Graceful Ashes (17 page)

I took a deep breath. “You’re right.”

Clara balked. “I am?”

She quickly shook off the questioning of her tone and replaced it with confidence.

“I am.”

“Yeah. I need to get over what happened with Hendrix and move on. It’s not like I came back to New York looking for him, or he came to Chicago to find me. He’s probably wrapped around some other female and any thoughts of me are long gone.”

“Exactly.”

Clara replied quickly, but something about her composure was off.

“That was a quick response.”

“It’s the truth.” She shrugged. “How about some more wine.” She hopped up from the couch and took our empty glasses in the kitchen to refill them.

Clara was right. Time to move forward and let go of the past.

Chapter Seventeen

My entire existence had built up to the moment before me. I took a deep lung burning breath, held it, and slowly exhaled as the MC made the introductions for the production. A tremor rolled through my body as I looked around at the other dancers. Everyone was decked out in the first scene’s costumes and makeup. We looked amazing, and we were about to bring the musical to life.

“Ready?” Jen, a fellow dancer, asked.

“Yes and no,” I said.

“You’ll do fine. I remember my first performance on that stage.”

Her eyes sparkled not only from the shimmer shadow but from the memories of her first time performing on Broadway.

“It’ll fly by before you know it,” she said.

“It’s like one giant adrenaline rush. You can’t get enough,” Mike, another dancer, added.

“This is unbelievable.” I shook my head.

“Well believe it sister! This is your dream coming true.” Jen hugged me as the MC finished his speech by announcing the title of the production: Wicked.

The group said a prayer as the curtains opened and the first scene unfolded. My heart raced as I followed the choreography we’d practiced day in and day out for weeks, without missing a beat. I was on cloud nine when my eyes landed on some of the faces in the front row. Everyone was captivated by the story we were bringing to life before their eyes. The biggest smile I’d ever produced in my entire life would’ve been stretched across my face if the scene had allowed it.

“That was amazing!” Clara squealed once she saw me after the performance.

Talon, Tegan and Madalyn stood next to her waiting their turn.

I hated that they had to wait so long after the production for me, but Rick and some of the higher ups wanted to congratulate all the performers on such an amazing opening night before we each cleaned up and changed.

“Thank you!” I smiled widely and hugged her tightly.

“We’re so proud of you!” Tegan was next in line for a hug with little Madalyn attached to her hip. I squeezed them both and kissed Madalyn’s cheek as she giggled.

“You know how badly I hate musicals but this blew anything I could have imagined out of the water, Zoey.” Talon pulled me into his arms and clutched me tightly. “You looked beautiful up there and did amazing; it was like you weren’t a bit nervous.”

“Contrary to popular belief, I was nervous as hell! I thought at one point I might pee my pants once the curtains opened.”

They erupted with laughter.

As we chatted, we made our way to the front exit of the theatre. Once we reached the main opening I heard Rick calling me. Now wasn’t a good time to introduce Rick to my family, because they’d probably pick up our more than boss-employee interactions.

Tegan leaned in and whispered, “Who is that calling you?”

“Rick, he’s the director of the talent for Broadway. He kind of hired me I guess you could say.” I mumbled.

“No wonder you were keen on hearing back about the job.” Tegan smirked and watched me from the corners of eyes.

I wanted to face palm. My prayers that nothing would be made of my friendship with Rick were ignored.

I didn’t have time to explain that I hadn’t met him until I was already chosen for the spot on the production because he’d reached our group.

“I didn’t get a chance to tell you that you did great tonight. You should be proud.” He touched my forearm.

My face instantly caught fire and I knew a blush was on prime display for everyone to see. “Thank you. I was unbelievably nervous, but so thankful to have this opportunity.”

There you go, keep it professional.

Rick dropped his hand and cleared his throat. “We couldn’t have selected a better fit for this production. I’m glad you’re a part of it, Zoey.”

Before I could respond my brother stepped forward and extended his hand. “I’m Zoey’s brother, Talon. Nice to meet you…”

“Rick.” He shook Talon’s hand. “I’m the director of new talent here for Broadway.”

“Nice to meet you, Rick. We appreciate you taking a chance on Zoey. She’s been a dancer for most of her life and deserves more than anything to be able to make a career out of it.”

Tears pricked my eyes at Talon telling Rick I deserved to make dancing my career after I’d let him down by getting kicked out of Juilliard. I choked back the tears when Clara butted into the conversation.

“It’s nice to finally meet the man I’ve heard so much about.” She extended her hand. “I’m Clara, Zoey’s best friend and the girl who pushed her in the right direction to audition for the production.”

“Nice to meet you, Clara.” Rick shook her hand. “I owe you a lot for bringing her to me, I mean Broadway.”

Officially, I was going to kill Clara for opening that door, but I wasn’t expecting Rick to fumble on his response like he had. Maybe I wasn’t crazy…maybe he had honest feelings for me.

“I don’t want to keep you guys from whatever plans you have,” he looked at me, “but I wanted to tell you that you should be proud of your first performance because it was great.”

“Thank you!” I said, reluctant to say much more with everyone watching us. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Have a great night.” He waved at everyone before turning and walking away.

Once he was out of earshot Tegan gave me the fifth degree and Clara jumped in with the “I told you so’s.” Talon was awfully quiet as he we made our way to the parking lot.

I ignored Clara and Tegan’s conversation about me moving on and finding the right guy for me as Tegan buckled Madalyn into her car seat. Talon slipped into the driver’s seat of their new SUV. When I reached his window, he rolled it down as he cranked the heat.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to blow my chance at a career on Broadway by sleeping with the director of new talent.”

As soon as the words left my mouth his expression seemed to soften. I’d hit the nail on the head.

