Graceful Ashes (13 page)

He left it at that for the time being, most likely not to ruin Tegan’s moment of sharing the name they’d chosen for their daughter.

“We wanted a name that meant something to one of our families. I didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes, or bring up a hurtful past but I finally decided on one that I thought would fit perfectly.” Tegan took a shaky breath and glanced at Talon.

He nodded for her to go ahead.

“I know your baby brother meant a lot to both you and Talon. Losing not only your parents, but him in that fire is heartbreak no one should have to endure. With that being said, we chose the name Madalyn. It’s the closest we could get to Madden.”

Tears flooded my eyes and raced down my face, only to be replaced by even more tears. I wasn’t expecting that. Not even close. The pain from losing baby Madden and our parents raced back to me, but instead of it hurting to the point of not being able to breathe, a sense of pride took its place. I was beyond happy that Tegan took into consideration our little brother when she decided on a name for their daughter.

“What do you think?” Talon asked as he ran a hand through his hair.

“I think…” I paused to wipe away another round of tears. “It’s perfect!” I shot up from the bed and almost knocked over Talon in my rush to hug him.

He kissed my hair and mumbled that he loved me before I stepped away and took Tegan in my arms. Her big ole belly made it a bit hard to fully wrap my arms around her, but I couldn’t wait to hold the bundle of joy it housed.

“Thank you for being such a wonderful person, Tegan,” I spoke softly.

“You don’t have to thank me, Zoey. I love you and your brother more than words can explain.”

One thing people could learn from Tegan was that you don’t have to lose the kindness in your soul after something traumatic happens to you. She’d dealt with so many traumas throughout her life which had only helped mold her to the outstanding person she was.

My palms were sweaty and my heart was racing beyond belief as I held the small cup while sitting on the toilet in the Dean’s private bathroom. I hadn’t expected him to throw such a curve ball at me. One I knew was going to ruin my entire life.

A drug test.

Loud knocks echoed through the bathroom.

“Almost done in there?”

Talon’s muffled question made me want to cry.

I knew what was to come. No matter how long I sat on the toilet it was still going to happen. That was inevitable. Finally doing my business, I sat the cup on the back of the toilet and slid my pants up before flushing. I stood staring at that cup of evidence that would change my life path. A wave of nausea washed over me and I dropped to my knees before the toilet and expelled everything in my stomach, which wasn’t much.

“Zoey!” Talon’s voice came from the other side of the door.

“Yeah?” I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand then stood.

My hand shook has I pushed the lever down to flush the toilet once more. After I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth at the sink, I had no other choice but to face the music.

I grabbed the cup from the back of the toilet and twisted the lock on the door. My hand was shaking uncontrollably as I opened the door and stepped back into the Dean’s office.

“All done.” I mumbled as I sat the cup on the paper towel lining a small tray.

Talon was standing by the bathroom door but I made beeline for the exit. I had to get out of here as fast as possible.

“Where are you going?” Talon asked.

“I need some water,” I lied, but I waited just outside the door for him.

“We will have the results within the hour if you’d like to hang around, or I can give you a call, Mr. Fisher,” the Dean said from his seat behind the desk.

“Talon,” my brother reminded the dean.

“Yes, Talon.” Dean Neilson smiled as they shook hands.

“I actually need to check on my pregnant wife. If you could give us a call once you have the results, we will return then.”

“That’s perfectly fine.” Dean Neilson stood and followed Talon to the door.

“Thank you for taking the time out to speak with us.” Talon said.

I stood silently with my arms crossed over my red and black plaid shirt. I trembled when Dean Neilson looked at me and said we would speak soon.

Once Talon and I were back at my apartment, we found Tegan sound asleep on my bed. A hand rested on her belly and a smile was on her face. Whatever she was dreaming about must’ve been good.

Talon raised his index finger to his lips to warning me to keep quiet. Like I was going to hoop and holler about something and risk waking her. He hadn’t lost his parenting skills from when I was younger. He was going to be a great father to Madalyn. I hoped that she would bring him more pride than I had. Because the results of the drug test were going to shatter him.

“Do you mind if we hang around?” Talon asked.

“Of course not…” I couldn’t meet his gaze as we talked low to keep from waking Tegan. She needed her rest, especially after travelling from Chicago and having to deal with me being missing for a few days. I felt guilty for putting them through that.

Talon gently sat on the bed and I took a seat in the computer chair. He glanced around the room, taking in everything that I’d done to the small place. Which wasn’t much.

“So…” He paused when his eyes fell on a photo stuck in the mirror of my dresser.

In it, I was laughing at something Hendrix had said. Clara had taken it one night at a party. When she’d showed me, I printed a copy. I looked happier than I could remember myself ever being.

“So…” I mocked him.

Talon let out a quiet laugh as he turned his attention to me. “Want to tell me about this Hendrix fella?”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. Talking about Hendrix wasn’t a good idea. Mainly because everything tied to him were things Talon wouldn’t like.

“What’s there to say?” Even though he would find out sooner or later, I was a coward and deflected the question.

“Why haven’t you told me or Tegan about him?”

Because he deals drugs. He got me to smoke pot for the first time. We’ve done just about everything besides actually having sex, and I think I’m in love with him.

