Fighting for the Edge (19 page)

“It
is
different.” Chris bent over and held his head in his hands.

I didn’t know if I should keep reassuring him or let him have a moment. I hated that I had to burden him with this. As a team, we always treated everything we did as a joint effort – we never placed blame on one another or took credit on our own – but this was entirely my problem that he unfortunately couldn’t avoid.

“I told Em we’ll see how nationals goes,” Sergei said. “I don’t want to think any further than that right now.”

Chris sat up straight and finally looked at me. “Em, you’re not doing this because of me, are you? If you didn’t have a partner, would you keep skating?”

“I would,” I said quickly, not needing any time to think about my response. “I have to see this through.”

“I just don’t want you to feel obligated because of me. I don’t want that on my head if…” He looked down, and I knew what he didn’t want to say. It was the scenario I couldn’t allow myself to think about.

“Everything will be fine. It will.” If I said it enough times, God would surely hear me.

Chris watched me closely, and I kept my eyes on his. We’d learned to read each other very well over the years, so I couldn’t waver in my confidence even a tiny bit.

“So, how much do we have to scale back?” he asked.

We spent the next half hour outlining a plan of how many hours we should train and how many run-throughs we should do the next few days before we’d leave for St. Louis. If anyone at the rink asked why we weren’t practicing as much, we’d tell them we were protecting my hip from further injury. Chris didn’t look convinced our plan would work, but he quietly agreed to go along with it.

I wanted to stay and talk more with Chris, to find out what he was thinking, but I realized he probably needed some time to digest everything. We’d always been open with each other about our feelings, so he would come to me when he was ready.

As Chris walked Sergei and me out, he reached for my arm and stepped in front of me. He didn’t immediately speak as he seemed to be searching for the right words.

“I haven’t said congratulations yet,” he said. “I mean… you’re having a baby.”

He sounded as stunned as I still felt. I hugged him long and hard and wondered for the millionth time how I’d been so blessed to find such an amazing partner. From stories I’d heard from some other pair girls, their partners would’ve totally lit into them if they’d been in my predicament. And here was Chris congratulating me, regardless of how freaked out he probably was over the situation. He was truly a gem.

****

Aubrey clicked the volume button on the TV remote and looked up at Chris’s bedroom. He’d been so quiet since Em and Sergei had left. They’d talked for just a minute, and he’d passed on dinner, opting to take cereal up to his room. She wanted to give him space, but she also wanted him to know she was there for him if he needed to talk.

She went upstairs and slowly pushed his half-open door. He was sprawled on his stomach on the bed, staring at his laptop. The empty cereal bowl sat on the carpet.

“Whatcha’ doin?” She ducked under the sloped ceiling and sat on the bed.

“Searching for information on skaters who competed while pregnant.”

She stretched out next to him and squinted at the message board on the laptop screen. “Any luck?”

“Not much. I only found stuff on some professional pair skaters who’ve done it. No one trying to win an Olympic gold medal.” He shut the computer and slid it to the side of the bed. “Never in a million years did I think we’d be dealing with this. I thought of all people, Sergei wouldn’t let this happen.”

“Try to cut him a little slack. He waited two and a half years until the wedding night to get some action. If anyone deserves to have fun in their marriage and to not always worry about being extra careful, it’s Em and Sergei.”

Chris cringed and propped himself onto one elbow. “Em is like my sister. I prefer not to think about the fun they’re having. Like I’m sure you don’t wanna think about your brother’s sex life.”

“With the cold wench he’s married to, there’s probably not much to discuss,” she said dryly.

Chris made a feeble attempt at a laugh, and Aubrey shifted onto her side so she was facing him. “Are you worried Em won’t be able to compete at the Olympics?”

“I’m worried about protecting her. That’s what’s kinda freaking me out most about the whole thing.”

“Well, don’t tell Nick I said this, but… I think you’re the strongest, most dependable partner in the world. I have total faith that you’ll protect her.”

“The thing is, I could be the strongest partner in the history of skating, but accidents happen. If we’re in a lift and I hit a rut in the ice or I catch a toepick…” He shook his head. “I couldn’t live with myself if I was responsible for Em losing her baby.”

