Finding Cassie Crazy (12 page)

Set off smoke-alarm sprinkler system at Brookfield High,
11 am, next Tuesday. This only has to happen in the classrooms along the second-floor balcony of the north-west wing but go ahead and make it happen in the whole school if you prefer.

FIELD NOTES:
Sorry about my handwriting on this Special Report, I was rocking the baby's bassinet with my left foot the whole time.

FIELD NOTES 2:
I've decided you get a yellow card every time you mess with my head. You've got one yellow card right now for the incident with the dope.

FIELD NOTES 3:
Why don't we meet somewhere in person? I could hand over the plans of the school or whatever you need for this assignment.

Hey Seb

I don't think we should meet in person. That would compromise special operations.

You should just admit that you're trying to get out of exams or whatever it is. Or are you so concerned about your fellow human beings that you want to test the fire system?

What I think should happen is, you should choose special operations that are a LITTLE bit less self-centred and more socially oriented.

Lydia

Dear Lydia

Yeah, you've got a point there. I should think of more
people
-focused assignments.

Example: I could get you to put a polar bear sign outside a pet shop. I've got to say, I felt my spirit soar when I shifted that sign for you. Knowing what I was doing for humanity.

Let's just say this. I would never stoop so low as to exploit
special operations to get out of exams, and you should be ashamed of yourself for your doubt. Trust me, Lyd, there's a significant reason why I asked you to set off the school alarm and why I'm now asking for the sprinkler system etc. One day you might even find out what that reason is.

I'm thinking about getting out another yellow card for you right now, for your suspicions, and you know what a second yellow card means. It means a red card.

What I reckon should happen is, is you should buy me a coffee to apologise for the slander of my good character.

Seb

Hey Seb

Shut your mouth, exam boy.

Lyd

To: SEB MANTEGNA
SPECIAL COVERT OPERATION REPORT

SPECIAL PASSWORD:
Do you mean to say your mother makes you breakfast? Make your own.

EXPERIENCE:
CLASSIFIED

SPECIAL MENTION:
CLASSIFIED

PRO:
Excellent at everything

CON:
None

OPERATION:
Operation Sprinkler System

ASSIGNED BY:
Agent AKA

RESULT:
Successful

FIELD NOTES:
Too easy

Dear Lydia

You are as beautiful as the Irish equaliser by Robbie Keane in injury time in the Ireland v Germany game, 2002 World Cup, Korea.

I have now got a kick-arse cold from the sprinkler water falling on my head. That's my only complaint. You could have made it start just before I got into the room. But I swear to you it is the most beautiful cold I ever had.

Why can't we meet in person for you to give me the next assignment? We could see a movie and you could give me the assignment while the previews are on.

Seb

Dear Seb

Why would I want to meet you when you have a cold? I could catch the cold.

I can't concentrate right now because Em and Cass are on either side of me having a loud argument about what whales sound like when they're singing. They're giving a lot of examples to support their own arguments, which is really making people stare.

I'll interrupt them to ask them what causes colds. (I'm pretty sure it's not sprinkler systems.)

It was difficult to get them to stop talking but as soon as I did Em had an answer. She said colds travel around on the fur of rats, and that is what caused the plague and she's not surprised that people at Brookfield have colds because it's rat-infested.

Cass said people get colds when they walk around with their mouths open.

So shut your mouth, Seb, and you'll be fine.

It's interesting that you suggest I give you an assignment during the previews of a movie. You need to learn a little respect for previews. They're our favourite part. Em always cries in the previews for sad movies because she guesses what sad thing might happen in the actual movie, and Cass packs her things up, like ready to go home, when the previews finish. As in, to indicate humorously that's all she needs to see.

Okay, I've thought of an assignment for you.

Well, we always go to the movies on Thursdays after lunch and what we do is, we take the path through the reserve behind our school to get to the station. Do you know the reserve? People go there at lunch to smoke up or buy drugs,
so you probably know it. Also, people jog there all the time. But whenever I hear running footsteps behind me I think it's someone chasing us. Like a teacher. To arrest us. Even though I know it's just a jogger.

So this is the assignment.

I hope that's enough notice for you.

See ya

Lydia

Hey Lyd

I did the ribbon thing for you. Very weird request.

Is it okay if I send you my next special task now? It's urgent.

This is it:

To: SPECIAL AGENT LYDIA
From: AKA
ASSIGNMENT DESCRIPTION