Female Ejaculation (40 page)

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Authors: Somraj Pokras

BOOK: Female Ejaculation
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PARTNER PEAKING
Once you’ve enjoyed and mastered solo peaking, you’ll certainly want to try it with your partner. Lovers help their partners peak by adjusting the stimulation to avoid pushing toward orgasm.
You can develop the knack to tease and tantalize long-term partners to unfathomable peaks. Practice, and improve. Don’t succumb to the social conditioning that a good lover always knows exactly what to do with each new partner at each moment. That’s an unrealistic expectation.
Recognize that good sex is a team game. As with the any kind of relationship intimacy, peaking works best with communication and cooperation. How do you know for sure how turned on your lover feels and what he or she wants at each moment unless you ask questions and listen?
Receivers have as much, if not more, responsibility for peaking. The receiver guides the giver with verbal feedback, by moving closer or away, getting louder or quieter, breathing deeper or shallower, or using pre-arranged cues.
PRACTICE:
PARTNER PEAKING
1.
PREPARE WITH THE FIVE S’S
Supplies, Showering, Setting, Stretching, and Settling.
Discuss the Partnering Questions — desires, concerns, boundaries — deciding who will receive what first. Agree on alert words or signals for slowing and stopping. If you aren’t very skilled at peaking yet, we suggest you start with external stimulation on the clitoris. If you’ve practiced a lot, use your own judgment.
2.
RELAX AND FOCUS
Begin with relaxing, conscious breathing, or full body sensual massage until the receiver is comfortable, focused, and ready to get excited.
3.
LOVEPLAY
Giver, massage your partner’s genitals the way she likes it. If you’re unsure at any point, ask. Receivers, be supportive, positive, and helpful, and don’t be shy to ask for what you want.
4.
OBSERVE AND GIVE FEEDBACK
Giver, watch your partner closely for signs of rising arousal: facial expressions, swelling tissues, darkening color, changed breathing, thrusting hips, body jerks, pulsing muscles, hands pushing away, or withdrawing pelvis. At the same time, receiver, give verbal feedback about what you’re feeling and about your level of arousal.
5.
STOPPING
As your arousal builds but before you get too close to orgasm, give your stopping signal to back off from your first peak. Giver, immediately stop all stimulation, and resume only when asked.
6.
SLOWING
After you’re confident about stopping, repeat the same cycle several times, but use slowing signal this time. Giver, instead of entirely stopping, slow down, change your strokes, or lighten your pressure slightly. Closely follow what your observations, senses, and partner tell you.
7.
GO FOR IT
Continue as long as you want, finishing with an orgasm if you want.
8.
SWITCH
Switch roles, and repeat the practice.
9.
CLOSING
Close your sacred space as appropriate, and talk about what you both discovered and felt. Finish with what feels good, perhaps hugging, holding each other, or spooning.
PLATEAUING
HOW TO PLATEAU
Once you develop the knack of peaking by slowing or stopping the external stimulation, you can move on to learning to plateau. Plateauing means:
Learning to maintain a high level of arousal without backing off.
If you picture peaking as shooting up steeply, followed by dropping down quickly, plateauing will be easy to grasp. Here, you move up to a high level of pleasure and stay there, enjoying it as long as you want.
PLATEAUING
Plateauing is like mounting the steep narrow steps of a Mayan pyramid. You go slowly so that you don’t slip. You stop at wider walkways, rest, and catch your breath. When you reach the top, you relax totally, float close to the sky, and simply enjoy the view.
It’s possible to plateau by adjusting the outside stimulation. Try it if you haven’t, and see if you like it.
We prefer and recommend learning to plateau using the four cornerstones of supreme bliss. The receiver who masters spreading orgasmic energy in this way ceases to be at the mercy of her lover. No more feelings of not being in charge of your own pleasure. When you can stream energy up and down your inner flute, you’ll naturally plateau and easily transition into extended orgasm and eventually the O-Zone.
