Authors: Rainbow Rowell
just …’
She waited.
He closed his eyes and shook
his head, like he was embarrassed.
‘I … just really don’t want to
say goodbye to you, Eleanor.
Ever.’
He opened his eyes and looked
straight into her. Maybe this was
third base.
She swallowed. ‘You don’t
have to say goodbye to me
ever
,’
she said. ‘Just tonight.’
Park smiled. Then he raised an
eyebrow. Eleanor wished she
could do that.
‘Tonight …’ he said, ‘but not
ever?’
She rolled her eyes. She was
talking like him now. Like an
idiot. She hoped it was too dark in
the alley for him to see her blush.
‘Goodbye,’ she said, shaking
her head. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
She opened the door to the
Impala; it weighed as much as a
horse. Then she stopped and
looked back at him. ‘But we’re
okay, right?’
‘We’re
perfect,’
he
said,
leaning forward quickly and
kissing her cheek. ‘I’ll wait for
you to get in.’
As soon as Eleanor slipped in the
house, she could hear them
fighting.
Richie was yelling about
something, and her mom was
crying. Eleanor moved toward her
bedroom as quietly as she could.
All the little kids were on the
floor, even Maisie. They were
sleeping through the chaos.
I
wonder how often I sleep through
it
. Eleanor thought. She managed
to swing onto her bed without
stepping on anybody, but she
landed on the cat. He squawked,
and she pulled him up and onto
her lap. ‘Shhh,’ she breathed,
scratching his neck.
Richie shouted again – ‘
my
house’– and Eleanor and the cat
both jumped. Something crunched
beneath her.
She reached under her leg and
pulled out a badly crumpled comic
book. An
X-Men
annual.
Damn it,
Ben
. She tried to smooth the
comic out on her lap, but it was
covered in some goop. The
blanket felt wet, too, it was lotion
or something … No, liquid
makeup. With little bits of broken
glass. Eleanor carefully picked a
shard out of the cat’s tail and set it
aside, then wiped her wet fingers
on his fur. A length of oily-brown
cassette tape was wrapped around
his leg. Eleanor pulled it free. She
looked down the bed and blinked
until her eyes adjusted to the dark
…
Torn comic book pages.
Powder.
Little
pools
of
green
eyeshadow …
Miles
of cassette tape.
Her headphones were snapped
in half and hanging from the edge
of the bunk. Her grapefruit box
was at the end of the bed, and
Eleanor knew before she reached
for it that it would be light as air.
Empty. The lid was ripped almost
in half, and someone had written
on it in bold black marker – with
one of Eleanor’s markers.
do you think you can make a
fool of me? this is my house
do you think you can hore
around my neighborhood
right under my nose and i’m
not going to find out is that
what you think? i know what
you are and its over’
Eleanor stared at the lid and
struggled to make the letters into
words – but she couldn’t get past
the familiar spill of lowercase
letters.
Somewhere in the house her
mother was crying like she was
never going to stop.
CHAPTER 47
Eleanor
Eleanor considered her options.
1.
CHAPTER 48
Eleanor
do i make you wet?
She pulled back the soiled
blanket and set the cat on the clean
sheet
underneath.
Then
she
climbed from the top bunk to the
bottom. Her bookbag was sitting
by the door. Eleanor unzipped it
without getting off the bed and
took Park’s photo out of the side
pocket. Then she was out the
window and on the porch and
running down the street faster
than she’d ever run in gym class.
She didn’t slow down until
she was on the next block, and
then only because she didn’t know
where to go. She was almost to
Park’s house – she couldn’t go to
Park’s house.
pop that cherry
‘Hey, Red.’
Eleanor ignored the girl’s
voice. She looked back at the
street. What if somebody had
heard her leave the house? What if
Richie came after her? She
stepped off the sidewalk into
someone’s yard. Behind a tree.
‘Hey.
Eleanor
.’
Eleanor looked around. She
was standing in front of Steve’s
house. The garage door was
mostly closed, propped open with
a baseball bat. Eleanor could see
someone moving inside, and Tina
was walking down the driveway,
holding a beer.
‘
Hey
,’ Tina hissed. She looked
as disgusted with Eleanor as ever.
Eleanor thought about running
again, but her legs felt weak.
‘Your stepdad’s been looking
for you,’ Tina said. ‘He’s been
driving around the neighborhood
all goddamn night.’
‘What did you tell him?’
Eleanor said. Did Tina do this? Is
that how he knew?
‘I asked him if his dick was
bigger than his truck,’ Tina said. ‘I
didn’t tell him anything.’
‘Did you tell him about Park?’
Tina narrowed her eyes. Then
shook her head. ‘But somebody’s
going to.’
suck me off
Eleanor looked back at the
street. She had to hide. She had to
get away from him.
‘What’s wrong with you
anyway?’ Tina asked.
‘Nothing.’ A pair of headlights
stopped at the end of the block.
Eleanor put her arms over her
head.
‘Come on,’ Tina said, in a
voice Eleanor had never heard
before – concerned. ‘You just
need to stay out of his way until
he cools off.’
