Fighting for the Edge (20 page)

“Are you doing the quad here, Em?” Mrs. Karen asked.

I glanced at Sergei. I’d been asked that question by every media outlet in our pre-nationals interviews, and I’d gotten used to reciting our lie, but when I had to tell it to someone I knew very well, I didn’t feel quite as comfortable.

“We’re not doing the quad at all anymore.” I paused to place my order for a ginger ale and the club sandwich. “It’s just not consistent enough.”

It pained me every time I had to say that because the jump had become more than consistent enough before I’d found out I was pregnant. Now I’d never know if I could land it at the Olympics.

Mrs. Karen twirled her pasta around her fork. “I thought you looked good on it when I saw you before you moved to Boston. And the one you landed at the Final was perfect.”

I looked at Sergei again, and he read my silent plea to take over our phony explanation.

“They were doing really well with it but still not at the percentage we needed to justify the risk,” he said.

“And Em has a hip injury, too,” Courtney added.

Ah, yes. My hip. The other part of our lie.

“It’s nothing serious.” I focused on situating the linen napkin in my lap. “We just want to be cautious.”

It was déjà vu, and I was back in 2002 when Sergei and I were keeping our relationship secret. I’d longed to tell Courtney the truth back then just as I wished I could now. But my condition needed to stay hidden because I couldn’t chance that information falling into the wrong hands. If the media got wind of it, my pregnancy would be blown up into a huge story, and the judges might look at me differently. They weren’t supposed to let anything other than the skating influence their marks, but we all knew that was a joke. If they knew I was pregnant, they might think I wasn’t as strong or capable, and that perception would find its way into their scores.

My phone buzzed inside my purse, and I answered it when I saw Chris’s name.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Better. Food is on the way.”

“I think you should eat every hour on Wednesday before the short program.”

I laughed. “I’ll be sure to have a good meal schedule in place.”

“Sergei was super smooth covering for you with the fans. I had them telling me their personal migraine stories after that. Oh, and they all wanted me to send you their good wishes to feel better.”

“That’s really sweet.” Migraines, hips… I hoped I didn’t have to make up any more ailments before the week was over.

The waiter set down our dinner, so I told Chris I had to go. I cleaned my plate before Sergei could finish half of his grilled salmon.

“I get so hungry lately,” I said quietly. Courtney and Mrs. Karen had left, but other diners sat nearby.

“There’s another person to feed now.” Sergei smiled and spoke in the same low voice.

“That would be fine if spandex wasn’t a necessary part of my wardrobe.”

“We can watch your weight, but don’t stress about eating. Your health is the most important thing.”

I eyed the cheeseburger on the table to our left. I could seriously eat that whole thing, and I’d just scarfed down a sandwich and fries. How much food did a pregnant woman need?

I refrained from ordering dessert even though the white chocolate brownie was calling my name. Sergei and I went up to our room, and Mom and Dad came knocking shortly thereafter. Our tiny room felt even smaller with all four of us in it.

Mom stood in the narrow space between the TV and the king bed, and she set her eyes on me. “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”

My neck tensed in anticipation of all the questions and concerns sure to come. “Yes.”

“What happened to being extra careful?” She alternated her pinpoint stare from me to Sergei then back to me.

“I guess God has a wicked sense of humor,” I said.

Dad reached out and embraced me, but Mom stayed back. He held my head between his hands as he looked at me. “Are you sure it’s okay for you to skate?”

“Dr. Bachemin said I could. I’ve cut down on practicing.”

“Emily, this is incredibly dangerous,” Mom said. “Do you know how important the first trimester is? How many things can go wrong?”

This was exactly what I didn’t want – a rehash of the potential dangers of my decision. I’d committed to skating, and second-guessing myself wouldn’t help my confidence.

“I’ve already had this conversation a few times,” I said.

“Well, I think you need to have it again,” Mom replied.

“What she needs is to get some rest.” Sergei moved behind me and massaged my neck. “We can continue this another time.”

“Are you telling us to leave?” Mom snapped.

“It’s been a long day,” Sergei said.

