Finding Cassie Crazy (11 page)

Dear Sebastian

Do you understand that you can get out a new piece of paper if you change your mind about writing something?

Lydia

Dear beautiful Lydia

I don't know what you're talking about but it's good to hear your voice again. I forgive you for being a freak but, because I'm in love with you for making that happen with the alarm. That was a nice touch keeping me in suspense like that but in future you might think about my blood pressure. Meantime, I'm hanging to take you out to your favourite location and worship you for life.

Hey, did I ever tell you I have a little brother? He loves you too. He's like no age or something. Like ZERO years old, but he loves you. I'll get him to dribble on the paper here for you when I get home.

You're making me nervous by being so weird.

But your weirdness is what I like about you.

Seb

Dear Seb

Actually, I think it's fairly common for people not to like being called deceptive and a snake and a non-team player who never hits the ball with their head or whatever that soccer crap was about hand balls and messing up my hair—and you say
I'm
the one who talks like a crazy person?

It's actually not ‘weird' or ‘freakish' at all. To stop writing after being insulted.

And it doesn't make it okay that on the next page you said you were in love with me. You wanted me to let you know when I was being serious. Okay, I'm letting you know. That letter pissed me off. You were making these assumptions
about me and imagining you knew me, and the fact is, Seb, you don't.

And come on. Giving me a lecture because
the alarm didn't go off
? You wanted to get out of an exam or something, Seb. I'm not a moron. Why didn't you just skip school for the afternoon? Or actually do the exam?

Last year, when my friend Cass came back to school after her father died, we had exams, and Cass is not the exam type to begin with. And she couldn't walk down a corridor without people spinning out of her way because they were afraid to look her in the eye.

Do you think she went around shouting at people about not being team players? And trying to get out of exams?

No. She just stared straight ahead and wrote the exams.

Except for the Science exam, because Em and I decided she needed a break that day and took her to the movies.

You could learn some lessons in strength of character from Cass.

Best wishes

Lydia

PS Here is your challenge:

Lydia

The polar bear challenge?

Easy.

Seb

To: LYDIA JAACKSON-OBERMAN
SPECIAL COVERT OPERATION REPORT

SPECIAL PASSWORD:
Sultana Bran with banana, thanks Mum

EXPERIENCE:
Task Force Operations in Indonesia, Korea, Russia, Iraq; local training in Baulkham Hills and Glenhaven

SPECIAL MENTION:
Instrumental in ending the Cold War; knocked over the Berlin Wall etc

PRO:
Black belt in tae kwon do; kick-arse soccer player; knows how to makeup baby's bottle with correct amount of formula; knows how to make baby smile by tickling baby's little chin with feather

CON:
Memory sucks so will sometimes say something in a letter and forget to throw letter away and start again

OPERATION:
Operation Polar Bear

Assigned by Agent Lydia

RESULT:
Successfully completed (see photograph attachment)

FIELD NOTES:
Agent Mantegna wants to say sorry to Agent Lydia for letter where forgot to start again after sledging Lydia unfairly when Operation Alarm was successfully completed by Agent Lydia. See Con above.

Dear Seb

Okay, I forgive you. I always forgive people when they say sorry.

That was a pretty cool operation you did. I take my hat off to you and bow down to the ground but get those shoes away from me. I'm not kissing those shoes. You hear me? Are you kidding? GET THEM AWAY FROM ME! GET YOUR STINKING SHOES AWAY FROM ME!!

Sorry, I'm kind of tired. It's after midnight.

Are you really a black belt in tae kwon do?

I hope you're not trying to impress me with those baby-related talents: I don't think it's anything special in a guy to know how to take care of kids. All guys should know that, especially if your mum recently had a new baby.

Plus, is it safe to touch a baby with a feather? Where did you get the feather from? Is the feather attached to a bird? What sort of bird? Is it a parrot?

THE PARROT'S CLAWS COULD HURT THE BABY, SEBASTIAN. YOU IDIOT.

It's twenty to one and I keep looking up from the computer to the window and seeing my own face which is
a shock. Especially when I catch a smile on my face meaning I think I'm being funny.

But when I look past my own face I can see our back lawn with such gentle moonlight on it: so gentle, it's like it's afraid of touching.

By the way, I don't think you have to be rich to have a frosted-glass breakfast pyramid. It's not really a pyramid either, it's just a triangular prism.

I don't know the difference either.

My dad gave me a surprise today by getting my walls painted a kind of disgusting tangerine colour, like a fake sunset. I've been saying I want to rip off the wallpaper and paint the walls myself, and my stupid father thinks he's doing me a favour by getting professionals in to paint while I was at school. He was so proud of himself.

‘Dad,' I said, ‘I wanted to paint them myself.'

‘Lydia,' he said, ‘is that a fact?'

‘Yes,' I said. ‘It is a fact.'

I will now go to sleep.

See you

Lyd

PS It's your turn to give me an assignment now.

To: SPECIAL AGENT LYDIA
From: AKA
SPECIAL COVERT OPERATION ASSIGNMENT
ASSIGNMENT DESCRIPTION