziah, for example.

First of all, there were two of them: Ahaziah of Israel and Ahaziah of Judah. They lived at about the same time (9th century BCE), were evil in the sight of the Lord, and they were both (more of less) killed by God.

I’ve already told you about Ahaziah of Israel. He was the guy that God killed (
100
) for asking the wrong god if he would die after God burned to death 102 messengers for asking Elijah to come down from his hill so that Ahaziah could ask Elijah to ask God if he was going to die (even though he’d already been told that God was going to kill him for asking the wrong god).

But this story is not about him. It’s about the other Ahaziah, King Ahaziah of Judah.

There are a couple things to keep in mind about him.

1. Ahaziah of Judah had an alias: Jehoahaz (2 Chronicles 21.17 and 2 Chronicles 25.23).

2. And he is the only person in the Bible (or anywhere else as far as I know) who was older than his own father. Here’s how we know that.

Ahaziah of Judah began to reign when he was 42 years old after God killed his father Jehoram [by making his bowels fall out (
122
)].

Ahaziah the son of Jehoram king of Judah reigned. Forty and two years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign. 2 Chronicles 22.1-2

And his father’s bowels fell out (with a little help from God) when he was 40 years old.

The LORD smote him [Jehoram] in his bowels with an incurable disease. And it came to pass ... his bowels fell out by reason of his sickness ... Thirty and two years old was he when he began to reign, and he reigned in Jerusalem eight years. 2 Chronicles 21.18-20

(2 Kings 8.26 says that Ahaziah was 22 years old when he began to reign, which means that he was both 22 and 42 years old when God made his dad’s bowels fall out—and that’s almost as cool as being two year older than your own father.)

OK, but how did Ahaziah of Judah die?

For that we have to go back to the Jehu chronicles. You remember Jehu, don’t you? The guy who madly drove around in his chariot killing people for God? Yeah, well, Ahaziah was on his list.

Jehu’s first victim was Ahab’s son, Jehoram (
105
), the king of Israel. (God wanted him killed since his father, Ahab, didn’t kill a captured king.)

But Ahaziah was with Jehoram at the time and was pursued and wounded by Jehu. Ahaziah fled to Megiddo and died there.

When Ahaziah the king of Judah saw this, he fled by the way of the garden house. And Jehu followed after him, and said, Smite him also in the chariot. And they did so ... And he fled to Megiddo, and died there. 2 Kings 9.27

Since I couldn’t tell from this story whether or not Ahaziah died from the wound or later from natural causes, I left it off the list of God’s killings.

But then I read the story in 2 Chronicles.

And Azariah the son of Jehoram king of Judah went down to see Jehoram the son of Ahab at Jezreel, because he was sick. And the destruction of Ahaziah was of God by coming to Joram [Jehoram]: for when he was come, he went out with Jehoram against Jehu the son of Nimshi, whom the LORD had anointed to cut off the house of Ahab. And it came to pass, that, when Jehu was executing judgment upon the house of Ahab, and found the princes of Judah, and the sons of the brethren of Ahaziah, that ministered to Ahaziah, he slew them. And he sought Ahaziah: and they caught him, (for he was hid in Samaria,) and brought him to Jehu: and when they had slain him, they buried him. 2 Chronicles 22.6-9

According to this story, Jehu killed Ahaziah while he was hiding out in Samaria. “And the destruction of Ahaziah was of God.”

So I don’t know who to believe. Did Ahaziah die in Meggido or in Samaria?

I’m not sure. But God approved of his killing, however and wherever he might have died. For “the destruction of Ahaziah was of God.”

2 Chronicles 24.24-25

Estimated Number Killed: 10,000

Joash, the princes, and army of Judah

Here’s another boring one. Sorry about that.

It starts with the spirit of God coming on Zechariah, which, of course, makes him condemn everybody else.

The Spirit of God came upon Zechariah the son of Jehoiada the priest, which stood above the people, and said unto them, Thus saith God, Why transgress ye the commandments of the LORD, that ye cannot prosper? because ye have forsaken the LORD, he hath also forsaken you. 2 Chronicles 24.20

Then the people get pissed off at him, so they stone him (with stones).

