Extol of Agnatic Dreams (The Extol Series Book 1) (31 page)

Once the door was closed, well they would consummate the marriage bed but there would be no audience. For years, she imagined losing her virginity. The romanced idea forged by the stories between her parent’s love letters. The passion and desire, the need to be together and to join with another in such a way that no other person could understand. She wished it for herself once.

Evangeline’s eyes scanned the gardens slowly, not really seeing the greens anymore. Such simple distractions once, and she felt foolish in ever feeling a desire to add to Braykith and make something her own. Now she knew the truth. To keep such a secret and find peace with the monster she was forced to spend the rest of her life with, that was all she could hope to perform until finally she was taken from this world. Her eyes settled on the newly set earth and her stomach flip-flopped.

She may be forced to endure many things as Glais’ wife. Evangeline’s life was never her own, and since a young age it had been decided for reasons she could not control that her life would belong to this monster. Evangeline could not leave, and she couldn’t hope to understand half of the world as it was presented to her. However, she could find control in a single act of defiance.

D
eciding something and then making it a reality was difficult for Evangeline. She felt empowered by her decision regarding her virginity and yet she struggled with creating a place where she had a good conscience about it. Glais took lovers, and while he admitted they were not much more than a warm body in need, Evangeline still felt she was entitled to some kind of retribution for his antics.

She had wandered the castle several times, not looking for Thomas but rather practising words that would bring him to her chambers. After several hours of pacing all over the grounds, she returned to her chambers and wrote him a note. Short and to the point, Evangeline only strung together the request to come to her after an hour of time had passed. Not trusting anyone with it, she delivered the note herself.

He was in the kitchens, creating food. Several of the guards stood with him, piling their plates high with the wares from the kitchens. She could not very well present him with this request now, in front of so many witnesses. Evangeline was forced to pace longer still until Thomas came to her.

“You have been waiting for me a long time,” He said to her with a worried frown. “Is everything ok my lady?” Thomas was always sure to address Evangeline properly. While their relationship seemed far more friendly than the beginning, Thomas would not forget her position and that he was not entitled to treat her so casually.

Evangeline said nothing. She pressed the note into his hand and turned on her foot and left. Evangeline went in the first direction her feet set her in which was the wrong way and would only take her from her rooms. She did not look back, not even to check that Thomas read the note. Evangeline supposed she would know in time. If he did not come, she would face her fate as it was expected.

Evangeline had prepared the room for his arrival. A fire did not burn, logs stacked instead where the fire would be later. Windows let in the natural light of the afternoon and Evangeline was dressed appropriately, as a woman of her stature was supposed to. Wick was dismissed, sent on errands and a false demand for produce from the markets that would take her hours to complete. This event was for Evangeline and she needed no witnesses. She had no words to explain this in any way that seemed reasonable so she instead isolated herself away from people

She drank wine as she waited. Nothing that would allow Evangeline to forget herself but enough to lose the edge of uncertainty. Of course, the note held no promise to Thomas. He knew not what she had planned but she doubted he would refuse her. He had been showing his attraction since they met, and Evangeline could think of no one better for the task at hand. She had few friends, and even fewer she would want to know so intimately.

Evangeline finished her third glass and was starting to pour herself another which threatened to finish the bottle when a knock erupted from her door. Still unsure if she meant to go through with her proposal she stared at the door for a moment. Evangeline told herself that she could ignore it. It was not impossible to believe that she could be happy with only knowing Glais intimately. It was that thought, the idea of giving her body to the monster first that propelled her forward.

Glass in hand she pulled the door open and invited Thomas inside. “Thank you for coming. I know I did not give you must reason to accept my invitation.” She crossed the room, and Thomas stayed awkwardly where he was because he was still confused about her intentions in the first place. The room was so brightly lit that nothing was hidden from view, but Thomas was too nervous to take in the sights. “I am glad to be of service.” He coughed lightly into his hand.

Standing directly in the light, Evangeline finished the glass and set it down. The fire from the drink burned her blood and she knew she would do this, and there would be no regret. “I have a big favour to ask of you Thomas and I am fully expecting you to deny me, but I must ask it regardless.”

