Fighting for the Edge (21 page)

“How close?”

Aubrey’s response stuck in her throat, and Marley’s pained stare wasn’t helping her find the right thing to say.

“Have you kissed him?” Marley’s voice rose.

Her heart thumped in her ears. “Yes, but–”

“I can’t believe this!” Marley scrambled from the bed. “You and Chris? That doesn’t make any sense.”

Aubrey stood, too, needing firm ground underneath her. “It’s not serious.”

Never mind that she wanted it to be. She’d say anything to make Marley stop looking at her with so much contempt.

“Of course it’s not serious! You’re not his type at all.”

Aubrey’s face flamed, and she spoke quietly, “What type is that?”

“He loves doing all the things you can’t stand like giving girls flowers and teddy bears and candy hearts… showering them with attention, holding hands, singing cheesy love songs… Chris lives for romance, and you run at the first sign of it.”

Every word Marley said pounded into her like nails. Spending time with Chris, she’d felt herself changing, becoming less cynical, but who knew if it would last? She was starting to think she’d been deluding herself about a lot of things.

Marley stormed past her and then spun around. “We dated for
four years
. Just because things didn’t end well doesn’t mean I didn’t love him for a very long time. The fact that you would go behind my back and do this… I can’t even…”

She marched to the door and swung it open, turning so Aubrey could see the hurt on her face. “You’re not the friend I thought you were.”

The heavy door slammed shut, and Aubrey stared at it, unable to move. How could she have thought getting involved with Chris was a good idea? She should’ve been stronger. She should’ve put a stop to it all on New Year’s Eve after that first kiss. But no, she’d been an idiot and let herself get pulled in deeper and deeper, convincing herself it was all harmless and somehow believing Marley would be okay with it.

She sat numbly on the bed and winced at the memory of Marley’s tear-filled eyes. The past couldn’t be undone, but she could make better decisions starting now. Her chest tightened as she forced herself to see the truth. She and Chris had no business being together.

Chapter Seventeen

Aubrey beamed a bright smile to the crowd and slowed her blades to a stop beside Nick. In her sparkling black and gold dress with a plunging back, she looked like she was ready for a Latin ballroom competition, and Nick was the perfect suave partner in his tight black shirt and pants. They had a slim one-point lead over Marley and Zach after the compulsory dance earlier in the day, and they needed to stretch that lead in this original dance. It was time to rhumba and samba their butts off.

As they waited for the music to start, Aubrey closed her eyes to bring herself into the moment. She’d been thinking about Chris non-stop since her conversation with Marley the previous night, but she had to block all that out and give the performance her full attention.

Ricky Martin’s ballad “Casi Un Bolero” started their program, and she and Nick played the part of a couple in love as they performed the sensual rhumba choreography. She focused on Nick’s hazel eyes and the liquid way they moved together to the music, shutting out everything else around them. As they twirled through their dance spin, the music slowed even more and then faded away, transitioning into “Por Arriba, Por Abajo” and the samba section.

They regained speed with deep strokes and moved into dance hold for the diagonal step sequence. Nick gripped her hand, and the memory of skating the samba with Chris on Frog Pond flashed through her mind, stealing her focus for just a few moments. But those few moments of lost concentration were long enough for her right blade to hit Nick’s, causing her to lurch forward into him. She tensed with alarm, but she couldn’t stop herself from falling and taking Nick down with her. They tumbled onto the ice, a tangle of arms and legs, as a collective gasp hushed the crowd.

Nick hurried to his feet, grabbing Aubrey’s hands and pulling her up with him. She was in a daze, and she stumbled again as she tried to follow his lead. They’d missed a whole string of steps, making it seem impossible to catch up with the fast tempo of the music.

The audience clapped to spur them on, and they finally settled back into the choreography, but Aubrey had to force a smile through the dancing. Disappointment strangled her as she knew they’d just lost the title. Even with the free dance still to come, a mistake that huge would be beyond difficult to overcome.