Mom glared at him, but then her face softened when she turned to me. She took my hand and clasped it between both of hers. “I’m only saying these things because I’m worried about you. I can’t believe my baby’s having a baby.”

Her voice wavered, and my throat tightened. I put my arms around her. “I’m okay. I’m doing everything the doctor suggested.”

“Please be careful.” She squeezed my shoulders before letting go.

Dad came behind her and kissed my cheek. “The timing might not be ideal, but this is a wonderful thing.”

“Thanks, Dad.” I hugged him, and he held me tightly.

He offered Sergei his hand, and Sergei shook it as Dad patted him on the back. “Thank you, Jim.”

“Call me tomorrow, okay?” Mom looked back at me as she and Dad started for the door.

Once Sergei and I were alone, I dropped onto the bed and pulled off my sheepskin boots. “Well, this week’s off to a great start. Throwing up at practice, my mom getting on my case…”

Sergei knelt before me and rested his forearms on either side of me. “What can I do to make it less stressful?”

I leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss. “Try not to have a panic attack every time I’m on the ice. Seeing you so anxious is making me extra nervous.”

His mouth curled slightly upward. “I’ll try.”

“Thank you.” I kissed him again.

He moved next to me on the bed and combed his fingers through my hair. “I just love you so much. I can’t bear the thought of you getting hurt.”

“Nothing bad is going to happen. Now that my mom knows, she’ll be saying novenas morning, noon, and night. I’ll have every saint in heaven watching over me.” I tugged on his sweater, bringing him closer. “So all you need to worry about is relieving my stress.”

Our lips reconnected, and I guided him over me as I fell back onto the blanket. The slow sweep of his tongue relaxed me into the bed, easing the tension from my body. If only I could bottle that feeling and take it with me onto the ice. I’d be the calmest, most stress-free skater in the world.

****

Aubrey opened her room door, expecting to see Marley, but instead she found a grinning Chris. He was wearing a green Cape Cod Baseball League T-shirt, and his hands were stuck in the pockets of his faded jeans.

“Hey, I can’t hang right now,” she said, hesitating. “Marley’s coming over.”

“This will only take a minute.” He slipped inside and shut the door, backing her against it. “I just wanted to see you.”

His lips brushed hers, making her squirm with anticipation. He followed by giving her just one tender kiss, but it brought every nerve in her body to attention. She’d experienced that feeling a lot lately – every day the past week in fact. Their nightly ritual of watching
Seinfeld
reruns had turned into a nightly make-out session. Huddled on the couch under a blanket with only the flickering light from the TV – it had been inevitable. Whenever they were in the same space, they had increasing trouble keeping their lips and their hands to themselves.

“You wanted to see me or you wanted to kiss me?” she asked with a smile.

“Is that another one of your trick questions?”

She laughed and hugged him, wishing she could tell him how lonely she’d been without him already, and they hadn’t even been in St. Louis an entire day.
No big emotional revelations allowed
. She had to play it cool until she talked to Marley and until she knew exactly how Chris felt about her.

She and Chris had discussed anything and everything since they’d moved in together, but Marley was one topic Aubrey hadn’t brought up. It was time to stop being afraid of it.

“Have you seen Marley yet?” she asked.

“I haven’t. I’m sure I’ll run into her soon, though.”

She unwound her arms from his shoulders. “Do you think it’ll be hard to see her?”

Chris appeared to ponder her question. “I think it’ll be awkward at first but not hard. I realized once I stepped back and looked at our relationship that I was trying too hard to hold onto something that wasn’t meant to be. I didn’t wanna admit that things weren’t great between us before she even left for Seattle.”

“I always thought you guys were solid.”

“I tried my hardest to convince myself we were because I didn’t wanna lose that comfort, that stability we had together. But there was definitely something missing.”

A spark of hope ignited inside her. If things hadn’t been wonderful between them that meant Marley might be more accepting of Chris and her dating. And on another positive note, now she knew for sure Chris wasn’t still hung up on Marley.

“Do you think she felt the same? That there was something missing?” she asked.