And they conspired against him, and stoned him with stones at the commandment of the king [Joash] in the court of the house of the LORD. 24.21

As Zechariah died he asked God to avenge his death.

When he died, he said, The LORD look upon it, and require it. 24.22

So God sends “the host of Syria” to Judah to kill its princes.

At the end of the year … the host of Syria came up against him: and they came to Judah and Jerusalem, and destroyed all the princes of the people from among the people. 24.23

And defeat the “very great” army of Judah, which the Syrians were able to do with “a small company of men” because the Lord delivered them into their hand.

For the army of the Syrians came with a small company of men, and the LORD delivered a very great host into their hand, because they had forsaken the LORD God of their fathers. So they executed judgment against Joash. 24.24

In the process, Joash was wounded and then killed in his bed.

When they were departed from him, (for they left him in great diseases,) his own servants conspired against him for the blood of the sons of Jehoiada the priest, and slew him on his bed, and he died 24.25

The Bible doesn’t say how many died, but since the Lord delivered “a very great host” into the hand of the Syrians, I’ll say 10,000.

2 Chronicles 25.20-22, 27

Estimated Number Killed: 1,000
Amaziah and his soldiers

The first thing we are told about King Amaziah (besides when he began to reign and the name of his parents) is that he “did that which was right in the sight of the LORD, but not with a perfect heart.”

Amaziah ... did that which was right in the sight of the LORD, but not with a perfect heart. 2 Chronicles 25.1-2

And the first thing that he did was murder the murderers of his father.

Now it came to pass, when the kingdom was established to him, that he slew his servants that had killed the king his father. 25.3

Next he killed 10,000 Edomites (children of Seir).

Amaziah strengthened himself, and led forth his people, and went to the valley of salt, and smote of the children of Seir ten thousand. 25.11

And then he rounded up another 10,000 Edomites and pushed them off a cliff. And “they all were broken in pieces.”

And other ten thousand left alive did the children of Judah carry away captive, and brought them unto the top of the rock, and cast them down from the top of the rock, that they all were broken in pieces. 25.12

After he got back from slaughtering the Edomites, Amaziah began to worship the Edomite gods.

After that Amaziah was come from the slaughter of the Edomites, that he brought the gods of the children of Seir, and set them up to be his gods, and bowed down himself before them, and burned incense unto them. 25.14

Which, unlike throwing 10,000 people off a cliff, was not right in the eyes of the Lord.

So God sent a prophet to tell Amaziah that God was going to destroy him.

Wherefore the anger of the LORD was kindled against Amaziah, and he sent unto him a prophet, which said unto him ... God hath determined to destroy thee. 25.15-16

Then Amaziah had a meeting with King Joash of Israel, who has this to say to Amaziah:

The thistle that was in Lebanon sent to the cedar that was in Lebanon, saying, Give thy daughter to my son to wife: and there passed by a wild beast that was in Lebanon, and trode down the thistle. 25.18

Which means nothing at all to me.

But then Joash says something a bit more comprehensible.

Thou sayest, Lo, thou hast smitten the Edomites; and thine heart lifteth thee up to boast: abide now at home; why shouldest thou meddle to thine hurt, that thou shouldest fall, even thou, and Judah with thee? 25.19

Which means, I guess, “Back off, big guy.”

But Amaziah didn’t back off and Joash defeated him (“for it came of God”).

But Amaziah would not hear; for it came of God, that he might deliver them into the hand of their enemies, because they sought after the gods of Edom. ... And Judah was put to the worse before Israel. 25.20-22

Although Amaziah’s army was defeated by Joash’s, Amaziah survived the battle. But years later there was a conspiracy against him and he was killed.

Now after the time that Amaziah did turn away from following the LORD they made a conspiracy against him in Jerusalem; and he fled to Lachish: but they sent to Lachish after him, and slew him there. 25.27

So God caused the death of Amaziah and the defeat of his army, and, therefore the death of many of his soldiers. So I’ll add another 1000 to God’s total.