Give Me a Reason (23 page)

“Okay, well then I’ll leave you to unpack and if you need
anything, just knock on my door. Okay?” Laura said, opening the door to her
bedroom and switching on the light.

“I’ll be fine, Laura. See you in the morning.”

***

“Where’s Toni?” Eleanor said as Laura came into the kitchen.

“She’s a bit out of sorts, and decided to call it a night.”

“Oh my, she’s not ill, is she?”

“No, she just gets a bit...a bit—”

“On edge?”

“You noticed?”

“It’s fairly hard not to, actually,” Eleanor said, motioning
for Laura to sit. “I don’t know what those bastards did to her, but I hope they
were punished.”

“Yeah, me too,” Laura said, her voice drifting off as her
thoughts returned to Toni. Startled when her mother placed a cup of tea in
front of her, Laura looked up. “She’s really not like that around me. Nervous,
I mean.”

“Well, by what you said in your letters, it’s taken a great
deal of time for you to earn her trust. I didn’t expect her to walk in here and
feel comfortable. She doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know this place, and she’s
yet to realize that, like you, I have no intention of hurting her.”

“I can’t ever imagine hurting her, Mum,” Laura said quietly
as she ran her finger along the rim of the cup. “I’d sooner die.”

Holding back a grin, Eleanor said, “It sounds like you and
she have something very...very special.”

Eleanor thought that they would spend the night chattering
away like they always did when Laura visited, but that wasn’t going to be the
case. Laura was so engrossed in her thoughts about the woman one flight up, she
didn’t even know her mother was there...and Eleanor didn’t mind.

Like most mothers, Eleanor had only ever wanted the best for
her daughter, but jealous of friends with grandchildren and son-in-laws, she
had suggested to the point of annoyance that Laura needed to find a husband and
settle down. What Eleanor forgot was that God works in mysterious ways, and
gazing at her daughter, Eleanor knew that a husband would never be in Laura’s
future. A woman named Toni had changed that.

“So what are your plans while you’re here?”

Shaken from her thoughts, Laura looked up. “I hadn’t really
thought about it.”

“No? Since when haven’t you planned every last detail of your
holiday?”

“It was kind of off-the-cuff. Toni had a really hard time a
few weeks back, and I thought a change would do her good. I didn’t think about
what we’d do when we got here, other than maybe taking a few walks. Let her get
some fresh air and see that the world isn’t all gray and ugly.”

“Well, there’s a local artisan fair on High Street in Falkirk
this weekend, or we could go to Stirling and do some shopping if you’d like.”

“I’m not sure Toni will be up for doing that.”

“Maybe you should ask her,” Toni said from the doorway.

The last sliver of doubt that remained in Eleanor’s mind
slipped away, watching as the mere sound of Toni’s voice changed her daughter’s
entire persona. Laura’s frown changed to a smile, wide and bright, as her eyes
twinkled back at the woman standing a few feet away.

“Hey, you,” Laura chirped. “I thought you were going to get
some sleep.”

“I thought it was a bit rude to sequester myself up there.
Besides, I could do with a cup of tea,” Toni said, walking over to the table.

“I’ll get it,” Eleanor said, quickly going to fetch another
cup. As she returned to the table, she said, “We were just discussing what your
plans were. I suggested that we go shopping tomorrow, but Laura wasn’t sure
you’d be up for it.”

Thinking for a moment, Toni looked at Laura and then back at
Eleanor. “Well, there’s only one way to find out.”

***

Feeling as if someone was shining a light in her face, Laura
slowly opened her eyes and saw slivers of brightness coming from around the
bathroom door. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, the blue digital
display announced it was 2:47 in the morning. Climbing out of bed, she crept to
the door, and hearing no sounds from within, she lightly knocked on the frame.
Receiving no response, Laura opened the door, instantly recoiling at the
brightness coming from the light bar over the mirror. Blinking to clear the
spots in front of her eyes, she was about to turn off the switch when she
noticed the door leading to Toni’s room was ajar. Going over to it, she
whispered through the crack, “Toni?”

“Go back to sleep, Laura,” Toni said in a ragged whisper.

“Are you okay?”

When she heard no answer, Laura paused for only a moment
before pushing the door open. Seeing Toni huddled on the floor in the far
corner, Laura rushed over and knelt by her side. “Toni, what’s wrong?”