When you can circulate the energy, you can simply float on a true ecstatic high. Some call these “valley orgasms” because as their arousal curve rises higher and higher, it flattens out at steps instead of peaking up sharply.
IT’S THE RECEIVER’S JOB
As the receiver, you will manage the internal process. You’re going to learn to spread even the subtlest sensations throughout your body and absorb it all in your pleasure bubble. You’ll feel the slightest exciting touch on your clitoris, for example, and instead of screaming and squirming for more, you’ll absorb it like a hungry pleasure sponge.
Using all four of the cornerstones are vital here — breath, sound, movement, and presence. The last is the most critical for extended orgasm. Presence is the ability to be fully in the moment, experiencing what’s happening now, and letting go of any resistance that ties you to the past.
By using the four cornerstones of supreme bliss and breathing orgasmically, you’ll excite all of your chakras, which store and regulate all of your energies. You will become a conduit for limitless and endless life force by breathing, moving, making sounds, and staying fully present.
RELAX
Because most lovers can’t go from zero to sixty instantaneously, the receiver needs to jumpstart the meditative state by relaxing and opening fully. In short, to enter this state, the receiver must relax, let go, and surrender to the incredible sensations of pleasure sweeping through her. Easier said than done, of course.
She must focus, tune in to all sensory input, and consciously absorb sensation. Distractions can kill the mood, and the built-in resistances we all carry can easily get in the way. We’re talking about negative emotions like guilt, shame, and fear that block energy, as well as thoughts and beliefs that run counter to feeling pleasure.
If a part of you hates sex because of the pain of childbirth, if intimacy conjures up the torment of failed relationships, or if you still believe that some kinds of sex are a sin, the free flow of energy will be blocked to some degree.
BREATHE YOUR WAY HIGHER
Most lovers, when very excited, pant or hold their breath. Their muscles become tense and tight. They move closer and closer to the release of explosive orgasm. The more excited they get, the more they shut off their senses and focus inward, often closing their eyes.
When this situation is coupled with the shame, guilt, and embarrassment that makes so many of us passive in bed, we end up feeling as if we don’t have control over our own pleasure.
This is in stark contrast to the supreme bliss experience. You breathe slowly and deeply. You relax and undulate your body to spread the excitement. You become more and more present with your senses while fully awake, connecting with your beloved and the whole universe. You guide your experience by responding and communicating.
You rock your pelvis while you relax your other muscles, and you communicate openly while keeping all of your senses wide open. You empty the mind of extraneous distracting thoughts and visualize the energy moving within and exchanging with your partner. You use your PC muscle to pump energy up your inner flute, opening your channels to the flow of orgasmic energy.
In this manner, you bring your mind, emotions, and spirit into harmony with your body. As you can see, there’s much more than stimulation involved, which is probably why so few people experience extended orgasm.
PRACTICE:
SOLO PLATEAUING
You might think you’ve done this exercise already since it’s beginning is so similar to Solo Peaking, but using the four cornerstones of supreme bliss to spread orgasmic energy while continuing to absorb pleasure is an important and vital difference. Again, even if you have a partner, we suggest you practice Solo Plateauing first.
1.
PREPARE WITH THE FIVE S’S
Supplies, Showering, Setting, Stretching, and Settling.
Before you begin, choose your strategy. If you aren’t very skilled at plateauing, we suggest you start with external stimulation on the clitoris. If you’ve practiced a lot, use your own judgment.
2.
COMFORTABLE POSITION
Lie on your back in your most comfortable position with your knees bent and supported by a pillow, leaning against your bed headboard, or simply with your legs extended straight.
3.
RELAX AND FOCUS
Begin with relaxing, conscious breathing, or full body sensual massage until you’re comfortable, focused, and ready to get excited.
4.
LOVEPLAY
Massage your genitals the way you like it best.
5.
ORGASMIC BREATHING
As your arousal builds, begin breathing, moving, sounding, and moving energy using PC pumps and visualization.
6.
