Forever and Always (30 page)

His hold on Sibyl tightened. He wanted to hold her forever, to make her an inseparable part of him, bind her so thoroughly they could never be separated.

“Not so tight,” she said. “I still need to breathe.”

His muscles were reluctant to respond to a message his brain sent but which his heart and emotions wanted to ignore. He was afraid if he relaxed his hold even a little, she would escape, and he might never hold her in his embrace again. He was acting like a boy with his first crush.

“Sorry. I've wanted to do this for so long, I can't let go.”

“I'm not going to escape. I want this as much as you.”

He wasn't sure that was possible, but he hoped it was. He was much more than the sick man she'd come to know. But this was no time for talk, especially not revelations from his past. Now was the time to cement a relationship he hoped would endure for the rest of their lives.

“I dreamed of you the first night after I saw you. You were like something out of my imagination suddenly come to life.”

“I don't want to be in your dreams or your imagination. I want to be very real, so real you can reach out and touch me.”

As if he could ever get enough of touching her. She was warm and soft, yet strong, a dream that had come true and taken substance in his arms. He didn't know why he'd been so fortunate, but he was grateful love had come along when he was old enough to realize how wonderful and rare it was.

“Nothing has ever been more real to me than you. Loving you as I do, I don't know how I could ever have believed I could be happy married to Bridgette or anyone else. You've awakened emotions I've never experienced, depths of feeling of which I didn't know I was capable.”

Sibyl put her hand over his mouth. “Kiss me again. You can tell me about all this later.”

That was an easy request to grant. Still, talking had been important because it brought into focus things that had been feeling random and unconnected. Putting his feelings into words had not only clarified them, but had deepened them as well. He wasn't moving blindly or acting on pure instinct. As he did in all his business transactions, he had his wits about him. He had his objective clearly in mind. From this point on, nothing was going to stop him.

* * *

Sibyl was glad to know she had been responsible for bringing about a transformation in Logan's life, but that wasn't uppermost in her mind right now. She hadn't known a man's embrace since before Kitty was born. While she had never done more than tolerate Norman's embraces, she hadn't ceased to long for the feel of a man's arms around her. Lonely days and years of nights in a cold bed had left her feeling unlovable. Her reflection in the mirror had done nothing to change that. Seeing Naomi and Laurie make happy marriages had only resigned her to a bleak future.

Logan had changed all of that.

She didn't know when it started, but she had fought it. It wasn't until Logan's collapse and the fear that he would die within hours that she realized how pointless it was to deny what she felt, to refuse to reach for what she wanted and needed. Now that she had her arms around him, she would never let him go.

She had forgotten how wonderful it was to be held and kissed. She felt like a desert plant brought into flower by life-giving rain. She hadn't let herself think too much on a future with Logan, but the hope had never been long out of her mind. Now that the possible had become a reality, she could let herself go, let her imagination conjure up all the things she'd dreamed about but had believed would never happen. Most important, at the moment, was his arms around her. It had been so long she'd forgotten how much she needed that.

“Hold me tight again,” she begged.

“I don't want to hurt you.”

What a joy to know Logan needed her so desperately that he feared his embrace could be painful.

His arms pulled her ever closer. His weakness must make it difficult to hold her so close, but that was further proof of his need for her, of her importance to him. After so many years of cold rebuffs, it was hard to believe this was really happening. She had spent so many years trying to accustom herself to the acceptance that this would never happen, that it was going to take more than this night to believe this wasn't some kind of dream.

“I want you to make love to me,” she reminded Logan.

“Are you sure?”

“When a woman works up the courage to make such a request, you can be sure she means it.”

“But what if—?”

“No
what ifs
. No tomorrows and no yesterdays. I don't want to think of anything but the two of us at this very moment.”

The pressure inside her was greater than she could have imagined. When Logan kissed her again, she strove to match him in intensity. She didn't care if it was unladylike or too forward, even inappropriate. Nothing was out of bounds.

“I wouldn't let myself believe this could happen,” Logan whispered.

“Then kiss me so neither of us will ever forget this moment.”

When Logan took her mouth again, she was afraid it wasn't going to be the kind of kiss she would remember for the rest of her life. He was too gentle, too polite. Before her disappointment could make itself felt, Logan kissed her with a ferocity she hadn't thought possible. She was certain her lips would be bruised, her ribs nearly broken, her body lifted from the floor. It was exactly what she craved.

Logan's tongue invaded her mouth like the fierce charge of a longhorn bull, determined and powerful enough to carry all before him. He ravaged her mouth, plunging into its depths, seeking out her sweetness and claiming it for his own. Beyond anything Sibyl had experienced, the assault left her breathless. She felt her strength drain away, leaving her defenseless in Logan's arms. But even as the feeling of helplessness flowed over her, she felt a countercurrent of strength emerge from somewhere in her depths. Passion, which had lain in wait for so many years, had cast off its slumber and exploded with the force accumulated during six years of waiting. She was suddenly brimming with more than enough energy to respond to Logan's advances, with a desire to experience his body as completely as he experienced hers.

Neither Raymond nor Norman had ever used his tongue when he kissed her. It was a novel and unanticipated experience, but it was tremendously exciting. Rising to her tiptoes to gain a better advantage, she returned Logan's kiss with a passion she hadn't known she possessed. His possession of her mouth had unleashed desires and needs that she hadn't known she still had after years spent trying to deny them. Now she was free to let them loose, to allow herself to ask for what she wanted, to become the passionate woman nature had intended her to be.

Logan deserted her lips to scatter kisses on the side of her neck. Each kiss sent sparks skittering through her like bolts of lightning. Who knew her neck—and now her throat—could be so sensitive? It was difficult to plan her own attack when Logan was slowly dismantling her ability to think, or her desire to do anything more than give herself up to him. Even through the thickness of her clothes, his hands were like branding irons, leaving a trail of fire wherever they moved. If her skin was so alive to his touch through her clothes, she wasn't sure she could endure his hands on her bare skin.

