Graceful Ashes (14 page)

“Okay.” My bottom lip trembled, but I pushed up from the floor when Tegan waved me over.

Tegan hugged me tightly then she walked toward the door with Talon following her. He stopped beside me then after a moment, pulled me into a bear hug. “I love you, Zoey. We’ll get through this like we have everything else. But I need you to be one hundred and ten percent honest with me from here on out.”

“Okay,” I said, but I was merely going through the motions.

Talon kissed my forehead then they left for their hotel for the night.

Slowly, I spun taking in every single detail of my apartment. The small space had been my home for going on two years. Letting go of it and my life at Julliard would be hard.

Chapter Thirteen

Happy birthday to me…

Your birthday is supposed to be a day of celebration and happiness. But this one was ranking as the second worst birthday of my life. The first being the one that came around after we lost our parents and baby brother in the house fire.

I sat in the window seat upstairs in Talon and Tegan’s home, which was my home again, staring out into the backyard. They were at Tegan’s doctor appointment. Which meant I was home alone and sulking on my
supposed
special day.

More than two long weeks had passed since I left New York City. I hadn’t had the strength to tell Hendrix goodbye, even if Talon would have allowed it. My cellphone had been shutoff, disconnecting me from everything and everyone at Julliard. Talon had caved and allowed me to tell Clara goodbye though. Mainly because she had shown up at my apartment the morning we were moving, freaking about what was going on. That goodbye alone was a heartbreaking one.

She swore we’d see one another again. Whether it was her coming to me, or vice versa. But I knew that probably wouldn’t happen, at least on my end. I didn’t have a paying job. Surprisingly, Tegan had agreed to have me help at the studio. I wasn’t sure if I’d get paid though, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to ask. Having something to occupy my time was blessing enough.

The last thing Clara had promised me was she’d only tell Hendrix where I’d gone if he showed up asking questions or they ran into one another. I didn’t want her searching him out and getting caught up in the mess of his illegal ways.

I opened the photo album in my lap and smiled sadly at the photo of me and Hendrix that had once been stuck in the mirror on my dresser back at Juilliard. A lone tear slipped down my cheek as I ran my fingers over the photograph. I missed him more than words could explain. He wasn’t the best for me, but you can’t help what your heart wants…and mine wanted him.

I slammed the book shut and tossed it on the hardwood floor then focused my attention back on the outside world. The day was beautiful. One I would’ve prayed for on other birthdays, but I couldn’t seem to get in the mind frame of being happy and excited for cake and ice cream.

“Zoey!”

Tegan’s eager voice carried up the stairs.

“Yes ma’am?” I called back.

Being caught up in my own head must’ve muffled the sounds of them coming home.

“Wanna join us in the kitchen?”

Her enthusiasm lightened my down in the dumps mood. There was something about her that always made me feel a little better about things.

“I’ll be down in a minute.”

I picked up the photo album and laid it on the window seat before wiping beneath my eyes and running my hands through my tangled hair. The sounds of the voices carried to the bottom of the steps as I reached them. Talon was going on about how great of a mother Tegan was going to be to Madalyn. His confidence made me unbelievably happy, but sad all at the same time.

You ever have those days where every little thing makes you an emotional mess because you can’t situate your feelings in the proper way? That’s what I was dealing with.

My feet carried me through the living room before I turned the corner into the kitchen and found a large banner in bright colors that read
Happy Birthday!
Tegan and Talon hadn’t noticed me from their spots at the breakfast table. His arms were wrapped around her as she snuggled into his chest.

They were the definition of true love.

“You really didn’t have to decorate.” I broke their moment as I took in the pink, green, and yellow balloons that were tied to various spots around the room.

“There you are!” Tegan returned to her seat and smiled widely at me, the skin around her tired eyes wrinkling slightly.

“We wanted to decorate.” Talon stood from his chair and crossed the room. He pulled me into his arms and squeezed me tight against him. “Happy birthday, Zoey.” He kissed my head and stepped back.

“Thank you.” A genuine smile pulled my frown upward.

My attention went to Tegan as she waddled her very pregnant self across the kitchen and pulled a cake from the refrigerator.

“Since you’ve been eating the hell out of mint chocolate chip ice cream lately, we decided to go with a mint chocolate chip ice cream cake!” She set it on the counter before me.

I giggled at their observance of my choice of depression food. “I’m going to end up so fat I won’t be able to move from the couch.”

“You’re not eating all of that by yourself.” Talon rubbed Tegan’s belly and we all erupted with laughter.

It felt good to smile and laugh, since I’d been in my own personal hell for the past weeks. “Thank you.” I broke the laughter.

“You don’t have to thank us.” Tegan waved me off.

“Yes I do,” I said. “I haven’t been happy lately and I know it’s hard having someone around with a dark cloud over them. So I want to thank the both of you for not forcing me to be happy. For giving me the chance to get my feet planted on the ground again in my own time.”

Tegan’s eyes welled with tears and I pulled her into a hug. Her belly was making it harder and harder to wrap my arms around her as the days passed. No way was she was going full term.

“We just want you to be happy, Zoey,” Talon said. “I don’t want to bring up everything that’s happened, but I know you’ll find your path again. And when you do all of this won’t hurt as much.”

Talon was right. But the point where the hurt wouldn’t be so painful was still along way off; I just hoped I could survive it.

Tegan put the candles in the cake and Talon lit them. As they sang the words we hear once a year in celebration of the day we were born, I thought about all of the people that had come and gone throughout my life. One instance with my mother hit me hard. Anytime I had been upset when I was younger, she would say, “It doesn’t matter how slowly you go, as long as you never give up.”

I longed to hear her say those words once again.

I closed my eyes to keep the tears at bay and made a small wish as I blew out the candles.

Chapter Fourteen
–
2 Years Later

My heart was in my throat as I kept my phone with me for three days awaiting the phone call that could change my life. They told me it could be up to a week before I heard anything—
if
I heard anything. I hoped and prayed that I would hear something.

I turned the key in the door and kicked it open since my hands were full of grocery sacks. I shuffled over to the small kitchen counter and dropped the bags then returned to shut the door. It had been far too long since I’d gone to the grocery store. The shelves in my refrigerator hated me for all of the takeout containers lining them. But when you were hell bent on working twenty four seven, everything else fell by the wayside.

Hence the lack of groceries.

A melody rang out from the living room, alerting me to a Face Chat session on my laptop. After sliding the milk into the fridge I took off in the direction of my laptop. As my butt hit the seat, I pressed the mouse to connect. A few short seconds later Madalyn’s beautiful chubby little face and bright blue eyes filled my screen.

“Hey, beautiful girl!” I smiled as she waved.

“Zo-E!”

Her hand touched the screen like she always touched my face when I held her. I missed holding her.

“What you doin’?” I started my “baby talk” as Talon liked to call it.

“Color.” She held up a bright pink crayon.

Tegan’s face appeared behind Madalyn’s. “I see she Face Chatted you again.”

We both laughed.

“Yeah, she’s getting too big for her britches.”

Tegan looked at Madalyn with so much love in her eyes. “Isn’t that the truth.”

“Where’s Talon?”

“He’s looking at new locations for another studio just outside of Chicago.”

“You’re going to open a new one?”

“Thinking about it! Graceful Moves is almost at capacity. Adalynn said we could each run a studio and double the amount of students we can accept, as well as revenue.”

“That’s awesome!”

“I never thought I would have this life.”

Tegan beamed with happiness.

“You deserve it, Tegan.”

“Stop it!” She waved her hand at the screen. “You’re gonna’ make me cry.”

“Momma cry?” Madalyn looked up with her tiny eyebrows furrowed.

“No, baby.” Tegan smoothed a hand across her chubby cheek.

“O-tay.”

Her face instantly transformed back to her usual happy little self.

Once Madalyn’s attention was back on her coloring sheet, Tegan moved the computer away from her.

“How are things going for you?” she asked.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Waiting to hear back is worse than watching paint dry.” I covered my face with my hands and groaned.

“I’m sure it is.”

“You have no idea.” I laughed. “I finally got my ass out of the house today and picked up some groceries. I was going nuts sitting around waiting to hear something, afraid that I might miss the call.”

“Don’t let it stress you out, Zoey. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. Just take a deep breath and give it a few more days.”

“You’re always the voice of reason.”

“I’ve learned not to let everything stress me to the max. It’ll help you in the long run.”

“But I need a job in the long run…” I countered.

“You’ll get one. I have a good feeling about it.”

“Hopefully it’s the one I want.”

“All in due time, my dear.”

“I pooped.” Madalyn’s head peeked around the corner of the screen with a mega-watt smile spread across her face.

I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up my throat.

“That’s my cue,” Tegan said as she tried to stifle her laughter.

“Tell Talon I said hey.”

“I will.”

“Love you Tegan.”

“Love you too, Zoey. Take a deep breath!”

“I will.”

“Bye, bye, Zo-E.” Madalyn waved at the screen.

“Bye, pretty girl. Love you.”

Madalyn blew me a kiss before the screen went dark then I returned to putting away the groceries.

Music blared in my ears as I pushed myself faster on the treadmill. I had officially become a gym member for the first time in my entire life. Not because I needed to lose weight, but because I wanted to be as physically fit as I needed to be for dancing.

After being kicked out of Juilliard, having the opportunity to audition for a top notch Broadway Musical was a dream come true. Although Clara and I had lost touch after I’d left New York, she’d managed to track me down a few months prior the open casting call. Since I’d been staying with Tegan and Talon I had a nice little nest egg saved up, but I was still unsure as to whether or not heading back to New York City to pursue a different route of dancing would be a good choice.

After a long conversation with Tegan and Talon, I realized I needed to go. Deep in my soul, I craved more than being a dance instructor at Graceful Moves. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adored teaching young dancers day in and day out, but I couldn’t ignore the urge to do something more. Almost three months later and I was signing the short lease paperwork on my very own apartment.

“Hey, woman.” Clara greeted as she stepped on the treadmill beside me.

She being the main reason I’d chosen this gym. It was halfway between where each of us lived and she’d already frequented it for almost a year.

I slipped my earbuds from my ears. “Hey.” I huffed out as I upped the speed a couple notches on my machine.

Clara leaned over to see my setting. “You’re a freakin’ beast right now!”

“No I’m not.”

“If mine was set on a six I would’ve face planted on the belt and ended up a good ten feet back smashed against either those weight machines or a hot guy. Preferably a hot guy.”

“You’re nuts.”

“What can I say?” She shrugged as the treadmill came to life and she started a fast paced walk.

We fell into silence and I repositioned my earbuds and hit play on the next song.

Numerous songs passed as I pushed myself harder and harder. My heart raced and my chest heaved to the point of gasping for breath when I finally slowed the speed to a normal walking pace. Apparently being stressed and getting on the treadmill wasn’t a good idea. I was on the verge of keeling over.

Go, Zoey.

“You okay?” Clara asked while maintaining her steady jog.

“I need some water.” I exhaled as I wiped my face with my towel and headed toward the water fountain to refill my bottle.

I gulped down a couple swigs before filling the bottle and heading back to the treadmills. My eyes landed on Clara standing beside my machine talking on what appeared to be my cell phone. Not sure why she would’ve answered it, but from the look on her face it was a good conversation.

“Who are you talking to?” I asked.

She waved me off.

“Seriously! It’s my phone.” I tried to take it away from her but she dodged me.

“Hang on just one moment.” She spoke sweetly to whoever it was on the other end of the line.

She extended the phone and whispered, “It’s the call you’ve been waiting for!”

I felt the blood rush from my face.
It couldn’t be…

“This is Zoey.” I answered the phone politely, praying she wasn’t messing with me.

The man on the other end introduced himself as the head of the talent division for the production of Wicked. My heart thumped wildly in its cage. He double-checked that I was indeed the Zoey Fisher that had auditioned almost a week ago for a spot in the production, which I of course answered yes. My mouth fell open as he invited me to a showing of one of the other productions on Broadway so that I could get a feel for what his team was looking for.

I couldn’t believe my ears!

I was being offered a spot on the Broadway production of Wicked as long as I found it suitable for me. Once the phone call ended I shrieked so loud that half of the gym goers turned around to see what in the hell was going on.

“Now that my ears are bleeding, please tell me they offered you a spot!” Clara jiggled her finger in her ear.

“Oh my…I just…I can’t…” I was attempting to process what I’d just been offered.

Clara placed her hands on my shoulders. “Sit.”

I sat.

“Now take a deep breath.”

I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly.

“Better?”

“Yes.” I managed to say.

Slowly, I shook my head. I was being granted a new chance at appearing on Broadway. The emotions hit me full force and I cradled my head in hands and wept. But instead of sad tears like I’d shed when I’d I lost my chance at Juilliard, these tears were pure happiness.

“You’re not supposed to be crying!” Clara dropped down beside me and pulled me into a hug.

“These are happy tears.” I laughed.

“Oh thank god!” She sighed. “I was about to whoop your ass if they weren’t.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I slipped from her arms and dried my tears then we both stood.

Clara was bounced on the balls of her feet. “So what’s next?”

“He wants me to join him tomorrow night at one of the other Broadway productions he handles.”

“Why?”

“So that I can get a feel of how it will be. I get the backstage tour and all that jazz.” I grinned at the anticipation of seeing a production up close and personal.

“That’s so cool!”

Cool was an understatement.

When I left the gym, I called Tegan on the way back to my place. She cried. And when I say cried, I mean she full on bawled her eyes out to the point of causing Madalyn and myself to weep like we had lost someone dear to us. We erupted with laughter when Talon ran into the room frantically demanding to know what was wrong. That’s when she hit him with the good news through her happy cries. I’d rarely heard Talon cry but this was one of them.

I owed my entire dance career to Tegan and Talon. Showing them that I could still do something with my dreams after all of the time they spent coaching me and after I’d been kicked out of Juilliard lightened my heart.

A smile stayed on my face the rest of the day. When I scrubbed my body clean and cooked myself something for dinner, I was still smiling. I tucked my legs under me as I relaxed on my couch. Clara was on her way over to watch a movie in celebration of my wonderful news. Us watching a movie to celebrate made me laugh.

The old Clara would’ve dragged my ass to the first party for the free drinks and hot guys, but that girl was long gone. She told me that after I moved back to Chicago she’d stopped her wild ways. Mainly because she realized how dangerous we were being. Watching me lose my dreams of being a Juilliard graduate and having a career in dance, had made her realize she didn’t want to go down the same road and lose her music career. One good thing about my screw up was she’d been saved from seeing her dreams flushed down the drain.