“Because there’s nothing to tell.” I kept my eyes locked on the bed skirt behind his legs.

Talon huffed a long aggravated breath.

“Why do I feel like you’re keeping things from me, Zoey? You need to understand that I’ve been there for you from day one and I will continue to be there for you no matter what happens in your life or mine. I’m your big brother. I raised you from a tiny little thing and worry about you every single day. Just because you’ve grown up and I’ve gotten older, doesn’t mean you’re not my baby sister anymore. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe and help you thrive in life, but you have to trust me. What happened to that trust we used to share?”

Tegan stirred and Talon leaned over to kiss her forehead. “How was your nap?” he asked as her eyes fluttered open.

A smile spread across her face while her hand stayed on her stomach. “The baby’s kicking.”

Talon’s hand dropped to her belly.

“Come over here, Zoey!” Tegan waved me over.

I joined them and placed a hand on the side of her belly. I felt a push. I’d never felt anything like it before. My niece had just kicked or punched me.

Tears welled in my eyes. I quickly shot up from the bed and went directly into the bathroom. I closed the door and clicked the lock just before I collapsed on the floor in a heaping mess of silent tears. It was selfish of me to ruin their moment with Madalyn, but I couldn’t help my emotions getting the better of me.

I knew they would probably take my breakdown as something different than it was. I was upset with myself, not them or Madalyn. I’d let Talon and Tegan down, and as soon as that phone call came through, our happy little moment would be torn into a million pieces and the look of love in their eyes would fade to disappointment. If I could run away from it all, I would.

After I gathered my composure, I got up from the cool tile floor and inspected my eyes in the mirror to make sure they weren’t bloodshot from the tears. Once they were clear I opened the bathroom door. Anger was evident on Talon’s face as the sounds of Tegan crying caught my attention.

I had hurt her feelings when I hadn’t meant to and pissed my brother off in the process. “Let me explain.” I held my hands up but Talon didn’t budge.

I watched as emotions played across his face; anger, disappointment, sadness, and back to anger again.

“What’s there to explain?” Talon said.

His words were intense and hurtful like venom.

“I didn’t mean to storm off like that, I was just…emotional is all.”

“Stop. Talking,” Talon boomed.

I only thought I had seen Talon’s as angry as he could be, but what was before me now blew that out of the water.

His face was reddened as he worked his bottom lip between his teeth. “You failed your drug test, Zoey.”

The words came through his gritted teeth, and a wave of fear washed over me as my heart fell from my chest to my stomach.

“When I say failed, I mean with flying fucking colors.”

The shit had officially hit the fan.

“Talon…” Now I was ready to explain what had been going on in my life.

“Don’t!”

I cringed as I left the bathroom.

“When did my baby sister become a druggie? Huh?”

My throat tightened. A sob ripped from my chest as I lost my composure.

Tegan was telling Talon to calm down while trying to keep her own emotions under wraps.

“Are you going to answer me, Zoey?”

Talon ignored his wife, which was the first time I had ever witnessed that.

“I’m not a druggie!” I managed to choke out between my sobs and hiccups.

I flinched at Talon’s sharp humorless laugh. He sat on the edge of my bed and cradled his head in his hands. Tegan sat beside him with an arm around his shoulders.

“I’m sorry…” I cried.

Talon’s head lifted his eyes full of tears. “Sorry doesn’t fix any of this. You’re not seven years old anymore, Zoey. You’ll be twenty in a couple weeks. Saying sorry isn’t an option for mistakes like this.” He took a deep breath as a tear slid down his cheek.

Seeing my brother cry broke my heart. What was even worse was I was the one who’d caused his tears. “I can change, Talon. I promise.”

“You’re damn straight you’ll change.” His jaw clenched. “Smoking a little marijuana could have possibly been forgiven, but your test came back positive for cocaine too.”

Tegan gasped.

She must not have heard that part yet.

“You don’t understand.” I looked at Tegan.

Talon held up a hand, and I knew he was through listening to me.

“You’ve lost your scholarship and are no longer allowed on Juilliard’s premises.”

All the breath left my lungs. . My chest and heart ached from the shattering news, and I struggled to suck in air. The dream I’d built my entire life around had crumbled, and it was my own damn fault.

“No, no, no…” I sobbed. I didn’t want to believe what he was saying, even if deep down in my gut I knew it was the truth.

Tegan finally broke her silence. “I don’t understand why you’ve done this to yourself, Zoey. But all we can do now is go back home and start fresh.”

“I can’t go back home!”

“You have no other choice.” Talon spoke this time. “Unless you plan to stay here and find a job, because I won’t pay your rent anymore. Not after this.”

At Talon’s declaration, I dropped to the floor. Stretching out on my back, I fixated my gaze on the ceiling. I was losing everything. Dance, Clara, New York City as a whole, and Hendrix. The pain in my chest was so intense that I thought I would die. Or should I say hoped it would end me. How was I supposed to start over again when I had nothing to fall back on?

Dance had been my entire life!

“How about we get some sleep and start fresh tomorrow?” Tegan asked.

“Yeah, I think that’s the best bet,” Talon replied.