Foul Play (Whithall University Book 1) (14 page)

Waking up gasping was nothing new. I woke up the same way more than once during the night, sometimes from nightmares, sometimes from a bad feeling creeping over me. I lost track of time and place, the only thing bringing me comfort was the smell of Cole.

With wide eyes I sit up in the bed, a silent scream falling from my lips when I see I’m not alone. The first thing I do is check my body, finding I’m fully clothed and safe. The only thing out of place is the bandages wrapped around my feet. I don’t even panic knowing someone touched me without me knowing. I guess even my body out cold feels safe with Cole.

It’s not happening again, that’s all that matters.

Cole is asleep next to me on top of the blanket, thankfully fully clothed. I’m confused for a second before last night’s events come flooding back to me like a tsunami. My eyes water remembering the betrayal from those I loved most. I know deep down that Allie didn’t mean to hurt me in anyway. Knowing her, this was her way of protecting me from the truth of what he was really like. But thinking back on it, how I felt yesterday morning and at the hospital, the thought of someone knowing what happened to me made me physically sick. I was so ashamed, so confused and I felt dirty. I still do, but today I know I’m not to blame for what happened. I didn’t ask for this and I never gave him the impression I did. And I know in my heart if Allie ever thought I was in danger from him she would have told me right away.

“Morning,’’ Cole greets, his voice raspy with sleep. I blush, feeling foolish he had to see me go all ‘crazy’ last night and for falling asleep in his bed.

“Hey,’’ I greet quietly, too scared to speak louder. Lying back down on my side, I face him, tucking my hands under my cheek. “Thank you for helping me last night and sorry for hijacking your bed,’’ I tell him, trying to sound light and teasing.

“Yeah, you were pretty smitten with my pillows,’’ he tries to tease back, but his face is just so serious. Still, his words cause me to turn crimson. I just pray I didn’t drool or talk in my sleep. Now
that
would be embarrassing. “What happened last night?’’

Since he pretty much knows everything anyway and helped me through one of the toughest moments of my life I don’t hesitate in telling him the truth. It just comes out naturally, like telling Cole my secrets is something I do every day.

“They knew. They all knew what he was like,’’ I whisper, not able to cover the hurt and betrayal behind my words.

“How? I don’t understand?’’ he grits out, looking pissed on my behalf which causes me to soften towards him.

“I don’t fully understand either. My own mother let me hang around with him for so many years. Granted, she tried to get me to stay away, telling me he was bad news and that I needed girl friends, not boys in my life. I just put it down to her being a protective single mum,’’ I shrug. “But Allie... Allie was my best friend, I thought we told each other everything,’’ I tell him, my eyes stinging.

“What does Allie have to do with anything?’’ he asks in confusion.

“He tried to rape her too,’’ I manage to get out before a large figure shoots up from the floor scaring me. CJ rushes out the room, doors slamming behind him and I look to Cole with wide eyes, my hand covering my racing heart. “What was he doing in here?’’

“He slept on the floor,’’ he tells me still looking in the direction CJ left in a hurry. I look to where CJ had jumped up from and I notice blankets and a pillow made up as a bed.

“Why?’’ I ask confused. Do they usually have sleepovers or is this something new?

“I filled him on what was going on. I had nothing to explain why your mum was a mess in our living room or why you had a black eye and were in my bed. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t lie to him. CJ’s mum was raped, it’s how he was conceived,’’ he winces. “He just wanted to be near you,’’ he explains.

My face pales, hating that CJ and his mum have to live with that. “I’m sorry,’’ I tell him, not knowing what else to say. What do you say to that? He’s probably re-living his own nightmare right now. “Where do you think he went?’’

“To see Allie if I had to guess,’’ he rumbles, rubbing sleep from his eyes. “You need to let your mum explain everything,’’ he tells me suddenly.

“She lied to me,’’ I bite out, the same betrayal I felt last night coming back. Allie I can understand, but my mum? I can’t wrap my head around the fact she’d put me in danger like that, she’s supposed to be my mum, my protector, my saviour.