“I think she did but that she used moving away as the easier excuse to break up.”

Aubrey toyed with her chunky purple bracelet. “She’ll be here in a few minutes, so I don’t know if you wanna stick around or…”

“I should probably head out. There’ll be plenty of time this week for us to have our awkward reunion.”

She walked him to the door, and he turned to her with his hand on the knob. “Watching
Seinfeld
won’t be the same tonight.” His gaze lowered to her mouth and then settled firmly on her eyes.

Warmth spread through her, and she took a slow step closer to him. Kissing his right dimple, she said, “Have sweet dreams.”

He backed into the hallway, still smiling. “I know I will.”

She closed the door and pressed her forehead to it. Her brain had been spinning with so many thoughts lately that she found it hard to stay focused, making her training for nationals quite a chore. All she could think about was how she wanted to spend every day and every night with Chris from now on. She never thought another person could bring her so much happiness, but whenever she was with him, even the coldest, grayest days seemed warm and sunny.

So this was what love felt like, what Em had been trying to explain for years. She got it now. Boy, did she get it.

A knock vibrated the door, and she jumped back. When she opened it, Marley threw her arms around her.

“It’s so great to see you!” she squeaked.

Aubrey hugged her tiny frame. “I’ve missed your sweet face.”

They both climbed onto the bed and sat facing each other. It reminded Aubrey of all the nights they’d stayed up late after competitions, sharing their happy moments or commiserating over their mistakes.

“I want to get something out of the way before we start catching up on gossip,” Marley said. “No matter what the results are this week, I want us to have an amazing time together at the Olympics. One of us is going to be super disappointed, but our friendship is more important than any competition.”

She loved Marley for being honest and direct. So many other skaters would stab their friends in the back in order to get ahead, and then they’d turn against them if they didn’t succeed. She and Marley were in such a tough spot, competing for the national title and the position as the favored American team. The international judges would never put more than one American team on the traditionally-European Olympic ice dance podium, so winning the title and being the favorite was beyond crucial. She and Nick might have the slight edge since they’d won a medal at Grand Prix Final, but anything could happen in St. Louis. As she’d heard all her life, ice was slippery.

“I feel the same way,” Aubrey said. “We’ve made it this far without a competition coming between us, so we can’t let that happen now.”

Marley smiled. “Good. I’m glad that’s out in the open so we can talk about more fun things. I sorta have some news.”

With the way Marley was grinning and her big brown eyes were shining, it had to be good news.

“Zach and I have gone out on a couple of dates,” she continued. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together since we moved, and even though we’ve been partners so long, I feel like I’m only now getting to really know him. And he’s pretty amazing.”

Marley’s situation sounded freakishly similar to hers and Chris’s. There were two great things happening there – Marley had definitely moved on from Chris, and she’d fallen for a friend just as Aubrey had. Surely she would understand her feelings for Chris, right?

“That’s awesome, Mar. You look really happy.”

“Partner dating is something I’ve always thought could be disastrous, but I really think it can work with us. Maybe I’m being completely naïve… I don’t know.”

“If it feels right, you should go for it. Life’s too short to second guess yourself.”

Marley gave her a curious look. “I expected you to try to talk me out of getting involved with Zach. Knowing your views on relationships and all.”

Aubrey picked at the comforter. This was her chance, the perfect opportunity to bring up Chris. Marley seemed to be totally into Zach, and it would be a huge load off her shoulders to have Marley’s blessing.
Just do it.

“I’ve umm… I’ve been seeing things a little differently lately. I’ve actually wanted to talk to you about it, so…” She kept her head down. “Since Chris and I moved in together, we’ve been hanging out, and I think it’s a lot like what’s been happening with you and Zach.”

She peeked up from the bed, and Marley’s smile had disappeared.
Oh, no.
Could she suck back in the words and pretend she’d never said them?

“If it’s like me and Zach, then by hanging out you mean as more than buddies.” Marley’s sweet tone had turned cold.

She couldn’t undo the damage now, so the best option was to forge ahead very carefully. “At first, that’s all it was. But then we started getting closer and–”