Graceful Ashes (16 page)

Chapter Sixteen

It was day four of rehearsals. My entire body ached from the strenuous use of my muscles. Apparently I hadn’t been pushing myself hard enough at the gym. I chugged a large bottle of water during the five-minute break before jumping back into the last run through of the ballroom scene. The bottom of my left foot kept cramping from the intense arch I had to make while pivoting.

“Are you okay, Zoey?” Rick asked after I had to stop for the third time.

“Yeah,” I pulled my slipper off and stretched my bare foot. “It’s just a cramp.”

“How about we call it a day, shall we?”

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine.” I wanted to convince him I was okay to continue.

Rick placed a hand on my bare arm. “We’re all exhausted. Go home and rest your feet.”

He smiled caringly at me.

“Okay.”

“That’s a wrap everyone!” Rick turned in the center of the room so everyone could hear him. “We have a bright and early day tomorrow, so go get some rest because the first day of full run-throughs are a royal pain in the ass!”

People clapped with excitement of being able to leave forty five minutes earlier than usual while I sighed with relief at being able to rest my feet. I’d never had a problem with them before, but my left one was giving me the fits.

I headed straight for the changing rooms and quickly discarded my sweaty leotard for an overly large sweater and a pair of skinny jeans. I zipped my duffle bag and tossed the strap over my shoulder when a knock sounded from the other side of the door.

“Yes?” I called out.

“If you could give me a minute of your time before you leave I’d appreciate it.” Rick’s muffled words came through the wooden door.

My mind blanked as I quickly wondered what he wanted to talk about.

“Sure.” I said, trying to hide my nervousness.

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out before opening the door and scanning the area for Rick. He wasn’t anywhere to be seen. As I walked through the backstage area of the theater, I heard the faint sounds of classical music playing over the speakers in the theater itself. We’d been practicing in a back studio while technicians rewired the speaker system in there. I followed the melody of the music and slipped through the heavy dark blue curtains onto the stage. I gasped at the view. The place was larger than I’d anticipated and you could see every single seat. My heart thumped in my chest, but a sense of ease settled over me, and my heart slowed to its normal beat when the lights in the seating area dimmed like they would as a production began.

“It’s breathtaking isn’t it?”

Rick’s words danced across the shell of my ear, but I didn’t move away from him.

“Yes. It is.”

“I remember my first time seeing the seating area from this stage.”

At his admission I turned to face him.

“Before you let that mind of yours wonder,” he tapped the side of my head with his index finger, “I used to sing for some of the shows until I was offered a place in the talent division.”

“Wow! That’s amazing, Rick.”

He smiled and dropped his gaze to the wood floor of the stage as he ran a hand up and down the back of his neck. “I don’t talk about it much.”

“How come?”

“I don’t sing anymore because of vocal surgery.”

I gasped and quickly covered my mouth with my hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“There’s no need for apologies. It was years ago and I’ve learned to enjoy the job I have now.”

His outlook on losing his dream of singing was brighter than I could have imagined mine would have been if I couldn’t dance anymore. He told me about how he spent his entire life singing. His parents enrolled him into classes at an early age, and he continued to grow from there. Broadway was his main goal, which didn’t take him long to reach. He’d been performing in productions of all different shows since he was fifteen.

My eyes welled with tears once he reached the part of his story where he lost the ability to sing like he had his entire life. That had been merely four years ago. Four years and he’d already learned that his job of finding talent for Broadway was just as fulfilling as being a performer. I’d spent two years of my life being bitter about losing my chance at Juilliard because I allowed myself to be sucked into a world that ruined my opportunity. Did I blame Hendrix for how things turned out? Not fully, but deep down in my soul I held a piece of resentment for him that I couldn’t shake.

The thought of Hendrix sent my emotions into a tailspin. I hadn’t allowed my thoughts to travel down that road in so long, but I was letting Rick’s story pull me into that black ibis.

“Zoey?”

Rick broke through my clouded thoughts.

I shook my head and produced the best smile I could. “Yeah?”

“Where did you go there?” His eyebrows dipped low in the center, deepening the faint wrinkles, which were permanently there.

“Something you said reminded me of someone I used to know.”

“Ah… An ex I assume.”

His demeanor was playful, yet I heard the underlying seriousness in his tone.

“You hit the nail on the head there.”

At Rick’s laughter, my stomach flipped-flopped and pulled my own laughter from my lungs. Rick was quite a bit older than me, but no matter how much I wanted to push away the feelings stirring within me in regards to him, I was finding it hard to do so.

“I need to go…” I stepped around him.

His hand on my bicep stopped me.

“Wait.”

He stepped in front of me.

A herd of horses recklessly galloped within my chest. From the look on his face I knew he was feeling the same spark I had been since we met. He was struggling to keep things professional just as badly as I was.

“Do you—” He stopped and sighed. “I’m sorry…You should go.”

The intensity in his brown eyes said more than his words. I placed my hand over his on my arm and gave it a little squeeze. Then I collected my bag, and left the theater without even saying goodbye, but I knew he understood.

I kicked my shoes off just inside the door of my apartment and headed straight for the bathroom. Not only were my feet aching, but my body was too. I set the water to the warm temperature I loved let the tub fill. My favorite part about the apartment was the bathtub. It had jets to massage your tired limbs.

Pure heaven.

