Finding Cassie Crazy (30 page)

So, listen, you and I can go out on another Date with a Girl, if you like, some time. You say the word.

Emily

Emily
It is the middle of the night. The most weird thing has occurred to me. My supersonic memory just gave me another hyperlink in the void.

I was lying in bed here thinking that it's nice that you saw a photo of me early and still wanted to go out with me. That is a very nice story and I'm glad you told me. And then I was thinking about all the various cute things about you. Including the cute way you say the letters ‘th'. And then there was this VASHOOM and I remembered: that chick who made the prank call about the gas leak? She had a funny way of saying ‘th' too.

And
then
I got to thinking—well, you know, when I set the alarm off, as a consequence of the so-called gas leak, well, that meant I didn't have to do a History exam. Which also meant that Seb didn't have to do a History exam.

So my question is this: is this something to do with Seb and Lydia? Did Lydia maybe tell Seb she'd get him out of the exam and then give YOU the secret task, or whatever you call it, of arranging for the alarm to go off?

Can you please tell me, Emily, that you are not the person who made that prank call, as we are getting into being honest with each other at the moment?

Charlie

Charlie
Well, I do not see why we need to be quite as honest as THAT.

I am very sorry but I cannot tell you that it was not me
who made the prank call. Because, actually, it was me.

Please, will you forgive me and put it in the past as I have been trying to get you to do? Okay? It will just be left alone now. Okay, I am sorry that it was me who made the prank call. It was necessary, as it was a secret assignment, and we HAVE to do them.

I am very sorry you felt embarrassed as that was not my intention.

And when you think about it, it is fairly unfair because WHAT ARE THE CHANCES THAT IT WOULD BE YOU, my PENFRIEND, answering the phone? That is so unfair, the odds being against me like that.

So therefore, let us forget that.

Love
Emily

Well Emily
I think maybe I can't forget it. I see now that you've been laughing at me this whole time and that doesn't make me feel all that happy.

So we'll just take a break, okay?

Thanks
Charlie
PS By coincidence, Christina just broke up with Paul Wilson. I guess she saw through him all on her own. Paul seems to be moving on to someone else already, without much excess anguish, so that's ironic.

Charlie
I HAVEN'T BEEN LAUGHING AT YOU! NEVER, EXCEPT WHEN YOU WERE BEING FUNNY!

PLEASE can we forget it? And okay, great that Christina broke up with Paul, but just try not to move in on her, okay, you'd better just leave her to have a little thinking time. She'll need a break, okay? I am VERY VERY sorry and I wish you would have some chocolate to feel better because I see that you might feel betrayed and so on. I see that maybe I should have told you straight away it was me, or maybe not even done it! But I had to do it!

And besides which, you are not so perfect yourself, Charlie? Remember? You get into trouble at school all the time? And I don't even know why! And there are things I don't like about you! I don't like the way you say the word ‘chick', for example. I don't like the way you often have something very superior to say to me.

Emily

Great, Em. Thanks. That's fixed things.

As I said, could we just leave it for now then? Maybe in a couple of months I'll feel like I can look you in the eye again. But I can't just now, okay?

Cheers
Charlie

Charlie
Well, I did not mean to get too carried away with negativity and please recall with that supersonic memory of yours that I have often been kind to you, as much as I could. And speaking of your supersonic memory, HOW SUPERSONIC IS IT REALLY WHEN IT TOOK YOU THIS LONG TO REMEMBER THAT THE GIRL WHO PHONED YOU HAD A FUNNY WAY OF SAYING ‘TH'? HOW SUPERSONIC REALLY? EH?

Not so supersonic, after all?!?!

Besides which, Charlie, come on! It's not like I did anything ILLEGAL, is it? I mean, I just phoned the school and pretended there was the danger of a gas leak! That's not exactly a CRIME!

Emily

Emily
Please see below, as provided by my brother, for your information.

Section 93IH, Crimes Act 1900 (NSW)

Maximum penalty: five years imprisonment.

Regards
Charlie

Go to hell, Charlie.

Go to buggery, Emily.

Dear Seb
You're the best secret agent in the history of secret agents. You rock.

Thank you. I owe you.

How come you and Charlie were shocked by it being Paul Wilson? Can you tell me anything about him? Thanks for the offer, but I don't need you to do anything to him: I want to figure out something myself. Any information would be good though.

Another thing: your Field Notes were great. Why don't you send me notes like that explaining how you knew who I was in the Blue Danish? Sometimes I think maybe you cheated. Like asked around to find out what I looked like. I hope you didn't because I'd have to kill you.

Thanks again
Lyd

Dear Lyd
Okay, got some information for you about Paul Wilson:
Physical Appearance:
tall; lifts weights a bit too much so that muscle tone is kind of obvious; gets a bit too much sun so skin is too brown for his white-blond hair. Fairly stupid looking, all up.

Sex Life:
Seems to be pumping. Has had a lot of hot girlfriends the last few years, and latest conquest is girl-of-many-guys'-dreams Christina Kratovac.

