Had To Be You (33 page)

Glancing over towards the crowded parking lot, he briefly entertained the idea of hot-wiring a car, taking off in a cloud of exhaust smoke down the road. Being arrested and imprisoned for auto theft actually sounded a lot better than what he had to do right now.

Swallowing when his throat went dry, he carefully ascended the three steps to the heavy door, carved of white pine. Pushing it open, he cringed as the ancient wood creaked with the movement, and then peered inside to check out the situation.

There she was, in an alcove of the front entranceway, her strapless white gown flowing down to her ankles, dark hair pinned up under her cascading veil. She looked like something that stepped right off the page of one of those four thousand or so bridal magazines she’d bought since they got engaged. Then he noticed the vague pinch of concern and irritation on her face, the others around her whispering and craning their necks to gaze into the church. They were probably all wondering what the hold-up was.

“Oh, hello there.”

Matt was startled by the voice. Lowering his eyes with sinking dread, he saw Grandma Benson smiling up at him from the crack in the door.

He smiled nervously. “Hi.”

“You’re not trying to make a run for it, are you?” The elderly woman laughed.

He attempted to laugh with her, but all that came out was a hoarse, squeaky sound. “Um, do you think, could you perhaps let Amanda know I’m out here?”

“Why, certainly.”

The door closed and he turned to descend the steps to the lawn outside the church. Someday all the Bensons would laugh about this. Probably the day they were all standing over his cold, dead body.

Matt heard the creak of the door again behind him and froze with apprehension, bracing himself. He turned to see her standing there on the steps with a mixture of confusion and anger on her perfectly made-up features.

“Matt, what is it?” she asked with a frown. “What are you doing out here? The ceremony is about to start.”

He eyes drifted over her. “You look incredible.”

“You could’ve told me that in there.” Her mouth was set at a tight line. “What is going on?”

“I needed to talk to you,” he admitted, dropping his head a little, but at least respecting her enough to look her in the eye.

“About what?” she asked in a thin, sharp voice, not giving an inch.

Not that Matt believed he deserved an inch. He didn’t even deserve a centimeter. Although he secretly wished he had about a hundred miles, and that they were placed right between him and this spot where he was standing right now.

“About the wedding,” he began.

“What about the wedding?”

She finally traveled to the bottom of the stairs to stand on the lawn in front of him.

“Well, see, I’ve been having these thoughts lately—concerns, if you will?” He didn’t know how to explain himself in a way that would cause her any less hurt. Should he spell it all out slowly or come right out with it, like ripping off a Band-Aid? “And I think that these concerns, they might not be something I should ignore. They’re something I need to talk to you about.”

“So talk.”

Not quite prepared for her icy, unyielding demeanor, he started to stammer, sounding much like the idiot he was.

“I think—I wonder if you might have them, too. Amanda, if you woke up with any doubts, even the slightest uncertainty this morning, just talk to me, please.” He moved to take her hand. “If there’s anything that’s been bothering you. Anything.”

She lowered her eyes to the ground, but not before Matt noticed he may have hit a nerve, or perhaps even struck a chord of truth with her.

“It’s always like it’s an afterthought.” she murmured softly, head still bowed.

“What?” he asked. “What’s like an afterthought?”

“Whenever you tell me you love me.” Amanda lifted her head, eyes brimming with tears. “It’s always an afterthought to you. Like you have to remind yourself to say it.”

She didn’t finish, closing her eyes shut tight as a single wet drop leaked out onto her cheek. Matt nearly winced in agony. He was tortured by the fact he caused her this pain, yet at the same time felt a certain odd sense of hope rising. This was at least some confirmation that maybe, just maybe, he was right, and she was experiencing similar doubts.

For that brief moment, he really believed it might not be too traumatizing. They could get out of this relatively unscathed and come to a mutual agreement of sorts, recognizing that they were both about to make a big mistake, and they should stop it from happening.

Buoyed by her admission, he forged ahead with a renewed assurance, speaking carefully and gently, thinking the light at the end of the tunnel was within his sights.

“And you have to see that’s not the way it should be. It’s not what you deserve, to feel like—”

“Oh, no.” She lifted her head and her eyes snapped open, flashing with rage as she tore her hand from his. Her voice lowered ominously. “Don’t you dare!”

Matt forgot for a minute that this was his life he was talking about here, and nothing ever went down that easily.

“Don’t you dare try to turn this around and put it on me!” she shrieked, poking her finger in accusation, nearly spitting venom. “This is all
your
doing, Matt. If this wedding isn’t happening today, if you’re really going to do this to me, and to my family—this is all on you!”

***

In an attempt to get some air circulating in the church, all the windows had been opened wide to hook even the slightest breeze, only what the people inside were catching now was this argument out on the lawn, word for word.

Everyone grew quiet, glancing around to exchange uncomfortable looks.

Sitting perfectly still in the strained silence, Rory could feel the trembling rhythm of her own heart. Stirred up from the sinking depths of despair, it seemed to grow louder with each rising beat.

***

“And you can stand here and tell me you have these doubts all you want, but please don’t play me for a fool,” Amanda continued. “Because we both know what this is really about!”

“We do?” Matt asked nervously, realizing just how much he’d lost control of this situation, like a freight train hurtling down the tracks headed straight for a cliff.

A cliff, if he had any good sense, he would’ve jumped off a week ago.

“This is about the fact that you never got over your stupid high school girlfriend, and you’d rather wallow in your misery over the fact she ditched you than move on with your life and be happy. You’re pathetic!”

***

Inside, Jill leaned over to whisper to Rory, “Um, this wedding seems to be taking sort of a nasty turn here.”

Rory rolled her eyes, her hands clenched at her sides as she tried to soothe herself with sarcasm. “Ya think?”

***

“Ever since she came back into town, you’ve been acting strangely, not yourself. I was ready to look past it all, because that’s how much I loved you and was willing to make this work.” Amanda’s voice wavered with emotion. “She even came to me herself, to talk to me about you!”

Matt stared at her, his momentary confusion apparently clouding any reasonable judgment.

“Rory?”

Amanda let out a harsh laugh that almost bordered on hysterical, which only drove home the fact to Matt that, of all the asinine, idiotic, and just plain dumb things he could have said in response, it surely topped the list.

“Yes—Rory! Funny you knew exactly who I was talking about, isn’t it?”

***

On her opposite side, Casey Conroy burst out a small laugh of disbelief, clamping a hand over her mouth when it drew attention their way. Discreetly, she turned to Rory with a meaningful glance.

“This shit just got
real
.”

The sounds of shuffling and rustling filled the church around them as, one by one, people turned to glance over or stare outright.

Lifting her hand, Rory rubbed at her temple in an attempt to shield herself from inquiring eyes. “Please, not now,” she whispered to herself in dismay. Bowing her head, she tried to remind God about something—
anything
—terrible she might have done, hoping that it might cause some sort of hell-mouth to open up in the floorboards and swallow her whole.

“Oh, not now,” Jill repeated her words in equal dismay.

Rory found it an odd choice when it came to comforting and reassuring comments offered from a friend, but she had other things to worry about at the moment.

***

“Rory came to you?” Matt asked, unable to help himself. “What did she say?”

“You’re unbelievable!” Amanda’s eyes widened with incredulous fury. “Is that really all that matters to you, you fucking asshole? You’re breaking up with me on our fucking wedding day and you’re asking me questions about her?”

He didn’t really have a good response for this one. In fact, Matt was all out of words.

“You know what?” She threw her hands up. “You don’t want to get married? That’s just fine! Because right now, at this moment, the sight of you sickens me. Not if you were the last man on earth, would I want to marry you, Matt O’Shea! And I know I could have made you happy, we could have had a real future together, but you’re too stupid to see that. Now I don’t care if you rot in hell for the rest of your life!”

She whipped around to walk away, the train of her dress flouncing around her in an unintended comedic fashion as she held it up in her arms.

“Amanda, wait…” Matt sighed miserably, following after her.

***

Rory slumped low in her seat, almost too shocked to react. It was very possible she just managed to ruin Matt’s whole life. It was also very possible that she still had a chance. The only thing Rory could be certain about at this point was that she was really,
really
going to need that therapy.

“This can’t be happening,” she murmured under her breath.

Jill, once again, repeated her words, seemingly even more distressed. “This can’t be happening right now.”

Rory finally turned to look at her. “Okay, can you please—” Her words trailed off instantly when she saw the petite blonde leaning forward to grip the back of the pew in front of her, her knuckles white, taut with pain. “
Jill
? Are you okay?”

“No. I think my water just broke.”

Her eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

“I guess that backache wasn’t so much a backache as it was labor.” She gasped, grimacing through clenched teeth. “Oh—and here comes one again.”

Casey leaned in to peer over Rory’s shoulder.

“What’s the matter?”

“Take it easy. Just breathe.” Rory rubbed Jill’s back, then quickly replied. “She might be in labor.”

“Oh, there’s no
might
about it,” Jill muttered.

Around them, other guests started to awkwardly stand and move from their seats, no one sure of what to do after being held hostage as unwilling witnesses to the fight scene.

“I think I see Danny up in front, and there’s Kevin!” Casey stood from her seat as well. “They look like they’re trying to get everyone’s attention or something.”

“Well, perhaps you could get their attention,” Rory suggested, wincing as Jill clutched the hand she offered so tightly that her circulation was nearly cut off. “Have Danny call it in, or at least let them know we have to get her to a hospital—like now. And find Mrs. Feeney!”

“Right, okay.” Casey hurried out of the pew. “I’ll be right back.”

Jill gripped down on Rory’s hand again, bowing her head as she closed her eyes and panted out her ragged breaths.

“My mother will at least be happy that I’m doing this here, in church. Maybe now she can tell her friends that I’m not really an unwed mother and that it was actually an immaculate concept—
ow, ow, ow
. Okay, sorry. Someone up there didn’t like that joke.”

“You are not having this baby here.” Rory shook her head determinedly, maybe more for her own peace of mind. The contractions were coming in unsettlingly close succession. “We’re going to get you to the hospital. I’ll drive you if I have to, just as soon as we can get someone over here to help us out to the car. Just hold on.”

“Jill?”

Mrs. Feeney rushed up to the pew, her voice tensed with concern.

“I’m okay, Mom—
oh, oh, oh
, not okay. Sorry. So not okay.”

Rory moved out of the way to let her mother by, realizing for the first time that they had acquired an audience. Danny and Kevin were rushing down the aisle with Casey trailing behind.

“No, please, Rory.” Jill desperately hung onto her hand, even as her mother moved over to lead her away. “Will you stay with me?”

Rory managed her first real smile of the day. “Of course I will.”

“Holy crap.” Jill gasped as they helped her to stand and Danny cleared a path, as if she’d just realized it for the first time. “I’m going to have a baby.”

“Yes, dear.” Mrs. Feeney patted her back as they led her out. “Yes, you are.”

TWENTY-FIVE

From the steps of Burnham Hall, Rory watched the sleek silver sedan disappear around the corner at the marinat, leaving only gulls wheeling in lonely arcs with muted cries, wings tipped in gold in the fading sunlight.

Crossing her arms at her chest, she shivered as the wind picked up off the water, and turned to go back inside.

The function hall staff was breaking down tables, carrying stainless steel warming trays out back. A few floral centerpieces were left behind, but she only smiled and shook her head when they were pointed out. She didn’t feel like lugging them all the way home, and wasn’t sure her mother was even sentimental enough to care to save them.

“All set?” Matt emerged through the kitchen doors, in all likelihood having finished off the last of the food.