They shook their hips one final time on the last beat of the music, and the crowd responded with a sympathetic ovation. Nick looked shell-shocked as he gathered Aubrey against him in an embrace, and she couldn’t speak either. She could hardly breathe from the smothering regret. Falls in ice dance were a rare event, something she’d never done in all her years competing at nationals. Until now. The most important year of all.

Peter and Natalia wore grave faces when they greeted them at the ice door. Aubrey continued to exist in a fog as they sat in the kiss and cry and listened to their dreadful score. The only thing that registered was the number two next to their names. Not surprising but still hard to swallow since she and Nick had dominated nationals the past three years.

They trudged backstage, and Nick put his arm across her shoulders. “We can still do this. It’s not over.”

She appreciated his effort to stay positive, but she felt nothing but disgust with herself for making such a stupid mistake.

“I’m so sorry,” she said.

“It was a fluke. It could’ve happened to either of us.”

No, it couldn’t have because you weren’t thinking about Chris while skating one of the most crucial programs of your life.

The media coordinator summoned them to the mixed zone, and she took a few deep breaths. She had to buck up and act confident in front of the media. No matter how much she wanted to scream or break something, she wouldn’t let the world see her frustration.

Following question after question whether she and Nick could rebound in the free dance three nights later, they had to face another round of inquiry at the press conference for the top three teams. Zach sat between Aubrey and Marley, and he may as well have been a brick wall because Marley acted like she didn’t exist. Every time their paths had crossed that day – at the hotel, at the twenty-minute warm-up, at the draw for the original dance – Marley had refused to look at her. Being frozen out by her friend wasn’t making Aubrey feel any less disgusted with herself. She fidgeted throughout the reporters’ questions, counting the minutes until she could escape to her room.

As she and Nick left the media room, she checked her phone and saw she had three texts – one from Em, one from her mom, and one from Chris. Her thumb brushed over Chris’s name, but she clicked on Em’s first.

Call me if you need to talk. I love you!

Bypassing Chris’s text again, she scrolled to her mom’s.

Dad and I will wait for you in the restaurant. Keep your chin up.

She pinched the bridge of her nose. Dinner with her parents was the last thing she wanted to do. She’d make an appearance, but she wasn’t going to sit through their phony “we’re the perfect family” routine they put on at her events.

Chris’s text glared at her, and she debated deleting it, but her fingers betrayed her before she could trash the message.

I’m here if you need a friend.

Her throat tightened, and she quickly erased the text and threw her phone into her purse. She had to end things with Chris. Not only had she hurt Marley, but she’d let her feelings for Chris affect her performance. It was exactly what she’d worked to avoid her entire career – having her heart get in the way of her head. And what a fantastic time she’d picked to cave to emotion.

After a quiet ride to the hotel, hiding out in the back of the bus, she rolled her skate bag through the lobby and into the restaurant. Not many diners remained at the late hour – mostly ice dancers, their families, and a few fans.

She spied her parents at a table in the far corner and wasn’t surprised to see them staring at their drinks, not speaking to each other. Her mom wore her usual sweater set and pearls, while her dad had on his customary blazer and oxford shirt. They always looked like they just walked out of a country club ad. She hurried to the table and accepted quick kisses from them.

Her dad pulled out the empty chair, but she stayed standing. “I’m just gonna get room service.”

“This is one of the few times we get to see you,” her mom said.

“Hiding in your room isn’t going to help.” Her dad returned to his seat. “You need to show people you have some pride. That you’re owning up to your mistake.”

She let out a laugh of disbelief. “
You’re
lecturing
me
about owning up to my mistakes?”

“Honey, please sit down and let’s try to have a nice dinner,” her mom pleaded.

“Your mother’s not asking for much. Be considerate.”

“Like you’ve been considerate of her all these years while you were–” She saw her mom’s face pale, and she stopped herself from making even more of a scene. “I’m sorry, I can’t be around your toxic relationship right now.”