“She had no choice,’’ he says, his expression guilty like he’s said too much.

“What do you mean?’’ I ask, wondering why everyone knows more than me. Even Cole, a complete stranger seems to know more about what’s happening.

“Can we talk?’’ Mum calls, knocking the door softly.

Cole gets up, leaving the room so that it’s just me and mum. She walks in, sitting on the bed where Cole lay just mere seconds ago.

“He seems nice. I like him,’’ is the first thing she says and I look up to the woman I’ve worshipped my whole life, my heart breaking when I see how much of a shambles her appearance is. She’s not the well-kept woman I know. Her clothes are wrinkled, her face pale with dark circles under her eyes and her normal emerald eyes are dull and bloodshot.

“I need to know Mum. I need to know what was so important you’d keep this from me and allow me to get hurt.’’

“Baby, I never wanted this to happen,’’ she cries, taking my cold hands in hers. Last night they felt so warm, so comforting, but now they feel as cold as mine.

“Then why did it happen, tell me that.’’

“Because he’s a sick twisted son of a bitch, that’s why. You need to know I never thought he’d hurt you. I still tried to get you to stay away from him the only way I could. His parents made us sign a non-disclosure agreement.’’

“How? Why?’’ I ask, my head beginning to ache. “I don’t understand mum. Why? What does this have anything to do with why
you
couldn’t tell me?’’ I demand to know.

“Because of my mom,’’ Allie whispers from the door. She looks no better than my mum and looks like she hasn’t slept a wink. She’s in her pyjamas, her hair wild and her eyes are as bloodshot as my mums. I hate seeing them like this, I hate knowing it’s me that’s caused them to be out of sorts.

“I don’t understand any of this,’’ I repeat for the millionth time. It’s like they’re talking in riddles, not letting me process the information in time before hitting me with another goddamn riddle. I just want them to be honest with me. “You’re not going to hurt me by telling me the truth. I’m already broken,’’ I whisper.

“You’re not broken, baby. Don’t let him do this to you,’’ mum pleads, her eyes filled with tears.

“But I feel it. I
need
answers. How can I have known him for so long but not really known him? Why now? Why did he do it now?’’

“Can you remember when we were in year nine and I was off school for three weeks?’’ Allie whispers, coming closer towards the bed. She looks scared, unsure, like I’m going to bite her head off or worse, attack her.

“I’ll be back in a minute; I’ll give you two some privacy,’’ mum whispers, leaning forward and kissing me on the head. I close my eyes, savouring it. This is the level of comfort I needed from her when she arrived last night, not the bigger cluster fuck I was hit with.

When she leaves, Allie takes her place on the bed, looking down at her lap. “Before that I had a major crush on Logan. I thought I loved him, but because of your friendship with him I kept it hidden. I didn’t know how you felt about him and I knew he’d never look at me the way he looked at you. I was just the girl he put up with because of you,’’ she laughs bitterly, her eyes distant and in a dark place.

“One weekend your mum sent you to your Nan’s so Logan asked me if I wanted to go over and watch a movie with him. I jumped at the chance; really wanting to spend time with him. Back then I would have done anything to spend any time with him. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world when he asked me.

“We watched a movie and it was getting late by the time it finished yet I let him talk me into watching another. He got his dad’s alcohol out of the cupboard and because I wanted to impress him I drank it,’’ she swallows, her eyes watering. Not able to take seeing her in pain I grab a hold of her hand, squeezing it gently.

“I only had half a glass, not even that because I didn’t like it. It tasted funny and I remember feeling like the room was spinning. He asked me if I had ever been kissed,’’ she chokes out, hiccupping over her tears.

“It’s okay. Its fine, we don’t need to talk about it,’’ I rush out, my own voice choked up, knowing what she is going through right now, but worse. Hearing her telling me what happened is turning my stomach and for the first time I’m glad I don’t remember anything that happened.

“You need to know why I couldn’t tell you,’’ she gets out, wiping at her eyes. “He kissed me and I kissed him back. I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world. Then everything changed. He started touching my breasts and I didn’t like it. I tried pushing him away so many times but my body was sluggish, heavy and I didn’t have control. He managed to get my trousers and knickers down before I managed to scream. He hit me across the face, yet, I didn’t stop screaming out. His mom came into the room and stopped him,’’ she tells me bitterly. “She called my mom. I thought we’d go to the police station, report him. I wasn’t naive, I knew what he did was wrong, but I trusted my mom. Why wouldn’t I? But then we were pulled into Logan’s dad’s office and I was signing a piece of paper. I didn’t understand and I asked when we were going to the police.’’

She shakes her head, twiddling her fingers in her lap looking angry with herself and at her mum.

“It was a non-disclosure form you signed, wasn’t it?’’ I ask gently.

“Yes,’’ she sobs. “Mom told me it was for my own good and that I needed to keep my mouth shut if I didn’t want everyone knowing what I did. What I did!’’ she sobs out. “She made me feel so dirty. Made me believe I led him on and because they all knew I had a crush on him they told me no one would believe I didn’t give him permission. Mum got paid well, but I didn’t take the money. I didn’t touch it,’’ she promises, looking at me in the eyes so that I can see the truth in her declaration.

“Oh Allie, I wish you would have told me,’’ I declare.

“I wanted to. You don’t know how many times I’ve gone to tell you. Every time you were with him I wanted to rip you away from him, except, I didn’t want you to hate me. I never thought you would believe me. Mom had engraved it in my head that you wouldn’t believe me and that you’d hate me for it in the end. She made me believe he meant more to you that I did and when I saw you together I guess I believed it. When I finally understood what my mom was doing it was too late.’’

“I’m sorry,’’ I cry, leaning in and hugging her.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I could have stopped this, stopped him. It’s all my fault,’’ she sobs, her tears soaking the side of my face.

“No Allie, it’s not. It wasn’t fair of me to imply otherwise. What I said last night...I’m sorry. Everything just got to me and became too much. Logan raped me,’’ I grit out. “Alec hit me. Then I found out that you and mum knew him, like really knew him and what he was capable of and I felt like you put me in the line of fire.’’

“Your mom found out through my dad. I don’t know how or why but she did. My dad never signed the form or your mom and when he got it out of
my
mom he warned yours. Logan’s parents threatened to sue us if they didn’t sign the non-disclosure agreement.’’

“I hate him,’’ I choke out. I never thought I’d say those words about Logan, still, I mean them with every fibre of my being. “I hate him so much.’’

“It’s going to get better. I don’t know how, but it will because I’m going to help you through this. One thing that I know he enjoyed was breaking me. Yet, he didn’t, not really. I’m me. You’re you and he can’t take that away from you.’’

“I don’t know how I’m going to move past this, Allie.  I feel empty inside, like he’s torn out my soul. Nothing feels real anymore. So much has happened and I don’t know what I did to deserve it. There’s a picture, you know?’’

“A picture?’’

“Yeah, one of me and Logan in bed together. He took it at an angle where it looks like I’m hiding my face into his neck and not passed out from the drugs he spiked me with,’’ I tell her, and oddly, I feel numb telling her. It doesn’t feel like that happened to me because I don’t remember it; it’s the same with the rape. I may have felt the after effects but I don’t remember him violating me, so it doesn’t feel real.

“Oh my God, Willow. We need to go to the police. We need to tell them everything,’’ she says, her eyes pleading with me. “Please Willow. I know it’s a lot to ask of you but you can do something I couldn’t. You can put him away.’’

“How? I doubt anything will come up from the rape kit because I was stupid and had a shower,’’ I tell her.

“You had a rape kit? On your own?’’ she asks sadly, guilt washing over her features.

“No. Cole’s mum was with me and Cole. Not for the exam but for most of it. He found me outside arguing with Logan. God, Allie. It was like he morphed into someone else right before my eyes. I kept praying to myself that somehow this had to be a mistake and maybe what he said was the truth. But then he turned into someone I didn’t recognise and it got heated. Cole stepped out and kicked him off our floor.’’