Thomas nodded, his stomach in a hard knot. “I will not kill Glais for you. I owe my loyalty to the crown, Eva.” He was short to remind her, but already she was shaking her head.

“No Thomas, although what I need from you is just as treacherous.” She pressed her lips closed, collecting her nerve to speak. When she struggled, Thomas crossed the room to hold her elbow to keep Evangeline standing. Little did he realise, what she meant to ask was far less intimidating when he was standing across the room. She looked up at him and her words froze on her tongue. Thomas was looking down at her with such care and compassion she almost cried. So few people appeared to see her this way here, to witness it now was almost too much for her to comprehend.

The sun coming in through the windows kept her warm, but being so close to Thomas created a tension within her body that no sun rays could cure. Evangeline stayed where she was, transfixed and looking up at him. Time had gone still for them both and neither Evangeline or Thomas seemed to even blink as they stood together.

Stuck between breaths, simultaneously frozen and hyper aware of everything, Evangeline stood far too close for a soon to be a married woman. Yet, she dared not move even if it was polite to do so. What if that simple movement somehow broke the moment and then all was lost? She needed it to last, the tension spread between them so she could take her time to commit it all to memory.

Thomas’ eyes appeared darker than normal. Nothing as monstrous as the glint she spied in Glais’ and his glances, when he bothered to spend them on her at least. This was odd, this feeling of mutual attraction. It was something she had felt for a short period before but never had a real chance to experience with someone. Once, Glais had been the focus of these desires but he had made it impossible for Evangeline to ever find those feelings for him again.

She wondered if Thomas was struck just like she was. Evangeline still would not dare to move, the heavy skirts of her dress being caressed by the breeze coming in through the window as it passed between them and reminded Evangeline and Thomas that the world was still watching them. She knew this was wrong. Like Thomas, she owed everything to Glais and the crown loyalty.

Thomas risked death just by coming here even if it was at her command, but it was a risk he welcomed. He watched as Evangeline struggled, Thomas not daring to interrupt her as she openly fought with herself on their situation. It felt like a certainty that Evangeline would not act on this mutual attraction. He felt that she would choose the right thing to do rather then what they both wanted, and Thomas knew that he needed to act or the moment would pass them by. Before she could ruin the thing which should never have started, Thomas increased his touch.

The barest of pressure really. His fingers slid down the outside of the arm and came to circle the palm of her hand. Goosebumps erupted behind his fingertips, a telling sign of the contact which couldn’t be ignored. Evangeline needed to tell him to stop, and yet wasn’t this what she wanted? Her duty as Queen and wife dictated that this was not right, but her role as a woman was screaming for this to happen. All of this she had thought again and again, but never had it been so dangerous to consider. Once this started there would be no taking it back. She could taste his breath, breathing out of time delicately and she knew she wanted to find out more about him.

“Eva?”

She melted at her name, as if it was the code word they were both waiting for. Thomas bent towards her, and she didn’t move. Her lips seemed to prepare themselves before she could even enforce the desire. The passing of lips was gentle. Evangeline swallowed hard, but when she didn’t try and pull away as Thomas brought his lips to hers. His hand found her waist and Eva was stuck against his chest. Trapped comfortably so, her hands fisted and holding onto the fabrics of his shirt to keep him there. Eva greeted each kiss with a responding kiss of her own that invited him to stay a little longer.

The kiss was passionate without being demanding and Evangeline felt that tiny part of her that she thought was long dead breathe a single breath in time with Thomas. Her fingers flexed in her continued grip as Thomas stole her breath and with it all of her strength. Without him, Evangeline would have fallen but Thomas was sure to keep her standing.

Just as suddenly as it started, it ended and Eva was panting. Embarrassed, her cheeks blazed with a heat of their own which had nothing to do with the sun's heat trapped in the room with them. Her corset felt far too tight and embarrassingly she realised it was his grip and not the boning which restricted her movements. She took a step back and he let her go. Her eyes downcast, Evangeline had no words.