Eleanor followed Tina up the
driveway, crouching to get into
the hazy, dark garage.
‘Is that Big Red?’ Steve was
sitting on a couch. Mikey was
there, too, on the floor, with one
of the girls from the bus. There
was hessian music, Black Sabbath,
coming from a car up on blocks in
the middle of the garage.
‘Sit down,’ Tina said, pointing
to the other end of the couch.
‘You’re in trouble, Big Red,’
Steve said. ‘Your daddy’s looking
for you.’ Steve was grinning from
ear to ear. His mouth was bigger
than a lion’s.
‘It’s her stepdad,’ Tina said.
‘
Stepdad
,’
Steve
shouted,
throwing a beer can across the
garage. ‘Your fucking
step
dad?
Do you want me to kill him for
you? I’m gonna kill Tina’s
anyway. I could get them both in
the same day. Buy one, get one
…’ He giggled. ‘Buy one, get one
… free.’
Tina opened a beer and
shoved it into Eleanor’s lap.
Eleanor took it, just to have
something to hold. ‘Drink up,’
Tina said.
Eleanor took a sip obediently.
It tasted sharp and yellow.
‘We should play quarters,’
Steve slurred. ‘Hey, Red, do you
have any quarters?’ Eleanor shook
her head.
Tina perched next to him on
the arm of the couch and lit a
cigarette. ‘We had quarters,’ she
said. ‘We spent them on beer,
remember?’
‘Those
weren’t
quarters,’
Steve said. ‘That was a ten.’
Tina closed her eyes and blew
smoke at the ceiling.
Eleanor closed her eyes, too.
She tried to think about what she
should do next, but nothing came
to her. The music on the car radio
switched from Sabbath to ACDC
to Zeppelin. Steve sang along; his
voice was surprisingly light.
‘Hangman, hangman, turn your
head a while …’
Eleanor listened to Steve sing
song after song over the wet
hammer of her heartbeat. The beer
can went warm in her hand.
i know your a slut you smell
like cum
She stood up. ‘I’ve got to get
out of here.’
‘God,’ Tina said, ‘relax. He
won’t
find
you
here.
He’s
probably already at the Rail
drinking it off.’
‘No,’ Eleanor said. ‘He’s going
to kill me.’
It was true, she realized, even
if it wasn’t.
Tina’s face was hard. ‘So,
where you gonna go?’
‘Away … I have to tell Park.’
Park
Park couldn’t sleep.
That night, before they’d
climbed back into the front seat of
the Impala, he’d taken off all of
Eleanor’s
layers
and
even
unpinned her bra – then laid her
down on the blue upholstery.
She’d looked like a vision there, a
mermaid. Cool white in the
darkness, the freckles gathered on
her shoulders and cheeks like
cream rising to the top.
The sight of her. She still
glowed on the inside of his
eyelids.
It was going to be constant
torture now that he knew what she
was like under her clothes – and
there wasn’t a
next time
in their
near future. Tonight was another
fluke, a lucky break, a gift …
‘
Park
,’ someone said.
Park sat up in bed and looked
around dumbly.
‘
Park
.’ There was a knock at
the window, and he scrambled
over to it, pulling back the curtain.
It was Steve. Right behind the
glass, grinning like a maniac. He
must be hanging from the window
ledge. Steve’s face disappeared,
and Park heard him fall heavily
onto the ground. That asshole.
Park’s mom was going to hear
him.
Park opened the window
quickly and leaned out. He was
going to tell Steve to go away, but
then he saw Eleanor standing in
the shadow of Steve’s house with
Tina.
Were
they
holding
her
hostage?
Was she holding a beer?
Eleanor
As soon as Park saw her, he
climbed out the window and hung
four feet from the ground – he
was going to break his ankles.
Eleanor felt a sob catch in her
throat.
He landed in a crouch like
Spider-Man and ran toward her.
She dropped the beer on the grass.
‘Jesus,’ Tina said. ‘You’re
welcome. That was the last beer.’
‘Hey, Park, did I scare you?’
Steve asked. ‘Did you think I was
Freddy Krueger?
You think you
was gonna get away from me?
’
Park got to Eleanor and took
her arms. ‘What’s wrong?’ he
asked. ‘What’s going on?’
She started to cry. Like,
majorly cry. She felt like herself
again as soon as he touched her,
and it was horrible.
‘Are you bleeding?’ Park
asked, taking her hand.
‘Car,’ Tina whispered.
Eleanor pulled Park against the
garage until the headlights had
passed. ‘What’s going on?’ he
asked again.
‘We should get back to the
garage,’ Tina said.
Park
He hadn’t been in Steve’s garage
since grade school. They used to
play foosball in here. Now there
was the Camaro up on blocks and
an old couch pushed against the
wall.
Steve sat at one end of the
couch and immediately lit a joint.
He held it out to Park, but Park
shook his head. The garage
already smelled like a thousand
joints had been smoked in here,
then put out in a thousand beers.
The Camaro was rocking a little
bit and Steve kicked the door.
‘Settle down, Mikey, you’re gonna
knock it over.’
Park couldn’t even imagine a
turn of events that would have led
Eleanor