Other Points of Interest:
Year 10 form captain. Smarmy bastard. Thinks he can act. This agent (AKA) has longstanding contempt for Paul Wilson, for various reasons,
including Paul Wilson's crap soccer playing (apparently has no respect for the game). This agent also sees Paul Wilson walking home sometimes, as he lives near me on Pennant Hills Road. Don't like the way he walks.

You want to hook up this Friday night, maybe see a movie and discuss in detail?

Your favourite agent
Seb
PS You think I cheated at Operation Recognise Lydia First last term? You break my heart. You want to trust a guy?
Thanks.

Dear Seb
Thanks for the information about Paul Wilson. Can you tell me anything else about that girlfriend-of-the-rainbows or whatever you called her? I wonder if she knew her boyfriend was acting out some weird fantasy with Cass? Maybe she hates Ashbury girls and made him do it.

Sorry I didn't get to you before the weekend—I couldn't have met you on Friday anyway. We were staying at Em's because her parents were going to a conference for the weekend. The conference was called
Lawyers are Lovely, Great and Superb: So Why Does Everyone Think that They are Liars, Greedy and Scum?
and Mr Thompson was doing a speech called ‘Ten Tips to Make Lawyers as Popular as Doctors'.

I'll give you a sample, in case you ever become a lawyer:

Tip No. 3: Look out for legal emergencies in your day-to-day life. In medical emergencies, people always shout for a doctor—but nobody ever shouts, ‘Is there a lawyer in
the house?' So lawyers need to be vigilant and find the emergencies for themselves. Let's say a lawyer overhears two neighbours having an argument about who owns a lemon tree. The lawyer should sprint right up, calling, ‘It's okay, everyone, I'm a lawyer! For starters, who planted the tree?'

You want to take a guess how I spent Friday night? Listening to Mr T practise his speech. He was also teaching us how to make
coq au vin
without using any wine. It all makes you think: would I have had more fun seeing a movie with you? Difficult to say.

Got to go
Lydia

Hey Lyd
Very easy to say, actually.

But you want to know about Christina. For starters, I seriously doubt she knows anything about Paul Wilson's evil side. She's a buddy of mine and her best friend happens to be an Ashbury girl (met in last year's Pen Pal Project), so she can't be anti-Ashbury.

A lot of people are though.

Christina is gorgeous, but also very cool. Wilson stole her from her long-term boyfriend, Derek Turner, which was a scandal around these parts. Everybody saw it happening, except Turner, and we were all waiting to see what he'd do when he realised he'd lost her.

He broke his hand by punching a brick wall is what he did.

And he's still trying techniques for getting her back, but I wouldn't call them likely to succeed. Example: the last couple of weeks he's been wearing nothing but a singlet, shorts and thongs, and you'll have noticed that it's winter. He told Christina he'd be happy to get frostbite if she would just realise how much he still loves her.

But no way Wilson's letting her go. I would say she's his greatest possession.

Any-old-how, Lydia-the-beautiful-Lady, would you look at that, I've just received a new top-secret spy-agency assignment. And I need to pass it on to you, as you're one of the participants. What a surprise, eh? The assignment is called Operation Movie, it takes place this Friday night and is as follows:

So, I guess I'll have to see you Friday night. Too bad if Mr T needs to give you any more cooking classes: the world needs you. Let me know if you have any queries about the assignment and I'll take them up with the boss.

Won't it be great for you and me to have a conversation at last? Even if it's just a secret, urgent, short one.

See you
Seb

Dear Seb
Why are guys always punching walls when they're upset? Is it the fault of the brick wall? I don't think so.

It's Friday morning right now, so tonight I guess I'll see you at Operation Movie.

Last night, Em and I had a meeting at the Blue Danish to discuss the revenge plan. I'll tell you my idea: it's to steal his girlfriend from him.

When I said that to Em, she got her ruthless look and said Charlie's the guy to do it.

‘It's obvious,' she said, ‘Charlie has always liked that Christina and Charlie knows how to get a girl to like him back.'

I actually thought she liked Charlie herself, the way she's been talking about him, but when I said that she got angry and said, ‘He's just a
friend
, Lydia.'

Em has high standards in guys so if she thinks Charlie can get Christina interested I guess it's true. But maybe she's got him wrong. Do girls at your school seem interested in Charlie?

See you at Operation Movie tonight.
Lydia

Hey beautiful
I think you will agree that Operation Movie was a success. Nobody would have guessed that we knew each other and our conversation over the spilled popcorn was a work of art. You're better at keeping a straight face than I am though.

I thought about the conversation all weekend and about how I would have continued if we hadn't had to keep watching the movie. You say your friend Em is ruthless. She can't be as bad as you: the way you sat back up, stared straight ahead and then left the cinema as soon as the credits started rolling.

Anyway, fair enough. It was the ‘assignment'. Do you want to just meet up after school this week, maybe Wednesday arvo, like normal people instead of spies? When you think about it, how old are we? Me, I'm sixteen. I'm legally allowed to have sex and smoke cigarettes. Shouldn't we be having sex and buying cigarettes?

But okay, if you want to play the games. They're pretty cool, Lyd.

You're a crazy girl.

I'm not so sure that Charlie will be able to steal Christina away from Paul W. She's not the kind of girl to cheat on a guy and she seems pretty into Paul.