She raced to the elevator and banged her floor number with her fist. Her throat ached with screams that needed to be let out. When the elevator stopped, she barged into the hallway with her key in hand but stopped short at the sight of Chris knocking on her door.

“What are you doing here?” she blurted out.

His eyebrows rose at her harsh tone. “I just… I thought you might need to vent.”

She needed to vent alright. But not to him.

She shoved the keycard into the lock and pushed open the door. “You shouldn’t be here.”

He followed her inside. “Did I do something wrong?”

Her back was turned to him, but she heard the heavy concern in his voice. Why did he always have to be so nice? He just couldn’t make this easy for her. She dropped her bag with a thud onto the carpet as frustration and regret boiled to the surface.

“Marley hates me.” She wheeled around to face him. “I told her about us and she’s not speaking to me anymore.”

“That’s ridiculous. She shouldn’t be mad at you–”

“Yes, she should. If I was any kind of a decent friend, I wouldn’t have done this. It was a huge mistake.”

Chris stared at her, so long she had to turn away because she was afraid he could see every emotion battling inside her.

“I can talk to her,” he said.

“That’s not going to make it better. The damage is done. We can’t…
this
can’t happen anymore.” She motioned from Chris to herself. “This has to be the end of it.”

His face tightened as he studied her for another long minute. “So it’s over. Just like that.”

“Well, we were just having fun anyway, right?” She evened her voice as much as she could to hide the pain that was throttling her.

He didn’t immediately respond, and she held her breath, waiting for him to say she was wrong and he felt so much more. What would she do if he did say that? It wouldn’t change how wrong they were for each other, but at least she’d know she hadn’t imagined the deep connection between them.

“Right,” he said, matching her emotionless tone. “It didn’t mean anything.”

A new wave of pain wrenched her heart, leaving her cold all over. Chris’s eyes lingered on her a moment, devoid of the warmth she always saw in them, making her feel even colder. He walked quietly to the door and left without so much as a glance behind.

She wasn’t a crier. She didn’t cry during sappy movies or after bad skates or even when she’d seen her rink destroyed. But as she stood in that hotel room with Chris’s words echoing in her ears…
It didn’t mean anything
…
It didn’t mean anything
… a burst of sobs rocked her body, choking her and shaking her so violently her legs crumpled beneath her. Tears poured down her face, and her eyes burned from the strain.

Never again would she let herself believe in love.

****

I stepped down from the podium in the media room, and Courtney hugged me for the sixth time that evening. Her excitement couldn’t be contained. She and Mark had placed third in the short program, earning them an invitation to the press conference, a first for them. Meanwhile, Chris and I had occupied the familiar center spot on the podium as the leaders.

Courtney bounced on the heels of her sneakers. “In two days we could be celebrating making the Olympic team together.”

I couldn’t think about any celebration. I just wanted to get through the long program. Chris and I hadn’t skated with our usual speed and confidence in the short, but we’d landed everything cleanly. We had a decent lead over Candice and Shawn, the second-place team, so we just needed to be steady in the long to win. I’d always hoped our final performance ever at nationals would be spectacular, but priorities had changed.

“Do I need to give you Sergei’s famous lecture about not focusing on the results?” I asked with a smile. I was great at imparting his advice to others but not so skilled at following it myself.

“I’m trying, I swear, but we’re
so-o-o
close. All we have to do is hang on to third place.”

I pressed my hands to her shoulders. “No, what you have to do is fight for third place. Be aggressive, not passive.”

She nodded sharply. “Aggressive. I can do that.”

“That’s the only thing I want you to think about between now and Friday. I have to get back to the hotel to meet Sergei, but call me anytime if you need help refocusing.”

“Thanks, Em.” She hugged me again. “It’ll be great having you at the boards with us again next year.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” The only question was where those boards would be – Cape Cod or Boston. Sergei and I hadn’t had a chance to talk much about SCOB’s offer yet, but we were going to have to make a decision soon.

I searched the room for Chris and realized he’d split without telling me. I headed to the bus and found him sitting in the last row, a boatload of empty seats in front of him.