PLATEAUING
When you feel a high level of excitement, consciously enjoy it, savor it, and relax into it. Using the components of orgasmic breathing, hold your pleasure level for a few minutes. Slow your breathing, open your eyes, move slower, moan louder, or pump your PC more to spread the energy.
7.
STREAM ENERGY
Channel the energy up your inner flute, swirling it around your heart, or higher to your third eye. Can you feel the energy elsewhere in your body? Focus on it, move around it, and breathe into it to heighten the orgasmic feelings outside your genitals. If your PC muscle starts to spasm all on its own, relax and enjoy ride the wave of pleasure. You’ll eventually find as you relax into a plateau, ecstatic vibrations will sweep throughout your body.
8.
PEAKING
If you get too close to orgasm, feel free to stop, slow, or change what you’re doing to back off from the peak. You can also open your eyes wide, relax all of your muscles, and inhale more slowly and deeply into the belly through the NOSE until your excitement drops. If your excitement keeps rising, you can also try holding your breath. Alternatively, some people report that fast panting releases energy suddenly.
9.
REPEAT AND GO FOR IT
Continue as long as you want, leveling at several plateaus, and finishing with an explosive orgasm if you want.
10.
CLOSING
Close your sacred space as you like, reflecting on what you discovered.
PRACTICE:
PARTNER PLATEAUING
1.
PREPARE WITH THE FIVE S’S
Supplies, Showering, Setting, Stretching, and Settling.
Discuss Partnering Questions — desires, concerns, boundaries — deciding who will receive what first. Agree on alert words and signals for slowing and stopping.
2.
COMFORTABLE POSITION
Receiver, lie on your back in your most comfortable position: your knees bent, supported by a pillow, or with your legs simply extended straight. Giver, sit or kneel between your partner’s legs or at her side. Giver comfort is as important as receiver comfort. Tension in the giver’s body transmits to the receiver, so be sure to experiment until you find a position that can last awhile for both of you.
3.
RELAX AND FOCUS
Begin with relaxing, conscious breathing, or full body sensual massage until the receiver is comfortable, focused, and ready to get excited.
4.
LOVEPLAY
Giver, massage your partner’s genitals the way she likes it best. If you’re unsure at any time, ask. Carefully observe your partner for signs of rising arousal. When you see something creating great turn-on, concentrate on maintaining the same speed, pressure, and stroke without changing. Receivers, be supportive, positive, and helpful, and don’t be shy to verbalize what you want.
5.
ORGASMIC BREATHING
Receiver, as your arousal builds, begin breathing, moving, sounding, and moving energy using PC pumps and visualization.
6.
PLATEAUING
Receiver, when you feel a high level of excitement, consciously enjoy it, savor it, and relax into it. Using the components of orgasmic breathing, hold your pleasure level for a few minutes. Slow your breathing, open your eyes, move slower, moan louder, or pump your PC more to spread the energy.
7.
STREAM ENERGY
Receiver, channel the energy up your inner flute, swirling it around your heart, or higher to your third eye (the area between your brows). Can you feel the energy elsewhere in your body? Focus on it, move around it, and breathe into it to heighten the orgasmic feelings outside your genitals. If your PC muscle starts to spasm all on its own, relax, and ride the wave of pleasure. As you relax into a plateau, ecstatic vibrations will sweep throughout your body.
8.
PEAKING
Receiver, if you get too close to orgasm, use slowing or stopping signals to guide the giver to back off what they’re doing. You can also open your eyes wide, relax all of your muscles, and inhale more slowly and deeply into the belly through the nose until your excitement drops.
9.
REPEAT AND GO FOR IT
Continue as long as you want, leveling at several plateaus, finishing with an explosive orgasm if you want. (While this book is about the steps to achieving female ejaculation, you can certainly switch roles and repeat the exercise, if you like, even if you’re a heterosexual couple.)
10.
CLOSING
Close your sacred space as appropriate, and discuss what you discovered. Hold each other or spoon, if you like.

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