But Logan was about to put it to the test. The ease with which he undid the buttons down the back of her dress informed her that he was no novice when it came to making love, and that pleased her. After waiting so long, she wanted an experience that would wipe everything that came before it from her mind.

His hands played across her back, caressing her skin, circling her shoulder blades, and singling out each vertebra in her spine. By the time he finished, she was ready to melt into a puddle at his feet. When he slid her dress off her shoulders and covered them with kisses, she was certain she would. Her bones seemed to melt. Her muscles lost their tension. Even the air around her took on a soft, purple hue. It was a delicious feeling, a seductive feeling that was hard to resist, but she
did
resist. She wanted to be a full participant, so she tightened her arms around Logan's neck to keep upright.

She wasn't quite sure how Logan removed her dress. It just disappeared, and she found herself standing in her shift with Logan paying particular attention to her breasts. Raymond had been a clumsy lover, Norman an indifferent one. Logan was neither. Long before Logan removed her dress, her breasts had become highly sensitive, her nipples pressing against the restraining fabric. Now they stood out against the thin fabric, a perfect target for Logan's hungry tongue.

Shudders shook Sibyl as Logan teased her nipples with his teeth and lips. The groan that seemed to come from someone else had to be hers, the moans hers as well. She couldn't keep still, her body alternately pressing against Logan before pulling away, then pressing forward again. She wanted to open his shirt, but she couldn't force her mind and fingers to concentrate on their task. Just splaying her hand against his chest was enough to make her weak-kneed.

Determined to know if his body was as sensitive as her own, she managed to concentrate long enough to undo four buttons on his shirt. However, progress came to an abrupt halt when Logan untied her shift and refocused his attention on her bare breasts. When he nipped her nipple with his teeth, a tiny shriek escaped her.

“Did I hurt you?”

Unable to speak, she barely managed to shake her head. Her muscles—indeed, her whole body—were beyond her control. She wasn't sure how she managed to stand. When Logan picked her up and laid her on the bed, she didn't have to worry about it anymore. Just that he now had access to her whole body and was taking full advantage of it.

She managed to say, “You've got to undress. I feel foolish lying here almost naked while you're fully clothed.”

“Would you like to undress me?”

Sibyl was afraid she might faint. She'd never been allowed to touch a man's body in that way. Her fingers trembled as she finished opening Logan's shirt. Almost unable to breathe, she pushed the shirt over his shoulders. Logan pulled his arms out of the sleeves and dropped the shirt to the floor because Sibyl was incapable of movement. The sight of his bare chest before her, the feel of his skin under her fingers, the heavy scent of male musk that filled her nostrils, mesmerized her.

“What's wrong?” Logan asked.

“I've never touched a man like this.” She'd never been
invited
to touch a man, to have a man give her unfettered access to his whole body.

“I look forward to touching your body,” Logan said. “It seemed natural to me that you'd feel the same way about mine.”

She would have if she'd known it was possible. She could ask Naomi and Laurie just about anything she wanted to know. Why hadn't she thought to ask them about this?

Because she didn't know it was possible. Her mother had said it was a woman's duty to allow her husband access to her body. She hadn't said anything about it being pleasurable or about it working both ways.

“I do feel the same,” she said. “I just didn't know it was allowed.” She was grateful Logan didn't ask her why she felt that way. She didn't want anything to destroy the magic of this moment.

“I want you to touch me,” Logan told her. “I want you to enjoy my body as much as I hope to enjoy yours.”

That was something else that was a new concept to her. She had been taught that a physical relationship between a man and a woman was what married couples did because they wanted children. Nothing was ever said about
enjoying
the relationship, not even that the relationship could have extra meaning if the two people were in love. It's what Naomi and Laurie claimed to have, but it was something Sibyl had never understood until now. She hardly knew where to begin.

Logan's skin didn't feel like she expected. It wasn't exactly rough, but it wasn't smooth or feminine. She could feel his ribs, but she could also feel the cords of muscle that had enabled him to stop the runaway horses. His shoulders were bigger than she'd expected, his arms equally stout. Norman had been as hairless as a piglet, but Logan had a nest of hair that covered his chest with a tantalizing trail that disappeared below his belt. Sibyl would never have had the nerve to explore farther, but her instincts showed no hesitation. The bulge in Logan's pants was as impressive as it was frightening. Her fingers traced its outline, tested its firmness.

“Careful,” Logan warned. “If you keep that up, I'm liable to explode.”

Sibyl froze. Had she hurt Logan or made him uncomfortable? She felt foolish. She'd been married for years but knew virtually nothing about how having sex affected a man. Norman had never said anything, and she'd been too afraid to ask. When he stopped wanting her, she assumed it was her fault.

“You don't have to stop touching me,” Logan told her. “Just think of that part of me as a loaded rifle with a hair trigger.”

His explanation caused Sibyl to chuckle, a reaction she doubted was suitable under the circumstances, but it did release the tension. “I don't know what to do.”

“Just about anything you want.”

And she knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted Logan naked. With trembling fingers, she undid his belt. She fumbled with the buttons of his pants, but she managed to get them undone thus allowing his pants to fall to the floor. The sight that met her eyes caused her breath to catch in her throat. That part of him that was “liable to explode” had pushed against his underwear until it appeared about to burst through the restraining fabric. For an instant, she froze. She'd never seen a man in this state before. Norman had come to her only in the dark. She was quick to banish the memory of Norman's awkward lovemaking from her mind. With Logan it would be altogether different. Gathering her courage, she grasped his underwear and pulled them down.