“I’m sorry,” Thomas spoke first. His voice thick, on the edge of an emotional outburst so unfitting for his station and gender that Evangeline almost dared to look upon him to see if he was mocking her in some way. She was so accustomed to Glais and his rejection, and now his overly observant claims, she found it hard to believe any man was genuine. There was no mocking to be had from Thomas. A gentleman he remained even after what he had done.

She shook her head hard and fast. Evangeline’s tongue darted over her lips and caught the last remains of the kiss which lingered there. Her voice was weak and breathless but she forced her thoughts to form words and to be heard. “No.” She hated how she sounded, but Evangeline couldn’t help it. Thomas tilted his head, half bent over so he could look into hr eyes. Once their eyes locked Thomas stood and she followed his gesture.

“Are you ok?” he asked her with more feeling than she deserved.

Never had a man been so delicate with her, and Evangeline managed the barest of nods. “No one has ever kissed me like that.” She tried to explain. She felt foolish, juvenile by her reaction to only a kiss. How could she ever hope to do more?

His face softened, his thumb sliding over her lips before he followed to arch to caress her cheek in the same gesture. Evangeline looked up and warmed to his dark eyes. So unlike her husband, unlike her father, in contrast to any man who she had locked eyes with. He stood over her but she didn’t feel threatened. “That is the only way a woman deserves to be kissed.”

She smiled, her hands on his arms. “Thomas I asked you here for one purpose. I cannot give myself to a monster for all of my days. I want you. Just once. I know it is not fair, and it is not right but I can trust no one else.” She paused and sighed, not sure if she was wooing him or sounding only pathetic as she begged him to consider her offer.

“Evangeline, you are not thinking clearly.” Thomas warned her and while he wished nothing more than to do as she asked, Thomas found it hard to follow through. He could not have her hating him as she hated Glais. To see her forced into the world alone once more after losing everything was a fate worse than death.

Evangeline shook her head. “This is the first thing I have ever tried to control in my life. I know my life is not my own. I was used by my father and then forced upon by Glais. I was groomed by my parents to be the political piece they needed to succeed, and I dutifully allowed it to happen. This is all I have for rebellion. I will not look back at my life and cry. I will have this single moment to keep and remember.” She shrugged her shoulders gently. “I will not beg, and I will not ask you again Thomas.” She could not bear the embarrassment of further rejection.

Thomas considered it for the moment, and it seemed to him there was not much to consider. Evangeline did not appear drugged or out of character. If this were what she wanted, Thomas would allow it. “Not here in this room,” He said, looking around. “Your bed. It will be far better for you.”

Evangeline followed his lead, the distance to her room seeming both too close and too far. Just the tumble of emotion in her stomach made her believe this was the right choice. Thomas was handsome, and Evangeline was shocked that she ever considered him plain. She was also sure that Thomas was experienced, but what made it feel right was how carefully he guided her, how he took the time to open the door and escorted her through before closing it behind them. These were small gestures that Glais would never do.

“How many women have you been with?” Evangeline asked.

Thomas was a little surprised by the question. “Three,” He answered after a moment's hesitation.

“Is that the truth Thomas, or are you attempting to please me by giving me the answers you believe I want to hear?” Glais had taught her that men were masterful liars and instantly Evangeline felt those old suspicions rise.

Thomas would not feed into her emotions and instead, he just smiled softly and nodded. “Only three, I promise you.” He sat on the bed and invited her to join him.

Sitting Evangeline looked around the room. “How does one start this?” she asked.

Thomas did not answer her. Instead, he kissed her shoulder, along her arm a little before returning to her skin which peeked out from the cloth of her dress. She felt the blush creeping into her cheeks, and she closed her eyes to concentrate on the exact way it felt for Thomas to press against her. Fingers tugged the sleeve of her dress although it didn’t have much stretch and the act was mostly useless in undressing her.

This was what surprised Evangeline the most. The slowness of the action. Teagan made it all sound very fast and over before you could catch your breath. If Thomas explored her body with the same ease and pace as he did her shoulder, they would waste the night together. Evangeline smiled with this thought, her hand running back through his hair. Catching the back of his neck, she blindly guided him to her mouth.