Female Ejaculation (19 page)

Instead, tune in so that you notice what she’s experiencing in every moment. Tell her, “I’m here for you.” Respond directly to her every comment and request. And above all, maintain eye contact when she is available. She will close her eyes at times, but she needs to know you aren’t checking out on her.

Another important element is
patience
. There is nowhere to go, nowhere to be, and nothing else to do but what you’re doing. As we’ve explained, it’s essential for both the receiver and the giver to drop any goals of a supreme experience or cosmic orgasm. Pushing for results can easily block them.

Just let whatever happens unfold of its own accord. Let nature take its course without fighting the current. Let sweet and gentle be your watch words.

Contrary to cultural sexual patterns or the beliefs drummed into us about what it means to be a good lover and how a “good girl” is supposed to act in bed, good sex is a joint effort. Both people need to be active partners.

Every time you connect, agree where you both want to go together using the three Partnering Questions (desires, concerns, boundaries.) Communicate what’s happening in the moment. Respond to what’s going on with your partner. Work together — actually,
play
together. Remember, you’re the two musketeers. All for one and one for all.

As a giver, you want to reassure and comfort your partner. Be a full-time helper during G-spot experiences. When she’s open to it, offer her guidance. When she thinks she knows what she wants, let her be in control. If she’s struggling, assure her that she doesn’t have to do it all by herself and that you’re there for her.

When she’s having a powerful experience, feel it with her, and enjoy it. When pleasure is your goal, not orgasm, you can only get it right and never get it wrong. Above all, encourage her to fully receive and absorb all you’re giving. In the spirit of true partnership, you know you’ll get yours eventually.

It’s best if a giver of G-spot massage acts like an explorer, discovering uncharted territory. Be a pilgrim searching for hidden secrets with little in the way of maps. Stay in awe of the wonders you stumble upon.

You won’t really know what she wants until it turns her on. Stay alert to her breathing, sounds, and movements. When she moves toward you and presses on your finger, she wants more. When she withdraws and pulls away, she wants less.

Be prepared for anything to happen. Your hands might be rocked violently by a bucking bronco in the throes of orgasm. You might run headlong into a hysterical outburst. You might get sprayed with female nectar. Or it may seem that nothing is happening.

You just have to accept that you can’t predict the future. What worked yesterday may fall flat today. What hasn’t worked for months
may suddenly become the key that unlocks huge recesses of orgasmic energy. What she thought was just okay previously may be all she wants you to do from now on.

Always stay tuned for late breaking news, and you’ll do fine.

If the G-spot is the gate to the joys of untold pleasure, the vagina is surely the garden. You don’t enter such a temple without permission. You can be straightforward and say, “I’m going to put a finger inside you now, okay?” Be serious, or make it lighthearted, but don’t forget: Above all else, asking before penetrating is the height of respect.

Even if you’ve been in relationship for a long time, ask before penetrating. If she wants to play out a fantasy sometime where you take her without asking, we think that’s fine. Just recognize that she gave you permission at the beginning of your encounter. That’s different than blanket permission where she gives her power away. We advise against that.

At Disneyland, you need an “E” ticket for the best rides. To ride the wave of bliss when receiving G-spot massage, you need six “E” tickets. The six basic receiver prerequisites to delightful G-spot play are:

If you’re too tense, your G-spot may not be fully open to receiving visitors. Tension can prevent you from getting sufficiently aroused to enjoy the intense stimulation of G-spot play. If you want to become more relaxed, build the tone of your PC muscle. Spend more time practicing the supreme bliss cornerstones. Do more solo exploration of your vagina inside and out. Learn to enjoy sexual pleasure through self-pleasuring.

If relaxation in sexual situations doesn’t come easily to you, you might want to ask yourself where the sexual stress that blocks excitement comes from. It could be a lack of intimacy and trust with your partner. It could be that you’re putting pressure on yourself to perform. Perhaps you’re conflicted about sex in general as a result of conscious or unconscious social judgments and moral taboos. It could be that past abuse and wounds are creating anxiety.

In the meantime, we can only suggest that you go slowly, breathe, and allow the other receiver prerequisites to help you relax as best they can.

The more you talk about sex in general and G-spot play in particular, the more pleasure you will have — and sooner. Especially while you’re learning, communicate your desires, concerns, and boundaries before you begin each session. Ask for what you want in each moment, at least to the degree that you know at this point. Give feedback supportively. If something is on your mind, let it go by talking about it. Otherwise, the inner distraction may prevent you from relaxing into pleasure.

When you’re beginning G-spot play, don’t worry that speaking up may interrupt the mood. Instead, use the childlike spirit of “Playing Doctor” to approach these practices in a fresh, innocent, new way. Drop any shyness, inhibitions, or judgments you have carried about sex.

As a receiver, be as responsive to loveplay as you can and use non-verbal communication to show it. The more you practice the four cornerstones of supreme bliss — breath, sound, movement, and presence — the more your partner will know what’s going on with you without the need for words. You can always use the Feedback Sandwich from the loveplay chapter when you want to adjust something.

Be sure to use every opportunity to compliment your partner during your sexual antics. Since your lover will want to give you more of what you like, don’t be careful about asking. At first, you probably won’t recognize all of your feelings and reactions in the moment. So, it helps after each session to openly talk about what was best, what you’d like to be different, and things to try the next time.

As you’ve heard numerous times already, many lovers — both givers and receivers — have been bewildered about G-spot stimulation. Certainly, that’s because it’s not a fixed spot, and it often hides until awakened. Even more, we think many lovers try to push this exciting orgasmic trigger before it becomes highly aroused. We wonder how many women have found their G-spot but didn’t like the sensations it produced because they weren’t turned on enough.

So, embed one clear thought in your mind as you approach G-spot play, especially with a new lover: The vagina must be thoroughly and deliciously engorged first. The front wall of the vagina won’t engorge without sufficient loveplay. Until this happens, any kind of touch, especially hard and fast strokes, will probably be uncomfortable, even painful, before your G-spot is fully open.

The bottom line is that you are responsible for your own pleasure. Even if you’re flat on your back with your legs up, you’re in the driver’s seat. If you want the zenith of sexual pleasure, you have to steer. Tell your partner what feels good and what doesn’t.

As we’ve mentioned, it’s important to empty your bladder before G-spot play. A full bladder makes it more difficult to relax. Not only is this sensation distracting, but there’s that worry about letting go at the wrong time and making a mess. If you worry that your bladder isn’t empty, you might keep your PC muscle clamped down tight. All by itself, this might stop your pleasure, your orgasm, and your delightful ejaculation.