She put her hand on his forearm. “I know you’re going to do everything in your power to prevent any accidents from happening. That’s all you can expect of yourself.”

“I can’t let this get into my head. If I’m not skating with a hundred percent confidence, then I’m putting both Em and me… and the baby at risk.”

“You just have to pretend like nothing’s changed. Keep the same mindset you’ve always had. Knowing how focused you are on the ice, you’ll have absolutely no problem doing that.”

He gazed at her with a soft glow in his eyes. “You give a pretty awesome pep talk.”

She smiled. “I owed you after all you did to cheer me up at Christmas.”

“You didn’t have to say anything. Just being around you cheers me up.”

He slowly leaned forward and pressed his mouth gently to hers. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d been kissed, and none of them came close to comparing. There was so much feeling, so much warmth in the way Chris’s lips caressed hers. When he broke away, she felt lost without the connection.

“I’m gonna miss you next week,” he said.

Her forehead wrinkled. “Aren’t we both going to St. Louis?”

“Yeah, but it won’t be the same. I’m gonna miss your pre-coffee grumpy face in the morning and seeing you in your cute pajamas at night.” He touched her hip and traced one of the yellow stars on her blue flannel pants.

She smiled as he outlined more stars down her thigh. “I’m gonna miss your crazy hair in the morning.”

She mussed up tufts of his hair to mimic how he looked when he rolled out of bed every day. He was somehow both adorable and sexy as all get out. Curling her fingers into his thick locks, she watched his eyes grow hooded, his breathing become heavier.

His mouth found hers, and he angled over her as her back met the mattress. He braced his arms on either side of her so his body was close enough to share its heat but not near enough to crush her. She clenched his hair with one hand and felt her way down his chest with the other, slipping it under his shirt and over his hard abs.

Chris lowered his weight further, and their hips moved against each other in a daring rhythm. There was something dangerously intimate about being in his bed, but she didn’t want to let go of that incredible rush.

He swept a line of kisses along her jaw and whispered hotly in her ear, “I’ll remember the limits.”

Forget
the limits
, she longed to say, but she had to do this right. For the first time in her life, she wanted more than the physical stuff, and there might be a chance she could have it.

Everywhere Chris kissed and touched her tingled, turning her into a live wire. The sparks between them threatened to start a fire that couldn’t be doused. But Chris pulled back before the heat became unstoppably intense.

He moved to her side, but his eyes didn’t leave her. She stared up at him and set her hand on his chest so she could feel the rise and fall as his breathing slowed.

“Would you stay here tonight?” he asked. “Sleep next to me?”

With any other guy, she’d question the intentions, but she had no doubt Chris was sincere. He really just wanted to have her close to him. She’d never received a more special invitation.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said.

He turned off the lamp beside the bed and spooned her against him, wrapping one arm around her. His hand slid between hers and the bed sheet, and he laced their fingers together, giving her an overwhelming sense of security.

She had to do whatever she could to hold onto him, to make things work between them because she couldn’t imagine her life without him. The first thing she had to do was talk to Marley and make sure she was okay with her becoming more serious with Chris. But she’d have to find the right time, maybe when the dust settled after nationals.

Chris lifted his head to kiss her shoulder, and she squeezed his hand as he settled back behind her. All the confusing emotions she’d been battling, the fears she’d been afraid to face… she finally understood exactly what she was feeling.

She was in love.

Chapter Sixteen

Why, oh why, did our first practice at nationals have to be scheduled in the evening?

I circled slowly around the Savvis Center ice, trying to put mind over matter. The matter being the queasiness in my stomach because I hadn’t been able to eat dinner yet. Only a few early arrivals to nationals week watched from the stands, including Mom and Dad, and Mom sharply observed every tentative stroke I took. I’d hoped to wait and tell her my news after the event so she wouldn’t hover over me the entire week, but I suspected she was going to start asking questions soon.

Chris skated to my side and took my hand. “You’re not gonna throw up on me, are you?”

“I think I’ll be okay, but no more spins.”