I dumped in some bath beads then padded into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of red wine. My favorite way to decompress. Once I returned to the bathroom, I set my glass of wine on the rim of the tub, turned off the water and discarded my clothes. The water eased my tired body as I slipped into it then rested my head back against the rim. I closed my eyes to enjoy the water soothing my achy self. I hadn’t been more thankful for a warm bath in my entire life.

I slowly sipped the sweet wine as I enjoyed the silence of my apartment until my phone blared to life in the other room. Whoever it was would have to wait because I wasn’t about to ruin my relaxing bath to jump out and answer their call.

After I downed the remainder of the wine, I washed then drained the water. My body felt at ease as I slipped into my comfy grey robe and tied it around me. I padded out of the bathroom and into the kitchen to place the glass in the sink when my phone sprung to life again. Clara’s name flashed across the screen with a photo of her making a goofy face which she’d apparently set as her profile picture without my knowledge.

“Nice display pic,” I laughed into the receiver.

“You like that don’t ya?”

“I think it should be displayed at the Met as one of the best photos ever taken.”

“They couldn’t handle all of this sexiness.”

We both giggled for a moment before I changed the subject.

“Are you the one who’s been blowing up my phone?”

“Well if you would answer the damn thing I wouldn’t have to keep calling.”
She laughed.

“First of all, I would usually still be in rehearsals. Second of all, leave a voicemail like any other human would do and give me time to call your ass back before you harass me some more.”

“Down, tiger.”

I made a growling noise. “What did you need?”

“Just wanted to see how things were going at rehearsals is all.”

Her voice rose an octave to the preppy girl tone she used on guys at the bar when she was trying to swindle them out of a few free drinks. But that wasn’t going to work on me.

“Bullshit.” I laughed.

Clara scoffed.

“Spill.” I demanded.

Her voice became deeper as she talked low into the phone. “I’m bored as fuck during this video conference, which makes no sense as to why it’s a video conference when we can’t see one another. I need to escape from this hell.” She groaned.

I erupted with laughter. “Let me get this straight.”

“Okay.”

“You continuously called me because your video conference is boring as shit and you knew there was a high chance that I was in rehearsal?”

“Yep, that would be correct.”

“What the heck would I have done to help you if I was indeed in rehearsal?”

“I’d probably end up leaving you numerous voicemails about random shit and how awful my day’s been going.” She groaned again.

“Why don’t you leave the video conference on so it times out when it’s over and go do something? It’s not like they know if you’re sitting there or not since it’s a bunch of slideshows and bullshit, as you say.”

“You’re way too smart for those tight leotards, Zoey.” I heard her clapping with excitement. “I’ll be over in about thirty minutes.”

“What!” I wanted to stop her, but the line had already disconnected.

So much for a peaceful night to myself.

I threw on a pair of leggings and a large shirt before tying my hair in a messy knot on top of my head. I would be damned if Clara tried to talk me into going somewhere. My front door swung open as I loaded my empty wine glass into the dishwasher and Clara’s over enthusiastic voice carried into the kitchen.

“Lucy, I’m home!” She did her best Ricky Ricardo impression as she barreled into the kitchen and dropped two bags of Chinese takeout on the counter. “And I’ve come bearing gifts.” She smiled widely as she shook a bottle of wine.

“Two of my favorite things.” I ripped open the plastic bag housing our food open to see what she had ordered.

“You mean three of your favorite things?”

“What?” I rummaged through the containers of food without glancing up at her.

“Chinese takeout, wine, and
me
!”

“Yeah, yeah…” I said through my bite of egg roll. “You know what I meant.” I waved the remainder of the egg roll at her.

“Hungry much?”

I hadn’t realized how hungry I actually was until the delicious smell of the food wafted into my nostrils and my belly growled in return. “I’m beyond hungry….I’m hangry.”

“Good thing I came over then.”

She looked at me like I was the cookie monster, but instead of devouring cookies I was devouring Chinese food.

With our plates full and our wine glasses even fuller, we made ourselves comfortable on my couch to watch TV.

“So how was Mr. Sexy-in-a-suit Rick today?” She peeked at me over the rim of her wine glass as she took a nice sized gulp.

I rolled my eyes as I took my own drink and contemplated how to answer that. “You do know he is about five years older than me, right?”

“Age is just a number, Zoey. The older, the more experienced.”

She waggled her eyebrows at me with the goofiest grin.

“Of course you would go there.” I smacked her in the chest with a throw pillow.

“Hey!” She laughed. “Don’t hate me ‘cause I’m asking the questions you won’t face yourself.”

“What is there to face?” I threw my hands in the air. “Yes, Rick is
very
attractive and I get all school girl giddy around him, but he is also sort of my boss. I cannot and will not jeopardize Broadway by getting involved with him.”

Clara’s mouth was hanging open. I’d given her way more than she expected me to, but enough was enough.

“You’re hung up on Hendrix still, aren’t you?”

My eyes bulged as I lost all train of thought. “You’re shitting me, right?”

“I’m serious, Zoey. I think that’s why you haven’t even gone on a date since you moved back to Chicago.”

She could tell that I was fuming from her onslaught of my love life because she held her hands up.

“I’m not trying to piss you off, I promise. I’m just trying to get it through your head that it’s been two years. It’s time to move on, and if Rick ignites a spark, don’t let it go away without giving it a try.”

Deep down I knew I needed to get out into the dating scene. As badly as I wanted to share my life with someone, a part of me wasn’t ready. Clara was right, as badly as I didn’t want her to be, she was. A piece of my heart and soul still held on to what I’d had with Hendrix. Even if our relationship had been tainted by the dirtier parts of life.