“I’m not afraid you’ll throw away your chance to have a great career if you get involved with Rick Obviously the two of you have feelings for one another. I’m worried you won’t take a chance on finding love because you’re afraid of being burned twice. What happened at Juilliard was hard on you…on all of us, but especially you. I heard you all of those nights in your room crying over Hendrix. I simply don’t want you to get involved with Rick, then things possibly not work out, and him be vindictive by jeopardizing your spot on Broadway.”

Talon’s point had no room for argument because he was one hundred percent right. I was afraid of losing my chance of having a career in dance for the second time. That was part of the reason I tried my damnedest to keep my distance from Rick, but the more time we spent together professionally, the harder it was becoming. The lines between us were becoming blurred, even if we hadn’t done more than flirt or simply touch one another. Why was I ending up another situation that could not only break my heart, but also ruin my career? Life was not a fair game when it came to Zoey Fisher.

“You don’t need to worry about me, Talon. I’m going to be just fine. I promise.” I gave his arm a squeeze.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m going to worry about you no matter what?”

I smiled at my loving brother. “Always the protector.”

“And I always will be. Now get your butt in Clara’s car because this protector is starving.”

I laughed at his silliness then hurried to Clara’s car. Not even two seconds after I’d closed the passenger’s door, Clara’s interrogation regarding Rick started up again. She was hell bent on having me hook up with the guy, sexually or dating wise; either was fine for her. If I didn’t know better I’d think she had a major lady boner for him herself, but Clara had her eyes set on a guy named Alfie that worked in the same department as her. Which was odd because she’d never been one to mix work and pleasure. Then again I hadn’t seen the guy in person or had heard if they’d even been on a date. She seemed to be admiring him more from afar instead of being all in his face like she usually was with guys she liked. That alone made me wonder if her infatuation for Alfie was something more.

“I mean his ass looks mighty fine in those dress slacks,” Clara said.

“Seriously, Clara? Can we talk about something other than my nonexistent sex life and how you want to give my virginity away to the guy who hired me for the most important job I’ve ever had?” I took a breath when realization of what I’d admitted hit me.

“You’re a virgin?” She was wide-eyed and her mouth hung open.

I dropped my head into my hands and groaned, “Yes.”

“No fucking way.” She shook her head. “You and Hendrix weren’t having sex?”

“We did everything but
that
.” I lifted my head from my hands and looked at her.

She was still wide-eyed but at least her mouth was no longer hanging open.

“Holy shit…” she said.

“What?”

“Hendrix really did love you,” she mumbled more to herself than me.

“What do you mean he really did love me?” I knew I heard her correctly, but I didn’t understand what she was saying. Hendrix had never told me that he loved me, just like I hadn’t told him, even though I knew I loved him and would always have a spot of love for him within my heart.

Clara’s arms rested on the steering wheel as she stared out into the parking lot. “I think it’s time I tell you something. Not because I want to drudge up the past, but because things are so much clearer now. You deserve to know.”

She was scaring me. My heart raced as my thoughts went to the worst possible scenario possible. What else would I deserve to know other than something horrible happened to Hendrix? I didn’t know if I was strong enough to hear what she was about to tell me, but my heart needed to hear it either way.

“Tell me.” I choked out through the thickness of my suddenly dry throat.

Clara kept her eyes on the parking lot as she spoke. “Two days after you left for Chicago I ran into Hendrix at your old apartment building. He was arguing with campus security after they’d escorted him out of the building for yelling for you to open your door.” She paused

The pain from leaving without telling him gripped my heart and squeezed.

“You didn’t see him, Zoey. You didn’t see how broken hearted he was after you left. Hendrix didn’t understand why you would up and leave without at least calling or leaving him a note. He broke down to me. When I say broke down, I mean he cried, cussed, and confessed so much that I honestly didn’t know where it was all coming from. He told me that the only woman he ever loved until you was his mother, Zoey.” She choked back her own tears.

A cry escaped my shaking body as I hunched over in the passenger’s seat and sobbed. Hendrix had loved me. And I walked away without telling him the truth of how deeply I loved him. I broke his heart into a million pieces by not giving him a way to find or contact me.

“The naive girl I was back then didn’t believe that he could have feelings for me as deep as the ones I had for him, Clara. You have to know that,” I said through my sobs.

She leaned across the center console of the car and wrapped her arms around me. “I know, babe. I really do. That’s why I told him that if you two were meant to be, that it wouldn’t matter how many months or years passed, it would work itself out. But I’ve never seen a man as broken as Hendrix was that day.”

“I never meant to hurt him like that.”

“I know you didn’t, Zoey. But shit happens and life goes on. I just wish I’d told you before now. Maybe things could’ve turned out differently for you and him.”

I looked up at her through tear-clad lashes and smiled softly. “You did what you thought was the right thing to do, what I asked you to do in a way. Do you know how he’s doing?” I asked the question that’d been gnawing at me since I’d returned to New York.

“No, I don’t. I ran into him once more after that at a hellacious party at one of the frat houses we had gone to before. He was pretty trashed with some blonde hanging on his arm. She seemed to be more interested in him than he was her, but that was four months or so after you left.”

The news of him being seen out with someone else, even if he didn’t seem interested, hurt worse than I imagined it would. There was no one to blame for my heartache but myself. I was the one who left for Chicago without letting him know. I was the one who threw away my feelings for him because I didn’t want to disappoint my family anymore than I already had. And I was the one who didn’t try to reach out over the months after I left. Instead I cried myself to sleep at night wondering how he was and hoping to God that he moved on from the life he was living. All of that brought me to the point of sitting in a car with my best friend crying over the love I lost two years ago.