“We can do the footwork sequence.”

I nodded and swallowed a couple of times, clearing the sour taste from my throat. “We have to practice at night again tomorrow. I want to kill whoever made this schedule.”

We finished the forty-minute session by doing our footwork and our spiral sequence, two things that wouldn’t make me dizzy. Skating over to Sergei behind the boards, I gave him a little smile but he looked too anxious to return it. He’d been wearing the same tense look every time I stepped onto the ice.

“You’re usually one of the most relaxed coaches at these practices,” I said, taking my warm-up jacket from him. “If you keep looking this nervous, people are going to notice.”

Sergei’s jaw relaxed and he sipped from his cup of coffee. “I might need to spike this with vodka from now on.”

“There was a coach at my old rink who did that all the time,” Chris said. “For different reasons I’m sure.”

I zipped my jacket over my black body suit and exited the ice behind the three other teams in our practice group. A small group of spectators had gathered in the section of seats next to the skaters’ entrance, and they held out their programs and other paraphernalia to be autographed. I needed to get food pronto, but I didn’t want to blow past the fans who’d showed up to such a late practice.

“Hi.” I smiled at the first young woman in line. “Thanks for coming out so late.”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” She passed me her spiral-bound program and a pen. “I flew in today and I’ve been to all the practices.”

“Where’d you fly in from?” I asked as I signed my name next to the black-and-white photo of Chris of me.

“New Orleans.”

My head shot up. “Did you make it through Hurricane Katrina okay?”

“I was very lucky. Just some minimal damage to my house.”

An older woman squeezed next to her along the railing separating us, and a powerful whiff of sweet, flowery perfume engulfed me. It turned my already weak stomach upside down, sending a surge of sourness into my throat.

I shoved the program and the pen at Chris. “I have to go.”

With my hand clamped over my mouth, I rushed through the tunnel backstage and barely made it to the trash can. As I slowly lifted my head, one of the event volunteers handed me a wad of tissues, and I noticed a bevy of reporters and skaters eyeing me as they milled about.

Sergei rushed toward me and rubbed my back. “Are you okay?”

The volunteer was still standing next to me, so I had to play along. I thought quickly of something that would make me ill. “Yeah, my migraine’s just really bad. I’ll feel better after I eat.”

I wiped my mouth as Sergei put his arm around me and steered me toward the locker room. “Maybe I should go back out there with Chris.”

“No, we’re going to dinner. Get your stuff and I’ll go out and explain you aren’t feeling well.”

I did a quick change and met Sergei at the shuttle bus that would take us back to the Renaissance Hotel. It was, thankfully, a short ride through downtown St. Louis. Waiting just inside the entrance to the lobby were my parents, both of their brows furrowed in concern.

“Sweetie, we saw you run out of there when you were signing autographs. Did you get sick?” Mom asked.

“I just need to get something in my stomach. I couldn’t eat much before practice.”

Mom moved closer to me and lowered her voice. “I think there’s more to it than that.”

I was so busted. I’d tried to hide my nausea spells, but she’d caught me a couple of mornings nibbling on crackers, and I’d had to hide out in the bedroom one night when she’d sautéed mushrooms. The smell had been even more sickening than the cabbage odor.

“Can we talk after dinner?”

She agreed, and I sighed with relief when she said they’d already eaten. I didn’t want her at the table scrutinizing every move I made.

Sergei and I headed for the hotel restaurant, and the hostess led us to the table next to Courtney and her mom Karen. We wouldn’t be able to discuss any sensitive topics, which made me very happy. It seemed all we talked about lately was heavy stuff.

I touched Courtney’s shoulder before sitting. “How was your practice?” She and Mark had been in the group before ours.

“Not great.” She brushed her long curly blond hair over one shoulder. “My jumps are still back in Boston.”

“First practice on a travel day doesn’t count.” Sergei sat across from me. “It’s all about getting a feel for the ice.”

“I definitely felt the ice. On my butt.”

“I didn’t have the best practice either,” I said. “But the only thing that matters is how we skate on Wednesday and Friday.”