Unable to hear her whispered response, she cupped Toni’s chin
in her hand, lifting her head so she could see her face. “Sweetheart, what’s
the matter?”

“I-I forgot to bring a book.”

“You forgot to...” Laura stopped and her shoulders fell. Over
the years, Laura had fallen asleep reading a book more times than she could
remember, but Toni didn’t need the words to lull her to sleep. She needed the
comfort of knowing a book was nearby.

In Thornbridge, Toni’s only connection to civilization, to a
world that contained fairness, love and honesty, had been a torn and tattered
paperback smelling of urine. It acted as a security blanket, proof that
something existed outside the stone walls, and the words on its pages contained
the power to calm her fears and still her nightmares. Old habits die hard, and
this one would be with her until the day she died. Without a book within reach,
falling asleep was impossible.

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“I didn’t want to bother you.”

“When are you going to realize that you don’t bother me,
Toni? What were you going to do? Sit on the floor the entire night?”

“I’ve done it before.”

“Not anymore you don’t,” Laura said, getting to her feet.
Holding out her hand, she said, “Come on. I’ve got some books in my room.”

Hesitating for a moment, Toni took Laura’s hand and allowed
herself to be led to the other bedroom.

As soon as they walked inside, Laura pointed to the
bookshelf. “Take as many as you’d like. I’m going to use the bathroom.”

Distracted by the volumes filling the shelf, Toni didn’t even
notice that Laura had walked away. Taking a few books from the row, she sat on
the edge of the bed and glanced from one to the other, deciding which to place
on her nightstand.

Returning a few minutes later, Laura grinned at the sight of
Toni sitting on the bed sound asleep. Taking the book from her hand, when Toni
opened her eyes, Laura said softly, “Let’s get you to bed. Shall we?”

Guiding her back to her room, Laura turned down the bed, and
without argument, Toni climbed under the sheet. Placing the book on the bedside
table, Laura said, “It’s here if you need it.”

“I’m sorry I woke you.”

“As long as you’re okay, that’s all that matters,” Laura
said, going over to turn off the lamp in the corner. With the help from the
light streaming from the bathroom, she made her way back to the bed and sat
down.

“What are you doing?” Toni asked.

“I thought I’d stay with you awhile, just until you fall
asleep.”

Narrowing her eyes, Toni stared back at Laura. “Are you going
to read me a bedtime story, too?”

Amused at how rapidly Toni could change from needy to
annoyed, Laura said, “Only after I’m done making you some warm milk.”

Toni’s agitation dissolved in an instant, and relaxing into
the pillow she gazed back at Laura. “I’ll never understand why you do things
for me. I’ve given you so many reasons to tell me to sod off. Are you this nice
to all the nutters?”

“Only the tall, dark and...um...
brooding
ones.”

Noticing that Toni’s eyelids had begun to grow heavy, Laura
reached over and drew her finger along the woman’s brow, pushing a few strands
of hair from her forehead. “Get some sleep, Toni,” she whispered. “I’m here.”

Laura listened as Toni’s breathing slowed, and although she
was sure that she’d sleep until morning, Laura was not yet ready to leave. It
was rare that Toni left herself so exposed, so vulnerable to another, but
between them, a bond had formed. Even though Laura knew that Toni believed it
was based only on friendship and trust, Laura now knew better.

Earlier in the week, she had met Phillip for dinner, but it
was all Laura could do to keep her mind on her date. He was tall, dark and
handsome, but so was the woman who shared her home. It was at that moment,
while sitting in a crowded Indian eatery, when Laura realized her feelings for
Toni were no longer platonic. And now, sitting in the dark, with Toni sound
asleep, platonic was the last thing on Laura’s mind.

Continuing to stroke Toni’s forehead, Laura breathed deep,
marveling in the texture of her skin. It was soft and warm, and she longed to run
her finger down her cheek, to touch her nose, her chin…her lips. Were they as
soft as Laura imagined? Would Toni taste of cigarettes and coffee or would it
be something new? Something sweet and marvelous? Something dreams were made of?

Breathing deeply again, Laura blushed in the blackness of the
room, feeling between her legs a pulse of awareness and want. Licking her lips,
she stood quietly, knowing she needed to distance herself from the intimacy of
the moment. So, after placing a chaste kiss lightly on Toni’s cheek Laura crept
from the room and returned to her own bed, praying her dreams could take her
where reality could not.

Chapter Twenty-One

Silently, Toni moved through the house, knowing that Laura
and Eleanor were still asleep. The remnants of prison life clung to her like
cobwebs, and sleeping was impossible after the sun peeked over the horizon.
Grabbing her jacket and smokes, she walked out the back door, and before it
closed behind her, the chill of the morning air erased the last bit of sleep
from her soul.

The patio was covered in slate of gray, blue and green, and
clay pots of every shape and size surrounded its perimeter. Some contained the
remains of summer plants killed by the first frost, while others showed off the
glorious colors of autumn. Glistening with early-morning dew, chrysanthemums in
yellow, orange and white erupted from planters, and vibrant purple sedum
cascaded over the sides of pottery, slowly drooping its way toward the ground.

Sitting on a small bench, Toni lit a cigarette and slowly
exhaled. Her eyes followed a path of stepping stones leading through the garden
just off the patio, winding their way to a Japanese maple with leaves so
brilliantly red, they looked as if they were on fire. In the distance were tall
sycamores and rowan standing proud with their branches stretching toward the
sun. Their foliage, once green and full of life, had changed to yellow, red and
orange, and as the breeze made its way through the branches, Toni watched as a
few dried leaves drifted gracefully to the ground.

“Laura said you were an early riser,” Eleanor said, coming
out the door with two cups of coffee in her hand.

If it hadn’t been for the fact that she had spent several
hours the night before in Eleanor’s company, Toni would have been scared.
Although surprised that anyone else was up so early, Toni wasn’t nervous.
“Sorry. Did I wake you?”

“Of course not, dear. Unlike my daughter, I rather enjoy
early mornings,” Eleanor said, handing Toni a steaming cup. “Last night she
mentioned you take it black.”

With a nod, Toni took the cup. “What else has she told you
about me?”

Sitting next to her on the bench, Eleanor said, “Only that
you’d been in prison and were treated horribly, and you have a few foibles when
it comes to new things.”

“Oh.”

“She also said that you were tremendously nice, and she liked
having you as a housemate.”

“Really? She said that?”

“You sound surprised.”

“I...I have a bit of temper at times.”

Laughing out loud, Eleanor leaned over and ran her shoulder
playfully into Toni’s. “And I suppose you’ve never seen Laura’s temper?”

Smiling, Toni took a sip of coffee. “Your daughter is
amazing. I hope you know that.”

“I do. After all, she is
my
daughter.”

“She looks like you.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It was meant as one.”

“Well, then I’ll say thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

Snorting, Toni shook her head. “Go ahead. Laura does it all
the time.”

“Are you going to be okay today if we go to Stirling?”

“I don’t know.”

“I appreciate your honesty.”

“It’s just hard for me. I try to convince myself that I can
do something, and sometimes I can, but other times...other times I get so
bloody afraid I can’t breathe.”

“That sounds awful.”

“It is,” Toni said quietly. “But I keep trying.”

“That’s all you can do.”

“I just don’t want to disappoint Laura.”

“Oh, Toni, I doubt there’s anything you could do to
disappoint my daughter. She cares for you very much.”

“I care for her, too. I never thought I’d have another friend
in my life, and now I can’t imagine having a life without her in it,” Toni
said, lighting another cigarette. “I know there’ll come a time when we part.
When she meets the man she wants to marry, but that’ll be okay because it’ll
make her happy.”

“You don’t think she’s happy now?”

“That’s not what I mean. Sure, she’s happy, but Laura’s a
marvelous woman, and she has so much to offer the right person. She can’t waste
her entire life taking care of me. I won’t let her.”

“Perhaps she doesn’t think it’s a waste,” Eleanor said as she
got up. Taking the empty cup from Toni’s hand, she said, “I’ll get you a
refill.”

Entering the house, as soon as Eleanor shut the door she
snickered. “Oh my, and here I thought Laura was the only one in denial.”

“Who you talking to?” Laura asked as she appeared in the doorway.

“Oh...um...no one. I was just muttering.”

“Have you seen Toni?”

“She’s on the patio,” Eleanor said, handing Laura two cups of
coffee. “Why don’t you go join her?”

Smiling, Laura headed to the door. “I’m on my way.”

***

With all of Toni’s eccentricities, Eleanor had no idea what
the day would bring when they left the house that morning, but by early
afternoon, Toni’s quirks were simply that.

They spent the day in Stirling, wandering the streets and
shops, and flanked by Eleanor on her right and Laura on her left, for the most
part, Toni enjoyed herself. Her anxieties flowed like the tide, coming and
going at will, and after a few hours, even Eleanor could recognize the signals.
Toni would set her jaw, pushing her hands deep into her pockets as she stared
at the ground, concentrating on taking slow, steady breaths until Laura or
Eleanor could come to her rescue. More than a dozen times, they locked their
arms in hers, pulling her away from a crowd that got too close, and chattering
at her until she forgot her fears, they’d venture into another store, casually
strolling down the aisles filled with antiques, clothing and knick-knacks.

When she wasn’t stressed by her surroundings, the sight of
mother and daughter playfully arguing over clothing or perfumes brought a smile
to Toni’s face. Eleanor seemed to prefer the provocative while her child leaned
toward the sedate. Although she didn’t voice her opinion aloud, Toni agreed
with Eleanor.

For her dates with Duane or Phillip, Laura had left the house
dressed in feminine frocks designed to attract and flatter, but her day-in and
day-out business suits did neither. Months before, Toni wouldn’t have cared
less, but now she found herself biting her lip every time Laura went to work
wearing the same drab black, gray and brown suits. Watching as Laura searched a
rack of white blouses, Toni finally spoke up. “You have enough white.”

Halting her quest for the perfect blouse, Laura looked over
her shoulder at Toni. “I do, do I? Well, what do you suggest?”

“Red, blue, green, purple…anything but bloody white.”

“You don’t like white?”

“I don’t see the need to wear it every day. Everyone already
knows you’re the boss, so dressing like you do is rather pointless.”

“Pointless?”

“Boring.”

“Boring!”

Standing off to the side, Eleanor grinned at the exchange.
The sparkle in Laura’s eyes told Eleanor that she was thoroughly enjoying
Toni’s observations, and though the small boutique was rather crowded, Toni now
seemed oblivious to the strangers milling about.

Slowly allowing her eyes to look over Toni’s attire, Laura
said, “And I suppose black trousers, a blue sweater and a rather old cloth
jacket is your idea of trendy?”

“I wasn’t talking about me.”

As much as she tried, Laura couldn’t hide her smile. Toni’s
comment about her choice in clothing could have been construed as an insult,
but Laura knew that wasn’t the intention. And the fact that Toni was actually
noticing her wardrobe, as boring as it might be, made Laura’s heart do a flip.
Looking around the store, Laura said, “Well, Miss Vaughn, I’ll make you a deal.
You find something that you think I’d look good in and I’ll do the same for
you.”

“I don’t need any clothes.”

“You most certainly do and you know it,” Laura said with a
laugh. “Besides, I’m not suggesting we buy each other new wardrobes. Just a
blouse or a cardigan.”

“Oh.”

“So, is it a deal?”

As she thought about the offer, Toni looked around and when
her eyes met Eleanor’s, her decision was made for her. As if on cue, Eleanor
moseyed over and hooked her arm through Toni’s.

“Come on, dear,” she said. “Let’s go find my daughter
something snazzy.”

***

Sliding into the booth to sit next to Toni, Laura blurted,
“So, what did you get me?”

“I thought we agreed we’d wait until later?” Toni said, her
eyes seeking out Eleanor across the table. Seeing the amusement sweeping over
Eleanor’s face, Toni pressed her lips together to hide her own.

“You’re no fun,” Laura said, slouching in her seat.

Toni was about to respond when the waiter appeared, and
falling into old habits, she bowed her head and immediately placed her hands on
the table.

Without missing a beat, Laura placed her hand over Toni’s and
asked in a whisper, “What would you like to drink?”

With the drink order soon out of the way, the waiter
disappeared and Toni looked up and began scanning the menu as if nothing had
happened, and as far as Laura and Eleanor were concerned, nothing had. Lunch
came and went, and after finishing their pints, they gathered their coats and
left the restaurant.

“You seriously need a new jacket,” Laura said, watching as
Toni tried to zip the faded blue cloth coat.

“No, I don’t,” Toni said as she continued to struggle with
her zipper.

“You need something warmer. More stylish.”

“This one is plenty warm enough,” Toni said. Giving the stuck
fastener a strong tug, it broke free in an instant, quickly followed by the
sound of something ripping. “Shit!”

Biting her lip in order not to laugh, Laura looked down at
the torn fabric. “I bet it’s not warm now.”

“You did that on purpose.”

“I didn’t rip it. You did!”

“You jinxed me!”

“I did not!” Laura said, trying her best to stop giggling.
Turning to Eleanor, she said, “Mum, isn’t Barley’s just around the corner?”

“Yes, I believe it is, and I must say that’s a marvelous
idea.”

“What’s Barley’s?” Toni asked, eyeballing the two women
smiling back at her.

“You’ll see,” Laura said, hooking her arm through Toni’s.
“You’ll see.”

***

“Is Toni still asleep?” Eleanor asked as Laura walked into
the kitchen.

“Yeah, I checked on her before I came down. She was exhausted,
so I expect she’ll sleep a bit longer.”

“Quite a stressful day for her, wasn’t it?”

“At times,” Laura said as she poured herself a cup of coffee.
“Thanks for being patient with her.”

“My pleasure.”

“Mum, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Do you like Toni?”

“Yes, I do. She’s quite charming. Why?”

“Just wondering,” Laura said softly as she sat down.

Noticing that Laura appeared to be daydreaming, Eleanor stood
and touched her on the shoulder. “Why don’t you and I go for a walk?”

“It’s almost dark,” Laura said, looking out the back door.
“And if Toni wakes up—”

“Toni will be just fine,” Eleanor said, handing Laura her
jacket. “Come on. Just a short walk down the path. We’ll be back before she
wakes up, I promise.”

With a sigh, Laura quickly finished her coffee and then
followed her mother out the door. Arm in arm, they walked silently down the
winding path, past the Japanese maple and the sycamores, until they came upon a
small iron bench. Brushing away a few dead leaves, Eleanor motioned for Laura
to sit, and as they leaned back, Eleanor reached into her pocket and pulled out
a pack of cigarettes.

“I thought you quit,” Laura said, narrowing her eyes.

“I have one occasionally,” Eleanor said, lighting a
cigarette. Placing the pack on the bench, she looked out over the rolling
meadows, the tall grass gently swaying in the breeze as the fading sunlight
turned the green blades to gold. “I think this is my favorite time of the day.
The sun paints the sky those marvelous colors, and it’s so peaceful. I always come
down here when I want to think. It helps put things in perspective.”

“Yes, it’s beautiful,” Laura said, looking up at the orange
and crimson clouds. “Toni would love this.”

Eleanor looked at her daughter and secretly smiled. Laura was
positively glowing, and it was all because she had mentioned another woman’s
name. Taking a deep drag of her cigarette, Eleanor decided the time was right.
“Do you know what I’m most proud of?” she asked quietly.

Turning her attention to her mother, Laura shrugged. “I don’t
know. What?”

“Our relationship.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, to start, we’ve always been honest with one another.
Don’t you agree?”

Thinking back over the years, Laura grinned. “My friends
always thought I was crazy.”

“Why’s that?”

“They’d spend all their time trying to hide things from their
parents, and I was coming home and telling you everything. It boggled their
minds.”

Chuckling, Eleanor patted Laura on the leg. “I have a
confession. My friends thought the same thing.”

“Really?”

“They couldn’t get over the fact that you and I had no
secrets. I remember one afternoon when I was talking to Nancy on the phone. It
was just after you slept with that boy. Oh, what was his name?”

“You mean my first...Kyle?”

“Yes, that’s right. Kyle,” Eleanor said, with a nod. “I told
Nancy that you had lost your virginity, and she dropped the bloody phone. She
was so shocked that you’d confess such a thing to your mother, and she was even
more flabbergasted when I told her I was okay with it. After all, you were
nineteen, and I knew it was only a matter of time. Oh, you should have heard
her going on and on about your three cousins and how they’d
never
do such a thing at that age.”