Female Ejaculation (42 page)

The good news is that Vatsyayana carefully documented the amorous practices and sexual techniques of his day. Though he did contribute his views, Vatsyayana served primarily as an editor to collect and compile the vast storehouse of Hindu erotology written by others during the previous several centuries.

Rites of passage at the time of puberty aren’t common today as they were in many ancient indigenous cultures. As part of their education, young people of Vatsyayana’s time were educated in sexuality, loveplay, and the 64 arts:

We expect that much of the great appeal of the
Kama Sutra
today is its down-to-earth advice about foreplay, extending the sex act, and giving maximum pleasure. Shocking, even by today’s standards, the
Kama Sutra
classifies lovers according to several characteristics, including differences in sexual anatomy. Much of its advice about lovemaking revolves around sexual positions for the union of equal and unequal sized genitals.

Since it was a compendium of the customs of the times, the
Kama Sutra
also went into great detail about how to acquire a wife, how to behave once married, how to seduce other men’s wives, and how to treat courtesans.

It doesn’t take much exposure to spam or adult websites to recognize how many modern lovers believe that size matters, especially when it comes to male sex organ.

But does it really?

A Taoist text from China declares the following about penis size:

We can’t begin to tell you how many women have vehemently echoed similar sentiments.

If penis size is such a subject of jokes, why don’t we judge women on the size of their vaginas? The average erect penis is around 6 inches (15 centimeters). The average unexcited vagina is 4 inches deep (10 centimeters), which means that the average penis is ample enough.

How large is the opening of the average vagina? Zero. Yes, at rest, the vagina’s walls press against each other. So just about any penis can make adequate contact with enough of the vagina to create the seeds of great pleasure, provided both parties know how to make the most of it.

The strength of a woman’s vaginal muscles count much more than the size of her vagina. In Asia and elsewhere, skilled female lovers developed their PC muscles to the point where they could grip, milk, and make any man’s penis orgasm without any other movement.

The Tamils of Southern India called this skill of vagina muscle control
pompoir
. In the Arabic world, a woman who had mastered the use of her PC muscles during sex was the “
kabbazah”
or “holder.” In these places and elsewhere, female love skills were honored, respected, and revered.

If you haven’t started your daily regimen of PC practices, this is a good reason to finally get going!

To be fair about the double standard, the western world does judge women on size, as the booming business in breast implants confirms. But breast size, or the size of any sexual organ, has little to do with sensitivity. So, size is rarely the determining factor in how much pleasure you receive, and size also has little to do with how much pleasure you can give.

This whole discussion demonstrates that men who think size is important often don’t have a clue what counts in the sack to the average woman. We’re convinced that a big part of the
Kama Sutra
’s appeal has to do with how it deals with the realities of sexual anatomy. The size and shape of the penis and vagina makes a difference in how lovemaking works between couples. If you act on the pragmatic guidelines of
the
Kama Sutra
, you’ll learn how to use your assets more skillfully by preparing, practicing, and compensating.

In India during the sixteenth century, Kalyana Malla wrote the pleasure rules documented by the
Kama Sutra
more than a thousand years earlier. It was called the
Ananga-Ranga
, or
The Stage of Love
. Both volumes define three distinct types of sex organs:

They all can work well if the owner knows how to use them to maximum advantage. Despite rumors to the contrary, no one has ever proven any correlation between genital size and physical makeup, height, strength, or race. In other words, don’t expect to predict a man’s penis size by the size of his feet!

Besides genital dimensions, the
Kama Sutra
classifies lovers as small, middling, or intense based on their “force of passion or carnal desire.” Sex partners are also rated as rapid (short-timed), average (moderate-timed), and slow (long-timed) to come to orgasm.

The manual explained that the best match was between lovers of similar size, drive, and timing. Unfortunately, it didn’t explain how would-be lovers of the time were supposed to discover these qualities for the perfect match. Do you think “test driving” was accepted in ancient India?

Since a perfect match of size, drive, and speed occurs less often than a discrepancy occurs, the
Kama Sutra
’s greatest offering is its advice about compensating for differences. It teaches how to awaken the slow and disinterested, how to lengthen loveplay for the too-quick man, and how to rekindle the fire when lost.

This Hindu love guide is probably best known for its detailed listing of sexual positions and how they can be used to adjust for genitals that don’t fit perfectly.

What we find so special about intercourse is the unifying of two energies into one. When we both have open channels that shoot orgasmic energy throughout our entire bodies with the slightest stimulation, we can connect, exchange, and reinforce each other’s sensations. Through this resonance, we each magnify the force of the other’s pleasure. The feedback cycle becomes a self-reinforcing loop.

Of course, the version we’re all accustomed to is simply that what feels good to one feels good to the other. When he speeds up and gets really turned on, she feels it and responds in kind. This turns him on even more. When she wants to slow down and feel every millimeter of his penis caressing her vagina’s, oh so delicate walls, so does he.

You probably already knew all that. We just hope reading this little reminder turned you on as much as it did us writing it.

Shortly, we’re going to describe all manner of contortions you can get your two bodies into during penetration. We just don’t want you to forget everything we’ve covered so far that precedes the intercourse. Make your lovemaking an intimate event, not an athletic contest. Approach it with wonder in a gentle and sweet way. Maintain eye contact. Murmur love and appreciation often. Act as conscious partners joined together in a really fun game. Don’t be shy. Be open about what you want, but talk softly and freely when you do.

Be responsive, and show what you’re feeling with your breath, sounds, and movements. Spread the delicious sensations you’re creating together. Share them. Alternate between giving and receiving, and
prove you care by not pushing for orgasm. Instead, glide into pleasure together, and play with the energy. Enjoy your peaks of pleasure by relaxing into them. It isn’t a race, so don’t rush. Make it last and last.

There’s no such thing as the perfect position. Each has its own advantages and disadvantages, benefits and risks, uses and limitations. For one thing, bodies are different. Experiment to discover what’s pleasurable for the meeting of your two unique physical forms. Your size, shape, strength, flexibility, stamina, and limitations will have lots to do with determining your favorites.

As you play with positions, consider the following: