Give Me a Reason (27 page)

“Start talking.”

“I’ve got nothing to say.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Disappear like you did before,” Krista said angrily. “I’ve
waited too long to get my friend back, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let
you vanish again.”

“I’m not going to vanish. I’m right here for Christ’s sake.”

“Then talk to me, because I know you want to.”

“How do you figure that?”

“Because the only place you drive is to Calloway and back.
You haven’t stepped foot in this house since the day we moved you into your
flat, but this thing with Laura apparently has you so wound up that you somehow
found the courage to get here. That tells me you want to talk...so start
talking.”

After a minute passed without Toni saying a word, Krista
softened her tone. “Toni, are you in love with her?”

Closing her eyes, Toni rested her head on the back of the
sofa. “Yes, and I don’t want to be.”

“Why not? Laura’s a fox—”

“Will you
please
stop saying
that!”

“Well, it’s true! And it doesn’t hurt that she’s smart, has a
great job and is apparently totally in love with you.”

“How the hell do you figure that? It was just a kiss.”

“Yes, but it came from a woman who, until she met you, was
straight. You don’t cross over that bridge easily, Toni, and I don’t think
Laura is the type of person who experiments.”

Leaning forward, Toni buried her face in her hands. “Christ,
I don’t want this.”

“Can you kindly explain to me why not?”

“Because I can’t give her the life she deserves.”

“Oh, that’s bollocks! Toni, you have more than enough money—”

“I’m not talking about money, Krista,” Toni said, raising her
eyes to look at Kris. “Laura deserves intimate dinners in five-star
restaurants, but without her help, I can’t arrange them. I can’t surprise her
with a special dinner at home, because without her help, I can’t buy the food.
And what do I do at Christmas or on her birthday? Ask her to buy her own
present? She deserves to be wined and dined, and taken on holiday to exotic
places where she can walk on white sand and feel the sun on her skin. How can I
do that, looking the way I do?”

“Oh, Jesus, Toni, is that what this is all about...the scars?
They’re just some marks, and I’m sure Laura doesn’t care about them. None of us
care about them.”

“But I do!” Toni screamed, leaping off the sofa. “I do,
Krista. I don’t need to even look at them anymore because I feel them. Don’t
you get that? I feel them! I remember when I got each and every one. I remember
every fucking word that was said as the belts hit my skin. I remember wanting
to die and forcing myself to eat spoiled food just so the bastards wouldn’t
win, and I remember one night that I fought so hard not to be raped that the
bastard pulled my fucking arm out of its fucking socket!”

Toni had never told Kris about the horrors of Thornbridge.
Although she had seen the scars, Toni had refused to give her any details
knowing Kris would blame herself, and as soon as Toni saw Krista’s expression,
she realized her mistake. “Oh, Christ.”

Toni’s words burrowed their way through Krista’s body, and
when they reached her heart, it broke. Slowly, Krista shook her head as her
tears began to flow. “Oh, my God,” she said in a ragged whisper. “It’s all my
fault. It’s all my fault.”

Quickly kneeling by her side, Toni took Krista’s hand. “No,
Kris, please...please...it wasn’t your fault. It was no one’s fault.”

“It should have been me. It should have been me.”

“Don’t say that. Krista. Even if I could go back and change
things, I wouldn’t. You could never have survived in there. You’re not that
stubborn.”

“But what they did to you—”

“It’s over Krista. The bastards got what they deserved, and
even if they didn’t, they never got me.”

“They never…they never...”

“I was never raped, Kris. I swear.”

“But you said—”

“I said he
tried
. I didn’t
say he succeeded.”

“Is that the reason...is that the reason you don’t like to be
touched?”

“Something inside of me snapped that night, besides my arm,
that is,” Toni said, offering Kris a weak grin. “Since then I haven’t had
any...any feelings of...of...”

“Of want?”

“Yeah.”

Wiping the tears from her face, Krista said, “But you do for
Laura, don’t you?”

Returning to sit by Krista’s side, Toni said, “When we were
on holiday, I bought her a blouse.”

“A blouse?”

A small smile appeared on Toni’s face. “Long story, but yeah,
I bought her a blouse. One night we were going out to dinner, and when she came
down the stairs, it was like I couldn’t breathe. She was standing there looking
so beautiful and suddenly...suddenly I felt...I felt...”

“Turned on?”

Toni’s cheeks flamed instantly, and Krista couldn’t help but
snigger at the sight.

Amused by Krista’s tittering, Toni said, “You know this isn’t
easy for me to talk about, so you laughing isn’t helping one little bit.”

“I’m sorry,” Krista said, trying to contain herself. “But
over the years, you and I have spent dozens of nights chatting about sex and
our various partners, so you blushing because your knickers got a bit damp is
kind of funny, don’t you think?”

Toni snorted and shook her head. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.
It’s just that I haven’t felt anything like that in a long time. It kind of
took me by surprise.”

“Sounds like a nice surprise to me.”

“It would be if I was interested in that type of relationship
with Laura, but I’m not. I don’t have anything to give her other than
friendship. I just don’t.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“I told her this morning that if she tried it again, I’d move
out and find another job, so I don’t think she’ll say anything more about it.”

“So you and she will just remain friends?”

“Exactly.”

“And when she goes out on a date and doesn’t come home until
the next morning, or better yet,
he
stays the
night. You'll be okay with that?”

“Yes,” Toni said quietly. “I don’t have a choice.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

They spent over a week in silence, going about their days
only exchanging good mornings and good nights, but when Toni’s feet hit the
floor Friday morning, she knew the silence had to end. She missed Laura’s puffy
eyes and rumpled pajamas as she shuffled into the kitchen in the morning. She
missed their afternoon chats in the tiny café, and visiting Laura’s office on a
whim, just because she could, but most of all Toni missed the comfort of
knowing Laura was her friend.

Pulling on a pair of socks, Toni padded into the bathroom and
a few minutes later, she went to the kitchen to make coffee, only to be
surprised to find Laura awake and sitting at the kitchen table.

Without lifting her eyes, Laura said, “Coffee’s made, if
you’re interested.”

“When don’t I have coffee in the morning?” Toni said, pouring
herself a cup. Turning around, Toni leaned on the counter and stared in Laura’s
direction. Taking a few hesitant sips of the steaming French Roast, Toni cocked
her head to one side. “I’ve got a favor to ask you. Actually, I have two.”

Stunned Toni was talking to her, Laura looked up. “All
right?”

Going over, Toni pulled out the chair opposite Laura and sat
down. “The first is to ask that we forget about what happened last week and
move on. Let’s get back to being just friends and leave all the other rubbish
behind. Can you do that?”

While it wasn’t what Laura wanted to hear, at least Toni was
talking, and after a week of deafening silence, Laura was ready to agree to
anything just to have Toni back in her life. “I’m willing to try, if that’s
what you want.”

“It’s what I want.”

“Okay.”

“Good, then that’s settled.”

While Toni took a sip of coffee, Laura asked, “What was the
other favor?”

“Oh, I thought it was about time I re-enter the twenty-first
century.”

“How so?”

“I’d like to get a mobile. That is, if you have time to take
me.”

Instantly, Laura smiled. “I think that’s a great idea. We can
go this weekend, if you’d like.”

“That would be great,” Toni said. For a second, her eyes met
Laura’s, and then quickly getting to her feet, she said, “Right, well, I’m
going to shower and get ready for work. Do you want to ride in together today?”

“Absolutely.”

***

“I’m impressed,” Laura said, standing in the doorway.

“Why’s that?” Toni said, opening another box.

“We went to get you a simple mobile and came home with half
the store.”

“Well, you said it works better if you use a computer with
it.”

“I also said you could use my laptop anytime you wanted.”

“True, but I haven’t used a computer for years, and I’m sure
they’ve changed a bit,” Toni said, pulling a sleek laptop from a carton. “So,
this way I can take my time learning the new stuff without interfering with
what you need to do, and it’ll give me a chance to read up on some things
without having to open a newspaper to see all the rubbish.”

“And you needed a printer why?”

“In case I want to print something, of course,” Toni said
with an exaggerated eye roll. Glancing at the instruction sheet in her hand,
she asked, “So, you going to give me hand with this?”

“Sorry, but you’re on your own tonight. I’ve got a date.”

Although the words on the paper no longer held her interest,
Toni refused to look up. “Anyone I know?”

“Phillip. He called yesterday, and I suggested we meet for
drinks.” Looking at all the boxes scattered in the room, Laura asked, “You
going to be okay with all of this?”

“Sure. Piece of cake.”

“Okay, well I’d better get ready. Don’t want to be late,”
Laura said, leaving the room.

Waiting until she heard Laura run up the stairs, Toni tossed
the instruction sheet aside and sitting on the bed, she grumbled, “Well, she
didn’t waste any time, now did she?”

***

“So, things are back to normal between you and Toni then?”
Abby asked, eyeing her friend at the other end of the sofa.

“If by normal you mean that we’re friends again, yeah.”

“You don’t seem too happy about that.”

“I guess it’s better than nothing,” Laura said with a sigh.
“I was hoping that when I went out with Phillip last Saturday, she wouldn’t
like it, but it didn’t seem to faze her.”

“I thought you weren’t interested in him.”

“I’m not. That’s why I agreed to meet him for drinks. He’s
been calling, and I didn’t want to break it off over the phone. Afterward, I
just went to the cinema and stayed out long enough to make it look like I was
on an actual date.”

“Why the hell did you do that?”

“Grasping at straws, I guess.”

“Oh, right. Playing the jealousy angle, were you?”

“Yeah, but like I said, it didn’t work. And now she’s so
wrapped up in her computer I hardly see her.”

“I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.”

“Me, too,” Laura said, leaning back on the sofa. “I know I
just need to get over it and move on, but I don’t know how to do that.”

“Well, I do.”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s go out…like old times.”

“What? Go to a pub, get pissed and dance the night away?”

“Sure, why not? It’s been ages since we’ve done that. What
have you got to lose?”

Thinking for a moment, Laura said, “I’ll need to go home and
change.”

“I’ll pick you up at nine, and don’t forget to put on your
dancing shoes.”

***

Laura stood in front of the mirror and forced herself to look
happy. Wearing her favorite little black dress, she had no doubt that she’d
dance the night away in the arms of strangers, but the idea had somehow lost
its appeal between Abby’s house and her own. Laura didn’t want to be embraced
by thick masculine arms or engulfed in colognes smelling of clove and oak moss.
She wanted the arms of a woman around her. A woman who was tall and slender
with eyes the color of cinnamon, and who needed no other scent than her own.

Realizing that she was again allowing herself to get lost
amidst hopes and dreams, Laura’s temper flared. “Fuck it,” she said, stepping
into a pair of three-inch, pointy-toed dress pumps. “It’s time to go out and
forget your troubles, MacLeod. One way or another.”

With a bowl of crisps and a bottle of beer, Toni was heading
to her room when Laura came down the steps, and although Toni tried to act
disinterested, she failed miserably. Starting at the top of Laura’s head,
Toni’s eyes slowly traveled down to her toes, but on the return voyage, she saw
Laura’s smirk, and knew she’d been caught. “I...I thought you were in for the
night.”

“Well, you thought wrong,” Laura said. Seeing the glare of
headlights sweep across the front of the house, she said, “And that’s my taxi,
so you have a nice night and don’t wait up.”

Without waiting for an answer, Laura swept past Toni, grabbed
her coat and was out the door.

***

Glancing at the clock for the umpteenth time, Toni closed her
laptop and pushed it aside. Having spent the first few hours of the night
playing mindless games on the Internet, she had spent the next two surfing
websites she deemed safe, reading recipes and gardening tips while trying to
keep her mind off of a woman in a little black dress. It didn’t work. Even though
Toni had never personally met Duane York or Phillip Hoult, tonight Laura wasn’t
out on a date with a name Toni knew. Tonight, Laura was out on the town alone.
Tonight, she was on the pull, and Toni didn’t like it. She didn’t like it one
goddamned bit.

Deciding it was time to get some sleep, she jumped off the
bed and yanked open her dresser. Snatching out a pair of pajamas, she tossed
them on the bed, but then she froze when she heard a loud crash coming from the
front of the house. Slipping her feet into her trainers, Toni silently crept to
the bedroom door, her heart thundering in her chest as she pressed her ear
against the wood. Hearing the sound of feminine giggles, she let out the breath
she’d been holding, cautiously opened the door and stepped into the lounge.

“Sshhh...sshhh, Abby. You’re gonna wake up Toni.”

“I didn’t knock over the bloody vase. You did!”

“I know, but we gotta be quiet. Don’t wanna wake me lodger.”

“Too late,” Toni said dryly as she came into the entryway.

It was obvious by their silly grins, and the fact that both
were having issues getting themselves out of their own coats, the two women
staring back at Toni were pissed...to their earlobes. At first, she considered
returning to her room to let them fend for themselves, but when Toni saw the
shards of ceramic covering the floor, she changed her mind. “I’ll get a broom.”

“Whatever,” Laura said, waving her hand through the air as
she wobbled past. “You do the wife thing. I’m gonna turn on some music.”

Paying no mind to the broken pottery crunching under her
feet, Laura stomped through the foyer, leaving Toni and Abby standing in the
hall staring at each other. As Abby started to take a step, Toni held up her
hand. “No. Stay there until I get this cleaned up. Can you do that?”

“Yep!” Abby said proudly, giving Toni a thumbs-up. “Won’t
move ‘til you tell me. Promise.”

A few minutes later, with a dustpan overflowing with the bits
and pieces of a broken vase, Toni turned toward the kitchen, but before she
could take a step, the house was suddenly filled with music. Very, very loud
music.

Startled by the thunderous hard rock blaring from the lounge,
the dustpan slipped from Toni’s hand, and as Abby watched in drunken delight,
the pieces of shattered ceramic returned to cover the floor again.

“Jesus Christ!” Toni bellowed, storming into the lounge.
“You’re going to wake the entire bloody neighborhood!”

Unable to hear anything over the deafening sound of electric
guitars, Laura stood in front of the stereo, fumbling with buttons and dials as
she tried unsuccessfully to turn the volume down.

Pushing her way around the inebriated woman, Toni reached
over and hit the power switch, sending the house back into silence. “What the
hell are you doing? People are trying to sleep for Christ’s sake!”

“I just wanna dance some more. I like dancing,” Laura said,
and feeling the need to demonstrate, she twirled around and immediately
corkscrewed herself to the floor.

“Shit,” Toni said, kneeling by her side. “Are you okay?”

Lying behind the couch, Laura said, “Yep. I’m
goooood
, but it’s really dusty under the sofa. You
should see.”

“I believe you,” Toni said as she helped Laura sit up. “Can
you stay here a minute while I get the entry cleaned?”

“You’re not done wiff that yet! Whaz taken you so long? It
was just an itty-bitty vase.”

“Right,” Toni said, getting to her feet. Seeing that Laura
was once again lying on the floor, absorbed in her study of sofa dust bunnies,
Toni returned to the front hall to find Abby tiptoeing toward the lounge.

“What the hell are you doing? I told you to stay put.”

“I really gotta pee,” Abby said, snickering as she grabbed
hold of a nearby chair to steady herself. “Didn’t think you’d wanna clean that
up too.”

Rolling her eyes, Toni said, “You’re right. Can you manage on
your own?”

“Yep, but best use the one in yours if you don’t mind. Stairs
probably wouldn’t be a good idea right now.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Toni said, stepping back to allow
her to pass.

Watching the woman carefully stagger toward her room, Toni
waited until she disappeared behind the bedroom door before she returned to the
task at hand. Glancing into the lounge to see Laura still sitting on the floor,
now shoeless and fumbling with the buttons of her coat, Toni cleaned up the
foyer, put some water on for tea and returned to the lounge.

Squatting beside Laura, she asked, “How you doing?”

Raising her eyes to meet Toni’s, Laura’s smile sloped to the
left. “Just peachy...but me buttons are stuck.”

Biting her lip to stifle a laugh, Toni’s eyes sparkled with
amusement. “Yeah, I hate when that happens. Why don’t we get you off the floor,
and I’ll see about getting them unstuck?”

Taking Toni’s hand, Laura got to her feet, and then looking
up, her eyes grew large. “Blimey! You’re a tall one, aren’t cha.”

“So I’ve been told,” Toni said as she began to unbutton the
misaligned coat.

“Whatcha doing?” Laura asked, looking down.

“Taking off your coat.”

“You wanna see what’s underneath, don’t cha?”

“No, I want to get you out of it so...”

The word died in Toni’s throat the second the hickey came
into view. Running from the base of Laura’s neck to her shoulder, it was a
mottled mess of colors having not yet reached their prime. Setting her jaw,
Toni tossed Laura’s coat on the sofa. “Let’s get you upstairs,” she said
flatly, her eyes avoiding the juvenile love bite in all its glory.

“Okay,” Laura said, tottering to the stairs. “I’ll race ya.”

Taking two quick steps, Toni was at Laura’s side before her
foot hit the first step, and standing close enough to prevent her from falling,
Toni followed her slowly up the stairs and into the bedroom. As Laura wobbled
around the room, seemingly intent on examining each item on her bureau, Toni
flicked on the bedside lamp, pulled down the duvet and then returned to Laura’s
side.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

“Yougonnajoinme?”

“No, I’m going to tuck you in and go back down to see how
Abby’s doing.”

“Abby? Is Abby here? Oh, I should go down…say hello,” Laura
said, staggering toward the door.

“You can say hello in the morning,” Toni said, redirecting
Laura back to the bed. “Right now, sleep is in order.”